The Amazing Pocket Rocket Does It Again!

I took advantage of having the house to myself all afternoon to catch up on some work; porn site reviews mostly. It’s one of those things that I prefer to not do when someone else is home only cuz’ I would really hate to have my 90 year old grandmother walk in (without knocking of course!) and find me all flush faced in front of a pussy or cock or both spread across my monitor.

Being a mere human myself; I find it impossible to spend the day looking at porn and not get at least a little excited, so I did what any healthy gal with no worthy cock in sight would do and reached for my trusty Pocket Rocket. Thanks to my dirty little career choice I have quite a few vibes to choose from, but with limited time I thought it best to opt for the one that packs the most punch and is compact enough to hide away on a moments notice if need be. I had almost forgotten how fucking amazing this little vibe is!! Straight to the point with no fuss or muss (but a lot of mess!!!), this toy rocked my world in a matter of minutes! With all of my other ‘fancier toys’, I had taken for granted how powerful this simple and tiny vibe was. Today’s multiple orgasms helped me to rediscover a tried and true tool to get me off as efficiently and quickly as possible.

Bravo Pocket Rocket!!

-Adrie

Ding Dong The Dick Is Dead! (Not Literally!!)

Why is it that we always seem to prefer the guys that we really shouldn’t?? I’m not just talking about the whole bad boy thing or someone who is forbidden cuz’ he’s already involved, but rather the guys that pay no attention to us and don’t deserve us??

In case you haven’t figured it out yet; I’m talking about ‘The Dick’. I recently began to feel bad for opting for this less than kind pseudonym that I use for him in this blog, but his behavior really seems to deserve it! Without getting too specific; ‘The Dick’ had decided to disregard my existence for no apparent reason. He just stopped talking to me one day without an explanation. I have heard several rumors as to what got his briefs in a twist and none of them valid enough to justify being such a jerk. I’ve heard it all, but one of his best friends put it the best when he said: “He has NO reason for the way he’s being. He’s just immature and he can’t handle the whole you and him thing. He’s a pussy!”

It’s funny as there was never really a “me and him” at all—just my silly crush and his starving ego! Anyhow, I—like an idiot—have tried to reach out to him and make peace but to no avail. You’d think I would have stopped after the tenth time or so, but instead, I continued to try. What makes a perfectly adorable girl who has plenty of suitors behave in this pathetic manner?? Seriously! I have people coming to me for advice all the time! I am the strong one who gets her friends to see the light and stop wasting time on the dicks, yet here I am allowing myself to be treated like shit by the Grand Puba of all Dicks! To avoid being sued I have to be vague with the deets, but lets just say that his latest lack of appreciation or consideration has lifted him to the highest possible level of ‘Dickdom’!

What astounds me more than my desperate behavior when it comes to him is his coldness. Who I thought was one of the smartest and most decent men on Earth just threw away a genuine friend for no good reason—one who was willing to put aside all of the bad treatment of late to be there for him in his time of need. Really wish I could give you the specifics here, but all I will say is that his recent lack of respect really takes the cake!

So here, in front of all you ladies—especially the ones who are being a silly as I have been (you know who you are)—I am taking a stand! If he acts like a dick then he is a dick!! I’m through with dicks once and for all! Wait! Need to clarify! When I say “dick”, I certainly don’t mean penis, cock, male appendage… could never give that up! *wink* I just mean; unkind men with no soul who are too stupid to spot a true friend and too spineless to know how to deal with a real woman! From this moment on, no matter how much I care for him, I will resist all temptation to speak to him or rush to his side in a time of need. It’s truly the end of an era and like all other hard things that didn’t kill me; it will make me stronger.

Thanks again for reading through my rant. I really hope that my humiliation and slap in the face are just what you need to exorcise the dicks in your life!!

-Adrie

Tis the Season for Being Naughty!

I think it’s something about this time of year—maybe the frost—that makes us crave certain types of behavior that border on inappropriate. For instance; I am finding myself having trouble refraining from flirting with someone who I really should stay away from while a good friend is out living a real life adaptation of my story ‘Paid for the Pleasure’, minus the getting paid!! (I won’t go into detail but if you follow the link to my story you’ll see).

Being an ol’ school, bona fide Christmas spazz; (think cookie baking party and Santa face needle point), you’d think that I would be craving meaningful love and closeness. I used to, but I guess since the disenchantment that followed “the Dick�? breaking my heart a few months back, I have become jaded. Don’t get me wrong—I still want a loving and meaningful relationship eventually, but for now, somethin’ in the air—maybe all the spicy cinnamon—is making me want to do some bad, bad things.

