I’m a lingerie junkie. I’ve always preferred black and frilly, but my husband has a penchant for white and slinky.

It took a lot for me to don a white lace teddy the first time, but as soon as I got over my lack of confidence, the idea that only basic black is flattering and slimming, I packed an entire suitcase with white or pretty pastel-colored lingerie for our honeymoon. He loved it!

Of course, I was thrilled to see that Vibrator.com has expanded its lingerie line and posted it right on the home page. It’s taking every bit of willpower I have right now to blog instead of shop!

I find it a little sad that some women aren’t comfortable enough with their bodies to enjoy the power of lingerie. Yes, power. You’re putting on a peek-a-boo show for your partner; you’re in control of what you’re wearing — and when it comes off.

Most men will drool over whatever you don, whether it’s black leather or white lace. But when you find a style that fits your body, you’ll love the way you look, you’ll feel sexier… and that will make all the difference.

Pear-shaped… If you have a figure that may be described as “hippy,” look for a style that draws the eye upward. Fun, flirty detailing or a strapless style that accentuates your bust will stimulate his senses.

Large-busted… It probably doesn’t take much to get your guy all a-quiver over your assets. If you’ve got it, show it off! Remember, you do want some support, for both comfort and looks, so don’t shy away from foam-molded cups. Fashion experts also recommend a halter top for large-chested women. Not everyone can get away with a halter style, so if you’re lucky enough to pull this off—he’ll be pulling it off you in no time!

Slim… Women with a slim or boyish figure can basically get away with any style, so get adventurous! Colors and patterns add girlish dimensions to your figure, while flirty accents, such as fringes, on the bottom draw attention to your legs while disguising straight hips.

Full-figured… Vibrator.com has a full line of lingerie for larger women, too. Look for a supportive top and a style that makes you feel great!

Whatever your size or shape, looking good in lingerie is mainly about attitude. Whether you’re small and perky or classically-figured and well-endowed, turn up those lights and flaunt what you’ve got.

“Let’s have fun with sex and stop being afraid of some freaking digital penises.”

This may be – no, it definitely is – the funniest line I’ve read all week. I won’t even try to match Neoseeker blogger Sean Ridgeley’s wit.  But I shouldn’t keep you wondering what he was talking about either, should I? I’m such a tease.

Electronic Arts, Inc. recently released the hottest new computer game phenomenon from Sims creator Will Wright. The long-awaited “Spore” permits players to create an entire universe beginning with tiny micro-organisms and evolve the world into literally billions of different life forms.  Social networking features permit your universe’s inhabitants to interact with other people’s creations.

And, surprise, surprise, what did some people immediately start to do? Use the program’s Creature Creator feature to build bizarre life forms with sexual organs as unexpected appendages.  Players then post these creatures and their interactions on YouTube for the amusement of others. A new genre, “Spornography,” has been born.

EA has announced that it will ban users who create sexually-explicit material. Some extremists have gone so far as to liken the strange animated characters to “child pornography,” because it’s accessible to anyone on the Internet and is created using an E-rated game. Will Wright, however, has told several news sources that he’s impressed by some of the creations.

To satisfy your sexual curiosity now that I’ve intrigued you with the notion of breast monsters and dancing dicks, here’s a link to The Exploding Barrel’s list of Top 10 Spornography videos.

While some Sporn spawn seems to lack any purpose other than to showcase the sophomoric imaginations of their creators, others look like they could be fairly functional with a couple of C batteries. Just imagine: the sex toy industry could take rabbits to a whole new level with the introduction of the Doc Johnson Spornography line.

Superheroes have them. So do spies. But did you ever think that your cubicle mate may not be exactly who he claims to be?

In this era of MySpace, Facebook, and all manner of social networking sites, it seems everyone is “LinkedIn,” “Plurking” or “Tweeting” their life away on Twitter. (None of these activities is as much fun as the names make them sound—really!)

