Too Stressed for Sex?

Change of weather. Colds and flu. Back-to-school. Holiday displays side-by-side with back-to-school sales. Is there anything about fall that isn’t stress-inducing?

Experts agree that sex is a great stress-buster. But getting in the mood with a million things on your mind isn’t easy. Contrary to clichés and popular belief, lack of a sex drive affects both genders when life gets hectic.

Some people, however, turn to sex when things get tough. Are these lucky types naturally conditioned for this healthy response, or have they trained themselves over time to know that sex will make them feel better, so why not just do it?

When two partners handle stress differently—one turning to carnal diversions, the other shutting down—that just adds another stressor to your life. You crave more nooky while your partner crawls further into that emotional hidey-hole (and not the fun one, either!)

So what’s a stressed-out, horny girl or guy to do? Sure, you could turn to Vibrator.com’s huge array of toys, but sometimes you crave emotional intimacy, too. Try these tantalizing seduction tactics to show your partner that the studies are right—sex is a stress-buster.

• Don’t push, just suggest. Every lover should have at least one move that she knows makes her partner melt; it’s time to use it. This soft-core tactic should work if the stress level isn’t too high – particularly if it’s been a while for both of you.

• Start with massage. Non-threatening, relaxing and seductive, if a massage doesn’t end in one of your favorite positions that night, it may just give your partner the stress relief she needs to get in the mood the next day. Or maybe she’ll be so appreciative of the massage, she’ll feel she “owes you one.” Either way, mission(ary) accomplished.

• Play. My husband and I play paintball together, bicycle regularly, and are always on the lookout for other fun athletic activities. Since exercise (much like sex) boosts your mood and alleviates stress – and extreme sports or healthy competition creates an adrenaline rush that helps you forget all your problems – fun vertical activities may lead to horizontal adventures.

• Get away. Who has time or money for a vacation right now? If that’s out of the question, take a weekend trip: no cell phones, no lap top, no Blackberry.  Make sure to pack the lingerie and the water toys, but don’t put pressure on your partner. You’re there to relax. If he’s not feeling better by Saturday afternoon, try some of the tactics above.  A nice hotel or cozy Bed and Breakfast just a few hours away from home is a great place to try these diversions.

Lingerie: It’s All about Confidence

I’m a lingerie junkie. I’ve always preferred black and frilly, but my husband has a penchant for white and slinky.

It took a lot for me to don a white lace teddy the first time, but as soon as I got over my lack of confidence, the idea that only basic black is flattering and slimming, I packed an entire suitcase with white or pretty pastel-colored lingerie for our honeymoon. He loved it!

Of course, I was thrilled to see that Vibrator.com has expanded its lingerie line and posted it right on the home page. It’s taking every bit of willpower I have right now to blog instead of shop!

I find it a little sad that some women aren’t comfortable enough with their bodies to enjoy the power of lingerie. Yes, power. You’re putting on a peek-a-boo show for your partner; you’re in control of what you’re wearing — and when it comes off.

Most men will drool over whatever you don, whether it’s black leather or white lace. But when you find a style that fits your body, you’ll love the way you look, you’ll feel sexier… and that will make all the difference.

Pear-shaped… If you have a figure that may be described as “hippy,” look for a style that draws the eye upward. Fun, flirty detailing or a strapless style that accentuates your bust will stimulate his senses.

Large-busted… It probably doesn’t take much to get your guy all a-quiver over your assets. If you’ve got it, show it off! Remember, you do want some support, for both comfort and looks, so don’t shy away from foam-molded cups. Fashion experts also recommend a halter top for large-chested women. Not everyone can get away with a halter style, so if you’re lucky enough to pull this off—he’ll be pulling it off you in no time!

Slim… Women with a slim or boyish figure can basically get away with any style, so get adventurous! Colors and patterns add girlish dimensions to your figure, while flirty accents, such as fringes, on the bottom draw attention to your legs while disguising straight hips.

Full-figured… Vibrator.com has a full line of lingerie for larger women, too. Look for a supportive top and a style that makes you feel great!

Whatever your size or shape, looking good in lingerie is mainly about attitude. Whether you’re small and perky or classically-figured and well-endowed, turn up those lights and flaunt what you’ve got.

