What’s normal in bed?

Something that I’ve noticed with many, many people is a difficulty in accepting one’s sexual desires.  So often we can get hung up whether or not something is “normal,” or what so-and-so would think if they knew we like to do this-or-that.

Now, sometimes I still fall into this pattern of thinking.  “I shouldn’t want to do this.”  “Why does this feel good, it’s not normal?”  “What would my friends think of me if they knew I liked this?”  Things like that.

Really though, the thing is that it’s no one’s business what I do in the privacy of my home, except my partner’s.  And if my partner has a problem with it, then that’s something we need to discuss, and we do.  And, as adults, we work at compromises so that both of us can get the sexual fulfillment and satisfaction that we need, want and deserve.

It really makes me wonder what is normal, though.  The word normal means something that adheres to a standard.  So in regards to sexuality that means that what’s normal is what everyone else does, on a whole.  The kicker of the fact is that everyone is different, especially when it comes to sex.  I do not know 2 people who like exactly the same things.  There may be a couple similarities, like a friend of mine and I both enjoy having our cervixes bumped during intercourse, but I know others who do not and some who like it only in certain situations.

I know people who like to add some pain in their sex and others for whom even a little spanking is an immediate turn off.  So really, when these thoughts come up for me, “Gods why do I like anal play??  It’s so weird and abnormal!”  I just run some of these thoughts through my mind and it helps me get stable again and remember something that’s very important.

There’s really only one normal thing about sex: consensual pleasure.  Past that it’s just splitting hairs and leading to nothing more than heart ache…and a distinct lack of orgasms!

Photo By: crasch

My first dildo

So, I was 27 before I really was comfortable using sex toys.  However I bought my first sex toy when I was 20.  Knowing nothing about sex toys I just chose one that looked like it was a good size and it was a pretty purple color.  It was just a simple jelly dildo, probably cost me less than $10.  I think I bought it more to be able to say that I had one, rather than because I really wanted to use one.

The thing is; I never actually used it.  I was always nervous, almost embarrassed to use it.  I would get really, really horny, and take it out and look at it, but wouldn’t use it.  Eventually I’d insert it maybe once, and then start feeling things I’d never felt before, both physically and emotionally, and I’d get scared so I wouldn’t use it anymore.

Now by that time I had been sexually active, previously.  So I had experienced vaginal penetration by a couple different sized and shaped penises.  So it wasn’t the size and/or shape that threw me off.  I think it was that I was … well, penetrating myself.  While interpreting my feelings so long after the fact I think I felt like I shouldn’t have to masturbate, I never had a shortage of partners so it wasn’t like I wasn’t getting any.

Growing up in the upper Midwest things like sex toys, masturbation, kink and all that were very taboo and hush-hush.  There was something “wrong” with you if you masturbated or wanted unusual things.  It is entirely possible that part of my nervousness with using the dildo came with the fact that the only adult store in my home town was very run down, dark, dank and shabby.  The place that even during the day I wouldn’t ever go into alone.  Granted it’s cleaned up now, when you buy something in a place that’s that creepy the experience leaves it’s mark.

In the end I got rid of the toy; I never really used it.  And I certainly didn’t finger myself.  It wasn’t until a few years later when my husband left me that I got a couple vibrators and actually used them from time to time.  And now I’m an avid sex toy reviewer with bins overflowing with toys!

So, share with us your first experience(s) with a sex toy!  Were you all over it, or nervous like I was?

Photo by: The Chanel ( Sepia Dildos)

Clean Your Sex Toys for Better Health

We’re going to talk about a decidedly unsexy topic that can come from sex. No, I’m not talking about how kids can ruin your sex life (link). But a UTI, otherwise known as a Urinary Tract Infection or a bladder infection, can put a damper on your love life for a week or more.
Here are five ways to prevent a UTI — and a few to treat one without antibiotics — so you can stay sexy!

1. Urinate after sex. Okay, I know you’d just rather bask in the afterglow and then fall asleep in your lover’s arms. But if you make that quick trip to the bathroom while your lover cleans up, you reduce the risk of a UTI significantly.

2. Keep objects (other than clean sex toys) out of there. Believe it or not, I know someone who caught a UTI when her husband fingered her while she was wearing denim and no underwear. And although the sensations are amazing, you can also increase your chances of a UTI if you have sex while wearing silk or satin panties or pantyhose. That’s because these items may not be completely clean and may harbor bacteria. If you do so, make sure the clothing is straight-from-the-laundry-clean and hasn’t been sitting in a drawer or in the dryer, and urinate after sex to flush away any bacteria.

3. Make sure your lover is clean. I’m not talking about making sure he’s been tested for STDs (although that’s a good idea if you are not in a monogamous relationship with one partner). I mean make sure he’s well-washed — that includes his hands and any other body parts that may enter you.

4. Never go ass-to-pussy. We’re not passing judgment on going ass-to-mouth. But never, ever send a toy or anything else from back to front without cleaning it off well. Sex toys used for anal play should be sanitized (glass toys can be boiled) before being used again.

5. Keep your sex toys clean. Clean sex toys help prevent UTIs. Check out Vibrator.com’s handy guide to cleaning sex toys to learn how to keep toys of specific materials clean and sanitary.

6. Drink lots of water. Water helps flush bacteria out of your system and can help prevent UTIs.

7. Take cranberry supplements. Cranberry supplements, too, are good for urinary health and aren’t loaded with calories and sugar like cranberry juice or craisins.

How to Treat a UTI Naturally

1. Early detection is key. Think you have a urinary tract infection? Some symptoms include cramping (similar to menstrual cramps) and frequent urinary. If you feel a burning sensation when you urinate, chances are it’s a UTI, and it could be pretty far along. You can still treat it with natural methods, but it may be harder to fight.

2. Drink lots of water. You should stop drinking caffeine altogether. In fact, if you suspect you have a UTI, the only liquids you should drink are water and pure cranberry juice. Pure, 100% cranberry juice can be purchased at most health food stores. It will not taste as sweet as the cranberry juice cocktail you may be used to drinking. You can dilute it with water or apple juice to take away some of the tartness.

3. Take even cranberry supplements. Double up on the cranberry supplements to knock the infection out. Expect to urinate frequently. If your symptoms do not improve within a few days, see your doctor for antibiotics before the UTI can develop into a kidney infection.

* This information is not meant to treat or diagnose any illness. If you suspect you have a UTI or other problem, see you medical care provider.

Squirting: Three Secrets to Female Ejaculation

I once saw a porn scene where it looked like a woman had Niagara Falls coming out of her vagina. I couldn’t help but think this was some form of special effects, even though the flick was relatively low budget. Until the other night.

Yes, female ejaculation of massive proportions is possible — and fun! Although it gets a bit messy and a towel or two is highly recommended for easy clean-up.

If you’ve never heard of female ejaculation, there’s an interesting side to sex you may be missing. But what is it, exactly? Essentially, it’s when a woman “squirts” clear fluid from the vaginal area … it comes from the urethra and the areas around it, specifically, the paraurethral glands. The first time many women squirt, they think they may have peed. But this fluid is clear and odorless and a somewhat different consistency than urine. Some studies note that some urine exists in the fluid.

Like the great debate over whether the g-spot exists or not, people debate over whether women can really ejaculate. This seems like a silly debate — especially if you’ve ever experienced squirting. It can happen.