It’s kind of cool that we can follow the activities of people around the world with just a click of a mouse, but how much information is TMI (TOO MUCH information?) Some social networking blogs have recently talked about “transparency” – in other words, full disclosure on your blog or other social networking site. But for some people, that’s a difficult choice. Possibly even the wrong choice.

For instance, a colleague of mine who writes erotic fan fiction (she didn’t get into details, but the words “gay elf sex” came up in conversation) works in a school district. There could be big problems if anyone in her real life discovered her literary leanings.

That’s where an uber-cool “secret identity” comes in (cape is optional). Sure, anyone who is determined enough can trace an IP address and find out who you really are, but, for the most part, a handily-crafted pseudonym will permit you to contribute to sex blogs, write erotic fan fiction, haunt chat rooms, and flirt (and more), anonymously. We won’t go into the moral ramifications of the latter. We are not here to judge.

So when you’re ready to become your alter-ego, how do you choose your name? There are tons of “porn star name” generators on the Web but most of these yield silly results. Do you really want to be known as Tara Asstronaut or Sergeant Slamm?

There’s also the old trick of “Name of your First Pet, Name of the Street Where You Lived Growing Up.” For me, this yields the very sexy, yet somewhat masculine, “Frisky Swallow.” So I tend to go with my second pet’s name, for the sexily suggestive “Tabitha Swallow.”

However, after a brief stint writing under this name, out of curiosity I did a numerology report and realized the name is too far removed from my own personality to yield success. So I randomly picked Desiree Sweet and ran that name, too, through a numerology report. Often the center of attention, Desiree Sweet is creative, fun and gets the job done. Now, that’s the type of person whose blog you want to read, isn’t it?

For writers, pseudonyms are an accepted part of life. Where most people tend to get in trouble, however, are those pesky pics (and the Web vids). Everyone’s got a camera now. And a Facebook or Flicka account. So what to do?

You can try banning cameras at many get-togethers, but not everyone adheres to the policy. In lieu of this, keep a close eye on the photo albums of friends and acquaintances (especially those who may have friends – real or online – who overlap yours). Don’t hesitate to ask them to remove a photo, even if it doesn’t have your name tied to it, if you find it embarrassing, incriminating, or just something you’d feel weird about your grandmother seeing.

As for your own account, again, a pseudonym is a good start, but if you’re a school teacher, public official or, well, anyone with a job, you may want to think twice before posting that photo of you in a Fruit Loop bikini during that wild summer on Fire Island.

There’s a little fantasy of mine where I’m sprawled out in my tub, water from the shower cascading down onto my clit, with my vibe tucked neatly right where it belongs… and my husband walks in.

He doesn’t want to join in, just wants to watch me go through my repertoire. Other women may be mortified at the idea, but I can think of few things sexier. Besides, imagine all the tips your lover will pick up by watching you do what you’ve been doing for years?

If I’m feeling particularly imaginative, I’ll add another element to the fantasy, where he asks:  “Can I help?” There’s nothing hotter. And ladies, if you happen to walk in on your man while he’s checking out his porn collection, I encourage you to try the phrase. You may never see a bigger smile (among other things).

So what if you actually do have the opportunity to try out your sex toys with your partner? First, release your inhibitions. If you’ve been playing alone for a while, it might seem strange to have someone else involved in what used to be just you and your Pearl Lotus.

Some men may feel as if they’re in competition with the toy. After all, it might be bigger, more flexible, and it’s definitely got more functions. Make sure not to neglect his part when you bring your battery-operated friend into the bedroom.

Starting off with a toy that looks nothing like a penis may ease any trepidations he may have. You may even start with something small and basic, a standard “beginner vibe” or a small bullet vibe. With a remote control bullet, you can give him the controller, putting all the power in his hands.

Both bullets and basic vibes feel amazing rubbed on your clit during the act of sex. Doggy-style works best, but you can even use the vibe when you’re face to face. If he’s up to it, rub the vibe, on a low setting, gently against his balls. Gauge his reaction and then rev it up. Most men will love it.

