Guide to Tantric Sex, Part 3: Penetration and Prolonged Orgasm

If you’ve been following our three-part series on tantric sex, you’re eager now to get to the “good stuff.” How do you take what you’ve learned in the art of tantra and use it to have powerful, prolonged—and even multiple–orgasms?

That’s right—this one’s for the guys. But if you can prolong the act of lovemaking and become better in tune with your partner, you will both benefit.

The book The Art of Tantric Sex, which I have used as one of many resources in putting together this series, recommends kegel exercises (for both men and women) as a way to better control your sex organs. This post explains how to do kegels and talks about the many benefits for both men and women. (Yes, men can do kegels, too!)

As you enter the final stage of tantric lovemaking, remember, tantric sex is not about a goal or endpoint, but about enjoying each moment in the process.

Slow Penetration
During the first step of penetration, it’s fun to go very slowly. Let the man slide his penis in very carefully, a centimeter at a time. Stay there for a while as you relish each other’s bodies. Kiss, talk, do whatever feels naturally to you. The woman can perform kegels, squeezing herself around his penis – and might even bring herself to orgasm this way.

Relaxation
To prevent involuntary ejaculation, the man should stay particularly relaxed, perhaps letting the woman lead in an on-top position or by making love side by side. Tantric sex is not frenzied, heated or lustful, but romantic, contemplative and extremely intimate.

Techniques to Delay Ejaculation
A number of tantric techniques permit a male partner to delay ejaculation while still experiencing the passionate throbbing of an orgasm.

1.    Mula Bandha – In addition to kegels, men can practice Mula Bandha, or anal sphincter control, a yogic technique used to delay ejaculation. Lower your head and focus your attention on your pelvis. As you inhale, constrict the muscles around your anus. Do three sets of ten repetitions. You can do these exercises anywhere to practice your technique and be prepared to stop the flow of semen during sex.
2.    Apply pressure – Apply manual pressure using a fingertip (hers or yours) to the perineum (the area between the anus and the scrotum) in the seconds before orgasm. At the same time, keep your breath steady and your mind still. You are not trying to distract yourself from cumming. The goal is to enjoy the orgasm to the fullest, being in the moment, while preventing ejaculation.
3.    Intense concentration – When you feel the climax approaching, focus on the inhaling and exhaling of your breath, in sync with your partner. You may also press your tongue against the roof of your mouth. This will help you approach orgasm in a slow, steady way, so that your orgasm doesn’t lead to depletion and exhaustion, but is merely another step along your lovemaking path.

The Art of Tantric Sex calls lovemaking “a dance of two energies.” Experiment with the different positions in the Kama Sutra, appreciating each for its different angles and the different emotions it evokes.

Don’t be disheartened if you find it difficult to delay ejaculation. If you use only a few of the tips and techniques in these articles to enhance your sex life and become closer to your partner, then you’ve succeeded in understanding the main purpose of tantric sex.  Nirvana awaits.

How to Make a Masturbation Video

If you’re looking for a great surprise that’s sure to get your lover revved up, why not give him a video? Masturbation videos of yourself are quick, easy to make, and don’t require any coordination between two parties. When it comes to making a porno, it doesn’t get any easier than this.

All you need is a video camera, a place to prop the video camera (a tripod, dresser or table) and your own two hands. Or one. Add some colorful toys if you want to make it really hot. Make sure you record the video in a well-light room, with the lighting at your back to avoid shadows.

Slip the CD in the computer hard drive so it’s the first thing your lover views when they boot up the home computer in the morning, or tuck it into their briefcase—with a note to only view the vid with the office door closed!

Here are some tips to make sure that video makes your lover’s day.

1.    Keep it short and switch it up. Sure, masturbation is hot. And of course you’re lover’s going to want to watch this. Try different techniques, different camera angles and different positions. Whatever you do, no matter how wild and crazy you get, keep the entire video down to five minutes or less. There’s a lot less variety in any type of masturbation than there is in other sexual activity, and any more than five minutes of the same-old, same-old gets… well, old.

2.    Talk! When my husband and I recorded some masturbation videos for close friends, I was told that he enjoyed the scenery, but when I started talking, that put him over the top. Address the camera with those wide, “fuck-me” eyes and tell the viewer exactly what you would like them to do to you, right now.  Don’t forget the moans, groans, and passionate sighs, either.