How can you do it? Follow these steps and have fun practicing!

Play on your own at first. One of the major impediments to female ejaculation is embarrassment. Will our partner be grossed out? Will he think we peed on him? Since releasing your inhibitions is one of the keys to a great sex life — and this aspect is no different — practice on yourself first. You may first try masturbation in the shower, where clean up won’t be an issue.

Use g-spot stimulation. Many people believe female ejaculation occurs through g-spot stimulation. Although yours truly can squirt without such stimulation, it certainly doesn’t hurt. When you feel yourself cumming through g-spot stimulation, do kegels to intensify the orgasm, pushing out forcefully as you release the kegel. At first, you may just feel a few drops of liquid, but this can turn into a full-blown ejaculation. Ejaculation can also occur during clitoral stimulation.

Relax and focus. If you’re stressed about: “Will I or won’t I?” Guess what? You won’t. Relax. Focus on squirting but don’t stress, because you’ll tighten up. If it doesn’t work the first few times you try, don’t give up. Keep focusing and practicing.

Why Would You Want to Squirt?

You may wonder why you want to introduce this element into your sex life. Maybe you don’t, and that’s fine too. But if you’re interested, you’re opening yourself up to a new level of excitement. (Plus, many sex partners find it really hot!) When it finally happens, you’ll experience the most unbelievably intense orgasm of your life. The sensation of release is unlike any other when you can actually see and feel something coming out.

Facts, Info and More Questions about Squirting

- Squirting does not necessarily come with orgasm — it can happen before, after or during.

- Women squirt different amounts, from a few, barely detectable drops to a full-blown geyser effect.

- Yes, porn stars can (and do) fake ejaculation — usually by drinking a lot of water and then urinating on cue.

- There are no solid figures on the number of women who ejaculate. Questionnaire surveys found between 35 and 50 percent of respondents report squirting. Other studies found the numbers between 10 percent and 65 percent.

Keep in mind, once you find the right position and stimulation to provoke squirting, it may not happen every time. But if it’s something you and your partner enjoy, it’s definitely fun when it happens!

Condoms for Elementary School Students?

When it comes to teens, pre-teens and even younger children and sex, policies and ideologies just keep getting stranger and stranger. I reported a few posts back about small condoms targeted at the under-14 set. These Hot Shot condoms are designed to discourage adolescents from unprotected sex while giving them an alternative to adult condoms which may not fit properly.

Now a Massachusetts High School is giving out condoms to elementary school kids on request. The students need to receive counseling from the school nurse or other authorized counselor before receiving the condoms. According to an article in the Provincetown Banner, which was shared at the website WickedLocal.com, some school committee members opposed the policy — but not for the reasons you might think. These members felt kids shouldn’t have to speak with an adult before receiving condoms. One member, Shannon Patrick, was quoted in the article saying, “I don’t like that students can’t be discreet about this….I’d rather them not have the conversation [with counselors] and have the condom than not have the condom.”

The Importance of Sex Ed
I really believe it is important for kids to have a place to turn and an adult to speak with if they are thinking about having sex — especially in elementary school. Even if it’s just a discussion on how to use a condom properly and what a condom can and cannot do to protect students, it’s better than no conversation at all. I would hope the conversation would also include a conversation about the benefits of abstinence, the potential ramifications if the condom should break, and a discussion about the emotional aspects of having sex at such a young age. But, even if the counselors are just explaining how to use the condoms correctly, that’s better than nothing at all.

Sex as Bad as Heroin for Minors?
I’m not a proponent of “abstinence-only” sex ed, and if handing out condoms really does help reduce the numbers of teen pregnancies, I won’t complain. But there’s another part of this rule I do have a serious problem with: the school district will not honor requests from parents that students not be allowed to receive condoms, according to the article.

As a parent, if my child is thinking about having sex — again, especially in elementary school — I want to be the one having the conversation with them. I want to make the determination of whether or not my kid should have access to condoms or not.

One person who commented on the article pondered, “Why not just give the kids free needles while we’re at it…”

I wouldn’t compare drug paraphernalia to condoms, by any stretch. But I do understand the point that the school is taking responsibility for something that should be the parents’ responsibility: education about things that really don’t belong in the hands of minors — or at least not elementary school children.

I don’t want to turn this into another rant-y “What-is-this-world-coming-to,-elementary-school-kids- should-be-playing-with-Hot-Wheels-and-Barbie-dolls” post. But I am very curious to see if the rates of teen pregnancy in the Provincetown school district as a whole drop over the next ten years or so, due to this form of “early intervention.”

Do you think handing out condoms to elementary school students will help decrease the rates of teen pregnancy? Or could it actually increase the numbers of kids having sex?

How to Get Turned on to Ben Wa Balls

With all the horror stories on the Internet about women who get ben-wa balls stuck you know where, the ancient Eastern sex toy may seem a little intimidating.

Sit back, relax… or perhaps lie down, and let me tell you about my first experience with Ben Wa Balls.

Cool textures, smooth feel
I admit after reading the horror stories, I was a bit tentative. The idea of the ben wa balls also didn’t seem very comfortable at first. First, I added some lubricant to the balls, because, honestly, I didn’t see these going in easily without any. I began masturbating with the balls, enjoying the ridged texture and the cool smoothness of the plastic. The weighted balls had a nice — very nice — feel and I soon enjoyed banging them against myself.

I’d often watched porn where a woman enjoys having someone smack her clit — or doing it herself. The balls provided that pulsing sensation without the sting.

It wasn’t long before I was wet enough to insert them easily. And they didn’t need as much lube as I thought. (But I still hold to the adage that you can never, ever have enough lube.)

Once the ben wa balls were inside, I have to admit, they didn’t provide as much pleasure as I thought they would, immediately. Ben wa balls are not a passive sex toy, where you lie there and let them do the work. In fact, they take a bit of creativity — and knowing your body — to really get the most pleasure from them.

I started to go through my usual masturbation repertoire, while also moving the balls around by the string every so often. It was fun but I knew I was missing something.

Contrary to the balls getting stuck, they kept slipping out. Each time, I pushed them deeper, and that’s when the pleasure potential started to hit me. With the balls filling me completely, I began to imagine a lover’s cock inside me along with them. Yes… these balls had an appeal.

Believe What You Read…
I ramped up the hand motion and, as I started to come, I realized the entire purpose — or at least, one of the purposes — of ben wa balls. The ridges caressed the inside walls of my vagina as my body pulsated. The weights inside them seemed to give the balls a life of their own. I detected mild vibrations — not as strong as my favorite vibe, more like a gentle tickling sensation.

By this time, I’d become adept at moving the balls by moving my legs, and was able to manipulate them to keep the orgasm going for minutes of undulating pleasure. Each spasm created another spasm, waves of ecstasy, just as the advertisements promise.

Ben wa balls have several uses and I look forward to experimenting with them all. You can use ben wa balls:

• during masturbation
• during intercourse
• in your vagina during anal sex, to give you a full feeling at every angle
• for kegel exercises
• throughout the day — as you learn to manipulate the balls with subtle movements, you can bring yourself to orgasm anytime, anywhere.

