As holidays go, New Year’s Eve can be more romantic than Valentine’s Day. Sure, it’s just a night of partying, noise-makers and funny hats, with hordes of people gathering ‘round to watch a giant lighted ball fall from the sky, but all that build-up to midnight culminates (if you’re lucky) in the famed New Year’s Eve kiss.

For the attached, the holiday can be a stress-free celebration. No presents required: just food, drink, merriment… and the kiss, as your relationship turns the corner on another year. There’s always at least one couple who gets engaged right in Times Square, right at midnight, and countless others who do so in more private venues. (Any place is more private than Times Square on New Year’s Eve!)

For those without a steady lover, the moment of midnight is also wrought with great significance. Who will you kiss? On the lips or cheek? Public—perhaps in front of a television audience of millions—or private? Will it mean anything?

Whether the kiss is a fleeting moment in time, participants kicked to the curb by morning like last year’s Christmas tree, or the harbinger of something big, the kiss, at least, should be a good one.

And so, because time is a’wastin’ as 2009 approaches, we bring you kissing tips for the New Year.

Don’t forget the mints. After an evening of drinking and hors d’ouvres, you’ll want to freshen up. Miss Sweet has always preferred Altoids, the original mint formula, because they pack such a punch. If your kiss turns into something more after midnight, Altoids add a bonus tingly sensation to oral sex, too.

Go in strong. Nobody likes a wimp. Once you’re sure of your partner’s New Year’s kiss intentions (full and on the lips) don’t hesitate. Firm but gentle is your mantra.

Don’t slobber, please. Yes, this is pretty basic, but there’s nothing worse than a guy (or gal) who drools all over you. If I wanted that, I could have stayed home and made out with a beagle.

Not too dry, either. Hopefully your mouth is still tingly from the champagne, your lips moist and succulent. One of the experts at www.lovetoknow.com recommends licking and pressing your own lips together to moisten, soften and warm them before the big moment. Once you go in deep for a long French kiss, let nature take its course. It’s not called “swapping spit” for nothing, after all.

Kiss her (or him) like you want them. No matter how poor your technique, it’s hard to resist a kiss from someone who puts his entire heart into the action. I’m going to leave you with a quote from Robert Heinlein’s Stranger in a Strange Land, regarding the Martian’s famous kiss, so heartfelt it caused one of the other characters to faint.

“Mike doesn’t have technique…but when Mike kisses you he isn’t doing anything else. You’re his whole universe…and the moment is eternal because he doesn’t have any plans and isn’t going anywhere. Just kissing you.”

Happy New Year’s from Vibrator.com and may your 2009 be filled with love and kisses!

In a recent post, your resourceful romancer, Desiree Sweet, talked about public places that are relatively safe to sneak a quickie.

A unique new Web site, outdoorlovemap.com, puts some organized effort into the concept.  Deemed “the International Guide to Places to Make Love Outdoors,” the Wiki-style site (which means the site grows as users contribute information) lists 63 lustful locations in 19 countries. It’s been reviewed—and praised—in several places on the Web.

Locations, which range from beach to public parks and even a zoo(!), are rated on a scale of one to five stars for privacy, comfort and legality.  Listings include GPS coordinates and a map powered by Google.

Right now, the site is too small to be very practical.  I typed New York City into its search engine and got locations ranging from Virginia Beach to the Cayman Islands, with nothing closer. I can name at least five locations in the tri-state area, right off the top of my head. And if I started thinking, I could come up with many more than that… including a few transitory locations. (Think Long Island Railroad…)

Outdoorlovemap’s best feature is the user-posted stories about the places listed. Some are simply one-line promptings, such as the listing for the famous “Lawn” at the University of Virginia, which tells readers that it’s tradition to have sex on the lawn.  Others, however, go into explicitly detailed stories about sexual experiences in interesting places. Whether you’re visiting the site for a good read or seeking a practical suggestion for outdoor romance, the site has a lot of potential.

I should add the standard disclaimer about sex in public places. Laws vary state by state; you could get slapped with charges of indecent exposure or even “disturbing the peace.” But for many, that risk is part of the fun. What else is it about sex in public places that gets people so excited?

For some new couples, it’s raw passion. They must have each other, here and now, wherever and whenever that may be. For others — and, by the sharing nature of Outdoorlovemap.com, I suspect this is the case for many of the Web site’s users — it is the thrill of exhibitionism. You can’t be sure, but someone MAY be watching. If this is the case, you’ll want to find a semi-public spot, with opportunities for a quick getaway if you do get caught.