Anal Adventures: Going Where No-one’s Gone Before

So you want to try anal sex.  You’ve heard about it, read about it, and maybe even had secret fantasies about it.  As an anal virgin you are curious, maybe a bit fearful, and wondering what it’s all about.  We are taught as children that the anus is a dirty, secret place and many of us carry those taboos with us into adulthood.  But, the anus is a very sensitive area, and, when given the proper attention, can bring one to a whole new level of ecstasy.  For men, the anus is the gateway to the prostate, a very sensitive area that many men may achieve orgasm from when stimulated.   Anal expert, Tristan Taormino notes that the “anus, anal canal, and rectum are wonderfully erogenous zones, rich in nerve endings and super-sensitive to stimulation and penetration. At the right angle, many women find that you can indirectly stimulate the G-spot through anal penetration.”  Many sex experts recommend that you arouse yourself in the regular ways, until you are good and hot before attempting anal play and to continue stimulation throughout.

The most important thing to consider with trying anal sex with a partner for the first time is that the person being penetrated is the one in charge.  Communication is essential with any type of sex play and even more so for anal play.  It is important to go slow, get fully aroused, use plenty of lubricant (and then some), and to listen to your partner’s needs and body language.  Because the anus has a very thin lining it is important to be careful not to tear it and to use condoms for safe sex purposes. Always stop if you experience pain or discomfort.

Solo Anal Play

The best way to try anal sex for the first time is through masturbation.  That way you are really in control and can decide how big, how far and how fast on your own.  Self exploration is important as it allows you to discover what feels best and how your body responds.  You also don’t have the pressure of performing or trying to satisfy your partner’s needs.

Warming Up: The Rosebud of Pleasure

Developed by massage therapist and sex educator Joseph Kramer, this is a good way to begin exploring anal pleasure.  First, begin with massaging your buttocks to get the blood flowing.  Try squeezing your cheeks with your fingers, raking your fingernails over your ass, and even slapping it.  Slowly begin to clench and unclench the asshole.  Next, lube your finger very well and rub the pad of you finger around the anal rim, exploring the sensitive rosebud.  Lube up the crack and slide your hand up and down.  Finally, when you feel ready, you can insert a finger inside the sphincter, gently stretching it and massage the silky skin inside.  It is also recommended to stimulate other areas of your body as you would naturally, to get yourself good and aroused.

Sex Toys for Anal Play

There are a large variety of sex toys available for anal play.  These include butt plugs, anal beads, anal vibrators, prostate stimulators, and anal dildos.  They all have different purposes and will give your body different types of pleasure.  Butt plugs have a narrow head and flared base.  They are generally used for anal training, starting from small and slim, to allow you to get used to having something in your anus.  These are inserted and then stay in place for as long as you want to keep them there.  Tantus makes a whole line of excellent butt plugs called Flirts in various sizes all made of medical grade silicone.  Anal vibrators and dildos are more for stroking penetration, similar to regular penile sex play with a partner.  They can often be used on a harness for lesbian penetrative sex and bend-over-boyfriends.  The Rude-Boy prostate stimulator is a great toy for men who want to try a bit of buzz, while the Vivid Red Hots Briana Vibe is a good choice for women.

Prostate stimulators like the Aneros are used to put pressure against the male prostate and are used in a rocking motion rather than in and out.  The male prostate is an area of immense pleasure and will often lead to intense orgasms when stimulated.  Anal beads, like the Bendybeads by Fun Factory, are one of the most non-threatening ways to begin anal adventures for anal virgins and can be used simultaneously with vaginal penetration or clitoral stimulation.  They are inserted one by one and then gently pulled out.

Any anal toy should have a wide base or a retrieval ring so the toy is easily removed.  When first exploring anal play it is important to start small and work your way up to larger sizes.  The most important “toy” for anal play is lubricant!  This cannot be stressed enough.  If you want to have a healthy, happy experience with anal play use lots of lube.  Good ones to try are Moist Anal Lube and Adam and Eve Anal Lube.

Anal Insertion

Like the vagina the anus can also receive enormous pleasure from the insertion of fingers or toys.  Start small, using a fingertip after you have stimulated the rosebud for a while, making sure to use lots of lubrication.  If your fingertip feels good you may want to insert the entire length of the finger, or even try two.  After a while, your anus will get more used to the feeling of fullness and you can try larger toys like slim butt plugs, anal beads, and anal dildos.