It’s true that these toys require a little bit of knowledge about your body — and some degree of pelvic muscle control — to really enjoy them to their full potential. But once you unlock the secrets of these ancient toys, you’ll become a true afficianado. You may even begin to collect multiple sets of balls in different sizes, styles and materials.

Our Top Picks for Ben Wa Balls
Whether you’re buying your first set or adding to your collection, here are some of our favorite ben wa balls:

Doc Johnson’s Gold Ben Wa Balls – cool, classy, sexy and pthalate-free

Smartballs – my favorite for their texture unique texture and sturdy string for removal

Leopard Duotone Balls – wild and sexy

What’s been your experience with Ben Wa balls? Did they require practice, and did you like them?

Three Tips for Talking About Sex

Dr. Laura Berman states that 15 % of all married couples don’t have sex. Often these couples started out in happy relationships with healthy sex lives. But the demands of children, money woes and day-to-day life eventually got in the way and sex fell by the wayside. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

The best way to keep the sex going in your relationship is to prevent any problems before they start. How can you do this? Talk about sex regularly.

I don’t mean talking dirty (although that can be fun, too!) but regular conversations about what’s working in your sex life — and what isn’t — will keep you both fulfilled and happy. Most importantly, it will keep sex at the forefront of your relationship. Whether you’ve been married for years and have a large family or are a couple living together with no kids, these three tips will help you talk about sex more easily.

1. Keep it out of the bedroom. I’m not talking about sex on the kitchen table (although I’m all for that, as long as you break out the Pledge wipes before you serve dinner).

The best time to talk about sex is … whenever you think of it. Okay, maybe not during dinner with the ‘rents. But any time the two of you are alone together, you can bring it up. The topic of conversation, I mean.

Here’s another hint: Guys are more comfortable talking in the car, because driving gives them something else to focus on. He won’t feel compelled to look at you during the conversation and you won’t long for eye contact. This will make everyone more comfortable.

You can also talk side-by-side on the living room sofa, with the television on if it makes him more comfortable. Trust us — if you’re talking about sex, he’s listening, even though it may not look like he is.

2. Focus on the positives. Critiquing someone’s sex moves — whether it’s the frequency or the technique — is a touchy subject. Starting the conversation with words like “We don’t have sex often enough,” or “I’ve never told you before, but I hate it when you…” puts him on the defensive. If he feels attacked, he’ll retreat or lash out. Either way, you won’t achieve the objective you desire — more frequent or better sex (or both).

The brain remembers instructions better when it’s focused on positives. How many times have you said to yourself, “I don’t want to be late?” — focusing on the act of being late. And then — just as you feared — you arrive late somewhere. Alternately, by focusing on the words, “I want to be on time,” that’s exactly what will happen.

This concept works with nearly everything. If you tell your partner what you love in the bedroom, what you’d like more of, or exactly how often you’d like to have sex, he’s more likely to remember. If you focus on the negatives, he’ll put so much attention on “not” doing something, he’ll continue to do it.

3. Have a plan. You can’t ask for what you want if you don’t know exactly what you want. Maybe your sex life is boring and you want to spice it up, test new positions or introduce toys. Don’t just tell him, “I’m bored when we have sex lately.” Make a list of suggestions and share it with him.

Complaining about what’s wrong focuses on the negative and leaves him at a loss. You’re likely to get a reply such as, “Well, what do you want me to do about it?” Or he might suggest something to make it more exciting that you have no interest in: “Why don’t invite your best friend to join us next time?” Not exactly what you planned.

To get what you want, you have to ask for it — which means you have to know what you want. It might help to make a list of ideas beforehand, and even practice the conversation. After you’ve verbalized your desires, ask him what he wants. With all ideas on the table, you can decide what appeals to both of you.

By keeping the lines of communication open, you can ensure an active and pleasing sex life as long as you’re together.

Seven Tips to Better, Safer Cybersex

“I’m going to have you all over the Web!” I uttered to a close friend.

Um, wait… that wasn’t exactly what I meant, and knowing the friend is an author of erotica, my words took on a whole new meaning. I was really just interviewing her for a writer’s blog, since she recently signed on as editor at a publishing company and just got proofs of her first published erotic short.

But if you choose to “have” someone (in the sexy sense of the word), the Web has plenty of venues in which to do so. My preference is plain old cybersex through a text-based chat interface of your choice — Digsby, Facebook, AIM … G-Talk is my favorite, but only because of the innuendo in its name.

Cybersex is easy and relatively safe. You can’t transmit or receive STDs, and don’t have to worry about condoms, pregnancy, or even cleaning up a mess on the sheets (okay, well maybe the last one!) Here are a few tips to have better, safer cybersex.

1. Set the stage with strong imagery. While words can be sexy, pictures bring our fantasies to life. That’s why porno DVDs sell so much better than erotic novels. Create a picture in your cyber-lover’s mind with your words. Tell the  tale of what you’re wearing — except if it’s flannel pants and a baggy sweatshirt. Then use your imagination to make up the sexiest outfit you can think of, and describe it in glorious detail. That’s one great thing about cybersex — he’ll never know you’re fibbing!

2. Don’t let typos and “net-speak” distract you or your cybersex partner. Proper spelling makes a smoother read for everyone. And how much longer does it really take to type “your” instead of “ur?”    In fact, most people over age 18 actually have to take more time to convert appropriate spelling into net-speak in our minds before we type. It’s easier to spell out most words. On the other hand, don’t obsess over correct grammar. Just do the best you can and get lost in the moment. Your lover will know what you mean.

3. Be explicit. The hottest cybersex I ever had involved a play-by-play interaction of exactly what I’d do to my lover — and what he’d do to me. We held nothing back, describing everything from the first caress to our mutual, and simultaneous, orgasms.

4. Be creative. Cybersex is a fabulous form of fantasy. Don’t worry if it’s nothing you’d actually want to do in person — you can still talk about it. I’ve had sexy conversations with my lover discussing acts I’m not quite ready for, but are fun to think about! By the same token, there’s no reason to bring the conversation around to anything that makes you uncomfortable. You can steer things in the right direction by sayer (er, typing) “How about we…?”

5. Don’t reveal personal details. I’m not going to be judgmental. Some people have cybersex with strangers. If you do, be careful not to reveal personal details. It’s okay to share the color of your underwear or your favorite sex position, but don’t reveal where you live, for instance, or your place of business or your favorite hangout. You don’t know if the person on the other end of your broadband connection could be a stalker.

6. Better yet, stick with people you know in real life. When you play on the ‘net, you never know what you’re getting. Forty-year-old men can pretend to be 22-year-old porn stars. By the same token, 14-year-old girls can also pretend to be 22-year-old porn stars. And police officers can pretend to be 14-year-old girls pretending to be 22-year-old porn stars. (Got that?) You can get in serious trouble having cybersex with a minor — or someone you believe to be a minor. It’s safer for a variety of reasons to stick to having cybersex with people you know in real life.

7. Webcams add another element to cybersex. If you’re having cybersex with someone you already know, setting up the webcam can really spice it up. Besides, it’s a great way to make sure no one is playing false identity games. Alternately, you can create an avatar in Second Life and have an affair of endless possibilities through your online persona. But that’s a post for another day….

