Newsflash: Kids Can Ruin Your Sex Life, Study Says

A new survey has confirmed something sleep-deprived new parents have known for decades — having kids can ruin your sex life, at least temporarily. Look for things to improve by the time the kids turn 10 or so.

The survey about sex was commissioned by the French magazine Top Sante and revealed some other interesting information about sex, age, marital status and society’s perceptions of the three factors.

Sadly, 91 percent of working women with children under 10 years old say their sex life is “wrecked.” That’s not, “Worse than before they had kids,” or “Not as good as they’d like,” but completely ruined.

“Empty Nest Sex”

Meanwhile 60 percent of women with children over 18 say they’re having more sex now that the kids have moved away from home. And that sex is better than ever, according to the survey. Women over 40, according to survey respondents, seem to have the most fulfilling sex lives.

This is due to a number of factors, including less worries about those kids who put such a damper on things when they were younger.

Here are some surprising stats about women in their 40s and sex:

- Eighty percent of women in their 40s say they are more adventurous about sex than they were in their 20s.

- Sixty percent of women in their 40s believe they are more assertive, with the confidence to ask for (or even demand) what they want

- Twenty percent of women under 30 say they fake satisfaction in bed

- Only 7 % of 40-somethings say they fake orgasm

This dispels, to some extent, the myth that women in their 30s are actually in their sexual prime. A woman’s physical sex drive may be higher in her 30s than at any other time, but women are having children later, which means they might be taking care of a toddler or preschooler in their 30s — and we’ve already established what that does to an active sex life!

By their 40s, a woman’s sex drive is still in full force, and, with children growing up and becoming more self-sufficient, she’s got the confidence, time and energy to pursue an active, exciting and fulfilling sex life. When it comes to sex, 40 seems to be the new 30.

You Can Still Have Fulfilling Sex In Your Thirties

If you’re a new mom in your 30s (or younger, or older), don’t despair. You can still have fulfilling sex — it just takes a bit more work, planning and communication.

1. Get a babysitter. Finding a babysitter you can trust goes a long way toward being able to relax for a night, or just a few hours, of sex with your spouse.

2. Communicate your needs. Don’t like the turn your sex life has taken since you had kids? Talk to your spouse about it and make a plan. Here are some more tips about how to talk about sex with your partner.

3. Let loose when you have the opportunity. One piece of advice I give new moms (as a new mom myself) is “Perfect the art of the quickie!” Experiment to find what works best to get turned on quickly. Sometimes, that fast release is all both you and your partner need for intimacy and stress relief. Hopefully, you spent time during the baby-making portion of your relationship to figure out the hottest moves to make your spouse go wild. Now’s the time to dust off that repertoire and make it work in double time.

Check out this article for more tips on how to plan a sex date with your spouse.