At first, anal play will feel strange and you will most likely want to push what is entering back out.  This is after all a natural reaction.  If you relax into it, however, anal insertion can be a wonderful experience that can intensify sexual play and orgasm.

Many people worry about mess during or after anal play.  Be sure to empty your bowels before anal play.  You can also choose to flush yourself out with an anal douche about an hour before play.  I found it much easier to enjoy anal play in the bath tub with toys designed for underwater fun.  It allows you to focus more on the pleasure and sensation, instead of worrying about messy accidents.  Also, a warm bath will help you relax, which is essential for anal play.

Anal Sex with Partners

Now that you’ve experienced a bit of solo play, it’s time to try out your new found passion with your partner.  Both men and women enjoy the experience of anal sex with a partner, no matter if you are GLBT or straight.  Most important is who is in control.  The partner being penetrated should always be in control of the pace and degree of penetration.  Anal sex is not supposed to hurt and if it does you are perhaps not ready or doing it wrong.  To avoid hurting your partner, make sure that you both communicate with each other.  “Mmmm, that feels good,” “More…”, “Back up a bit,” whatever works for you.  Express yourself.  Make sure you are ready for the experience and not being pressured into it just for your partner.  Try to relax, because a tight sphincter muscle can cause pain.  And use plenty of lube.  Oral anal play, called rimming, is a good way to arouse that area and make your partner relax for penetrative anal sex.  Learning the ins and outs of anal play will make you an expert.  For more expert information on anal play I recommend the DVD: Nina Hartley’s Advanced Guide to Anal Sex – For Men and Women; and the following books: The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men and The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women.

Bend Over Boyfriend

Some straight men have some misconceptions about anal sex (getting penetrated) that make them hesitant to try it out with their partner.  The prostrate is a very erogenous zone and the ultimate pleasure zone for men.  Anal sex will not make you gay.  That is a myth and many straight men enjoy anal play once they get over the social taboos.

Make sure your hands are clean or use gloves.  Also, trim your nails first as you don’t want to damage the delicate lining of the anus.  Next, you can saddle-up Cowgirl and move up to a dildo and a harness to give your guy the ride of his life!

Anal Do’s and Don’ts

Anal Do’s

•    Clean yourself and your toys.
•    Use a condom or latex gloves.
•    Trim nails of rough edges.
•    Relax, breath & take it slow.
•    Use lots of lube. I mean lots.
•    Stop if there is pain.
•    Only use toys with a flared base designed for anal play.

Anal Don’ts

•    Insert toys in the anus then the vagina as it may cause infection.
•    Insert sharp or foreign objects or anything too big.
•    Do it if you really don’t want it.
•    Hurry or force it.
•    Pressure your partner into it if they are not ready.

Domina Doll is a sex writer who writes articles and reviews for various magazines, zines and adult toy stores.  Visit her sexuality blog CherryBoxxx at http://cherryboxxx.wordpress.com/.

The Rise of Spornography

“Let’s have fun with sex and stop being afraid of some freaking digital penises.”

This may be – no, it definitely is – the funniest line I’ve read all week. I won’t even try to match Neoseeker blogger Sean Ridgeley’s wit.  But I shouldn’t keep you wondering what he was talking about either, should I? I’m such a tease.

Electronic Arts, Inc. recently released the hottest new computer game phenomenon from Sims creator Will Wright. The long-awaited “Spore” permits players to create an entire universe beginning with tiny micro-organisms and evolve the world into literally billions of different life forms.  Social networking features permit your universe’s inhabitants to interact with other people’s creations.

And, surprise, surprise, what did some people immediately start to do? Use the program’s Creature Creator feature to build bizarre life forms with sexual organs as unexpected appendages.  Players then post these creatures and their interactions on YouTube for the amusement of others. A new genre, “Spornography,” has been born.

EA has announced that it will ban users who create sexually-explicit material. Some extremists have gone so far as to liken the strange animated characters to “child pornography,” because it’s accessible to anyone on the Internet and is created using an E-rated game. Will Wright, however, has told several news sources that he’s impressed by some of the creations.

To satisfy your sexual curiosity now that I’ve intrigued you with the notion of breast monsters and dancing dicks, here’s a link to The Exploding Barrel’s list of Top 10 Spornography videos.