If you’ve never experienced double stimulation with an anal vibe in the girl-on-top position, this is a must-try — and something you can’t really do to the same effect alone.

As you get more comfortable with gadgets, there are plenty of couple’s toys on the market, too. The Ultimate Couples Sensuous Sexual Enhancer is a cock ring and clit vibe with pleasure knobs all in one. You’ll both feel the powerful, stimulating vibes.

For powerful internal vibrations during love-making, there’s only one way to go: The unique “We Vibe” vibrator. This waterproof, rechargeable silicone vibe provides pleasure for both partners. And it looks nothing like a cock, just in case you can’t get your man to get over that particular hang-up.

So what are you waiting for? It’s time to take your toys out of the closet!

Since its inception, eBay has developed some pretty stringent rules as to what items they will permit to be placed up for auction. They’ve taken some heat for banning the sale of firearms, and they don’t permit users to sell used underwear, either. But sometimes interesting sales slip through the cracks.

Recently, a scorned Australian woman sold an empty condom packet (size small, of course) and a photo of lacy underwear (size humongous) after finding them in her cheating husband’s bed. Ebay pulled the original auction, which included “the tart’s” actual black lace “knickers.”

By some accounts, bidding for the panties and condom wrapper had reached six figures. The photograph wound up selling for $303, proving that a picture may be worth a thousand words, but it’s definitely not as valuable as old underwear.

But that doesn’t beat Natalie Dylan, who is auctioning off her virginity to pay for her Master’s Degree. Her offer didn’t make it past eBay’s Terms of Service personnel, although I distinctly recall hearing of similar auctions on eBay in the past.

Dylan’s idea is not unprecedented. In 2004, lesbian Rosie Reid sold her virginity through her own Web site after eBay nixed her auction. Reid received more than $20,000, which she put toward her college education.

With the rising costs of tuition, let’s hope Dylan fares somewhat better than earning enough for just one-year at a private school. She should; she has the publicity behind her. Famed shock jock Howard Stern and Dennis Hof of the world-famous BunnyRanch brothel in Las Vegas have gotten behind the 22-year-old virgin (no, not like that!) to promote her endeavor.

Stern announced the auction on his radio show on Tuesday, September 9, and bidding is taking place through Hof’s site, BunnyRanch.com. Dylan (not her real name) says she won’t just sleep with the highest bidder, but will take bids until she finds someone she’s happy with. The deal will be sealed at the BunnyRanch, where Dylan’s sister already works.

Scam? Or capitalism at its best (and worst)? Stay tuned, as we’ll be following this story to its erotic end.

As for me? I’m off to check out college savings plans for any future daughters I may have!

There’s a cartoon with the caption “Porn for Women.” The picture shows a sexy man, shirtless—vacuuming!

Sure, clean dishes sparkling in the dish rack next to a shiny stainless steel sink get me a little hot and heavy, but there are many everyday situations where both men and women find themselves incredibly attracted to their mates. Not all have to do with household chores, either.

In my other life, where I don’t blog about sex toys, I play paintball. It’s amazing how many men think this is sexy (and they think it about many other female players too.) Sure. We’re running around, our faces entirely covered by our safety masks, oversized jerseys protecting us from the pain of paintball hits. We traipse around the woods lugging big military-looking paintball markers—and guys think this is the biggest turn-on in the world. It’s gotta be a power thing. Or maybe it’s the “guns.”

I guess female athletes, in general, are sexy. Look at the Beijing Olympics: Ana Ivanovic (Serbia, Tennis) Logan Tom (United States, Volleyball) and Sue Bird (U.S., Basketball), just to name a few.

Of course, what’s not to love about the entire women’s volleyball competition, or tennis players with the short little skirts and scores like 30-Love? (And Ashley Harkleroad with her Playboy spread). But hotties like Britta Heidemann (Germany, Fencing) and Victoria Pendleton (Britain, Cycling) also made Maxim’s list of the World’s Hottest Olympians.