How is it that cold nights, frost and twinkly lights bring on such dirty cravings?? I admit that while I don’t understand it, it does make me feel better to know that I am not alone. (again—kudos to the friend who is out getting’ some Yule-time-licky-dee-doo just for the fun of it!) Maybe it’s the need for a warm body to help heat things up? I dunno, but I guess I shouldn’t complain or question and just go with it!

Before I go, I have a lovely new update on my apartment hunt! Seems that amidst the lake front ghetto, there lies an old century mansion that has been converted into inexpensive and charming apartments—complete with fireplace, bay window and ten foot ceilings! If I can just manage to break past the landlord’s hatred of dogs; I could be out of here and in my own place before Christmas! Oh joy, oh rapture! Privacy to write, my own bathroom and sex on the floor by the light of candles in an ornamental fireplace! Hoorah! This may be my Christmas miracle!

Wish me luck!

-Adrie

Casual Sex, Booty Calls, etc.

Seems that not everyone agrees with my view on ‘booty-calls’ and casual sex. Someone was surfing the archives of my blog The Accidental Sex Writer and came across a little ditty I wrote about a past encounter. I guess it was my referring to him as a “conquest

December 1st and Already Christmas Miracles!

Here I am up at the crack of dawn and busting with childlike glee and acting like a complete spazz. It’s my Christmas shopping day! (Yes, I have an official day) My cousin/best friend and I have always taken the first Friday of December as our day to hit the mall from open till close to do our shopping. We’ve now been doing it long enough that we can actually refer to it as a tradition and hopefully one that we will continue till we’re old and grey and wearing black polyester moo-moos with gold flowery accents and married to men twenty years our junior… Sorry, got a little carried away there.

Aside from loving the smell of fresh coffee brewing and wafting through the near-empty mall as I traipse about looking for the perfect gift for each of my loved ones; I love how absolutely and delightfully excited my cousin and I get on this day. There are few times in the year where women of our age can get away with such juvenile behavior (skipping, caroling in our truly horrific voices, turning on every singing/dancing/vibrating stuffed animal we can find…) And it’s a time where everything really does seem full of hope and magic (my situation with ‘The Dick’ excluded of course!).

While we’re on the topic of hope and magic; seems that I have gotten a Christmas miracle! My fabulous former landlady called to let me know of an upcoming opening in my beloved building by the water, so I am moving! I am going home!!! And it came at such a lovely time; not just cuz’ its Christmas, but also cuz I was about to take that other apartment I had mentioned in another entry; the one in the old converted mansion, with the fireplace and bay window that was busting with old world charm. After a second visit to the place, I realized that the old world charm was a lot older than I had first noticed. I managed to slip off the rose colored glasses just long enough to see that it was nothing but an OLD mansion, with OLD apartments and walls cracked beyond the point of charming. Did I also mention that all the other apartments were vacant? Bad sign right there, but to top it off, it would be just me and the Norman Bates-like caretaker living in that big creepy house—not good.

So, I am off to shop and be Christmassy with the added joy of knowing that I have finally found a place to call home that will not be run by an icky man who may or may not have the stuffed body of his mother up in the attic, as well as a place to take my booty calls! (I couldn’t possibly keep this entry entirely pure! I am a sex writer after all!) *wink*

Oh look! Flurries! Another Christmas miracle!!

Happy December 1^st!

Adrie

Disgruntled and Sexless Apartment Hunter

That’s it! I have had it and am ready to fly the coop! No offense to my lovely mom who was kind enough to take me in, but, I have decided that the fear of not knowing where rent will come from is a small price to pay for the freedom to do as I please without getting scolded (yes, I still get scolded in my thirties!).

Apartment hunting when you don’t have to worry about a budget is so much more fun than the Hell that I am facing now. As a freelance writer, I get paid well for my time, but not always so steadily, so I have had to lower my standards a tad. When I began looking around for a place a couple weeks back I was proud to say: “I don’t care how much I have to suffer for my craft! I’ll live in a shit hole if I have to as long as I can be on my own!

Fan Mail

I guess you could call this one of the job hazards related to being a sex writer, but, I am here to share with you one of the only woes of doing what I do: disturbing fan mail.

I wish I knew why it was that my male fans are incapable of writing me a fan letter without an ulterior motive. I am aware that my stories are all about sex. I understand that the people who read my work will often opt to go have sex after one of my stories as opposed to email me to sing my praises. Don’t get me wrong—I am very grateful to those who do take time out of their day to write to me—especially kind words about my work. It can just be… well, a little creepy sometimes!