How to Choose the Best Lubricant

If you have any experience with lubricants, you know how much they can add to sex. Whether it’s your goal to “go all night,” or you simply want to help your favorite sex toy slide in (anywhere) easier, you’ll want some good quality lube.

By the same token, we want our precious sex toys to last a long time, too. (I’m talking years, not hours…) Using the right lubricant on sex toys of various materials will prolong their lifespan, make clean-up easier, and permit you even more enjoyment from your sex toys.

Here’s a quick and easy reference guide to lubricants and the toys and activities they are compatible with:

Water-based lubricants: Think of water-based lubes as the Swiss Army knife of lubricants. They work with any sex toys or condom material, under nearly any circumstance. They are long-lasting, easy-to-clean up, and won’t stain sheets or clothing. Water-based lubricants may have different consistencies. As a general rule, seek thicker (gel-like) water-based lubricants for more intense play, including anal sex or when you’re looking for a long-lasting lubricant.

There’s one time (ironically), when you don’t want to use a water-based lube: when you’re having sex in the water. It will wash right off. Instead, choose a silicone lubricant, which is not water-soluble and is safe to use with condoms.

You might buy: Astroglide, ID Glide Lube, or Wet Original Lubricant

Silicone lubricants: More expensive but also typically longer lasting than water-based lubricants, silicone lubricants are slippery smooth, luxurious, and great for all types of play — except one. Do not use a silicone-based lubricant with your silicone-containing sex toys, including toys made from Cyberskin and similar materials. It will wear down your silicone-based toys faster than a porn star can get it up.

You might buy: Pjur Eros, Toko Silicone Lubricant, or Gun Oil Silicone Lube

Oil-based lubricants: Oil-based lubricants are longer lasting than water-based lubes, making them a desirable choice for many people. Oil-based lubes are suitable for water-play, since they’re not water soluble. However, oil has some major drawbacks. It can:

• stain fabric
• break down latex condoms (they are safe with polyurethane condoms)
• damage certain sex toys

Oil-based lubricants can harbor bacteria, causing vaginal infections in women. It’s best not to use them during penetration (even with a toy) for women, although they are okay for penetration of men during anal sex.

You might buy: ID Cream lubricant or Jack Jelly.

Lubricants with glycerin and sugar: Lubricants with glycerin and sugar or high-fructose corn syrup (for instance, some flavored lubes) can also cause yeast infections in some women. These are best used for external play only.

Save the Olive Oil for the Salad
While we’re on the topic of “flavorful lubricants” — a note about Olive Oil as a lubricant: Olive oil is sometimes recommended as an “all-natural” lubricant. Olive oil doesn’t make the best lubricant at all, because it can breed bacteria, is not very thick or long-lasting, and is fairly expensive. Keep the olive oil in the kitchen; if you’re looking for an inexpensive, natural lubricant, go with a water-based lube.

The Survivalist’s Guide to Stockpiling Sex Toys

Before the holidays, the Northeast suffered what some people have called the largest snow storm to hit our region in 17 years.  It’s already shaping up to be a long, cold winter.

Of course, the forecast of a blizzard sent people rushing to Wal-mart to stock up on bottled water, batteries, and canned goods. I was lucky enough to grab the last container of milk off the grocery store shelf – not because I was stockpiling, but because I happened to be out of milk. And there was a sale on bread, which explains the six loaves in my freezer. But that’s neither here nor there.

Really… why do people stockpile odd things in the event of a storm? And if we have a power outage, how do they plan to cook all that Campbell’s Chunky soup? I hope they remembered the propane for their camp stove. Wait, what?! Camp stove? You see my point.

Now, your resident blogger and erstwhile survivalist, Desiree Sweet, is here to share the things you REALLY need to stock up on. Because what fun is a snow day unless you can spend it tucked inside where it’s nice and warm?

Four Things Every Sexy Survivalist Needs

Condoms – You don’t want to trudge to the gas station in the middle of a blizzard because you’re down to your last condom, do you? We like this variety pack from Trojan, featuring three each of the Ultra Pleasure, Her Pleasure, and Pleasure Mesh varieties.

How many do you need? First, calculate approximately how many times you have sex each week. Remember, you need a new condom each time you have intercourse, and plan to use two to three times as many as usual during a snow storm or long weekend.

Condoms typically expire about 4 years from the date of production, so you can safely store a year’s supply as long as you remember to rotate your stock. When you buy a new box, place it toward the back of your supply. Older condoms should go in the front and be used first.

Lubricants – Different sex toys and condom materials require different lubricants. For instance, silicone toys should only be used with water-based lubricants. For bath fun, you’ll want a silicone lubricant, since water-based lubricants wash off too easily in the water and don’t provide enough staying power. Keep the following varieties of lube on hand for snowy day adventures:

-    Silicone lubricant – For use with most sex toys, except silicone varieties.
-    Water-based lubricant – For silicone toys
-    Massage oils – Not a lubricant but still important to have for full-body massages after your lover shovels the driveway
-    Warming lubricants – Perfect for those cold winter nights

According to the experts at Cosmopolitan magazine, most lubricants don’t have an expiration date, but it’s smart to use them within a year. I wouldn’t stockpile more than one or two bottles of each variety. Store your lubricants in a cool, dry place and give a quick sniff and look-over before you use them. If anything seems funky, toss it and reach for your back-up bottle.

Batteries – Fortunately, most vibrators are battery-powered, so you can enjoy your toys even in an electrical outage. But you don’t want to steal batteries from your flashlight (or vice versa) during the big storm. Make sure you have plenty of C and AA batteries available (the most common types for most vibes). Rechargable batteries, obviously, are the green solution, but make sure they’re fully charged before the storm hits.

Something to clean up – I love this “after sex towel” but if your power’s out, you won’t be doing laundry. Keep plenty of these in your linen closet, or simply have plenty of tissues on hand for clean up. Perhaps this is where all that bottled water comes in handy.

Rest easy, now that you’re all set for the next sex-filled snow day.

Image is of the F. Y. N. Adult Toybox XL Faux Leather Case courtesy of For Your Nymphomation.

Seven Sexy New Year’s Resolutions

It’s the first full week of the New Year. That means it’s not too late to make a New Year’s Resolution! I hope no one has actually broken any of theirs yet, unless they were the kind meant to be broken. (Like giving up sex in 2010… definitely a bad idea!)

So, dear readers, what are your New Year’s Resolutions? I’m sure we have the lion’s share of “quit smoking,” “lose weight” and (my personal favorite) “quit procrastinating.” In 2010, your resident blogger has made a resolution to keep this blog up-to-date with exciting, fun and sometimes educational content – just for you.

In that vein, here are some suggestions for New Year’s Resolutions you won’t mind keeping all year long!

1. Do something new with your lover. You can break open the Kama Sutra and play with whatever position strikes your fancy, have sex outdoors, or make a foray into BDSM. Whatever you choose, do something that is a new experience for both of you.

2. Communicate with your lover. Take time, inside the bedroom or out, to reveal your innermost fantasies. What do you love best about his techniques? What do you wish he’d do more often? Here’s a tip, ladies – long talks during car drives work well. The lack of eye contact makes your man more comfortable and it helps that he has something else to focus on while still giving you the attention you need (and deserve!)

