Do you plan on treating your lover to some new BDSM toys for the holidays?  Chances are you want to keep them looking new well into next Christmas and beyond.  Who wants to be whipped with a dingy cat-o-nine-tails or tied up with tarnished restraints?

You can get these cleaning tips for leather, cotton blends and metal from Heloise and others, for sure, but no domestic guru will talk about these specific applications.  Let Vibrator.com be your care and cleaning guide for BDSM toys!

Cleaning leather

You can buy fancy leather conditioners such as saddle soap, or even pay to have your leather professionally cleaned, but it’s not necessary.  The cleaning experts at Everyday Economics recommend baby wipes to clean all kinds of leather: from your sofa to your slave’s garb!

Test the wipe on an inconspicuous area first.  If all is well and the dye doesn’t come off the leather, fold the wipe and rub it across the entire surface in small circles.  You should see dirt transferring to the wipe.  Some dye may come off, too, but not enough to discolor the leather.  When you’re finished, use a fresh wipe across the entire surface to remove any remaining dirt.  If the baby wipes have moisturizer in them, that also helps condition the leather.

For stubborn stains, EverydayEC.com recommends a Magic Eraser.   It’s best to try to remove any stains, including blood, while they are still fresh.  Fresh stains can probably be rubbed out with a baby wipe or a damp cloth.

Don’t store your leather toys or clothing in plastic bags, as it will breed mildew.  Store leather in a breathable bag in a cool, dry place out of direct sunlight.  If you do need to remove mildew from your leather, sponge the leather with a solution that is equal parts rubbing alcohol and water.  You can read more about cleaning leather in this article.

Cleaning bloodstains

We recommend rubber sheets for hardcore BDSM play that may result in the loss of a lot of different bodily fluids.  Sanitary and inexpensive, if you’re pretty sure there will be blood, rubber sheets are the safest way to clean up.

But sometimes, you may not mean to draw blood and there you are with a stain on your sheets!  What to do?

First, do not wait for the stain to set, or you’re pretty much out of luck.  As soon as possible, use a sponge dampened with cold water to gently rub the blood out, working from the center of the stain outward.

If any blood remains, apply a wet spotter stain remover with an absorbent pad.  On cotton sheets, you can add a few drops of ammonia. (Do not use ammonia on silk, satin or wool).  Keep the pad on the stain as long as necessary, changing it as it becomes saturated. When the stain is out, rinse the area with cold water.  You can clean cotton sheets by pre-treating with a stain remover and laundering in cold water.

Cleaning stainless steel and brushed nickel

The metal parts of your BDSM gear are probably the easiest to clean, with many options available, from window cleaner to lemon juice.  Don’t use an abrasive cleaner such as Brillo, which will mar the finish.  Lemon juice will keep stainless steel fresh and clean, and baby oil adds a nice shine.  For brushed nickel finishes, stick with a solution of dish soap and water, applied with a soft cloth.

Watching Heroes last night made me think; superhero abilities are cool. Flying, super-human strength, super-healing, and every teenage boy’s favorite: x-ray vision.

But Desiree Sweet began thinking outside the phone booth to come up with her favorite Super-sex abilities.

1. Super-deep throating: Sure, this ability can be learned through practice, but wouldn’t it be great to have a superpower that erases the gag reflex?

2.    Super-flexibility: Every position in the Kama Sutra? That’s no problem for Elasti-girl. Just imagine the possibilities when you can bend, stretch and hang with no effort or fear of pulled muscles.

3.    The ability to breathe through your ears: Kevin Costner had this talent in the 1995 hit Waterworld, but he never put it to use the way we intend! This special ability would come in very handy for oral sex, making you a favorite partner of men and women alike!

I can imagine our male readers saying, “But you forgot super-size and the ability to last forever, Miss Sweet!”

While these traits may be appealing to some, if you’re going to be completely selfless and ask for a special power to please your partner, go with the ability to read minds. Wouldn’t it be great to know exactly which moves make your lover turn to jelly, and which ones leave her thinking about doing laundry?

