Porn 2.0

Since I’ve become the Unofficial Queen of Free Amateur Internet Porn (a title I wear proudly) I thought I’d point you in another direction today.

Ever since the advent of the internet there have been these hideous thumbnail galleries. Before video sites came about these were my only source for free eye candy. Back in the day my buddy Dan and I would sit on IM all evening sending each other links back and forth of different galleries…

DAN : Check THIS out, she’s hot
MEME : Nice…look at this guy’s massive COCK! I’m in love.
DAN : Not bad, mine’s bigger though
MEME : UR soooooo full of shit
DAN : Fuck off
MEME : Hahaha
DAN : Anyway, look at THIS girl’s tits…nice, just the way I like ‘em
MEME : Whats so nice about them?
DAN : She’s got those perfect silver-dollar sized nipples
MEME : Silver-dollar sized?
DAN : You know, not too small, not too big
MEME : Interesting

So, I was recently looking at a fairly new “web 2.0″ style thumbnail gallery Eroshare. The advantage of this site over all those old-school galleries is you don’t have to worry about a million pop-up pages or redirects into galleries you didn’t even search for like those zoophilia sites…bleeeeeech, not to mention it’s free and they’ve recently added video uploads. The best part is all the amateur pics, my fav. Anyway, Eroshare has a nice feel, navigation, and search. Like any web 2.0 site it also groups using “tags”

Good stuff. Wait a second…what’s that tag there? God Looking? What does that mean? Is it the tag for which porn god looks at? Holy shit, that’s gotta be some supreme porn!

*_{I dedicate this post to Adrie Santos, may your fingers ache and your lube supply never end!}

Till Death Do Us Part…

I so desperately want to go on an overly opinionated rant here…but I’m gonna keep it to the facts today! According to an AP report yesterday, a Florida man is challenging his ex wife and his court ordered alimony payments. It seems that the little Mrs.; after 18 years of marriage, decided to call it quits. Who knows why? Perhaps the fact that today she goes by the name: MR. JULIO ROBERTO SILVERWOLF might indicate where the trouble lay in that marriage! So it seems that Mr./Mrs. Silverwolf feels that he/she is entitled to the $1,250 a month awarded to her/him upon divorcing his/her ex husband. (This is getting confusing!!!) The ex husband, Lawrence Roach, is claiming that he need not pay the alimony anymore. His reason: She is not the woman he married!! Well…I can’t argue with that one…

Sexond Life

I have been a sucker for playing video games, hell, since the beginning of time when the most popular games that were played were the likes of Asteroids, Space Invaders, Ms. Packman, Defender and the list goes on. The internet has brought about new types of entertainment from the social networks to shopping sites and everything between.

Recently I took a stop by this new world on the internet called Second Life. It is a kind of cool website that you can pick out your own avatar and make up your whole identity. So of course I picked the likes of a twenty-something with a good tan and a rock hard body to set off on my journey of my virtual second life.

You see I grew up in NYC. So when I used to go into midtown I used to go to a place that now seems like Disneyland, 42nd and 8th Ave in Times Square. You may or may not know it but that area was once considered the central zeg of sleaze of New York.

So back to Second Life, seems like someone has stolen my heart.

If I Were A Dildo…

Ever wonder what it’s like to be a sex toy? Me too, so I thought of a few benefits of being a…DICK!

1.) I would never get a headache.

2.) Never worry about getting her pregnant.

3.) I would never have to shave.

4.) Viagra wouldn’t even phase me.

5.) I would clean up nice.

6.) Your Mother would absolutely LOVE me!

7.) Even if I get “used” it wouldn’t effect my emotions.

8.) I SEE things ONLY Doctors see.

9.) I can still be fun even if my batteries stop working.

10.) I can breathe under water.

11.) I am a dick, ALWAYS, no matter what she says.

12.) I am small enough to fit under anyones bed or favorite hiding spot.

13.) You can take me on your business trips, lunch meetings, or even shopping sprees.