For other men, it’s not the process of getting down and dirty on the playing field that turns them on, but watching their dolls get all dolled up. Rod Rampage says his biggest turn-on is “watching you guys pretty yourselves up to go out.” He adds that he could watch a woman play with her hair for hours.

For some women, the sound of a man’s voice, especially when he’s singing, turns them on. Deep baritones and strong voices with resonance, not surprisingly, are preferred, but for many women, it’s just a personal thing. If they like the voice, the guy can turn them on with a mere word.

Stage presence is also a big thing when you’re talking about musicians and performers. And guys (and girls) with guitars? Totally hot.

College student Vikki Bethel names “cooking” and “deep thoughts” as two of her biggest turn-ons, but says, “A guy taking off at like 3 am to go on a hike around campus and leaving the path and blazing around and being very passionate and excited can be hot. Guys are hot.”

From mom’s apple pie (does anyone’s mom really bake apple pie anymore?) to your ex-boyfriend’s cologne, smells conjure up powerful memories. That’s because they are the only sense that directly connects to the hippocampus, the part of the brain that stores emotional memories.

But they can also work as amazing natural aphrodisiacs. Certain scents—perhaps that ex-boyfriend’s cologne—are “personal” aphrodisiacs, triggering memories that make you amorous.

Have fond memories of doing it on the beach? Then the tropical scent of suntan lotion might get you going. For me, rum and coke usually does it—and I don’t even have to have a drink! I just have fond memories of nights spent sipping this sweet and pungent drink.

However, other smells seem to work as aphrodisiacs regardless of your personal associations. Rose and patchouli (not necessarily together), for instance, have been shown to be aphrodisiacs for men and women. I can vouch for the patchouli, and it’s rare if hubby brings me flowers and doesn’t “get some” that night.

In a clinical study, psychiatrist Alan Hirsch, author of Scentsational Sex and neurological director of the Smell and Taste Treatment Research Foundation in Chicago, discovered that the combination of pumpkin pie and lavender scents help rev up a man’s libido, while the smell of cucumbers and, oddly, Good and Plenty candies (think licorice) work for many women. So that explains Bath & Bodyworks men’s line in cucumber melon—I had always wondered about that!

The scent of strawberries, too, a food long-noted for its aphrodisiac properties, can help create a mood of romance.

In this post, we explored whether aphrodisiacs actually work and, according to several studies, few actually do. So we’re back to the mental and emotional effects of certain scents, and the way they trigger positive, possibly kinky, memories. In  fact, because of the positive associations and the strong emotional memories evoked by scents, smells may be the most powerful aphrodisiacs available.

Whether you seek your favorite smells in the form of candles, massage oils, or condoms, why not employ another powerful sex organ, your nose, in the bedroom tonight?

Here is a list of some scents recommended for having aphrodisiac properties:

Rose
Strawberry
Vanilla
Pumpkin Pie
Cinnamon
Buttered Popcorn (movie night, anyone?)
Jasmine
Patchouli
Chocolate
Lavender (do not use if pregnant)
Cucumber
Ginger
Licorice
Sandalwood

In my last post, I admitted that I kissed a girl… and I liked it. Well, the truth is, I’ve done much more than that with a woman…and her husband… and my husband, too.

Yet my husband and I eschew the title “swingers.” We don’t attend parties, answer ads on craigslist, or frequent dating sites to hook up with other swingers. On a lark, my husband once typed in an e-mail reply to a hot guy on Craig’s List for me, but by the time my face had blushed from bright pink to red to purple, he deleted it. I can’t imagine hooking up with a complete stranger.

In fact, our “swinging” lifestyle occurred by accident. Six friends, lots of alcohol, some yummy chocolate cordials whose filling tasted even better licked off the breasts of my best friend—and we all stopped short of having sex. Sadly, no sex occurred that night even amongst significant others and we have since dubbed the night, “The orgy where no one got laid.”