Best of all, you don’t need to be a superhero to develop this ability. Slow down, watch, listen and communicate. Pay attention to verbal and non-verbal cues and vary your pace and motions based on her feedback. If you’re not sure how something feels, ask. If you have a special fantasy, share it. It may encourage her to do the same.

You don’t need to be born on a different planet to have super-sex… On the other hand, if you’re in the market for a super-fast, rocket launcher-equipped armor-plated Batmobile-style vehicle, you’re on your own.

In a recent post, I wrote about Everyday Turn-ons and mentioned the sexy things men do that have nothing to do with the deed.

It seems I wasn’t too far off the mark, and even have the backing of research professionals. Psychologist Professor Marita McCabe of Deakin University in Melbourne, Australia, recently commented, “Washing dishes can be foreplay.”

McCabe was discussing the surprising findings of a new study of 400 Australian women. The study showed that most women don’t exhibit sexual desire until after sex has begun.

Additionally, 60 percent of women believe their libido is unusually low. If 60 percent believe their libidos are lagging, this actually puts them in the majority. McCabe, then, wants to re-define what is “normal” for a woman’s sex drive.

“[I]f you’re working hard, if you’ve got kids, if you haven’t got much family support, it’s not surprising you’re not interested in sex at that time,” she said in one article. Women shouldn’t compare their sex drives to those of women on television, she asserted.

McCabe also noted that lack of communication and consideration from their partners are big turn-offs for most women.

I find the research sad, but believable. We all know Sex & the City and Desperate Housewives are not reality TV. Nevertheless, I’m concerned by McCabe’s seemingly defeatist attitude. Even if the proverbial “everyone” is doing it (or not Doing It, as the case may be) does that make it right? Should women resign themselves to a lackluster sex life?

I have to respond with a lusty, “No!”

Many factors, including fatigue, stress, work and children, according to McCabe, work against us when it comes to satisfying sexual encounters.

With a newborn in the house, I certainly understand what it means to be “too tired for sex.” But a good roll in the hay has been shown to energize us, reduce stress and bring us closer to our partners, which is good for our relationship and our family life. Ironically, the answer to overcoming minor sexual obstacles may lie in having more sex.

If you’re not turned on until you’re actually in the moment, that’s okay, too. It’s like the holidays: we suffer through the preparations and dread the celebration, imagining the worst. But once we’re in the moment, we have a damn good time.

I urge women – in Australia and across the world – to consider the results of McCabe’s study and use the knowledge to strive for something better. Whether it’s through toys, fantasies or just better communication with your mate, you can create the sexual experience you want.

You can also participate in a follow-up study by McCabe and postgraduate student Denise Goldhammer by completing an anonymous online questionnaire. The survey takes about 30 to 45 minutes and can be an interesting exercise, prompting an unbiased evaluation of your sex life from the person who knows best what is normal for YOU. As you answer the questions, think about what you can do to improve your love relationship, what areas are lacking, and what works for you and your partner.

How about you, Vibrator.com visitors? Are you in the 60 percent majority with a low libido or would your thoughts and actions make Carrie Bradshaw blush?

Rabbit Vibrators are the “Rolls Royce” of the vibrating world according to Oprah–”O” Magazine, June 2008. Ever since that famous episode on “Sex and the City” when prudish Charlotte receives the Rabbit Habit from her friend Miranda and hides away for days with her new love addiction, Rabbit vibrators have grown in popularity and have become the best-selling type of vibrator in the world. This original Rabbit has spawned hundreds of similar rabbit vibrators, all varying in design and complexity, from those that flutter the clitoris with multiple speeds, to gyrating, pulsating, multi-functional, dual-action super-heroines designed to take you to ecstasy.

But, let’s back up a bit.