3.    Use toys. Most of the guys I talked to about what they’d like to see in a masturbation vid gave me a one-word answer: TOYS! The bigger and more colorful they are, the better! Doc Johnson’s 7-inch pink jelly dong with balls offers a large base to hold and manipulate the pretty pink cock. I also can’t resist the look of the glittery, 7-inch hot pink devil dick for video fun!

4.    The climax. Ladies, don’t let any orgasm go unseen. Play it up “When Harry Met Sally”-style for the camera. Scream, wriggle, writhe… even call out his name! Whether you cum with a toy or your own two fingers, make it one to remember. Ideally, you’ve set up the camera so he can view your face, too… Look straight into the camera for a sexy solo finale.

Guys, think about where you’re going to shoot that final cum shot, and how you’re going to make it special. Straight up in the air will offer a wonderful cascade of on-camera cum without creating a mess on the lens. You may want to set up a towel on the floor before you begin for easy clean-up. Again, don’t forget to ham it up with moans and groans.

A masturbation video is a perfect first foray into “film-making.” It’s easy to release your inhibitions with no one else around and with only one person involved and not a lot of large-scale movement, there are less logistical concerns. You can even use the video as a gentle way to show your lover what you really like.

Lysistrata (the Play) and Aphrodite (the Toy)

Coitus interruptus (sex interrupted) is a literary device that was often used by the Ancient Greeks. In Aristophanes’ play “Lysistrata,” when Myrrhine withholds sex from her husband Cinesias as a ploy to try and stop a war, audiences of the time laughed at her delay tactics.

When it’s happening in real life, whatever the reason, it’s anything but funny. Except in retrospect, of course… That is to say, “someday, you’ll look back and laugh.” I don’t know if “someday” has arrived yet…

The other night, performing painstaking research (I have a very hard job!) for my two-part series on how to make your own porn, everything that could have broken, did. First, we realized the camera’s memory card was loaded up—with baby pictures of all things! My husband was ready with a second card, fortunately. Of course, it took some time to get the camera connected to the tripod, and the tripod positioned in front of the couch.

Then, the camera batteries decided they’d had it. We fumbled around the house looking for two AAs (batteries, I mean… I haven’t seen Double-A cups since junior high). We found the last two fresh batteries in our storage closet. So the camera had to come off the tripod while we re-loaded, and then we had to re-attach it. Now I was getting edgy and just bordering on frustrated, knowing we still had a few minutes (at least) of shooting before we’d get to the actual act.

Then we needed more light. Hubby pulled out a heavy-duty Craftsman flashlight, but that, too, had a dead battery. He replaced it quickly, and gave me a quick kiss and a wink, imploring me silently to have patience. I set myself up on the edge of the couch. With the glaring light… well, it was anything but romantic.

With lights dimmed, we started on phase one of the video—masturbation. He handed me a vibe. A nice, blue 7-inch cock-shaped Doc Johnson with three vibrating speeds. I rubbed it against my clit then turned it on. Or tried to. That’s right. More dead batteries. We stole the batteries from our television remote control, but the vibrator still didn’t work. I’ve had this toy for many years. Let’s just say we’ve put it through the paces.

Knowing my favorite toy had just given its last buzz, my “fuck- me-now” mood vanished. I pulled my partner in close for a deep kiss. “Let’s save the video for another night and just make love,” I said, taking a completely different tact to rekindle my feelings. Sometimes getting creative just doesn’t work and you’re better off relying on the old standards!

And now I have something else to look forward to. The demise of my “go-to” vibe means I get to shop for a replacement. I know exactly what I’m going to buy. The famous Aphrodite, complete with three attachments for every mood (you can even use this toy for all-over body massages!) and (best of all) a 110-volt AC battery charger with rechargeable batteries included. I guess my mention of the Aphrodite brings us full circle to Greek literature references. It’s time to stop reading (for now, of course) and shop!

Here are a few more AC-powered or rechargeable vibes that let you get right to the fun stuff without worries.

Slimline g-spot – This slimline g-spot vibe can’t get any more convenient with one-hand push button operation and a 110/120-volt AC-powered charger.