But it got four out of the six of us talking. And planning. And we have now strengthened our friendship in wonderful, beautiful, naughty ways.

Many swingers claim the worst thing a couple can do is have sex with friends. It’s like… well… having sex with a friend. It can get complicated. In his book My Boring-Ass Life, Kevin Smith shares this observation about threesomes: “Post-menage relationships are awfully difficult to maintain…. There’s this fall-out involved in crossing that line that makes for awkward conversations in the light of day, once everybody’s clothes are back on… that’s not unlike chatting up your ex, but even more delicate.”

He recommends sticking to threesomes (or foursomes) with total strangers or people you will never see again.

Maybe I’m just lucky, but for us, playing with another couple has turned into a beautiful expression of our friendship. Our friend once observed, “I like playing with you guys—there’s no drama.”

How do you keep a swinging relationship drama free—amongst friends or strangers?

No Drama

Set ground rules. Alcohol can be a great social lubricant (and, in moderation, can help prolong the night’s festivities.) Set ground rules before the first Mojito is mixed, and stick to them. Discuss what’s okay and what’s not. And remember—whatever you, as couples decide, can be okay or can be off-limits. There are no wrong choices.

Ground rules should include discussion of safe sex. Condoms should be mandatory, but if you have all been recently tested for the gamut of STDs and the women are on another form of birth control, you can discuss this, too. Partners in previously monogamous relationships may not be accustomed to condoms, so you’ll want to discuss preferences, hang-ups, and maybe even consider brands designed for greater sensitivity.

If you choose not to drink at all, that’s okay, too. Things may get started a bit more slowly, but everyone will have greater control. Some swingers ban alcohol entirely from their relationships.

If someone crosses the line, stop him or her firmly, but gently. Be understanding. During our first get-together, we decided we weren’t ready for penetration. When hubby got a bit too close, our darling friend simply smiled and said, “Now, now, none of that,” in a friendly, gentle tone. No one was made uncomfortable.

In the heat of the moment, passion can take over. A gentle warning should be all that’s needed. By all means, if the party doesn’t listen, you have a legitimate gripe and may want to put an end to the night and re-consider the entire relationship. Even then, the friendship might be saved with good communication, even though the swinging aspect may disappear.

Don’t compare yourself. I don’t know if guys do this, but it’s inevitable for a woman, faced with another naked woman, to compare—her boobs, her belly, her butt… anything below the neck is fair game. Feel comfortable complimenting your female counterpart, but don’t make yourself uncomfortable because she’s got 34Ds and you’re barely an A. All women are beautiful and one thing I can guarantee is that the men are not comparing.

A little jealousy is normal; enjoy it but don’t harp on it. Your partner may be admiring the physical attributes of your counterpart; this is normal. You may get a pang of jealousy, but this adrenaline rush is part of the thrill of swinging. Don’t let it consume you or ruin the night. Do some ogling of your own. Vive la difference in all body types!

Games can loosen you up. Simple dice or spin-the-wheel games, strip-anything (poker, darts, Wii…) or adult board games that get you talking about your turn-ons are a great way to start the night.

Getting Started

So, is swinging for you? Are you sexually open, not overly jealous or competitive, and looking for a creative way to spice up your love life? Sex with friends—or strangers– might be just the thing.

How do you broach the subject with your attractive neighbors or even lifelong best friends? That’s a tough one. Start with flirting and let it evolve organically.

In most foursomes, two parties are the “communicators.” This may be the men, the women, or a combination. They might be closer friends who share everything on a normal basis, or they could be the two parties who analyze every situation ad infinitum.

Let the natural communicators get the wheels turning and bring the conclusions back to their partners… if you’re close enough friends, and you’ve already been getting vibes about the possibility of a hook-up, no topic should be “too weird” to discuss.

