Extra-Small Condoms Marketed at Teens in Europe

A Switzerland-based condom manufacturer (Lamprecht AG) recently started marketing extra-small condoms, under the name “Hotshot” for boys age 12 to 14, who often have problems with regular size condoms being too large.

A survey of 13 to 20-year-old males revealed that 25% said a standard size condom was too large– which probably means it’s too large for about half of those surveyed. (And I’m honestly surprised the numbers were that high!)

The condoms have been for sale in Switzerland and are expected to be distributed in the U.K. as well; the United Kingdom has the highest teen pregnancy rate in Europe, in spite of various sex education efforts. Switzerland, on the other hand, was cited as having low teen pregnancy and abortion rates.

It’s unlikely the condoms will ever be for sale in the U.S., as having sex under the age of consent in the United States is a crime.

“Glorifying” Teen Sex?
One complaint mom-bloggers had was not so much the manufacture of the condoms, but the marketing efforts. It’s one thing to provide a product that can help prevent teen and pre-teen pregnancy and perhaps offer the condoms free in schools or at Planned Parenthood. It’s another to glorify adolescent sex by calling the condoms “Hotshot” brand and actually marketing it to the under-14 set.

I see their point about the marketing tactics, but if it helps the pre-teen and teenage boys feel more comfortable buying the condoms of a smaller size, then I can’t argue with it. I presume the ads aren’t  telling the boys to buy Hotshot condoms and go out and have sex.

Instead, it’s providing them with an option for safe sex that lets them feel good about themselves. Even if the girl buys the condoms and asks her partner to wear them, he’ll probably do it. If the condoms had a name that sounded demeaning, comical, boring, or even medical, the intended customers wouldn’t use them — and condoms still in a box on store shelves don’t help anyone fight STDs or prevent pregnancy.

Too Young for Sex, But Having it Anyway…
It’s true that at 12 and 13, some readers of this blog were still playing with Barbie dolls and Hot Wheels — and, as adults, that’s what we’d like to think of as the primary past times for pre-teens. (Or maybe Xbox and Wii, today.) But many others were just beginning to explore our sexuality, and some had even had sex for the first time. Guess what? Not much has changed in that regard. Some kids are still having sex before they’re ready, while others are not.

I’d like to believe it has to do with upbringing, but I think it has more to do with biology and opportunity … and more the first than the latter. Kids who are curious about sex and experiencing sexual feelings and interest in their early teens will find a way.

Some moms at BabyCenter commented that they were never left alone with a boy at such a young age. I wonder how practical that really is, while still conveying that you trust your child and permitting them some level of freedom? Unless you’re with your child 24/7, there’s no way you can say they are “never” alone with a member of the opposite sex.  And what about gay and bisexual teens, who are at an age where most are not out to their parents?  Where do you draw the line on parental supervision?

Some  mom-bloggers and readers who posted comments said, “If the condoms don’t fit, you’re too young for sex.” While this sounds very clever, it’s somewhat idealistic. If we are to help prevent STDs and pregnancy, we do need to provide sex education to pre-teens before they begin experimenting on their own, and they do need to have access to condoms that fit.

Three Tips for Talking About Sex

Dr. Laura Berman states that 15 % of all married couples don’t have sex. Often these couples started out in happy relationships with healthy sex lives. But the demands of children, money woes and day-to-day life eventually got in the way and sex fell by the wayside. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

The best way to keep the sex going in your relationship is to prevent any problems before they start. How can you do this? Talk about sex regularly.

I don’t mean talking dirty (although that can be fun, too!) but regular conversations about what’s working in your sex life — and what isn’t — will keep you both fulfilled and happy. Most importantly, it will keep sex at the forefront of your relationship. Whether you’ve been married for years and have a large family or are a couple living together with no kids, these three tips will help you talk about sex more easily.

1. Keep it out of the bedroom. I’m not talking about sex on the kitchen table (although I’m all for that, as long as you break out the Pledge wipes before you serve dinner).

The best time to talk about sex is … whenever you think of it. Okay, maybe not during dinner with the ‘rents. But any time the two of you are alone together, you can bring it up. The topic of conversation, I mean.

Here’s another hint: Guys are more comfortable talking in the car, because driving gives them something else to focus on. He won’t feel compelled to look at you during the conversation and you won’t long for eye contact. This will make everyone more comfortable.

You can also talk side-by-side on the living room sofa, with the television on if it makes him more comfortable. Trust us — if you’re talking about sex, he’s listening, even though it may not look like he is.