14.) I am multi-colored, sized and textured.

15.) I have the word SEX and TOY in my category. SEX TOY = FUN

There is Nothing about this post that is safe for work (at least not for your work)

I’m a huge fan of porn. I love the classics like Behind the Green Door or Deep Throat, simply timeless.

I realize most people think it’s not common for a woman to be so enthusiastic about porn. But, I truly believe the number of women who enjoy porn is much higher than actually reported. Porn is not just for boys and pervs, people!

Aside from my DVD collection I also appreciate the plethora of amateur porn available on the internet. I used to be a big fan of pornotube but it just loads too slowly and when you’re horny that’s like a guy going soft on you right before penetration. So the other day I found Porncasting. I clicked on a video, it loaded quickly and playback was smooth, as smooth as the rhythmic vibes of my LayaSpot. Of course working at a sex toy company has it’s advantages in this arena. This morning I came into the office and announced to my coworkers that I had found an awesome porn site that they needed to look at. It was at that point that one of my coworkers told me his unfortunately break-up due to Midget Porn. As the story goes, he was given a tape as a joke (at least that’s what he says) and passed it around to some friends. Years later he was at a party with a girl he was dating at the time and one of the friends whom he had passed the tape on to brought up the story. They all had a good laugh and later that evening the girl he was dating brought it up. It turned into a full-blown argument. Apparently she was deeply offended that he would firstly own porn and secondly pass it around. So they broke up. They broke up because of Midget Porn. That’s gotta be the best break story, sure beats my “we broke up cause I like to cuss, a lot” story. Fucking hell.

Anyway back to my porn watching. So I was on Porncasting last night searching around. Whenever you have a site that relies heavily on user-generated content you inevitably get a widely varied mix of stuff. I’m not one to judge (at least when it comes to other people’s fetishes) but I was really kinda freaked out by this one…

Which of course led to a lively discussion among us about other crazy ‘porn’ video we have come across. Like “vomit” porn or the use of objects (I strongly encourage you NOT to click on those links, only there for proof that these things exist…and really if someone has thought about it there is about a 99.9% chance you can find it on the internet). It all make midget porn seems pretty run-of-the-mill.

Let it grow…

Alright folks…I just read something that makes me have something to say! This is hilarious, apparently the dissapearing pubes on women’s nether regions has become a hot topic. Now, I am certain that if you are a woman…and you have a pulse…then you may have noticed that slowly, over the past 5 years or so, a trend has invaded this country. A team of malicious Brazilians armed with buckets of hot wax are stripping our pubes away…one vagina at a time. Not just the little stripe or V-shape that we have grown accustomed to, but ALL of it! OUCH!

Now here’s the funny part: according to a recent observation by Esquire.com‘s sexpert, this whole hairless thing actually carries psychological implications. OK…this might be where I would normally draw the line. I mean, is this an indication of an upcoming TV commercial prompting me to “ask my doctor about….” I feel a remedy being concocted by a large pharma company at any moment! But seriously, I got to thinking about the source of it all…it seems that the porn industry compounded with media hype is being blamed for this need in women to strip away their hair down there. And then I understood about the psychological aspect. It is hard enough to have to compete with the unrealistic images of femininity that are shoved in our face from the world of fashion and beauty. We cannot all aspire to be supermodels. But our sexuality is being challenged as well. We have to keep up with the unrealistic images of “sexy” that are fed to us from the porn industry. The worst part is that the media loves it…so therefore we get a spoonful and then some.

OK so what’s the remedy? Do we all grow dreadlocks in rebellion?! I think NOT!! Personally, I am not Jenna Jameson, and never will be. Perhaps the closest I can get to emulating her is to use the Jenna Hot Trimmer!! Another hot tip for those not interested in pain…try the Coochy Shave Cream…it’s super packed with moisturizers so you get that “just waxed” feeling without the screaming…and maintaining good relations with the country of Brazil!