I personally haven’t been brave enough to try any risky spots, but I do have a wish list. Confession: Desiree Sweet yearns to join the Mile High Club and do it on an airplane. There’s also the Three Dolphin Club, but that’s more the stuff of science fiction. In spite of living on an island, I’ve never done it on the beach, so that’s another dream of mine.

What about it, Vibrator.com readers? Share your fantasies and tell us where you’d love to make love! Then help the Outdoorlovemap.com founders (and the world as a whole) by sharing your favorite outdoor love location.

Do you plan on treating your lover to some new BDSM toys for the holidays?  Chances are you want to keep them looking new well into next Christmas and beyond.  Who wants to be whipped with a dingy cat-o-nine-tails or tied up with tarnished restraints?

You can get these cleaning tips for leather, cotton blends and metal from Heloise and others, for sure, but no domestic guru will talk about these specific applications.  Let Vibrator.com be your care and cleaning guide for BDSM toys!

Cleaning leather

You can buy fancy leather conditioners such as saddle soap, or even pay to have your leather professionally cleaned, but it’s not necessary.  The cleaning experts at Everyday Economics recommend baby wipes to clean all kinds of leather: from your sofa to your slave’s garb!

Test the wipe on an inconspicuous area first.  If all is well and the dye doesn’t come off the leather, fold the wipe and rub it across the entire surface in small circles.  You should see dirt transferring to the wipe.  Some dye may come off, too, but not enough to discolor the leather.  When you’re finished, use a fresh wipe across the entire surface to remove any remaining dirt.  If the baby wipes have moisturizer in them, that also helps condition the leather.

For stubborn stains, EverydayEC.com recommends a Magic Eraser.   It’s best to try to remove any stains, including blood, while they are still fresh.  Fresh stains can probably be rubbed out with a baby wipe or a damp cloth.

Don’t store your leather toys or clothing in plastic bags, as it will breed mildew.  Store leather in a breathable bag in a cool, dry place out of direct sunlight.  If you do need to remove mildew from your leather, sponge the leather with a solution that is equal parts rubbing alcohol and water.  You can read more about cleaning leather in this article.

Cleaning bloodstains

We recommend rubber sheets for hardcore BDSM play that may result in the loss of a lot of different bodily fluids.  Sanitary and inexpensive, if you’re pretty sure there will be blood, rubber sheets are the safest way to clean up.

But sometimes, you may not mean to draw blood and there you are with a stain on your sheets!  What to do?

First, do not wait for the stain to set, or you’re pretty much out of luck.  As soon as possible, use a sponge dampened with cold water to gently rub the blood out, working from the center of the stain outward.

If any blood remains, apply a wet spotter stain remover with an absorbent pad.  On cotton sheets, you can add a few drops of ammonia. (Do not use ammonia on silk, satin or wool).  Keep the pad on the stain as long as necessary, changing it as it becomes saturated. When the stain is out, rinse the area with cold water.  You can clean cotton sheets by pre-treating with a stain remover and laundering in cold water.

Cleaning stainless steel and brushed nickel

The metal parts of your BDSM gear are probably the easiest to clean, with many options available, from window cleaner to lemon juice.  Don’t use an abrasive cleaner such as Brillo, which will mar the finish.  Lemon juice will keep stainless steel fresh and clean, and baby oil adds a nice shine.  For brushed nickel finishes, stick with a solution of dish soap and water, applied with a soft cloth.

The economy’s in a shambles, people are getting laid off, everyone is rushing around to finish their holiday shopping with too few dollars… and it’s raining. Or possibly snowing, depending on your location. Either way, things are bleak.

But you’ll be happy to know that 130,000 missing inflatable boobs have been found, a mere 900 kilometers from their intended location.

This, and several other odd news bits, turned up on the Web this week. And because we all need a laugh (probably even more than we need a little Christmas right now), your resident blogger decided she’d share the best, most silly sex-related stories on the Web right now. (In no one’s opinion but Ms. Sweet’s, of course).

1.    The now-famous shipment of inflatable plastic breasts from China, part of a promotional giveaway for Ralph, an Australian men’s magazine, was found sitting in a port in Melbourne. The novelty items were expected to arrive in Sydney last week, but a paperwork error resulted in a Snafu. Ralph workers are now rushing to stuff the boobs in bags to go out with the December 15 issue of the magazine. The shipping error cost the magazine $30,000 but, according to an article on WAToday.com, the publication will still have the world’s record for the most boobs given away at one time, so all is not lost.