While some Sporn spawn seems to lack any purpose other than to showcase the sophomoric imaginations of their creators, others look like they could be fairly functional with a couple of C batteries. Just imagine: the sex toy industry could take rabbits to a whole new level with the introduction of the Doc Johnson Spornography line.

Secret Identities

Superheroes have them. So do spies. But did you ever think that your cubicle mate may not be exactly who he claims to be?

In this era of MySpace, Facebook, and all manner of social networking sites, it seems everyone is “LinkedIn,” “Plurking” or “Tweeting” their life away on Twitter. (None of these activities is as much fun as the names make them sound—really!)

It’s kind of cool that we can follow the activities of people around the world with just a click of a mouse, but how much information is TMI (TOO MUCH information?) Some social networking blogs have recently talked about “transparency” – in other words, full disclosure on your blog or other social networking site. But for some people, that’s a difficult choice. Possibly even the wrong choice.

For instance, a colleague of mine who writes erotic fan fiction (she didn’t get into details, but the words “gay elf sex” came up in conversation) works in a school district. There could be big problems if anyone in her real life discovered her literary leanings.

That’s where an uber-cool “secret identity” comes in (cape is optional). Sure, anyone who is determined enough can trace an IP address and find out who you really are, but, for the most part, a handily-crafted pseudonym will permit you to contribute to sex blogs, write erotic fan fiction, haunt chat rooms, and flirt (and more), anonymously. We won’t go into the moral ramifications of the latter. We are not here to judge.

So when you’re ready to become your alter-ego, how do you choose your name? There are tons of “porn star name” generators on the Web but most of these yield silly results. Do you really want to be known as Tara Asstronaut or Sergeant Slamm?

There’s also the old trick of “Name of your First Pet, Name of the Street Where You Lived Growing Up.” For me, this yields the very sexy, yet somewhat masculine, “Frisky Swallow.” So I tend to go with my second pet’s name, for the sexily suggestive “Tabitha Swallow.”

However, after a brief stint writing under this name, out of curiosity I did a numerology report and realized the name is too far removed from my own personality to yield success. So I randomly picked Desiree Sweet and ran that name, too, through a numerology report. Often the center of attention, Desiree Sweet is creative, fun and gets the job done. Now, that’s the type of person whose blog you want to read, isn’t it?

For writers, pseudonyms are an accepted part of life. Where most people tend to get in trouble, however, are those pesky pics (and the Web vids). Everyone’s got a camera now. And a Facebook or Flicka account. So what to do?

You can try banning cameras at many get-togethers, but not everyone adheres to the policy. In lieu of this, keep a close eye on the photo albums of friends and acquaintances (especially those who may have friends – real or online – who overlap yours). Don’t hesitate to ask them to remove a photo, even if it doesn’t have your name tied to it, if you find it embarrassing, incriminating, or just something you’d feel weird about your grandmother seeing.

As for your own account, again, a pseudonym is a good start, but if you’re a school teacher, public official or, well, anyone with a job, you may want to think twice before posting that photo of you in a Fruit Loop bikini during that wild summer on Fire Island.

Toys for Two: Using a Vibe with Your Partner

There’s a little fantasy of mine where I’m sprawled out in my tub, water from the shower cascading down onto my clit, with my vibe tucked neatly right where it belongs… and my husband walks in.

He doesn’t want to join in, just wants to watch me go through my repertoire. Other women may be mortified at the idea, but I can think of few things sexier. Besides, imagine all the tips your lover will pick up by watching you do what you’ve been doing for years?

If I’m feeling particularly imaginative, I’ll add another element to the fantasy, where he asks:  “Can I help?” There’s nothing hotter. And ladies, if you happen to walk in on your man while he’s checking out his porn collection, I encourage you to try the phrase. You may never see a bigger smile (among other things).

So what if you actually do have the opportunity to try out your sex toys with your partner? First, release your inhibitions. If you’ve been playing alone for a while, it might seem strange to have someone else involved in what used to be just you and your Pearl Lotus.

Some men may feel as if they’re in competition with the toy. After all, it might be bigger, more flexible, and it’s definitely got more functions. Make sure not to neglect his part when you bring your battery-operated friend into the bedroom.

Starting off with a toy that looks nothing like a penis may ease any trepidations he may have. You may even start with something small and basic, a standard “beginner vibe” or a small bullet vibe. With a remote control bullet, you can give him the controller, putting all the power in his hands.