Hugs and Kisses…

SEX SELLS…

Can’t we all just get an orgasm?

Why are we so afraid of female sexuality?

It seems every few years someone writes a book exposing the (supposed) dark side of women’s decent into sexual gratification. First of all let’s tackle some stereotypes. I’ll just throw some of the more egregious ones out there for you. Women should be virgins when they get married. A woman who has had multiple partners is a whore. Men don’t marry women that have slept around. Etc., etc. etc.

Barf.

Let’s take a trip in Meme’s sweet little pocket rocket shaped time machine.

Our first stop: 1919, Frederick Killian created a condom that didn’t age as fast as previous kinds by hand-dipping them from natural rubber latex. These new type of condoms enjoyed a great expansion of sales. By the mid-1930s, the fifteen largest makers in the U.S. were producing 1.5 million condoms a day.

Hop back in, here we go: 1963, 2.3 million American women are using the Pill.

Now let’s get back to present time. There are a plethora of birth control choices.

Bear with me, I’m getting to my point.

In 1919, when the first reliable condoms were mass produced they were immediately popular. Why is that? Because now women could have sex for the pleasure of it, no longer burdened by the fear that they may get pregnant. Epiphany!

By the time the Pill was introduced in the ’60s it extended an extra freedom to women. They no longer had to rely on the man to wear the condom and could decide their own reproductive fate. Once again women could now have sex for the pure pleasure of it.

So, the other day I was reading a review for a book called ‘Unhooked’ by Laura Sessions Stepp, subtitled, ‘How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love and Lose at Both’. In describing how she came to venture into the topic of young women and sex she recalls a story,

“In the spring of 1998, the principal of a suburban Washington, D.C., middle school called about twenty-five parents to a special night meeting. There, over the annoying hum of the fluorescent bulbs found in eighth-grade classrooms around the country, she announced that as many as a dozen girls had been performing oral sex on two or three boys for most of the school year. The thirteen- and fourteen-year-old students were getting it on at parties, in parks and even in a couple of neighborhood parking lots.“

I’m sure I’m treading on thin ice when I say that I do NOT find this the least bit upsetting. My sexual growth and development, from masturbation to heavy petting to girl-on-girl, have played a large part in my adult sexual health. I am able to enjoy myself, feel comfortable with my body, and give pleasure all in equal measure.

What struck me about this topic is two-fold. First, these girls are experimenting sexually with alternatives to vaginal penetration. These are some smart cookies, much like their fore-mothers, they are taking control of their own sexual economics. (If you haven’t figured it out by now, non-vaginal sex=no pregnancy). And the fact that the onus is entirely on the girl, as usual, just makes the argument moot. Consensual sex people!

Let’s stop this swarm of fear based propaganda being heaped on women’s bodies and bring pleasure back into the bedroom.

Plush Toys Gone Wild

So here I am again….surfing for PORN…I mean sex toys and what do I come across? Fuzzy, cute, little stuffed animals with GIANT dildos protruding out from them. As I stare at the animals I cannot help but think to myself…”are there really people out there who use these as actual sex toys?” I think I am safe to say the answer is YES.

The animals apparently can replace your animal you have now…you know.. or not so animal known as your Boy Friend. HA! Just picture these cute little guys going down on you, never saying a word and just always doing what you say. I know what you are thinking…”it’s not anything like my boyfriend, it’s BETTER!” Well, for the price, you might be right.

Here are a couple of my favorites:

Now, I think you should visit the site and find one that fits you best. Enjoy!

Baby you can drive my car. Yes, I’m gonna be a star

You know, every once in while you come across a new fetish that totally takes you by surprise, “They get turned on by that??” So just today I was perusing the sex news from around the world and came across an article about a guy who likes to have sex with his car, not IN his car but WITH his car.

Um, yeah. And how exactly does that work logistically?

I did some investigating and according to one site there are a variety of methods.