Lelo GIGI -  If you’re looking for g-spot luxury, we love the Lelo GIGI. Rechargeable batteries offer 1.5 hours of pleasure.

Playpal – If you’re looking for a heated, rechargeable vibrating massager and you’re watching your wallet, check out the Playpal for under $30. It’s waterproof, too!

Guide to Tantric Sex, Part 2: Foreplay

Our Guide to Tantric Sex, Part 1 explored some of the rituals you might do to prepare your surroundings, as well as your mind and body, for tantric sex. These can take place at any time and can be used to strengthen your love relationship, without necessarily leading up to sexual activity.

The activities covered in this post lead directly to the sexual act, a prolonged lovemaking experience that many say is the pinnacle of sex!

1.    Self-exploration –

The expression, “You have to love yourself before you can love someone else” is a very tantric philosophy. Practitioners of tantra recommend getting to know—and love—your own body before engaging in sex. Many people, especially women, simply aren’t comfortable with their bodies, so this step may take a long time before you feel ready to move on.

Stand naked in front of a full-length mirror and look at every part of your body. Really get to know it. Don’t nitpick at your perceived flaws, but accept them as part of the roadmap of your life experience. Do you have stretch marks from pregnancy? Thick thighs, solid with muscle from physical activity? Accept them as part of who you are. Don’t look past parts of your body you don’t like, love them.

It may be easier to start with body parts you like, or even less intimate parts, such as your hair, eyes and lips. Appreciate the symmetry of your face, the sensuousness of your lips. Work your way down until you feel as if you can accept, and grow to love, every inch of your body. The same technique applies to men!

2.    Self-love –

When you reach your genitals during this self-exploration ritual, use a mirror to explore every section. Finger yourself, rub and watch as your clitoris expands with increased blood flow. Revel in the moisture. As the sexual tension builds, don’t forget to practice your tantric breathing!  You may want to expel low, relaxing moans as you breathe out. Don’t be self-conscious.  Men, too… Feel yourself grow with your touch, appreciate the shape and texture of your penis. Do whatever feels right to you.

3.    Discussion –

Now it’s time to bring your lover into the mix. Sit face-to-face in your sacred space and talk. Share your fantasies and ideas about what you would like to do. Praise your partner, too. Tell them what you like about their body and techniques.

4.    Kissing –

A tantric kiss is more than foreplay. It’s an enjoyable act on its own. Kiss with your entire body, mind and soul, focusing only on the tactile sensations of your lovers’ lips. Taste his saliva. Let his tongue mimic intercourse as it plunges in and out of your mouth.

If you find your mind beginning to wander, whether you contemplate your technique or become self-conscious, breathe deeply of your lovers’ breath and pull yourself back in to the moment. The kiss is all that matters. We offer more kissing tips in this post.

5.    Worship each others’ bodies –

As you went through the phase of self-exploration, now it’s time to explore your lover’s body. Focus on the sensuous curve of their feet, every muscle in their legs, and work your way up. There is something sensual and sexual in every body part, so praise, rub, kiss or lick it as you wish.

6.    “The Crow” –

Often called “69,” this position is part of the Kama Sutra guide to sex positions and brings oral pleasure to both partners. Most tantric sex guides emphasize the co-mingling of bodily fluids—“love juices” and saliva—but it would be irresponsible to talk about oral sex without protection if you are not in a monogamous relationship, where you can be assured both partners are free of diseases. With or without protection, the technique and pleasure are the same.

In the spirit of tantric sex, pay close attention to your lovers’ parts and be free to give and receive feedback about what feels good. Enjoy the taste of your lover just as you enjoyed the oysters and strawberries, appreciating both the flavor and scent. You may want to experiment with different positions (side-by-side, him on top, her on top) and even add pillows to place your neck at the right angle to be comfortable. You should be able to focus entirely on your lover during this experience.

Stay tuned for Part 3 of our Guide to Tantric Sex, which will talk about intercourse and how to prolong orgasms.

OctoMom the Next Vivid Girl?

According to this report on Fox News, Vivid Entertainment offered Nadya Suleman, the infamous California mom of Octoputlets, a contract as a porn star.
According to the report, Vivid CEO Stephen Hirsch said Suleman received the offer and is considering it. They also offered her medical coverage for her whole family and other benefits if she signs a multi-film deal as a contract “Vivid Girl.”