Both bullets and basic vibes feel amazing rubbed on your clit during the act of sex. Doggy-style works best, but you can even use the vibe when you’re face to face. If he’s up to it, rub the vibe, on a low setting, gently against his balls. Gauge his reaction and then rev it up. Most men will love it.

If you’ve never experienced double stimulation with an anal vibe in the girl-on-top position, this is a must-try — and something you can’t really do to the same effect alone.

As you get more comfortable with gadgets, there are plenty of couple’s toys on the market, too. The Ultimate Couples Sensuous Sexual Enhancer is a cock ring and clit vibe with pleasure knobs all in one. You’ll both feel the powerful, stimulating vibes.

For powerful internal vibrations during love-making, there’s only one way to go: The unique “We Vibe” vibrator. This waterproof, rechargeable silicone vibe provides pleasure for both partners. And it looks nothing like a cock, just in case you can’t get your man to get over that particular hang-up.

So what are you waiting for? It’s time to take your toys out of the closet!

Sex Sells

Since its inception, eBay has developed some pretty stringent rules as to what items they will permit to be placed up for auction. They’ve taken some heat for banning the sale of firearms, and they don’t permit users to sell used underwear, either. But sometimes interesting sales slip through the cracks.

Recently, a scorned Australian woman sold an empty condom packet (size small, of course) and a photo of lacy underwear (size humongous) after finding them in her cheating husband’s bed. Ebay pulled the original auction, which included “the tart’s” actual black lace “knickers.”

By some accounts, bidding for the panties and condom wrapper had reached six figures. The photograph wound up selling for $303, proving that a picture may be worth a thousand words, but it’s definitely not as valuable as old underwear.

But that doesn’t beat Natalie Dylan, who is auctioning off her virginity to pay for her Master’s Degree. Her offer didn’t make it past eBay’s Terms of Service personnel, although I distinctly recall hearing of similar auctions on eBay in the past.

Dylan’s idea is not unprecedented. In 2004, lesbian Rosie Reid sold her virginity through her own Web site after eBay nixed her auction. Reid received more than $20,000, which she put toward her college education.

With the rising costs of tuition, let’s hope Dylan fares somewhat better than earning enough for just one-year at a private school. She should; she has the publicity behind her. Famed shock jock Howard Stern and Dennis Hof of the world-famous BunnyRanch brothel in Las Vegas have gotten behind the 22-year-old virgin (no, not like that!) to promote her endeavor.

Stern announced the auction on his radio show on Tuesday, September 9, and bidding is taking place through Hof’s site, BunnyRanch.com. Dylan (not her real name) says she won’t just sleep with the highest bidder, but will take bids until she finds someone she’s happy with. The deal will be sealed at the BunnyRanch, where Dylan’s sister already works.

Scam? Or capitalism at its best (and worst)? Stay tuned, as we’ll be following this story to its erotic end.

As for me? I’m off to check out college savings plans for any future daughters I may have!

Personal Lubricants 101: A Guide to Wetter, Hotter Sex

Lubricants are Essential

Lubricants were first designed for medical purposes, but it wasn’t long before people started using them for sexual purposes as well.  Lubrication is an essential part of sex play, whether it is for partner sex or masturbation.  Personal lubricants turn all sex play into an erotic adventure by adding extra wetness to reduce friction and dryness, enhance pleasure and sensation, and allowing all of your sexual parts to slide.

For Anal Play

For anal sex, lubes are essential as the anus does not naturally produce its own lubricant like the vagina.  Anal lubes are usually thicker than regular lubes and formulated specifically to reduce friction when having anal intercourse or using anal sex toys.  A popular anal sex lube is Anal Lube.  Silicone lubes are also popular for anal sex play as they stay slick much longer.  Some anal lubes contain desensitizing agents that numb the anus like Orajel that numbs a baby’s gums during teething.  Although this may work well for poor baby, I don’t recommend numbing agents in the anus as you are unable to feel pain associated with injury.  Anal play is supposed to feel good and not hurt.  Therefore, if you experience pain during anal sex then you are most likely taking in something too big, too fast.  It is important to be patient and take anal sex slow especially if you are an anal virgin or novice.  Relax, use plenty of lube and remember it is not a race.