2.    Obviously, we are all for masturbation here at Vibrator.com, but there are just some things you can’t really give yourself in a relationship (or so we thought). This oddly seductive viral implores you: “’Til Death Do You Part - Marry Yourself.” You can’t make this up, and nothing I say could make this any stranger, so click here and see for yourself.

3.    My fellow Vibrator.com blogger Rick sent me a link to Natural Harvest - A Collection of Semen-Based  Recipes. And here I settled for an egg white omelette for breakfast.

I confess: I’m not sure if the book, and the ensuing comments, are a joke or not, but Lulu is a vanity press so anything is possible.  If you’ve been following this blog for a while, you know Desiree Sweet is the biggest fan of oral sex you can find, but I think I’ll continue to get my daily allowance of protein from a nice, big, juicy… steak, thank you very much.

How about you? Seen anything new and newsworthy that left you scratching your head lately?

The flowers, the kiss, lonely single girls in big, poufy dresses … there’s something about a wedding that screams “romance”—and not just for the lucky couple.

I recently attended a wedding where one usher went home with two 20-year-old girls and another groomsman spent the night flirting with every lady on the dance floor – from the groom’s grandmother to his 30-year-old (hot, blonde…) niece.

Blogging about how to hook up at a wedding would be an extremely short article. “How do you know the bride/groom?” works as a pick up line. From there, it’s like shooting fish in a barrel — or tossing a bouquet into a raging crowd of single women.

Why do wedding hookups rock so much?

1.    You’re both “all cleaned up” already looking your best, so it’s easy to impress.
2.    The booze and food is on someone else—how can it get any better?
3.    There’s no expectation the relationship will last beyond the night.
4.    If you decide you’d like it to last, you already have something in common (your relationship with the bride and groom).

Besides, let’s be brutally honest here. Watching another couple, blissfully in love, whose sole purpose is to share their love on The Biggest Day of Their Lives puts the unattached in close, lonely contact with their single-ness. Whether you’re sitting at the “singles table” or merely scrambling for the bouquet so some lucky bachelor may get to cop a feel while he puts the garter on your leg, few situations make you more aware of your own relationship status or biological clock ticking in double time. (I’m married now, but I’ve “been there, done that,” dear readers.)

This state of mind makes the ladies and the men equally likely to yearn for a partner, even if just for the night. Nobody wants to be alone at a wedding. That’s not to say everyone attending a wedding is desperate for companionship every other day of the week. But let’s face it, from the bride and groom’s first dance, love is in the air.

Why not take the opportunity to challenge yourself? Do you want to be the lucky guy who beds two coeds? Want to make love in the bathroom of a posh hotel. Go for it. When you don that tux or little black dress (or pink taffeta, in the case of bridesmaids) you can become someone else. And when the DJ plays that “Last Dance,” the night doesn’t have to be over until the morning.

Having said all this, here’s a funny story about how NOT to hook up at a wedding.

‘Tis the season… for the in-laws to visit. Or maybe you and your sweetheart are traveling this holiday. Either way, the stress of shopping, wrapping, cooking, and decking the halls (all within a budget) leaves you sorely in need of some horizontal relief.

Finding privacy with a house full, though, may require you and your honey to get creative. The following suggestions have all been executed by real-life couples, but caution is still required.

In the UK, the 2003 Sexual Offences Act permits sex in an isolated place as long as you have a reasonable expectation of privacy. But laws in the U.S. vary by state – and often it depends on the disposition of the person who discovers you. Your best bet? Don’t get caught.

1.    In the car. We recommend an empty parking lot to avoid prying familial eyes, but you may find privacy as close as your own garage.

Tip: Bring a towel to protect your upholstery and expect to practice some contortionism.

2.    On a train. Hubby and I successfully pulled off this maneuver right before the last stop, after the conductor made his rounds.

Tip: You may have to hunt to find an empty car. Tuck yourselves into a corner bench seat and keep quiet… A blanket may help, too.

3.    Movie theatre… Dim lighting, a built-in soundtrack… The only negative is the $10 or more price of admission.
Tip: Pick a bomb of a movie at an off-time. Armrests that fold up help, too.

4.    Local park: It’s close, it’s free, and when you need it NOW, it should be easy enough to sneak away for a late-night quickie. If the park has swings—use your imagination!
Tip Don’t forget a blanket and a flashlight.

5. Your office, after-hours. Have your Significant Other meet you right after work. Don’t have your own office? People have successfully pulled off this maneuver in their boss’ office.
Tip: Be very sure there are no video cameras and don’t forget to lock the door!

I admit there are far stranger places to have sex than the ones on these list; consider these “beginner locations.”