2. Focus on the positives. Critiquing someone’s sex moves — whether it’s the frequency or the technique — is a touchy subject. Starting the conversation with words like “We don’t have sex often enough,” or “I’ve never told you before, but I hate it when you…” puts him on the defensive. If he feels attacked, he’ll retreat or lash out. Either way, you won’t achieve the objective you desire — more frequent or better sex (or both).

The brain remembers instructions better when it’s focused on positives. How many times have you said to yourself, “I don’t want to be late?” — focusing on the act of being late. And then — just as you feared — you arrive late somewhere. Alternately, by focusing on the words, “I want to be on time,” that’s exactly what will happen.

This concept works with nearly everything. If you tell your partner what you love in the bedroom, what you’d like more of, or exactly how often you’d like to have sex, he’s more likely to remember. If you focus on the negatives, he’ll put so much attention on “not” doing something, he’ll continue to do it.

3. Have a plan. You can’t ask for what you want if you don’t know exactly what you want. Maybe your sex life is boring and you want to spice it up, test new positions or introduce toys. Don’t just tell him, “I’m bored when we have sex lately.” Make a list of suggestions and share it with him.

Complaining about what’s wrong focuses on the negative and leaves him at a loss. You’re likely to get a reply such as, “Well, what do you want me to do about it?” Or he might suggest something to make it more exciting that you have no interest in: “Why don’t invite your best friend to join us next time?” Not exactly what you planned.

To get what you want, you have to ask for it — which means you have to know what you want. It might help to make a list of ideas beforehand, and even practice the conversation. After you’ve verbalized your desires, ask him what he wants. With all ideas on the table, you can decide what appeals to both of you.

By keeping the lines of communication open, you can ensure an active and pleasing sex life as long as you’re together.

Vibrator.com Talks with Erotica Author Raven McQuade

Keith Publications imprint Wicked Ink Press is set to launch the career of a hot new erotica author, Raven McQuade. Vibrator.com’s resident blogger, Desiree Sweet, gets up close and personal with McQuade, who offers tips on how to write better erotica, talks about the market for erotic shorts and reveals some intimate details about her life.

Desiree Sweet: In a few sentences, what is Broken Dreams about?
Raven McQuade: My story is about the fulfillment of a fetish fantasy. Jessie, a romance author, meets the very sexy Mike when he rescues her from her own clumsiness. Little does she know he has a fetish for feet and the medical fetish- casting. He never reveals that fetish, but it is very clear to anyone into it when they read.

Desiree: Casting… that’s an interesting fetish. Is that something you have experience with?
Raven: Well, you could say I’ve put my time in. [lol] I’ve worn my fair share of casts…and truth be told, I’m known in certain circles.

Desiree: Is the book autobiographical in any other ways?
Raven: Again, you could say so. My ‘Caster’ has given my toes a kiss once or twice. Though I haven’t spied on him…might have to, now.

Desiree: What tips do you have for someone who wants to write erotica?
Raven: First you need to have a flair for fiction. Second — and this is imperative — you must love sexuality. The two go hand in hand. Someone that does not love sex cannot write good, believable sex scenes. If you do not have a flair for being creative — you can’t be good at writing or having sex, I’m afraid.

Desiree: Very interesting point, Raven! Anything else?
Raven: As for writing erotica, any writer could try their hand at it. The process is exactly like writing any other genre. You write a compelling story, then search for the publisher right for you. Polish your story, send a great query and hope the editor likes your story as much as you do. I feel honored that Keith Publications owner, Mary Keith, loved my story at first read. She accepted my story for the KP imprint, Wicked Ink Press, in about 24 hours, if that.

Desiree: Tell us a bit about Wicked Ink Press… Is it new?
Raven: Very new. The company will officially launch in September, but titles will be available for download as they are added to the storefront. Some writers tend to shy away from new epublishers…I feel the reason some new epublishers fail is writers don’t approach them, fearing that since they are new, they will not make it. I’m the exact opposite: How will I know how well a company treats me until I work with them? So far, I’ve been very happy.

Desiree: So KP / Wicked Ink is accepting submissions from up-and-coming writers?
Raven: They definitely are. Published, unpublished and experimental.

Desire: Experimental. Would you consider your work experimental because it deals with a fetish?
Raven: No, not really. I cover the fetish in a way that it isn’t obvious to anyone that isn’t aware of it. It sounds and reads more like he is into feet which is generally more well known. Anyone that likes to read about hot sex may enjoy my story.

Desiree: What’s the most challenging part of writing erotica to you?
Raven: The man’s orgasm. Good grief, I really, really did not want to screw up and talk about his hot man juice or seed.