For Women Only

Many women need added lubrication at least some of the time for various reasons regardless of age.  Most women need a longer warm-up time before intercourse and lubes can be used as a fun part of foreplay.  As women age, the vagina begins producing less natural lubricant, so adding additional lube during sex or masturbation is important for enhancing those experiences.  Many personal lubricants are formulated especially for women and there are those on the market for everyday use to help eliminate dryness.  For masturbation, lubrication is important as many sex toys both made for insertion and external stimulation tend to by drying. Women who are sensitive or prone to yeast infections should avoid lubes that contain sugars or glycerin which may alter the PH of the vagina.  Lubes with added parabens which can cause irritation and rashes should also be avoided by women who have sensitivity issues.  Nonoxynol-9 is another ingredient that is sometimes added to lubes.  It is a popular contraceptive gel ingredient and has been promoted as a protection against HIV.  However, N-9 is a harsh detergent-like compound that creates tiny abrasions in the mucous membranes of the vagina and anus, creating a greater risk for the transmission of HIV and other STDs.  All women should avoid oil-based lubes as these are not formulated for women’s genitals.  The best lubes for women are water-based and silicone.  Moist Personal Lubricant and Pjur Eros – Body Glide Women are specially formulated for women’s sensitive parts and are available in both water and silicone-based formulations.

Lubes for Guys

For men, there are several types of lubricants available for different types of sex play.  Silicone lubes are great for anal play and/or vagina penetrative sex and include popular brands like Wet Platinum and ID Millennium.  Oil-based lubes like Boy Butter and Elbow Grease are popular lubes for hand-jobs.  Oil-based lubricants are NOT latex condom compatible, however, so shouldn’t be used in penetrative sex (either anal or vagina) unless a polyurethane condom like Trojan Supra or Durex Avanti is used.

To Spit or Not to Spit

While spit can lubricate the genitals at first it dries out quickly and it’s a dirty habit.  Seriously.  The human mouth contains more germs (oral flora and bacteria) than most animals and can cause irritation and infection.  Saliva, like other bodily fluids is capable of transmitting STD’s, herpes and AIDS as well.  So while you may have seen spit-swapping in adult films, remember not everything your see in movies is recommended for real life experiences.

Cooking Oils as Lubricants

Okay, we’ve all heard of people using cooking oils like Crisco and other household products like WD40 as sexual lubricants.  I’ll even admit that I used vegetable oil once for a night of slip-and-slide sex on a plastic sheet.  But, cooking oils and other household lubricants are not formulated for the skin and especially the genitals.  These oils can cause serious irritation, clog pores, don’t allow the skin to breathe, are not condom safe and should never go anywhere near the vagina.  So let’s just leave those cooking oil sex stories to the stupid-human-tricks archive, for we know better in this day and age and don’t need to repeat our parents dumb mistakes.  Never use Crisco, WD40, Vaseline or Baby Oil on your precious private parts.

Personal Lubricants for Sexual Pleasure

Water-based

Water-based personal lubricants are the most versatile for all types of sex play.  They feel more natural and are therefore great for a variety of penetrative sex.  Water-based lubes are water soluble which means they won’t stain fabrics and wash away easily from the body.  They are also compatible with condoms and other latex products so perfect for safe sex practices and won’t ruin your sex toys.  On the downside, water-based lubes dry more quickly than silicone and oil-based lubes, sometimes leaving a sticky residue. Because of this they need to be reapplied often during partner sex or solo play.  Many water-based lubes also contain sugars or glycerin so should be avoided by women who are prone to yeast infections.  Water-based lubricants are also not compatible with water sex play in the bathtub, pool or hot tub as they will wash away.

Oil-based

Oil-based lubricants are the best types of lubes for men who want to jack’n off their beanstalk.  These lubes are super slick, water-resistant and long lasting.  They are also great for anal sex when used with polyurethane condoms.  They should not be used with latex condoms, however, as oils break down latex and make them unsafe.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: oil-based lubes should stay clear of the vagina as they can attract bacteria and cause infections.  Oils will also stain fabrics and cause dyes to run in sex toys.

Silicone-based

Silicone-based personal lubricants have been promoted as being superior to that of water and oil-based lubes.  This is because they are hypo-allergenic, condom and latex safe, are very long-lasting, and water resistant.  Silicone lubes are great for partner sex, penetration, masturbation and even sensual massage.  These lubes stay on top of the skin creating a slippery glide that will not absorb or dry out.  For this reason, they also don’t wash away as easily as water-based lubes.  They are also not recommended to use with silicone or Cyberskin sex toys as they will cause a chemical reaction that will melt the toy.