3. Buy a new toy. Expand your bedroom repertoire with the help of a new battery-powered friend. Go for something completely different. If you’ve never used a rabbit-style vibe, I recommend the new WOW series. Want something great for anal play? The Slimline Anal Explorer is a great beginner vibe at a great price.

4. Have more sex. Who couldn’t use a little more love in their life? Make arrangements for lunchtime rendezvous, quickies before breakfast, or long Saturday evening romps through every room in your house. If you’re an “only on weekends” couple, add a weekday into the mix. If you currently have sex once a week or less, aim for two or three times, just for a month, to see how you like it.

5. Make (and keep) a weekly date night. After the hubbub of the holidays, everyone begins to settle back into their normal routine. Why not make a weekly connection with your lover part of your regular 2010 schedule? If you have kids, line up a babysitter. If not – you have less of an excuse.

Date night doesn’t have to be expensive. Order Chinese food and then give each other massages by the fireplace. Use your imagination for low-cost, stay-at-home one-on-one time or splurge with a dinner out at your favorite restaurant. You can decide who, er – what’s – for dessert.

6. Do kegels. Kegels – easy little exercises that tone the PC (Pubococcygeus) muscles have well-documented health benefits. Not only do they help prevent incontinence, they can aid in childbirth. They also help women have more intense orgasms. You can do kegels anywhere, at any time (and no one will know). You can also use ben wa balls for a more intense experience.

7. Use a condom. If you’re not in a monogamous relationship, make 2010 the year you vow to practice safe sex with every partner and use a condom. You’ll find so many fun varieties here at Vibrator.com, you can even use a different style, color or flavor every day of the year!

CDC Reports STD’s Rampant in Washington

I really wanted to broach the subject of STDs in Washington, D.C. with a tongue-in-cheek approach. (I’m not doing anything more fun with my tongue at the moment.) I had a whole series of bi-partisan jokes lined up, poking fun at political personalities from Clinton to Ted Kennedy to Elliot Spitzer…

Then I thought better of it. It’s really not a laughing matter. In fact, it’s pretty sad.

D.C. beats all 50 states for cases of Chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis
Our nation’s capital has a higher concentration of STDs than anywhere else in the U.S., according to a new report released by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).

Washington D.C. has higher rates of Chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis, with:

- 451.5 cases of gonorrhea per 100,000 people
- 24.8 cases of syphilis per 100,000 people; and
- 1,177 cases of Chlamydia per 100,000 people.

The Chlamydia rate in D.C. is nearly three times the rate of neighboring Virginia and Maryland.

Indicative of larger problems
It’s easy – almost cliché – to blame politicians with a penchant for interns and prostitutes, but the reality is, STD rates are higher in major cities across the U.S.

Other problems plaguing major urban areas also plague D.C. For instance, Washington D.C. also leads the pack in violent crime, and some statistics show that more than 14,000 people in our nation’s capital are homeless.

Sadly, these statistics don’t share any “breaking news.” They only drive home some obvious points:

- More sex education may help combat the spread of STDs.
- A better healthcare system can diagnose and treat individuals before they perpetuate more disease.
- How can we expect our politicians to serve an entire country when they can’t take care of problems right on their doorstep?

Teen girls also at risk
Nationwide, according to the CDC report, teen girls show the highest rates of  Chlamydia and gonorrhea, with more than 400,000 girls ages 15 – 19 infected with one or both of the STDs.

Left untreated, 10 to 20 % of these infections can result in pelvic inflammatory disease, which can cause chronic pelvic pain, ectopic pregnancies and infertility in women.

The prevalence of these STDs in teenage males was slightly lower – probably due to increased screening and diagnoses for teenage girls. Additionally, the long-term health risks for females who contract the disease are much worse than for men, in general. The U.S. population aged 15 to 24 years old, both male and female, are most at risk to contract STDs. The CDC report estimates approximately 19 million new STD infections each year, with almost half of those amongst people age 15 to 24.

Sex education, condom availability the keys
Educating high school and college students about the importance of safe sex can help combat the spread of STDs. At home, an open-door policy regarding discussions about sex with your teens can help.

It’s especially important for teenage girls to feel as if they can talk to their mothers about delicate sexual matters, as early diagnosis and treatment with antibiotics of common STDs can help prevent future health problems and infertility. Whether that discussion involves a conversation about sex toys or not is a personal decision…

Would You Give Your Teen Daughter a Vibrator?

Sex expert Dr. Laura Berman recommends women buy vibrators for their teenage daughters.

“You’re teaching them about their own bodies and pleasuring themselves,” Dr. Berman said on a segment of Oprah this past spring. “They don’t need [a] boy – they don’t need another person — until they’re ready.”

She went on to say that using a vibrator may even make teenage girls safer, sexually-speaking, because it may encourage them to put off their sexual experience even longer.

Oprah’s best friend, Gayle King, shook her throughout the segment, arguing that it is “just too much information.” Kids are growing up fast enough, these days, she argued. Parents don’t need to add battery-operated fuel to the raging teenage hormonal fire.

The thought crossed my mind that, upon discovering how good sexual pleasure can feel with a vibrator, teenage girls may actually be more eager to find out about the real thing. (Only to be sorely disappointed by a first experience with an inexperienced boy their own age, of course… sending them running back to their vibrator… maybe Dr. Berman has the right idea?)

Dr. Berman says it’s about empowerment – teaching teens not only the basics of sex as well as how to be safe, but educating them about orgasm. Which we all know is an important part of sex. But I’m still not sure about vibrator-shopping with a teenage daughter.

Talking to Teens About Sex
I remember learning about masturbation from Judy Blume books. A few years later, I started learning about sex from Danielle Steele. We did not talk about sex in my house – at all. While my mom knew exactly what I was reading (after all, she read Danielle Steele and Nora Roberts, too) we never discussed it.

I know this is an extreme situation – the polar opposite of what today’s experts recommend. Certainly, I agree that parents should teach their teens about sex: the basic mechanics, safe sex for protection against disease and pregnancy, and the importance of not giving into peer pressure.

It’s also important to talk about the emotional connection forged after sex, which may surprise teenage girls who don’t fully understand the difference between love and lust; sometimes, those “feel-close” hormones can even throw grown women for a loop after a casual encounter.

Girls are giving blowjobs at 13 and 14 years old. (Note to the experts: Surprise! This is NOT a new phenomenon!) So it’s wise for parents to explain that STI’s can be transmitted through oral sex and condom use is important. Parents shouldn’t just pretend it’s not happening or even that it’s an atrocity.  It happens, has been happening probably since the dawn of time, and will continue to happen.  Sex education in schools, one-on-one conversations  at home, and buying sex toys for our teens won’t change that. The best we can do is educate teens on how to be safe and protect against disease and pregnancy. Well, that or chastity belts.

A Vibe for your Teen?
While I’m very much in favor of sex education and parents talking to their kids about sex, I also agree with Gayle King that to buy a teenage girl a vibrator is, indeed, “TMI.” I think discussions with teens about sex should lean toward the practical and the clinical. Of course, if a teenager has any questions, they should be answered open and honestly, and parents should make it clear that their kids can come to them with questions.

But I can imagine only one reaction if my mother ever brought up the topic of vibrators, masturbation or the specifics of orgasm: complete mortification. I can’t imagine it would be comfortable for many teenagers – or their parents. And I don’t see many benefits to it.