Desiree: LOL – I love it! I had the pleasure of reading some pieces of Broken Dreams (thank you for sharing that, by the way…) How did you manage to bring the characters to life in such a captivating way?
Raven: Now you’re making me blush. I think a lot of it has to do with my background in high school. I did a stint with Drama. But the biggest influence on how I write my characters? Years of role-playing. Yes, folks. I am a geek chick.

Desiree: Oh! Roleplaying in the Sci-Fi/Fantasy sense, not “You’re the cabana boy and I’m the lonely heiress…”
Raven: Hahaha! I role-played Vampire the Masquerade for years, Dungeons & Dragons, and some other games. I’m a die-hard gamer.

Desiree: For someone who wants to learn more about writing erotica, where can they go to learn more about the craft, improve their skills and network with other writers?
Raven: For aspiring writers- check out the AbsoluteWrite forums section on erotica. Nothing else compares to that.You can write to challenges, share your work for critiques and ask advice without feeling “weird.”

Desiree: One last question… when will your book be out? And can we pre-order copies now?
Raven: Actually, it will be available very soon. After the final edit it will be formatted and placed in the storefront at Wicked Ink Press. Don’t expect novel length, though. It’s a short, about 25 pages on an e-reader if I remember correctly.

Image courtesy of Lily at CastFetish.com.

Seven Tips to Better, Safer Cybersex

“I’m going to have you all over the Web!” I uttered to a close friend.

Um, wait… that wasn’t exactly what I meant, and knowing the friend is an author of erotica, my words took on a whole new meaning. I was really just interviewing her for a writer’s blog, since she recently signed on as editor at a publishing company and just got proofs of her first published erotic short.

But if you choose to “have” someone (in the sexy sense of the word), the Web has plenty of venues in which to do so. My preference is plain old cybersex through a text-based chat interface of your choice — Digsby, Facebook, AIM … G-Talk is my favorite, but only because of the innuendo in its name.

Cybersex is easy and relatively safe. You can’t transmit or receive STDs, and don’t have to worry about condoms, pregnancy, or even cleaning up a mess on the sheets (okay, well maybe the last one!) Here are a few tips to have better, safer cybersex.

1. Set the stage with strong imagery. While words can be sexy, pictures bring our fantasies to life. That’s why porno DVDs sell so much better than erotic novels. Create a picture in your cyber-lover’s mind with your words. Tell the  tale of what you’re wearing — except if it’s flannel pants and a baggy sweatshirt. Then use your imagination to make up the sexiest outfit you can think of, and describe it in glorious detail. That’s one great thing about cybersex — he’ll never know you’re fibbing!

2. Don’t let typos and “net-speak” distract you or your cybersex partner. Proper spelling makes a smoother read for everyone. And how much longer does it really take to type “your” instead of “ur?”    In fact, most people over age 18 actually have to take more time to convert appropriate spelling into net-speak in our minds before we type. It’s easier to spell out most words. On the other hand, don’t obsess over correct grammar. Just do the best you can and get lost in the moment. Your lover will know what you mean.

3. Be explicit. The hottest cybersex I ever had involved a play-by-play interaction of exactly what I’d do to my lover — and what he’d do to me. We held nothing back, describing everything from the first caress to our mutual, and simultaneous, orgasms.

4. Be creative. Cybersex is a fabulous form of fantasy. Don’t worry if it’s nothing you’d actually want to do in person — you can still talk about it. I’ve had sexy conversations with my lover discussing acts I’m not quite ready for, but are fun to think about! By the same token, there’s no reason to bring the conversation around to anything that makes you uncomfortable. You can steer things in the right direction by sayer (er, typing) “How about we…?”

5. Don’t reveal personal details. I’m not going to be judgmental. Some people have cybersex with strangers. If you do, be careful not to reveal personal details. It’s okay to share the color of your underwear or your favorite sex position, but don’t reveal where you live, for instance, or your place of business or your favorite hangout. You don’t know if the person on the other end of your broadband connection could be a stalker.

6. Better yet, stick with people you know in real life. When you play on the ‘net, you never know what you’re getting. Forty-year-old men can pretend to be 22-year-old porn stars. By the same token, 14-year-old girls can also pretend to be 22-year-old porn stars. And police officers can pretend to be 14-year-old girls pretending to be 22-year-old porn stars. (Got that?) You can get in serious trouble having cybersex with a minor — or someone you believe to be a minor. It’s safer for a variety of reasons to stick to having cybersex with people you know in real life.

7. Webcams add another element to cybersex. If you’re having cybersex with someone you already know, setting up the webcam can really spice it up. Besides, it’s a great way to make sure no one is playing false identity games. Alternately, you can create an avatar in Second Life and have an affair of endless possibilities through your online persona. But that’s a post for another day….