Suleman was reportedly quoted on TMZ as saying, “Not until the stretch marks fade!”

I have to agree (and sympathize) with that. I gave birth to a 6 lbs. 4 oz. baby about 5 months ago, and I’m still unhappy with the shape of my body. Does anyone really want to see someone who just gave birth to eight children, naked? At least wait for the c-section scar to heal before you break out the camera equipment and studio lights.

I don’t want to pick on Suleman just for her physical appearance. That’s petty, and I’m not perfect myself! Besides, we can find plenty of other reasons to deride the unemployed single mom of 14, whose best financial plan seems to be to use her student loans to pay for the expense of raising her kids. Isn’t that illegal? I guess it’s better than welfare. Thank goodness for this back-up plan of becoming a porn star.

There’s no need to mock the woman for her c-section scar, stretch marks and sags. And since the babies were conceived in vitro and delivered by c-section, she could be as tight as a virgin for all we know. But it does make me wonder what Vivid Entertainment, one of the premier adult video and toy companies, was thinking.

Were they just trying to jump on the latest big news story like Larry Flynt and Hustler with the Sarah Palin porn parody? Or is this a new trend in “reality” porn stars—stretch marks and all? I know there are sections of the adult video store devoted to heavy women, older women, housewives and moms, and yes, even pregnant women. Is Vivid trying to create a new category?

Pregnancy is a beautiful thing. And so is childbirth… Well, not counting the pain, the blood, (and other various and sundry fluids), the screaming, and the stitches. Mothers *should* embrace every line, wrinkle, stretch mark, sag and scar that comes from pregnancy and childbirth. Moms, love your bodies and let your partners do the same.

I guess if Vivid is trying to popularize “reality” porn, they should be commended. In an industry that objectifies women and encourages fake boobs on size zero bodies, making a “real” mom a contract Vivid girl makes a powerful statement about our perceptions of beauty.

But – just speaking for myself here – when I watch porn, I want to look at people who are actually hotter than myself! I’m taking a guess that the men out there feel the same, and want to see stars who are sexier than their mates.

Porn stars, underneath that perfectly-placed lighting, with their tight bodies and lingerie designed to make them look sexier-than-life, aren’t there to make average women feel good about ourselves. It’s a porn star’s job to look good. That’s it. That’s how they spend their time: chewing celery sticks, working out with personal trainers, and fucking on camera. (Hmm… I wonder how I can get a contract with Vivid?)

If we (or our partners) want reality, we’ve got it right there in our bedrooms. For mine and my husband’s enjoyment, I want the porn stars I watch to look better than I do!

What do you think? Has Vivid gone too far in trying to raise the bar on the MILF genre? And is Suleman really an “M” anyone would like to “F?”

Love Your Toys: Sex Toys in the Movies

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Performing a Double Penetration

Double penetration is all about the rhythm. And lube. Lots of lube.

Some women may cringe at the thought of two cocks at once, but for others, the sensation of being all filled up brings boundless pleasure.

To prepare for a double penetration, you’ll want to find two men (of course.) They should be comfortable with incidental contact. Of course, sharing in any sex act is an intimate and personal experience, but some men aren’t comfortable with any male-to-male contact, even in a group sex situation. These types of guys would not be comfortable with the closeness required for a DP.

Practice, Practice, Practice

You don’t want to go into a DP for the first time without being physically prepared, either. If you’re not already an anal sex veteran, you’ll want to take some time to stretch. No, I don’t mean leg lifts or yoga poses, although flexibility doesn’t hurt!

Practice with a butt plug, starting off with the smallest size available and moving to larger models as each size gets more comfortable.
Here’s a great post on getting prepared for anal sex, including a handy list of Dos and Don’ts. Most importantly, use lots of lube so the plug slides in easily.

Eventually, you’ll want to move on to a realistic dildo, ideally the size and shape of your partner’s. Use this by itself a few times, and then try it during sex. Mix it up and use the dildo in your vagina while your partner penetrates your back door. Don’t forget the lube! Now you’re getting closer to the sensations of a real DP!

If you don’t like it, you can take a step back and “practice” some more with a smaller dildo or butt plug. You might also want to—that’s right—use more lube! Or you can decide it’s not something you ever want to try. That’s okay.