One last point: for a great instructional erotic video on swinging and tips from a woman who knows far more than I do, check out Nina Hartley’s Guide to Swinging DVD.

Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It” is more than just a catchy pop tune. It seems to be a trend in society. Are there more bi-curious women out there now, or are we just getting more comfortable and open about our sexuality? Is this the new age of free love, a much more innocent free love? (After all, it’s just kissing!)

A friend once presented to me the theory that all human beings have a little bit of bisexuality in them. You can choose to squelch it or embrace it. Have bi-curious buddies been exploring each other in dark corners for years, just not talking about it? Or is Perry’s song, and the prevalence of casual girl-on-girl hook-ups in the media actually giving women ideas to try something they’d scarcely considered before?

Admittedly, many women who hook up with other women – I’m not talking about lesbians or true bisexuals, but straight women, often in relationships with men – do it for attention from the opposite sex. There’s not much that will get a guy hotter than watching his girlfriend and her best friend hook up, even if it’s just for a lengthy wet kiss.

But c’mon girls, let’s think of ourselves and our own needs, too. There’s definitely an attraction to women. Girls are cute. We’re cuddly, our lips are soft and, as a general rule, we smell better than men. Add flavored lip gloss – or chapstick — to the mix and we taste better, too!

There’s the whole novelty of a completely new and different partner, and the added excitement of doing something still considered taboo. There’s also something to like about a safe, friendly, no-strings-attached hook-up between two otherwise straight women. It’s less complicated when there are no expectations. Clearly, you won’t date. You’re both straight. It doesn’t matter if she calls you in the morning. Or if you ever see her again, even.

If you decide to hook up with a friend, be careful. The same complications exist as two friends of opposite genders hooking up, to a degree. Of course, again, there’s no expectation of a long-term relationship, but it can get weird if you let it. Best to kiss and forget it. Do not over-analyze the situation on the phone the next day, and don’t go into your next get-together with any expectations. If you both enjoyed it, chances are it will happen again. Kissing, and anything else that may follow a sexy kiss, is fun!

All this, of course, does beg the question: how many straight women are doing more than just kissing? And when will we hear that song on the radio?

It’s a telltale sign that I’m a product of Generation X, but when I saw this news report talking about a study on the dangers of oral sex, all I could think of was the line uttered by Dante in the original Clerks: “You sucked 37 dicks?!”

I’ve long believed that the 1994 Kevin Smith movie played a role in blow jobs becoming, for better or worse, the teenage equivalent of making out in recent decades. My husband often laments that the movie hadn’t been made yet when he was a teenager; I tell him to quit complaining and then I start making up for lost time.

A study from Johns Hopkins University, however, shows that unprotected oral sex, especially with multiple partners over time, may not be the “safe sex” alternative many teenagers view it as. Sure, it can’t get you pregnant, but strains of the HPV virus, shown to cause cervical cancer in women, can be transmitted orally and are linked to head, neck and throat cancer.

Anyone who is not monogamous should understand the risks associated with oral sex without a condom or dental dam. Not only can HPV be spread through unprotected oral sex, but so can gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes and HIV. Maybe this is old news, but it bears repeating.

What surprised me is the prevalence of HPV-related throat cancer. According to the Johns Hopkins report, the cancer afflicts approximately 11,000 people in the U.S. each year, making it an equal threat as cervical cancer.

To date, no study has been done regarding the effect of Gardasil, Merck’s questionable vaccine to protect against certain strains of HPV, to prevent throat cancer.

Now, I’m the first one to rail against “alarmist” studies. But I feel this is important information that should be shared. Condoms and dental dams can reduce the risk of spreading HPV, but not eliminate it entirely.

Still, with the lines of colorful and tasty condoms available today, there’s really no excuse, if you’re not in a monogamous relationship, to use a condom during oral sex.

And if you take some time and learn to put the condom on using only your mouth and tongue, I seriously doubt you’ll hear your partner complain!

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