“The tailpipe of the car is, of course, where the exhaust comes out. So in this sense, the tailpipe is an anus.”

Fucking brilliant! But isn’t there a potential slice/burn risk?

He goes on the say,

“The best way to have sex with a car, however, is not raw. You need the following equipment:

• 1 Dekhyr Dragon Industries (Teledildonics Division) Sexual Interface Unit.

[...]

The SIU is essentially a tube made of foam rubber, rolled such that the inner diameter is slightly smaller than the diameter of your erect penis. When lubricated, it acts as a sexual interface to whatever you attach it to. In this case, it is inserted into the tailpipe of the car you want to have sex with.”

And just to state the obvious…

“NEVER fuck a car with the engine on. Firstly, you will be breathing hard, and that means you can poison yourself faster. Secondly, the car will either stall (because there’s something blocking the tailpipe, heh) — causing damage to the engine — or will force the exhaust out. And you have an idea where the exhaust will go, I trust. Ouch! Fatality City!

If you do not use a condom and you come inside the car, ten or fifteen minutes of driving will kill off anything inside. So you do not have to worry about STDs from that.”

And maybe there are some ladies out there a similar passion???

Brilliant? Or completely assinine?

A bra that turns into a shopping bag….

“When the bra is being worn, the “shopping bag” portions are folded away inside the bra cups, where they serve as extra padding. The bra quickly converts to a shopping bag by removing the bag portions from the cups and connecting the hooks on the bra’s underwire. The lace cups serve as decoration along with the shoulder straps, which are disconnected and tied to the top of the bag as ribbons.”

Um, what? What happens to your boobs when said shopping bag is in use? Just hang there? Is there a way to fill the bag and convert it back into a bra? You could go from A to DD with a quick trip to the local bodega.

Or what about this?

“Driv-e-mocion is a nifty device that attaches to your rear window and can be programmed to display a variety of messages — in form of smiling/frowning faces or words. Best of all, it’s priced at just $20 here.”

Personally, I don’t think these images fully represent this product’s potential. Since I always have sex on the mind and am an incessant flirt, what better way to amuse myself (and possibly meet someone) than using this in a traffic jam.

[Images and products via TechEBlog]

Spin The Bottle

We’ve all played this silly game and it always seemed to end up more embarrassing than entertaining, well at least in my experiences anyway. Today while surfing through the web looking for a taste of humor to spice up my dull day, I came across something that not only struck me as odd, it made me nearly pee my pants in laughter.

A 41 year old janitor in Guangzhou, China, was rushed to the hospital due to complaints of abdominal pain. Apparently the mans friends played a big practical joke on him while he was sleeping and stuffed a soy sauce bottle up his butt. That night, he slept as usual, but woke up in the morning with a sharp pain from his butt. He found a note on his pillow that said, “there is a bottle in your butt”.

The man was furious, holding the pain, he tried to use a metal hook to retrieve the bottle but failed. So he went to a near by hospital, the doctor spent 40 minutes working on the man and finally “saved his ass!” (no pun intended)

The weird thing is how can this man not feel anything when the practical joke was happening? His guess was he might have been drinking or sedated before his “prankster” friends played this dirty joke on him.

In any case, here is a good tip for all of you anal pranksters…next time use LUBE!

My advice is to use one of our fine anal lubricants from Vibrator.com, we have a wide selection of anal lubricants that will surely keep you pain free while taking the “bottle up your butt.”

That’s all from me, until next time…remember keep it safe!

Doin’ the butt…Sexy, Sexy

Does the sound of George Bush speaking drive you so insane that you wish you could just shut him up…perhaps drown out the very thought of him by…I don’t know….sticking him up your ass?! Maybe you feel that Mel Gibson’s anti-semitic tirades deserve to be shit all over? Or perhaps…if you even hear the name Paris Hilton just one more time you might concoct dreams of sitting on her pretty little head? Oh my! Have I got a little treasure for you my pretties! Check this out: the world of sex toys and celebrity have finally devised a marriage made in heaven…or your butt! I have stumbled across Celebrity Butt Plugs, a product sure to put a smile on your face.

