Despite our iPods, skyscrapers, and 9-5 jobs, human beings are still part of the animal kingdom. We are susceptible to changes in the weather, the waxing and waning of the moon, and all that garbage just like our four-legged friends. One would therefore expect that when one animal species awakens from hibernation and commences the breeding process, we all do. The female of the species engages in “spring cleaning”, ridding the cave or nest of winter’s store of goods, and the male “sows his seed” as much as possible to ensure his genetic survival for future generations. Yes, yes, I know that such a simple three sentences do not account for the less-than-traditional relationships of modern society (or female sexuality other than cleaning!). But we’re animals nonetheless.

So what is it about Spring as a season that gets us in the mood? Maybe it’s the budding trees, the flowering plants, the April showers, and the breath of new life cleansing away the cold and dead winter. Actually, all of that tends to cause severe allergic reactions in me, for which I take copious amounts of antihistamines. And hospitals administer antihistamines for priapism (look it up), so in that respect spring doesn’t exactly jive with being an aphrodisiac.

The Vernal equinox marks the finality of longer, darker nights, bringing us more sunshine and longer days as we approach summer. Why this is a sexy thing, I’m not sure, as most people prefer the lights off when doing “the deed”. Fewer births occur in the Spring than in any other season, while Summer takes the lead in babies born. Simple math and countless research would have us believe that more sex is had in the Winter than in any other season. (Anything to save money on your heating bill…) Additional research shows that sperm count peaks in the colder months and slowly declines as Summer approaches. Not being a research scientist myself, I won’t make any hard conclusions, but the case for Spring as an aphrodisiac so far isn’t looking good!

One time honored tradition that represents youth and virility is, of course, Spring Break. Thousands of college students from around the globe flock to warmer climates for one week during March with the promise of getting laid. This year’s big destination was Key West, Florida - the gayest beach community in America! Sexually frustrated co-eds consume larger-than-normal amounts of alcohol, decreasing inhibition while at the same time inhibiting…um…performance for many over-eager frat dudes. For those sunburned, body-conscious young adults - “Spring has [not] sprung”!

While I generally don’t make a point of arguing with Mother Nature, something has gone awry in the human relationship with Spring. Perhaps our animal brethren don’t have as many societal stresses and imposed expectations, where one day can easily feel like the previous despite the season. If this is indeed the case and it doesn’t matter, then I’d like to propose that Summer be the “New Spring”. It’s hot and sweaty, sperm count is lower (nature’s birth control!) and you don’t have to travel as south as Key West to find fuckable college students.

Paper, Plastic, Rabbit Vibrators?!

Sure, everyone knows to recycle bottles and cans, newspapers, and even electronics - but I was pleasantly surprised to learn that facilities in both the US and the UK offer mail-in recycling for (over)used adult toys as well.

SexToyRecycling.com provides details on how to clean and package your toys for recycling, and even offers a $5 voucher for select recycled products at your local sex toy retailer.
In the UK, LoveHoney offers a bloody brilliant deal for Rabbit vibrator users. Send them your old Rabbit vibe and receive a brand-spanking-new Rabbit for half price! They go one step further and donate £1 to a green charity.

Both sites remind you to clean your toys with soap and water before packaging, just like you’d clean out that old peanut butter jar before laying it in the recycling bin.

Many sex toy users are becoming more environmentally responsible and ultimately buying up more “green toys”. Green sex toys include anything made of pyrex, blown glass, silicone, and even stone (!) and are not only earth-friendly but also naturally body-friendly. The peace of mind you’ll have recycling your old toys or buying green is enough to get anybody excited!

With all their levels of vibration, rotation and escalation, not to mention more buttons than your boyfriend’s Xbox controller, many rabbit vibrators look intimidating to beginning toy users. The Decadent Indulgence 3, for instance, looks like something we use to control our home entertainment system!

Add to the control panel a thick shaft and…just what are those little tentacles sticking out, anyway? Those, my dear, are the key to the rabbit’s outstanding orgasm-inducing capabilities. (Well, those and the rotating pearls, but we’ll get to that later.)

The original rabbit vibe, the Vibratex Rabbit Pearl, was designed in Japan less than two decades ago, and popularized on HBO’s Sex and the City. The clitoral stimulator is actually in the shape of a rabbit with slim ears that vibrate to tickle the clit in pleasing ways.