With all due respect, I think Dr. Berman is not giving enough consideration to the other reasons teenagers have sex, including the same reason vibrators don’t replace real-life lovers for grown-ups. Whether you’re 14 or 40, a sex toy—while fun—can never replace the intimacy of sex with someone you love (or even like a whole lot!)

5 Fall Libido-Busters… and How to Get in the Mood Anyway

Summer’s over, the kids are back to school. Between new schedules to follow, braving the malls for back-to-school shopping, and finances stretched too thin, all this stress can make anyone’s libido lose its lustre.

Here are five of the more common, seasonal sex-drive busters… and how to combat them.

Libido-buster #1: Cooler weather. Studies have linked warm weather to an increased sex drive, especially in women. Sunlight elevates the production and secretion of Melanocyte Stimulating Hormone (MSH), along with increasing the production of feel-good neurotransmitter serotonin. Both chemicals are linked to increasing your sex drive.  It stands to reason, then, that as the days get shorter, bringing a little less sunlight into our lives, our sex drives drop.

Libido Enhancer: Take a walk. Treasure those last lingering days of warmth. Get as much sun as possible. Take a walk outside during lunch, savoring the scent of the fresh autumn air. The exercise and sunlight will boost your mood and put you IN the mood.

Libido-buster #2: Cold & allergy medications For some, the change in seasons brings about a cold or allergy symptoms. We often obliterate the runny nose and sniffles with a decongestant, but decongestant, by definition, are designed to dry us out – and they don’t affect just our nose and sinuses, unfortunately.

Libido Enhancer: Look to natural remedies, including neti-pots and Vitamin C. If you suffer from pollen allergies, eating a few spoonfuls of natural honey from your region may help. If you take a decongestant, use plenty of extra lube to counter the natural effects.

Libido-buster #3: Stress: The holidays haven’t even arrived but many of us are a bundle of nerves already. The good news is that sex is a great stress-buster… but you have to get in the mood first.

Libido Enhancer: Fake it till you wanna make it! I’m not advocating faking an orgasm, but there’s nothing wrong with pretending to be in the mood during foreplay. Turn your bedroom into a love sanctuary that allows you to lock out the world. Then relax and revel in the closeness between you and your lover and soon, you’ll find that your actions have actually changed your mood!

Libido-buster #4: Fatigue: New fall schedules may throw your entire household off-kilter, leaving everyone short on sleep and irritable.

Libido Enhancer: A good night’s rest: Remember, it really is best to get a full eight hours every night, and kids need more. Make sure the kids are going to bed early enough to rise without a fight. Get up (and go to bed) at the same times on weekends as weekdays to fight fatigue with a consistent schedule.
One big benefit of fall? The shorter days mean longer nights – think about turning in early after you put the kids to bed to rekindle the romantic spark of summer.

Libido-buster #5: Weight gain: Now that bikini season’s over, you may feel as if there’s less reason to watch what you eat. Cooler weather brings cravings for comfort food, which make it easier to pack on the pounds. Extra layers of clothing, too, can leave you feeling less than desirable.

Libido-enhancer: A new wardrobe? Back-to-school shopping isn’t just for the kids. If budget permits, treat yourself to a sexy new outfit. And don’t forget the lingerie. Then go home, take a hot bath, complete with candles around the tub and sensual suds. Slip on your new ensemble, and prepare to seduce your lover. You look wonderful, dah-ling!

The Ancient Egyptian “Turin Erotic Papyrus”

It seems that about five minutes after paper was invented, someone invented porn. The Turin Erotic Papyrus, sometimes called Papyrus 55001, is a collection of 12 erotic “stories” discovered on ancient Egyptian scrolls.

In each of the 12 pictures, couples enjoy different sexual positions – some highly unlikely, or, at the very least, extremely uncomfortable. Since the scrolls’ discovery, people have been speculating whether the 12 drawings are a message to the gods, a fertility ritual, or  evidence of the earliest erotica. Maybe a combination of all three.

In his report “Eros in Egypt,” scholar David O’Connor describes the scrolls: “In each vignette a grotesquely aroused, unkempt man has sexual relations with an attractive young woman. The woman, while virtually naked, is decidedly more elegant than her partner. The sexual positions are varied and extremely vivid.”

That sounds eerily like the DVD I watched last night. It seems porn hasn’t changed much in 3,200-or-so years.

The scrolls depict Egyptians drinking alcohol, gathered around tables partying, and having sex. More evidence not much has changed.

The most surprising thing about the scrolls is that it seems to contradict the Egyptians’ other, more chaste drawings, particularly  hieroglyphs carved into cave walls. For instance, a man and woman may sit side-by-side at a table, symbolizing their marriage and union, but they rarely touch.

The Egyptians also leaned toward euphemistic symbols. A bow and arrow, used to depict “shooting,” may mean “ejaculation.” Some drawings would feature a burly man shooting his “arrow” directly at a female figure.

Aside from the erotic papyrus, the really juicy drawings were found on the cave walls where Egyptian kings were buried. While ancient Egyptians were extremely discrete about sex between mortal men and women, for the gods, life was one big orgy. Many photos of the well-endowed god of fertility, Min, grace cave walls. One would never see a human male unclothed in most Egyptian drawings.

Even between gods, however, sex between a male and female in human form was taboo. Instead, gods cavorted in animal form. The most famous example is a love scene between Osiris and Isis, in which Osiris lies aroused, face up, while Isis flies over him in the form of a bird. Apparently, for the ancient Egyptians, bestiality was okay.

But, moving back to the scrolls – one of the most interesting panels depicts an orgy, with at least three couples engaged in different sexual activities. In the center of the panel, a naked woman sits perched on a cone-like seat, as her partner’s hand gropes her. Is this evidence of the first ancient sex toy?

Perhaps the real question is, “Who cares?” We all know sex has been around as long as there were beings around to reproduce, but it’s fascinating to think about ancient civilizations enjoying the same pleasures we do — complete with friends, spirits and even sex toys!

The Art and Craft of Writing Erotica

As a professional sex blogger, my job is to keep readers entertained and informed. In some posts, I seek simply to instruct, sharing an array of tips and tricks you can employ in your own bedroom.

But in my spare time, I’ve been known to pen some pretty creative erotica. I’m talking fantasies that make Penthouse letters look tame. Group sex, sex in public places, sex with celebrities, sex with elves… Okay, I’m kidding about the last part.

But you don’t need a BA in journalism or a fancy title like professional sex blogger to write stories that will entice your lover while giving depth, breadth and realism to your fantasies. If I had to share the biggest benefit to writing erotica, it’s the opportunity to lay out intricate fantasies on plain white paper, making them one step closer to reality.

How do you write erotica? The rules for writing good erotica are the same rules that apply to writing anything. These tips will make the entire process easier. But above all, don’t worry about the quality. Are you enjoying the process of writing? Does your lover enjoy reading it? That’s all that matters.

These five tips will help you get over any fears of the blank screen and permit you to pen pornographic prose that will delight readers – and yourself!

1. Be yourself. People think writing (any sort of writing) is difficult because they think it should sound different from how they talk. Just be yourself. Sit down and share a story.