The original Rabbit vibrator was invented in Japan over 25 years ago. Back then it was taboo to depict phallic sex toys, so a Japanese sex toy designer came up with the idea of disguising their toys by creating animal caricatures to hide their intended function: masturbation. Soon, women the world over learned that these whimsical creatures were not only cute, but functional as well. So began the Rabbit vibrator craze that swept through women’s bedrooms faster than a bunny on steroids.

Today, there are literally hundreds of Rabbit vibrators (also known as dual-action vibes) to choose from with many complex functions including multiple speeds, multi-directional rotations, as well as gyrating, escalating, pulsating, waving and fluttering vibration options. This makes it very difficult to find the one that is right for you. So let’s take a moment to break down the components of these sex toys and explore their basic functions.

Rabbit Vibrators are comprised of several features:

A clitoris stimulator, often in the shape of a bunny head with vibrating ears;

A dildo shaped vibrating shaft for vaginal penetration and/or G-spot stimulation;

And small rotating “pearls” at the base that pleasure vulva or vagina opening as well.

All these features combined made for a super-heroine sex toy that works together simultaneously to pleasure women, giving them the most intense orgasms they have experienced in their life.

Types of Rabbits

Rabbit Habit and Rabbit Pearl

The Rabbit Habit and the Rabbit Pearl, made by Vibratex, are the two most famous Rabbits. Both have penetrating shafts, rotating beads at the base and vibrating clitoral bunny ears. The Rabbit Pearl is the #1 selling vibrator in America and features a rotating shaft that swerves around to hit the G-spot and the control panel power pack with sliding controls is attached via a wire. The Rabbit Habit is similar in function to the Rabbit Pearl, but has its control panel with sliding buttons attached at the base of the toy. The sliding controls on each toy allow you to control the functions of the shaft and bunny ears independently or simultaneously as well as controlling speed and intensity. These toys are made of phthalate-free elastomer.

Sue Johanson’s Rabbits

Sue Johanson is Canada’s foremost sex counselor and now has brought her show to American viewers on Talk Sex with Sue Johanson on Oxygen TV. Sue endorses few products and the Royal Surfer is one of those. The Royal Surfer features a dolphin, rather than a rabbit as the clitoral stimulator and is made of soft, non-porous silicone. The clitoral dolphin head flickers the clitoris in 3 speeds, while the shaft features wavy ridges and rotates forward and reverse. This toy is also waterproof. The Royal Wizard is a curvy vibrator, also made of silicone with a vibrating clitoral stimulator and a rotating shaft for G-spot stimulation. Also has 3 speeds and is waterproof.

Rock Your World

The Rock Your World rabbit vibrator features butterfly wings instead of the usual bunny ears which flutters the entire clitoral area and labia (no missing with this toy) and a bendable G-spot stimulation shaft that rotates and vibrates at the head. It also features tiny Elastomer ticklers from the top of the toy to its base that add extra internal sensations.

Decadent Indulgence 1 and 2

The Decadent Indulgence comes in original Decadent Indulgence and an expanded Decadent Indulgence 2. The original Decadent Indulgence has a thicker shaft that the second and large metal beads that rotate around, as well as a hummingbird clitoral stimulator that is very intense. The original also has a 5th control button that allows you to cycle through various functions including 3 clitoral patterns, shaft rotation and reverse as well as speeds. The Decadent Indulgence 2 has over 300 functions, a slightly slimmer shaft and bunny ears instead of a hummingbird. The 300 functions include 10 speeds, escalating functions, rotating beads, and adjustable internal and external speeds as well as a button to cycle through all the functions. Both toys are made from jelly.

Triple Treat Rabbit Vibrator

Now, if you want triple stimulation, then the Triple Treat Rabbit Vibrator is the rabbit for you. This toy has the usual vibrating shaft and vibrating clitoral stimulator, but has added an extra vibrating slim shaft for rear entry. So you can stimulate the vagina, clitoris and anus all at once.