Rabbit vibes are designed for dual stimulation—triple if you count the beads that, along with the realistic-shaped staff, stimulate the vagina.

Insert the shaft with the rabbit ears positioned on your clit, turn it on, and you’re ready to go! If your lover has ever rubbed your clit during penetration, then you have an idea what to expect from a rabbit vibe. (See? Not scary at all!)

If you flip the rabbit vibe around, the clit stimulators can provide intense anal pleasure, instead. (Remember to clean the vibrator well before switching from anal to vaginal stimulation, or before sharing your vibe with a friend!)

Many rabbits, such as the Pearl Lotus, feature independent controls for the shaft and rabbit ears. It can be fun to bring yourself to the brink of orgasm and then quickly switch stimulation. By timing this right, you can have a simultaneous vaginal (or g-spot) and clitoral orgasm, sending waves of pleasure coursing through your body for minutes at a time.

Like many styles of sex toy, rabbit vibes have evolved over the years and now come with remote control operation, in waterproof models, and with multiple speeds of vibration. Some, like the Doc Johnson’s colorful iVibe rabbit, even feature a shaft that rotates for unique sensations. While this is not exactly a “natural” motion, you’ll enjoy the feel of the soft, smooth material on all walls of your vagina.
Some feature simple twist-cap controls, while others, like the Decadent Indulgence series, offer push-button operation with independent controls for multiple levels of vibration, and even reversible rotation. You’re sure to have hours of fun experimenting until you find your favorite settings and combinations. Or you can stick to the basics with a vibrating shaft and bunny ears.

Like most vibrators, rabbits come in a variety of lengths and girths–some have curved shafts for better g-spot pleasure, while many are designed with realistic-looking heads. Whatever your choice, expect to achieve a more intense orgasm faster than you ever dreamed possible with the dual stimulation action of a rabbit.

When news broke yesterday of New York’s Governor alleged involvement with Emperors Club prostitutes, I couldn’t help but laugh at the perfect irony of it all. Those who know about Gov. Eliot Spitzer’s (otherwise known as “Client 9″) crusade against prostitution in New York state while still working as attorney general are either confused and shocked by the news, or rightfully pissed off at another supposed white knight politician who ended up guilty of the same sins he campaigned against.

In 2004, Spitzer indicted 18 people associated with elite escort services in New York City for “promoting prostitution” and related charges. That same year, he prosecuted individuals promoting prostitution in Asia, also known as “sex tourism”. As governor, Mr. Spitzer passed legislation for stricter penalties for “sex tourism” operators and “sex traffickers” who bring foreigners into the U.S. and force them into prostitution. That is all well and good, but while legislating and enforcing the laws, it seems Mr. Spitzer forgot that he, himself, was also required to adhere to them.

Gov. Spitzer can now hang out with the likes of Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Ted Haggard, and Larry King (not the talk-show host); and not necessarily for the heinousness of the crimes committed, but for their hypocrisy and sheer disrespect for the law. Foley was one of the House of Representatives’ top opponents of child pornography and introduced legislation to change federal sex offender laws. He resigned in 2006 over the now infamous “congressional page sex scandal”, turning out to be quite the offender himself. Larry Craig was an outspoken opponent of same sex marriage, even while lying to Matt Lauer’s face on The Today Show about soliciting gay sex in an airport bathroom. The formerly respected Evangelical pastor, Ted Haggard, preached that ‘God hated fags and their disgusting lifestyle’ (to paraphrase), but was outed purchasing meth from a gay prostitute. Possibly the most gruesome and under-publicized sex scandal in the history of this country, however, belongs to Larry King - an up and coming member of the Republican party and Evangelical Christian church in Nebraska during the 80’s. King was alleged to be involved in a child prostitution ring that extended all the way to the The White House, but was acquitted and instead convicted and imprisoned on charges of cooking-the-books in a credit union criminal case.
(Watch Conspiracy of Silence - a previously un-aired Discovery Channel documentary about Larry King and Republican party VIP involvement in child prostitution.)

Eliot Spitzer joins a long line of dickhead politicians and public figures who have campaigned against the sins of infidelity, prostitution, and homosexuality to ultimately hide their own sweaty guilt. An overly simplified comparison would be the high school jock who called me a “fag” and who I ended up fucking the hell out of senior year.