Desiree Sweet’s strangest encounter? She recently gave head to a friend while pulled over in a car on a suburban street… He was standing outside the car, with the window open. She’s also gotten busy in a stairwell at a state college, the parking lot behind her office building, and on the side of the New Jersey Turnpike. But she’s got nothing on the couple who had sex in the bathroom at the top of Seattle’s Space Needle.

Watching Heroes last night made me think; superhero abilities are cool. Flying, super-human strength, super-healing, and every teenage boy’s favorite: x-ray vision.

But Desiree Sweet began thinking outside the phone booth to come up with her favorite Super-sex abilities.

1. Super-deep throating: Sure, this ability can be learned through practice, but wouldn’t it be great to have a superpower that erases the gag reflex?

2.    Super-flexibility: Every position in the Kama Sutra? That’s no problem for Elasti-girl. Just imagine the possibilities when you can bend, stretch and hang with no effort or fear of pulled muscles.

3.    The ability to breathe through your ears: Kevin Costner had this talent in the 1995 hit Waterworld, but he never put it to use the way we intend! This special ability would come in very handy for oral sex, making you a favorite partner of men and women alike!

I can imagine our male readers saying, “But you forgot super-size and the ability to last forever, Miss Sweet!”

While these traits may be appealing to some, if you’re going to be completely selfless and ask for a special power to please your partner, go with the ability to read minds. Wouldn’t it be great to know exactly which moves make your lover turn to jelly, and which ones leave her thinking about doing laundry?

Best of all, you don’t need to be a superhero to develop this ability. Slow down, watch, listen and communicate. Pay attention to verbal and non-verbal cues and vary your pace and motions based on her feedback. If you’re not sure how something feels, ask. If you have a special fantasy, share it. It may encourage her to do the same.

You don’t need to be born on a different planet to have super-sex… On the other hand, if you’re in the market for a super-fast, rocket launcher-equipped armor-plated Batmobile-style vehicle, you’re on your own.

In a recent post, I wrote about Everyday Turn-ons and mentioned the sexy things men do that have nothing to do with the deed.

It seems I wasn’t too far off the mark, and even have the backing of research professionals. Psychologist Professor Marita McCabe of Deakin University in Melbourne, Australia, recently commented, “Washing dishes can be foreplay.”

McCabe was discussing the surprising findings of a new study of 400 Australian women. The study showed that most women don’t exhibit sexual desire until after sex has begun.

Additionally, 60 percent of women believe their libido is unusually low. If 60 percent believe their libidos are lagging, this actually puts them in the majority. McCabe, then, wants to re-define what is “normal” for a woman’s sex drive.

“[I]f you’re working hard, if you’ve got kids, if you haven’t got much family support, it’s not surprising you’re not interested in sex at that time,” she said in one article. Women shouldn’t compare their sex drives to those of women on television, she asserted.

McCabe also noted that lack of communication and consideration from their partners are big turn-offs for most women.

I find the research sad, but believable. We all know Sex & the City and Desperate Housewives are not reality TV. Nevertheless, I’m concerned by McCabe’s seemingly defeatist attitude. Even if the proverbial “everyone” is doing it (or not Doing It, as the case may be) does that make it right? Should women resign themselves to a lackluster sex life?

I have to respond with a lusty, “No!”

Many factors, including fatigue, stress, work and children, according to McCabe, work against us when it comes to satisfying sexual encounters.

With a newborn in the house, I certainly understand what it means to be “too tired for sex.” But a good roll in the hay has been shown to energize us, reduce stress and bring us closer to our partners, which is good for our relationship and our family life. Ironically, the answer to overcoming minor sexual obstacles may lie in having more sex.

If you’re not turned on until you’re actually in the moment, that’s okay, too. It’s like the holidays: we suffer through the preparations and dread the celebration, imagining the worst. But once we’re in the moment, we have a damn good time.

I urge women – in Australia and across the world – to consider the results of McCabe’s study and use the knowledge to strive for something better. Whether it’s through toys, fantasies or just better communication with your mate, you can create the sexual experience you want.

You can also participate in a follow-up study by McCabe and postgraduate student Denise Goldhammer by completing an anonymous online questionnaire. The survey takes about 30 to 45 minutes and can be an interesting exercise, prompting an unbiased evaluation of your sex life from the person who knows best what is normal for YOU. As you answer the questions, think about what you can do to improve your love relationship, what areas are lacking, and what works for you and your partner.

How about you, Vibrator.com visitors? Are you in the 60 percent majority with a low libido or would your thoughts and actions make Carrie Bradshaw blush?