What’s normal in bed?
Something that I’ve noticed with many, many people is a difficulty in accepting one’s sexual desires. So often we can get hung up whether or not something is “normal,” or what so-and-so would think if they knew we like to do this-or-that.
Now, sometimes I still fall into this pattern of thinking. “I shouldn’t want to do this.” “Why does this feel good, it’s not normal?” “What would my friends think of me if they knew I liked this?” Things like that.
Really though, the thing is that it’s no one’s business what I do in the privacy of my home, except my partner’s. And if my partner has a problem with it, then that’s something we need to discuss, and we do. And, as adults, we work at compromises so that both of us can get the sexual fulfillment and satisfaction that we need, want and deserve.
It really makes me wonder what is normal, though. The word normal means something that adheres to a standard. So in regards to sexuality that means that what’s normal is what everyone else does, on a whole. The kicker of the fact is that everyone is different, especially when it comes to sex. I do not know 2 people who like exactly the same things. There may be a couple similarities, like a friend of mine and I both enjoy having our cervixes bumped during intercourse, but I know others who do not and some who like it only in certain situations.
I know people who like to add some pain in their sex and others for whom even a little spanking is an immediate turn off. So really, when these thoughts come up for me, “Gods why do I like anal play?? It’s so weird and abnormal!” I just run some of these thoughts through my mind and it helps me get stable again and remember something that’s very important.
There’s really only one normal thing about sex: consensual pleasure. Past that it’s just splitting hairs and leading to nothing more than heart ache…and a distinct lack of orgasms!
Photo By: crasch
Posted in: Education, Sex Leave a Comment
My first dildo
So, I was 27 before I really was comfortable using sex toys. However I bought my first sex toy when I was 20. Knowing nothing about sex toys I just chose one that looked like it was a good size and it was a pretty purple color. It was just a simple jelly dildo, probably cost me less than $10. I think I bought it more to be able to say that I had one, rather than because I really wanted to use one.
The thing is; I never actually used it. I was always nervous, almost embarrassed to use it. I would get really, really horny, and take it out and look at it, but wouldn’t use it. Eventually I’d insert it maybe once, and then start feeling things I’d never felt before, both physically and emotionally, and I’d get scared so I wouldn’t use it anymore.
Now by that time I had been sexually active, previously. So I had experienced vaginal penetration by a couple different sized and shaped penises. So it wasn’t the size and/or shape that threw me off. I think it was that I was … well, penetrating myself. While interpreting my feelings so long after the fact I think I felt like I shouldn’t have to masturbate, I never had a shortage of partners so it wasn’t like I wasn’t getting any.
Growing up in the upper Midwest things like sex toys, masturbation, kink and all that were very taboo and hush-hush. There was something “wrong” with you if you masturbated or wanted unusual things. It is entirely possible that part of my nervousness with using the dildo came with the fact that the only adult store in my home town was very run down, dark, dank and shabby. The place that even during the day I wouldn’t ever go into alone. Granted it’s cleaned up now, when you buy something in a place that’s that creepy the experience leaves it’s mark.
In the end I got rid of the toy; I never really used it. And I certainly didn’t finger myself. It wasn’t until a few years later when my husband left me that I got a couple vibrators and actually used them from time to time. And now I’m an avid sex toy reviewer with bins overflowing with toys!
So, share with us your first experience(s) with a sex toy! Were you all over it, or nervous like I was?
Photo by: The Chanel ( Sepia Dildos)
Posted in: Education, Entertainment, Lifestyle, News, Sex Toys, Sex Toys Blog Comments 6