The popularity of Rabbit Vibrators lies in their diversity, the multiple functions they offer, and the dual stimulation. Approximately 70% of women do not orgasm from vaginal penetration alone, which is why adding clitoral stimulation is important, especially for women who have trouble reaching orgasm which is about 20%. Dr. Laura Berman (Oprah’s sex therapist) from the Berman Center found in her study that approximately half of women aged 18-65 use or have used a vibrator which she says aids in better sexual functioning, heightened arousal, easier orgasms, and greater sexual satisfaction. So whether you are a sex toy virgin, or a connoisseur of sensual delights, a Rabbit Vibrator is sure to hit all the right spots and give you more intense orgasms.

So you want to try anal sex.  You’ve heard about it, read about it, and maybe even had secret fantasies about it.  As an anal virgin you are curious, maybe a bit fearful, and wondering what it’s all about.  We are taught as children that the anus is a dirty, secret place and many of us carry those taboos with us into adulthood.  But, the anus is a very sensitive area, and, when given the proper attention, can bring one to a whole new level of ecstasy.  For men, the anus is the gateway to the prostate, a very sensitive area that many men may achieve orgasm from when stimulated.   Anal expert, Tristan Taormino notes that the “anus, anal canal, and rectum are wonderfully erogenous zones, rich in nerve endings and super-sensitive to stimulation and penetration. At the right angle, many women find that you can indirectly stimulate the G-spot through anal penetration.”  Many sex experts recommend that you arouse yourself in the regular ways, until you are good and hot before attempting anal play and to continue stimulation throughout.

The most important thing to consider with trying anal sex with a partner for the first time is that the person being penetrated is the one in charge.  Communication is essential with any type of sex play and even more so for anal play.  It is important to go slow, get fully aroused, use plenty of lubricant (and then some), and to listen to your partner’s needs and body language.  Because the anus has a very thin lining it is important to be careful not to tear it and to use condoms for safe sex purposes. Always stop if you experience pain or discomfort.

Solo Anal Play

The best way to try anal sex for the first time is through masturbation.  That way you are really in control and can decide how big, how far and how fast on your own.  Self exploration is important as it allows you to discover what feels best and how your body responds.  You also don’t have the pressure of performing or trying to satisfy your partner’s needs.

Warming Up: The Rosebud of Pleasure

Developed by massage therapist and sex educator Joseph Kramer, this is a good way to begin exploring anal pleasure.  First, begin with massaging your buttocks to get the blood flowing.  Try squeezing your cheeks with your fingers, raking your fingernails over your ass, and even slapping it.  Slowly begin to clench and unclench the asshole.  Next, lube your finger very well and rub the pad of you finger around the anal rim, exploring the sensitive rosebud.  Lube up the crack and slide your hand up and down.  Finally, when you feel ready, you can insert a finger inside the sphincter, gently stretching it and massage the silky skin inside.  It is also recommended to stimulate other areas of your body as you would naturally, to get yourself good and aroused.

Sex Toys for Anal Play

There are a large variety of sex toys available for anal play.  These include butt plugs, anal beads, anal vibrators, prostate stimulators, and anal dildos.  They all have different purposes and will give your body different types of pleasure.  Butt plugs have a narrow head and flared base.  They are generally used for anal training, starting from small and slim, to allow you to get used to having something in your anus.  These are inserted and then stay in place for as long as you want to keep them there.  Tantus makes a whole line of excellent butt plugs called Flirts in various sizes all made of medical grade silicone.  Anal vibrators and dildos are more for stroking penetration, similar to regular penile sex play with a partner.  They can often be used on a harness for lesbian penetrative sex and bend-over-boyfriends.  The Rude-Boy prostate stimulator is a great toy for men who want to try a bit of buzz, while the Vivid Red Hots Briana Vibe is a good choice for women.

Prostate stimulators like the Aneros are used to put pressure against the male prostate and are used in a rocking motion rather than in and out.  The male prostate is an area of immense pleasure and will often lead to intense orgasms when stimulated.  Anal beads, like the Bendybeads by Fun Factory, are one of the most non-threatening ways to begin anal adventures for anal virgins and can be used simultaneously with vaginal penetration or clitoral stimulation.  They are inserted one by one and then gently pulled out.