2. Remember your characters. Most unpublished fiction falls flat because the characters don’t have personalities. Much amateur erotica doesn’t make the grade because the characters have no motivation other than to, by the end of the story, get Point A into Slot B.To avoid this common faux pas, write out a quick “character sketch” of your main characters. What is their history? What do they look like? What are their key personality traits and their motivations? Incorporate these details throughout the story to help create living, breathing characters. For beginners making a foray into erotica, you may wish to pattern the characters after yourself and your lover. Not only is this easy – it’s hot!

3. Give it a plot. It’s definitely okay to write to “get to the sex scene,” in the style of most porn flicks. But if you strive to raise your story above the level of “porn” to “erotica,” incorporate a plot. Let your imagination run wild. This is your fantasy, after all. Just remember, conflict drives your plot. The simplest version is: character A wants something. Character B is blocking them. Most plots derive from some variation of that basic formula. See? Writing is easy!

4. Show, don’t tell. If you’ve ever taken a creative writing course, you’ve heard this adage. But what does it mean? Use details to permit your story to unfold naturally.Telling: He climbed on top of her and they started fucking.Showing: He looked down at her naked body, glistening with sweat and sprawled spread-eagle across the downy white comforter. Her big brown eyes seemed to say, “Take me.” And he did. He wasted no time in bending over her form, pushing himself forcefully inside her. They both moaned with pleasure from the first penetration. The mattress seemed to groan from the added weight, and soon, his thrusts kept time with the squeaking springs.

5. Use all five senses. Sex is about so much more than visual and tactile sensations. There’s your lover’s unique scent. Gentle moans, soft groans, and loud squeals. And don’t forget the exciting tastes – lips, tongue, love juices. Write your story to appeal to all five senses… and soon, you’ll find your lover appealing to you to write the sequel – or maybe enact it in real life!

Pole Dancing for Fun and Foreplay

Ladies, are you seeking a new way to entice your man (or lady?) in the bedroom? Why not give pole dancing a whirl? This erotic style of dance provides a fabulous upper body workout and a unique foreplay experience.

Vibrator.com’s Desiree Sweet gets the inside scoop on getting started from pole dancing instructor LaylaBeth.

Desiree Sweet: How did you first get into pole dancing?
LaylaBeth: My first twirl around a pole was during a date night with my hubby. We went to a gentleman’s club, and after a little while, he asked the GM if I could get up on stage and dance. I am actually a trained dancer (ballet, jazz, belly dance) so I wasn’t scared of the idea of dancing. That pole, on the other hand, was an interesting accessory! I couldn’t do ANYTHING with it other than hold onto it and walk around a little, so if my curiosity had been SOMEWHAT piqued about the pole prior to that event, it was even MORE piqued after that!

I had heard about a company that did home pole-dancing parties, so, a few months after “Strip Club Night,” as we now refer to it, I contacted the company, ordered a pole and the rest is history!

DS: In addition to being fun and erotic, I’ve heard it’s great exercise, too.
LB: Pole dancing is GREAT exercise for women (or anyone for that matter!) because you really get to build up good upper-body strength. Pole dancing requires that we use our upper body during certain spins, holds and even inverts.

DS: What sort of women do you typically see in your class?
LB: I have seen the whole gamut–younger, college girls looking for a giggle, all the way to women in their fifties who want to let their hair down and strut their stuff a little!  (I even made my own mom come to one of my classes, once!)  My “favorite” students have actually been the older ones—they are typically more comfortable in their own skin and more confident; classes become fun and laidback with that type of energy. I’d say it has been an equal mix of single/coupled ladies. A few recent divorcees, too!

DS: Can anyone learn how to pole dance?
LB: From the bottom of my heart, I DO believe that just about ANYONE can learn to pole dance—at least SOME of the moves!  There are two basic moves I teach in every single class that by the end of the night, EVERYONE can do.  These moves require NO skill other than the willingness to employ a positive attitude!

DS: Anything they should know before they start?
LB: One ABSOLUTELY should warm-up first before attempting any pole maneuvers, so what I do in class is about a 15 minute “regular” exercise period that leads into a little burlesque style dance, and then some simple “struts” around the pole.

We teach barefoot—I won’t even entertain the notion of letting newbies wear “stripper shoes” because a rolled ankle is NOT sexy.

Of course, check with your doctor before starting any exercise program–including pole dancing!

DS: How can women apply the moves they learn in your class in the bedroom?

LB: Women can take a lot of what we learn in class to their bedrooms.  It’s very erotic. I like to include “chair” and “lap dance” techniques with each class, so that even if the lady doesn’t have a pole of her own, she can take what she learns back home with her and show her partner!

Do you wanna try pole dancing at  home? You can buy a pole here. The easy-to-assemble Peekaboo pole kit extends to a height of 6 to 8 feet, and tucks away easily when not in use.

To learn more about LaylaBeth and poledancing, go to http://www.transitionalpoledance.com or http://www.laylabeth.com.

Farrah’s Death Raises Anal Cancer Awareness

It’s often hard to make sense of death, especially when the death follows a long battle with a rare illness. Although cancer in so many forms has permeated our society, anal cancer remains quite rare. According to the American Cancer Society, slightly over 5,000 cases are diagnosed each year, with 700 people dying from the disease. On June 25, 2009, 70s icon and former Charlie’s Angel star Farrah Fawcett was one of its victims.

Because of the body part it afflicts, and also because of the stigma attached to it, anal cancer is rarely publicized and often diagnosed too late. In Farrah Fawcett’s case, it was diagnosed and treated in 2006, but then returned this April and spread. On June 25, 2009, the beauty icon passed away from the cancer, which it is reported had spread to her liver.

“Farrah’s Story”
Although the disease, as cancer goes, is quite rare, it is also frequently ignored. Let’s face it: exams used to detect this type of cancer are uncomfortable, at best. The same goes for discussing the topic.

Farrah Fawcett’s documentary, “Farrah’s Story,” which aired on NBC in late May, shed light on the disease and on Farrah’s struggle. During the latter part of her life, Farrah brought several facts about anal cancer into the public eye.

1. If diagnosed early, patients have an 80 to 90 % remission rate.
2. If the cancer is localized and detected in its first stage, the 5-year survival is approximately 82%.
3. According to the American Cancer Society, up to 85 % of all anal cancers are caused by the HPV (human papillomavirus) infection, but it is not a sexually transmitted disease per se.
4. Since up to 25 % of all women have, at some point, contracted the HPV virus, while sexual promiscuity increases the risk of anal cancer, it is not the only risk factor.

Risk Factors
In addition to the HPV virus, risk factors for anal cancer include:

-         being over the age of 50
-         a weakened immune system
-         smoking
-         family history

It’s important to stress that anal cancer is not necessarily an indicator of sexual promiscuity – having many sexual partners is just one of many risk factors. Because small tears in the anus can lead to easier transmission of the HPV virus, practicing safe anal sex can decrease the odds of contracting the disease. The use of condoms can protect against HPV transmission, but may not entirely prevent it.

Symptoms of Anal Cancer
Symptoms of anal cancer include anal bleeding, itching and soreness. Other symptoms include changes in bowel habits, pain or pressure in that area, and unusual discharge from the area. Again, because of the high remission rate when the cancer is detected early, see a doctor if you exhibit any of these symptoms.