Someone who had way too much time on their hands…and it seems a celebrity vendetta, actually came up with butt plugs bearing incredible resemblance to some of your favorite celebrities. These disturbingly large ass invaders come in a variety of personalities; with the ASSQUAKE option. I guess the ASSQUAKE is guaranteed to make your colon shake…but personally…I cannot imagine sticking one of these oversized rubber figurines up my tush! I do like to look at ‘em though…and have a good giggle or two! Hey…you can even make your very own customer celebrity butt plug. This comes with a heftier price tag…but could be worth its weight in gold in laughs.

All of these buttplugs have wonderfully creative and catchy names like the Parass Hilton or the Dingleberry Bonds…which by the way is guaranteed to rip you a new asshole it’s so large. My personal favorite: the Smell Gibson…which is SOLD OUT…go figure!!!

What will those crazy kids think of next?!

Hugs and Kisses…

Your future…down the toilet?

So I have a friend that applied for this great job. He went on the first interview. And things went well. Then got called in for a second interview. He told me he was nervous as hell and he felt like he was supporting his local pharmacy with the purchases of that nice smelling cologne and plenty of rite guard.

Then he was told he was hired but that he needed to take a drug test first.

So now what was he going to do?

You see smoking a little bit of weed to relax yourself after a stressful day never hurt anybody, my friend was telling me, until you find out that you need to take a drug test…..who would of thought that you would have had to take one these things, he said. He thought that was only for the high net white collar worker not him. Anything but the truth.

So he picked up phone and start talking with a couple of friends about what to do and one of his friends tells him a story about a flight they took and that there was a Minnesota Vikings player who got stopped getting on the plane. Now when they went through this players luggage low and behold what did they find?

They found this device called the whizzinator.

Now what the hell is the whizzinator? You see, this whizzinator is a prosthetic penis that gets strapped on you, has a reservoir so that it can store clean urine and comes with a warm water bottle to keep your clean pee at body temperature.

Now he needed to take this drug test in two days and he had smoked yesterday so he was in dire straits. I know he really needed this job. Aimless to say he asked me to help him find this whizzinator so we went looking all over town in every shop and finally found one of these whizzinators at an online store. So he purchased this whizzinator.

He also found out that they also had this thing called Lyophilized pee. It was freeze-dried clean pee!!!!! Who would of though that all this stuff was for the taking?

Well it is.

So after all this he takes the drug test and guess what, he passes the test. I’m really wondering what their going come up with next?

I really need to get out of some tickets. Anything I can strap on for that?

Renting Sex Toys….hmmm, Is This For Real?

Today I went hunting, no not for deer, bear or small-game, no you see today I went hunting for SEX. While on my exciting adventure, I came across a web site called Rent-a-Dildo.com. (NOTE: I am not s-p-e-l-l-i-n-g it out for you here, this is actually their web site name and service.)

Apparently Rent A Dildo or (RAD) as we will call it from here on out, is a full service Netflix-ish site for Sex Toys. Now, ask yourself…how cool is this?! As a customer of RAD you are able to rent sex toys for as long as you want for as little as $19.00/month.
Here is a quick break down on the plans the web site is offering.
How do the plans work?
1-at-a-time – $19
• 1 sex toy out at a time.
2-at-a-time – $29.99
• 2 sex toys out at a time
Golden Dildo Plan – $49.99
• 3 sex toys out at a time
• New, unused sex toys sent ,
when available

How does the process work?

1.) Choose the toys you want – over 1,000 available!

2.) We rush you clean toys in discreet packaging.

3.) Return used toys and get new ones mailed to you!

4.) Keep each toy as long as you want.

Sound interesting? Check it out and even sign up at http://www.rent-a-dildo.com

****If anyone has used this service, please post your experiences below****

Love – DildoDude