Any anal toy should have a wide base or a retrieval ring so the toy is easily removed.  When first exploring anal play it is important to start small and work your way up to larger sizes.  The most important “toy” for anal play is lubricant!  This cannot be stressed enough.  If you want to have a healthy, happy experience with anal play use lots of lube.  Good ones to try are Moist Anal Lube and Adam and Eve Anal Lube.

Anal Insertion

Like the vagina the anus can also receive enormous pleasure from the insertion of fingers or toys.  Start small, using a fingertip after you have stimulated the rosebud for a while, making sure to use lots of lubrication.  If your fingertip feels good you may want to insert the entire length of the finger, or even try two.  After a while, your anus will get more used to the feeling of fullness and you can try larger toys like slim butt plugs, anal beads, and anal dildos.

At first, anal play will feel strange and you will most likely want to push what is entering back out.  This is after all a natural reaction.  If you relax into it, however, anal insertion can be a wonderful experience that can intensify sexual play and orgasm.

Many people worry about mess during or after anal play.  Be sure to empty your bowels before anal play.  You can also choose to flush yourself out with an anal douche about an hour before play.  I found it much easier to enjoy anal play in the bath tub with toys designed for underwater fun.  It allows you to focus more on the pleasure and sensation, instead of worrying about messy accidents.  Also, a warm bath will help you relax, which is essential for anal play.

Anal Sex with Partners

Now that you’ve experienced a bit of solo play, it’s time to try out your new found passion with your partner.  Both men and women enjoy the experience of anal sex with a partner, no matter if you are GLBT or straight.  Most important is who is in control.  The partner being penetrated should always be in control of the pace and degree of penetration.  Anal sex is not supposed to hurt and if it does you are perhaps not ready or doing it wrong.  To avoid hurting your partner, make sure that you both communicate with each other.  “Mmmm, that feels good,” “More…”, “Back up a bit,” whatever works for you.  Express yourself.  Make sure you are ready for the experience and not being pressured into it just for your partner.  Try to relax, because a tight sphincter muscle can cause pain.  And use plenty of lube.  Oral anal play, called rimming, is a good way to arouse that area and make your partner relax for penetrative anal sex.  Learning the ins and outs of anal play will make you an expert.  For more expert information on anal play I recommend the DVD: Nina Hartley’s Advanced Guide to Anal Sex - For Men and Women; and the following books: The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men and The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women.

Bend Over Boyfriend

Some straight men have some misconceptions about anal sex (getting penetrated) that make them hesitant to try it out with their partner.  The prostrate is a very erogenous zone and the ultimate pleasure zone for men.  Anal sex will not make you gay.  That is a myth and many straight men enjoy anal play once they get over the social taboos.

Make sure your hands are clean or use gloves.  Also, trim your nails first as you don’t want to damage the delicate lining of the anus.  Next, you can saddle-up Cowgirl and move up to a dildo and a harness to give your guy the ride of his life!

Anal Do’s and Don’ts

Anal Do’s

•    Clean yourself and your toys.
•    Use a condom or latex gloves.
•    Trim nails of rough edges.
•    Relax, breath & take it slow.
•    Use lots of lube. I mean lots.
•    Stop if there is pain.
•    Only use toys with a flared base designed for anal play.

Anal Don’ts

•    Insert toys in the anus then the vagina as it may cause infection.
•    Insert sharp or foreign objects or anything too big.
•    Do it if you really don’t want it.
•    Hurry or force it.
•    Pressure your partner into it if they are not ready.

Domina Doll is a sex writer who writes articles and reviews for various magazines, zines and adult toy stores.  Visit her sexuality blog CherryBoxxx at http://cherryboxxx.wordpress.com/.