What about the HPV Vaccine?
Two vaccines—GlaxoSmithKline’s Cervarix and Merck’s Gardasil—have been shown to protect against some cancer-causing strains of HPV. However, neither vaccine has been approved for use to specifically prevent anal cancer. You can read more about the vaccine in this post, HPV Vaccine: Cancer Prevention or Corporate Profits?

As with any other form of cancer, knowledge of risk factors and symptoms, along with early detection and treatment, are the keys to better health.

Contemplating Farrah Fawcett & Michael Jackson as Sex Symbols

Whenever a group of people get together, it’s been said, the topic of conversation inevitably shifts to sex or death. And so, as the world recently lost two stars long before their time, it’s fitting to contemplate their roles in pop culture as sex symbols.

With Farrah Fawcett, the former Charlie’s Angel who defined sexy for an entire generation, it’s easy. But in his prime — before plastic surgery turned him into a parody of himself and child molestation charges gave the media fuel to denounce him as a freak — Michael Jackson was every bit as sexy as a supermodel.

So What Is Sexy?
What defines a sex symbol? Thick blonde hair, a tight body and a smile to kill for—along with the ability to kick ass on a top-rated TV show–certainly don’t hurt. But to be sexy…really, truly sexy… requires something far greater. Farrah Fawcett had it.

The fact that every girl of that generation wanted their hair to look just like Farrah’s was one side effect. But it wasn’t her golden locks, or even her body or her gorgeous features that all the girls wanted and the guys lusted after. It wasn’t even the fact that she showed a whole generation that women could be strong and powerful and still beautiful. Those things helped to make her the best selling pin-up girl of all times. But mostly it was the entire package, the attitude, the je ne sais quoi that turns some people into starlets. Call it confidence, but it transcends such a simple word. Farrah, who battled the very rare anal cancer, maintained that power, grace and beauty right until the end.

Sadly, Farrah’s death at age 62 after a long struggle, was overshadowed when the King of Pop Michael Jackson died unexpectedly of a supposed heart attack later that day, June 25.

Raw Talent = Sexy
Unlike Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson had difficulty maintaining his grace under fire, tabloid rumors and general weirdness, but that does not detract from his contributions to the music world. Along with Madonna, Michael Jackson defined an era of pop music. His soft yet powerful lilting voice and his dance moves were the stuff of junior high and high school dances.

What Generation X-er doesn’t remember learning to moonwalk, or gathering in front of the TV with your friends to watch the World Premiere of Thriller on MTV? Innocent times, those… bear with me while thirty-something Desiree Sweet waxes nostalgic, wipes a tear away for those bygone days… because yes, Michael Jackson was decidedly sexy. It had to be the music.

May I share a personal memory? Growing up as a teen in the days of magazines like Tiger Beat, my bedroom walls were plastered with photos of the teen stars of the day: Rob Lowe, Patrick Swayze, and Tom Cruise. (Don’t get me started on “Where are they now?”)  Amidst all those “conventionally gorgeous” teen stars, Michael Jackson also had a place of honor. He transcended standard definitions of hot, his music, his dance moves and his stage presence making girls of the time fall in love with him.

Sexy Never Dies
At age 50, Michael Jackson was set for a comeback, proving: “Once a star, always a star.” But those hopes ended tragically. As of this writing, no one is sure exactly what happened but we’re sure to find out before the media storm dies.

One thing we do know: Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson typified their respective eras and genres and will be missed. But we can keep their star quality alive, remembering them in our minds as the very definition of sexy.

Why Women Love Vibrators and (Some) Men Fear Them

I have a few guilty pleasures, and not all of them involve sex. No, really.

For instance, I like to watch Monday night sitcoms. With Allison Hannigan co-starring in How I Met Your Mother and Kaley Cuoco as the hot blond Penny in Big Bang Theory, the scenery’s good.

A recent episode of Rules of Engagement, which proceeds my usual Monday night TV viewing but just happened to suck me in this particular night, gave me a good laugh. Here’s the elevator pitch description if you don’t follow the show: it’s about the lives and antics of two couples — one married, one engaged — and their single, stereotypical wanna-be ladies’ man friend played by David Spade.

In this particular episode, one of the women hosted a sex party. You know, one of those where the girls get together and buy over-priced sex toys and lingerie that never really fits anyone once they get it home.

I just got rid of the $80 slinky black “dress” (okay, more like a negligee) hanging in my closet that, after too many glasses of White Zin and near-satanic goading from my friends, seemed like a wonderful investment.

But I digress –

The ladies attended this sex toy party and the men were quite worried. “Does my woman need toys in the bedroom? Is our sex life too boring?”

One particularly amusing scene involved the husband barging into the bedroom upon hearing tell-tale buzzing– to find his wife brushing her teeth with an electric toothbrush.

This whole thing got me thinking. What is it about vibrators that some men find so threatening?

Obviously, some men feel they are falling short (so to speak) in the sex department if their partner desires stimulation from a toy. They wonder what they’re doing wrong or why they aren’t “enough” for their partner – both in the very physical sense of not being large enough and in the sense of not being able to satisfy their partner for any reason, whether it’s size, technique, or something else all together.

Some men even go so far as to compare themselves physically to the toy. This gets into the realm of Really Silly when you look at certain sex toys designed partly for shock value and partly for those adventurous ladies (and men) looking to try something different once in a while. But let’s be realistic: How many women really want a 16-inch dildo up there every single night?

Comically large rubber penises aside, guys, there are plenty of things flesh-and-blood men give us that a sex toy can’t. Our Ambitious Beaver rabbit vibe  can’t take out the garbage or hang that shelf in the foyer, for instance.

But we’re talking sex here. A vibrator in the right hands may be efficient, but no matter how many different functions of pulsation, vibration and rotation it has, it’s still essentially the same thing every time. It’s a machine. Literally. Sure, a vibrator can send a woman to never-before-experienced levels of ecstasy, but it’s almost too easy.

A real man fumbles, makes mistakes, tries again, eventually gets it right. He explores our bodies and responds to our moans and squeals, hopefully in a way we enjoy. Couples who’ve been together a while are hopefully proficient, but you can still experiment to keep things exciting.

Using a vibrator during lovemaking is another way to keep things from getting boring, BUT, if your wife does want to introduce a vibrator into your bedroom routine, it doesn’t necessarily mean sex is boring without it.

There’s also the give-and-take of sex with a real person. Women, by nature, are nurturers. We want to give you pleasure to you as much as you rejoice in pleasuring us – maybe even more so. We simply don’t get the pleasure of giving when it comes to our battery-operated toys.

We can’t kiss a vibrator lovingly, rub its muscular shoulders, enjoy a cuddle after the main attraction. Masturbation with a vibrator relieves tension and yes, it makes us feel great, but it tends to get lonely.

If sex with real men has so many benefits, why do women even want to play with sex toys at all? They’re powerful. They’re efficient. And when you just want to get fucked good, hard, and fast, with multiple speeds of vibration to make sure it’s done right, they do an unparalleled job.

What’s even more fun than playing with a toy is sharing this amazing sexual event with a partner — combining the purely physical, sexual act with the sensual and erotic experience of lovemaking.

Guys, when we add another vibrator to our toy box, it doesn’t mean we want you any less or that there’s a sexual need of ours you aren’t fulfilling. In fact, we’d love for you to give us a hand with our latest machine!