Bring Sex Back into Your Life After a Baby

If you’re like most mothers — especially the mother of an infant or toddler — a weekend of hot sex is probably not topping your wish list this Mother’s Day. But it could be exactly what you need to connect with your husband and feel great.

Even after the requisite six weeks to heal following childbirth, many new mothers don’t feel like having sex. In fact, it can take a year or more for your sex drive to return to normal, if it does. Don’t expect it to happen on its own, either. Like most things worth having, an active, fulfilling sex life takes a bit of work, effort and time commitment.

New moms and new dads may be hesitant to return to their usual sex life following birth. Some reasons include:

• Fear of pregnancy (Mothers who don’t nurse — which provides birth control by temporarily halting ovulation — are extremely fertile during ovulation after giving birth)
• Lack of time
• Stress & exhaustion from being new parents
• Husband viewing wife in a different light now that she is the mother of his child (Freud’s Madonna-whore complex)
• Fear of physical pain

Some ob-gyns believe that some fathers may need time after childbirth to begin viewing their wives as sex symbols, again, after seeing those parts play a completely different (and kind of icky) role.

For some men, there may be elements of the “Madonna-whore” complex at play. A husband may not view his wife in a sexual way now that she’s become a mother. Couple this with exhaustion from the round-the-clock job of parenting and new pressures that come with being a parent, and you have a recipe to neglect sex.

In most healthy relationships, couples can solve this problem with a bit of discussion and by the mother/wife taking the initiative to think, feel and act sexy. Here’s where Vibrator.com can help.

5 Steps to a Sex Date with Your Spouse

Here are some exciting ways to spice up your Mother’s Day this year by planning a sex date with your spouse.

1. Find a babysitter you can absolutely trust. You can’t relax and enjoy yourself if one or both of you is worried about the little one. Whether your first date occurs when your infant is 6 weeks old or 6 months old (don’t wait longer than that!) you’ll need a sitter you can trust implicitly. Keep your cell phone on vibrate in case of emergencies, but don’t make it the focus of your attention.

2. Nail down a location for your sex date. If you’ve dropped the baby off at a sitter, you can go home and enjoy sex in your own bed — if you co-sleep, having the bed for just the two of you is reason enough to celebrate. If the sitter comes to your house, there’s no crime in pretending you’ll be at a movie and dinner and sneaking off to a hotel, instead. Sex in a hotel room could be especially fun for role-play, as it carries connotations of illicit hook-ups.

3. Dress the part. From head to toes — and especially everywhere in between — get your body ready for sex. Make sure to don your sexiest lingerie beneath your outfit, and maybe even tuck a negligee in your purse for later. Take time while you’re getting dressed to fantasize about the night. If possible, have the sitter arrive early so you can pamper yourself in the bath before the date. Concerned about extra baby weight you haven’t lost? Put it out of your mind. With or without a few added pounds, your husband is dying to see you in the type of sexy get-up you wore before you got pregnant.

4. Add an exciting toy to the mix — and we’re not talking about the kind you keep tripping over lately. If you need help relaxing and getting primed for sex, playing with sex toys can get the juices flowing rapidly.

5. Remember what made you fell in love — and lust — in the first place. It’s okay to go back to your “old standbys” as a couple — those moves that never fail to make you quiver. Talk, play, laugh — and bond. After your magical night is over, make a solid plan to do it again at least once a week, whether it’s a secret rendezvous while the baby sleeps or another “sex date night,” complete with sitter.