Flavored Lubes

These days personal sexual lubricants come in every flavor imaginable from Bubblegum and Watermelon to Pina Colada and Passion Fruit.  Tangy, fruity lubes are a great addition for oral sex and foreplay, making your lover taste juicy and sweet.  ID Juicy Flavored Lubricant is my personal favorite as it contains no sugars or dyes, is water-based and latex compatible.  It comes in a variety to flavors and is not as sickly sweet as some of the other flavored lubes.

Stimulating and Desensitizing Lubes

Some lubricants have stimulating properties that create pleasurable warming, cooling or tingling sensations on the genitals.  Many stimulating lubes or gels are formulated for women to enhance clitoral sensitivity by increasing blood flow to the genitals, but can also be used by men.  Desensitizing lubes containing Lidocaine are formulated for men to prolong erections.  Some stimulating lubes can be very strong and may cause a burning sensation on some people, so caution should be used when trying them.  ID Sensation Warming Liquid is a gentle, pleasant warming lube that enhances sex and masturbation play.  Stud Delay Spray is a popular brand of desensitizing spray for men and I have been told by men that it acts almost instantly so is ready when you are.

Natural Organic Lubes

More and more people are buying organic lubes or all-natural lubricants as alternatives to pharmacy based products.  As people become more concerned about what kind of foods they put into their body, they are also becoming concerned about what they put on their body.  After all, skin is the body’s largest organ and is capable of absorbing 60% of all chemicals you put on it which eventually ends up in the blood stream.   Lubricants may be absorbed through the mucus membranes of the vagina and anus even more so because there is no barrier for protection.  Most certified organic lubricants also contain no irritating parabens, fragrances, chemicals or sugars, so will not cause rashes or yeast infections.  My favorite all time lube is Yes® water-based personal organic lubricant which is currently only available through their website.

Domina Doll is a sex writer who writes articles and reviews for various magazines, zines and adult toy stores.  Visit her sexuality blog CherryBoxxx at http://cherryboxxx.wordpress.com/.

Everyday Turn-ons

There’s a cartoon with the caption “Porn for Women.” The picture shows a sexy man, shirtless—vacuuming!

Sure, clean dishes sparkling in the dish rack next to a shiny stainless steel sink get me a little hot and heavy, but there are many everyday situations where both men and women find themselves incredibly attracted to their mates. Not all have to do with household chores, either.

In my other life, where I don’t blog about sex toys, I play paintball. It’s amazing how many men think this is sexy (and they think it about many other female players too.) Sure. We’re running around, our faces entirely covered by our safety masks, oversized jerseys protecting us from the pain of paintball hits. We traipse around the woods lugging big military-looking paintball markers—and guys think this is the biggest turn-on in the world. It’s gotta be a power thing. Or maybe it’s the “guns.”

I guess female athletes, in general, are sexy. Look at the Beijing Olympics: Ana Ivanovic (Serbia, Tennis) Logan Tom (United States, Volleyball) and Sue Bird (U.S., Basketball), just to name a few.

Of course, what’s not to love about the entire women’s volleyball competition, or tennis players with the short little skirts and scores like 30-Love? (And Ashley Harkleroad with her Playboy spread). But hotties like Britta Heidemann (Germany, Fencing) and Victoria Pendleton (Britain, Cycling) also made Maxim’s list of the World’s Hottest Olympians.

For other men, it’s not the process of getting down and dirty on the playing field that turns them on, but watching their dolls get all dolled up. Rod Rampage says his biggest turn-on is “watching you guys pretty yourselves up to go out.” He adds that he could watch a woman play with her hair for hours.

For some women, the sound of a man’s voice, especially when he’s singing, turns them on. Deep baritones and strong voices with resonance, not surprisingly, are preferred, but for many women, it’s just a personal thing. If they like the voice, the guy can turn them on with a mere word.

Stage presence is also a big thing when you’re talking about musicians and performers. And guys (and girls) with guitars? Totally hot.

College student Vikki Bethel names “cooking” and “deep thoughts” as two of her biggest turn-ons, but says, “A guy taking off at like 3 am to go on a hike around campus and leaving the path and blazing around and being very passionate and excited can be hot. Guys are hot.”