If you decide you like this feeling, though, by now you’re probably getting pretty anxious to try the real deal!

Positions for a DP

When you move onto the real act, don’t forget the first rule of a DP: Lots of lube! There are three basic positions for a DP; everything else is a minor variation of these. Use your imagination but, most importantly, do what is most comfortable.

A conventional woman-on-top, with the woman on her knees facing the first partner, is probably the best, most common position for a DP. It puts her ass in the air, just ripe for penetration. It also allows her to control the speed and angle of vaginal penetration.

You can also try with the woman leaning back, facing away from and on top of her anal partner, while the other partner penetrates from a missionary position.

With a strong partner (or a petite woman), one guy can actually lift the woman off the air, holding her while her legs wrap around his hips and waist. The anal partner can help support the woman while penetrating her from behind. (Note: We haven’t actually tried this, but it could be a fun, albeit challenging, position. Why not give it a try and post here to let us know how it worked?)

A real DP with two guys may hurt a bit more than toys the first time. Go slowly. You can have both partners insert at the same time, where they will meet in the middle and, to some degree, be able to feel each other through the vaginal wall. Or you can rock back and forth, having one enter as the other leaves.

For more information and a step-by-step video guide to DP, check out Nina Hartley’s Guide to Double Penetration.

And, please, leave a comment and share your own experiences with double penetration!

Vibrator.com’s Guide to Tantric Sex, Part 1

Quick. What’s the first thing you think of when I say the word tantric?

-    The musician Sting
-    Some weird, ritualistic prolonged sex act?
-    Romance, love and adoration leading to divine ecstasy?

When I told my husband the topic of my latest post, he reminded me of another reference: American Pie II. Any of these cultural associations and definitions are relevant, depending on your perspective.

Tantric sex is actually part of a greater group of teachings and beliefs, which considers sex an important part of self-awareness, elevating participants to a higher spiritual plane.

This special three-part blog series will explore the basics of tantric sex. You may want to incorporate aspects of tantric practices into your sexual routine, or you might want to employ full-blown tantric rituals–going all the way, in a sense.

With our guide, you can pick and choose what appeals. Even if you only use a few suggestions, such as lighting scented candles in a corner of your bedroom, you’ll experience satisfaction in adding a new element to your love life.

If you take away only one piece of knowledge from this article, remember that tantric lovemaking is about heightened awareness leading to a beautiful merging with, and appreciation for, your partner.

Preparing for Tantric Sex

1.    Create a shrine to love –

Turn your bedroom, or perhaps another room in your house if you have the space, into a sacred sanctuary for lovemaking. Red satin sheets and soft pillows help set the mood, along with incense or candles. Try some sexy scents shown to have aphrodisiac properties, such as strawberry or sandalwood.

2.    Use food –

Tantric sex employs all the senses. Add food, such as strawberries, grapes and oysters to your sacred space to feed each other ritualistically. This nurturing act of giving your lover physical sustenance should take place with the intention to feed your lover’s body and soul.

3.    Breathe –

Tantric breathing allows us to connect with ourselves and our lover. Feel your chest cavity, indeed, your whole body, filling with the breath of life as you inhale. Release tension as you exhale.

Breathe the way a singer does, not merely filling your lungs with air, but expanding your entire diaphragm. Your chest and stomach should not become concave (smaller) when you breathe in, but should enlarge with the extra air you are holding. Release your breath slowly, blowing out carefully through pursed lips.

You can practice breathing alone or with your lover everyday as a prelude to sex or simply as a means of relaxation. The ability to breathe in sync with your lover—either inhaling and exhaling together or opposite each other–as well as to focus your breathing during orgasm, is one of the secrets to the heightened pleasure of tantric sex.

4.    Foreplay –

Tantric sex does not focus on the orgasm as the “end” of sex. Tantric sex has no goal, but is for the sake of pleasure throughout the act. Therefore, “foreplay” is not so much foreplay (ie., activity preceding penetration) as it is an equally important part of the sexual act. Remember, there is as much pleasure to be had in the preparation for sex, the actions preceding sex, and sex itself, as there is in the climax.

My next post will explore some of the acts and rituals in the early stages of tantric sex.