When women write to me, it really is all about compliments, admiration and even thanks for what I do. When the men write though, it’s never that simple. They do all start off being that way, but usually by the second paragraph I have something much more impure on my hands! For instance, I had one man who sent me an email telling me how much he enjoyed my erotic fiction and my style of writing. So, after gushing over his compliments, I emailed him back telling him how much I appreciated what he wrote and, being the business woman that I need to be as a freelancer, I mentioned where he could find some of my upcoming work. Nice right? Wrong! This proved to be the fuel he needed to make his already burning fire into a raging inferno! He went on to email me daily for over a month with more praise, but mostly just a series of recounts of the many disgusting things he has dreamed of doing to me, with me and apparently for me! One thing I will say in his honor though is that while it freaked me out; it was all very eloquently written in spite of the stalker-like undertone.

I received another one yesterday which was once again very beautifully written and full of flattery, but alas, this one too ended in a manner so icky that I had no choice but to avoid responding and then pass it along to all of my friends for a chuckle! I wish I could post it for you so that you to can share in the sheer sickness of it all, but I am not quite that coldhearted. I think I may even feel a bit sorry for the man. You see, he went on to explain to me that he is still a virgin at almost thirty in spite of being certain that he would make an excellent and incredibly sensual lover. He also stated that he would like to have a relationship with me via the internet, if I would be so kind (he clearly has no clue!) He then went on to say that he “pities the women who have refused to be adored by him and to share his bed”. Is it just me, or does this sound to you like a man who may be a tad off his rocker?? I have to agree with him though; I also pity these women as it seems that they have ticked off a total nut. Caution ladies.

Cheers,

Adrie

PS- Please do not be put off by emailing me! I really do enjoy and appreciate sincere fan mail!� Please write to me at AdrieSantos@rogers.com

Vacation Flings

Now that I have been in regular contact with “GNR

Oh Great! Dating Advice From the Village People

Still kinda’ fresh back from a trip to Portugal; I’ve been giving a lot of thought to my life and what I learned while I was away. I came back with a clear understanding of where I wanted my career to go and the changes that needed to be made in order to get there, which led me to quitting my day job and finally relieving myself of what I considered to be one of the biggest stresses and problems of my life. I also knew that such a drastic move would mean some drastic changes to accommodate my new job: starving writer, which led me to moving out of my beautiful apartment in a trendy neighborhood and back to moms, which of course has its highs and lows. For instance I save on monthly expenses so I can focus more on my craft and less on trying to make ends meet which is definitely a plus, but; I am a writer of erotica and all things sexy, so living and working with mommy in the next room…not so sexy. This of course also makes it hard to get sex at all since as of late I only seem to attract men who live with their parents or ten roommates or ones who are married!

Since we are on the topic of men, let me share with you some of the lessons I learned about dating while I was in my grandparent’s remote village in the interior region of Portugal. I was surrounded by mostly older women (men don’t seem to live nearly as long as women in that village!) who had been living and loving for some seventy-plus years, so I figured that this advice would surely help me leave behind my sad spinster status or even worse my closeted ‘lesbica’ status (the latest village rumor that spread like wildfire from the chapel to the homes across the goat path is that I am not a tragic spinster but instead a ‘lesbica’!). Here are the tips:

~ Don’t wear gauchos or Capri pants as no man will marry a woman who looks as if she works at the fish market or digs clams for a living.

~ Avoid jeans as often as possible as men don’t want to date women who dress as they do. Jeans are for men. Skirts and dresses are for ladies.

~ Don’t laugh too loud out in public to avoid looking like a braying farm animal such as a “cabra

The Joys of Livin’ with Mom When You’re a 33 Year Old Sex Writer

Trust me, the decision to move back home to moms at my age was a well thought out one—at least I thought. Financially it doesn’t get better than this. I hate cooking for myself and my mom likes cooking for herself, so she throws in some extra and voila—I have dinner! Also, laundry is a shared responsibility and since she mistrusts my methods of washing; she prefers to do it all herself—bonus for me! There are some other traits and skills that come from being a mom. For instance she can’t tell me if my perfume smells good or not, but she can smell something burning from ten floors down. Moms also have that perma-callaus that allow them to pick up hot coffee pots without having to search through the mass of doilies for a pot holder. And now one that I had forgotten about until couple nights ago: super freaky hearing! You can ask her a question a hundred times and she won’t hear you (selective hearing). I can play my music quite loud and it doesn’t seem to ruffle her feathers whatsoever. I can also slam doors in the middle of the night and she won’t wake up, but when there is a sound that is out of the ordinary for this household, no matter how faint—she’s on it right away. Example; I am a woman in my sexual prime (have been for years now!). Read more