Lubricants are Essential

Lubricants were first designed for medical purposes, but it wasn’t long before people started using them for sexual purposes as well.  Lubrication is an essential part of sex play, whether it is for partner sex or masturbation.  Personal lubricants turn all sex play into an erotic adventure by adding extra wetness to reduce friction and dryness, enhance pleasure and sensation, and allowing all of your sexual parts to slide.

For Anal Play

For anal sex, lubes are essential as the anus does not naturally produce its own lubricant like the vagina.  Anal lubes are usually thicker than regular lubes and formulated specifically to reduce friction when having anal intercourse or using anal sex toys.  A popular anal sex lube is Anal Lube.  Silicone lubes are also popular for anal sex play as they stay slick much longer.  Some anal lubes contain desensitizing agents that numb the anus like Orajel that numbs a baby’s gums during teething.  Although this may work well for poor baby, I don’t recommend numbing agents in the anus as you are unable to feel pain associated with injury.  Anal play is supposed to feel good and not hurt.  Therefore, if you experience pain during anal sex then you are most likely taking in something too big, too fast.  It is important to be patient and take anal sex slow especially if you are an anal virgin or novice.  Relax, use plenty of lube and remember it is not a race.

For Women Only

Many women need added lubrication at least some of the time for various reasons regardless of age.  Most women need a longer warm-up time before intercourse and lubes can be used as a fun part of foreplay.  As women age, the vagina begins producing less natural lubricant, so adding additional lube during sex or masturbation is important for enhancing those experiences.  Many personal lubricants are formulated especially for women and there are those on the market for everyday use to help eliminate dryness.  For masturbation, lubrication is important as many sex toys both made for insertion and external stimulation tend to by drying. Women who are sensitive or prone to yeast infections should avoid lubes that contain sugars or glycerin which may alter the PH of the vagina.  Lubes with added parabens which can cause irritation and rashes should also be avoided by women who have sensitivity issues.  Nonoxynol-9 is another ingredient that is sometimes added to lubes.  It is a popular contraceptive gel ingredient and has been promoted as a protection against HIV.  However, N-9 is a harsh detergent-like compound that creates tiny abrasions in the mucous membranes of the vagina and anus, creating a greater risk for the transmission of HIV and other STDs.  All women should avoid oil-based lubes as these are not formulated for women’s genitals.  The best lubes for women are water-based and silicone.  Moist Personal Lubricant and Pjur Eros - Body Glide Women are specially formulated for women’s sensitive parts and are available in both water and silicone-based formulations.

Lubes for Guys

For men, there are several types of lubricants available for different types of sex play.  Silicone lubes are great for anal play and/or vagina penetrative sex and include popular brands like Wet Platinum and ID Millennium.  Oil-based lubes like Boy Butter and Elbow Grease are popular lubes for hand-jobs.  Oil-based lubricants are NOT latex condom compatible, however, so shouldn’t be used in penetrative sex (either anal or vagina) unless a polyurethane condom like Trojan Supra or Durex Avanti is used.

To Spit or Not to Spit

While spit can lubricate the genitals at first it dries out quickly and it’s a dirty habit.  Seriously.  The human mouth contains more germs (oral flora and bacteria) than most animals and can cause irritation and infection.  Saliva, like other bodily fluids is capable of transmitting STD’s, herpes and AIDS as well.  So while you may have seen spit-swapping in adult films, remember not everything your see in movies is recommended for real life experiences.

Cooking Oils as Lubricants

Okay, we’ve all heard of people using cooking oils like Crisco and other household products like WD40 as sexual lubricants.  I’ll even admit that I used vegetable oil once for a night of slip-and-slide sex on a plastic sheet.  But, cooking oils and other household lubricants are not formulated for the skin and especially the genitals.  These oils can cause serious irritation, clog pores, don’t allow the skin to breathe, are not condom safe and should never go anywhere near the vagina.  So let’s just leave those cooking oil sex stories to the stupid-human-tricks archive, for we know better in this day and age and don’t need to repeat our parents dumb mistakes.  Never use Crisco, WD40, Vaseline or Baby Oil on your precious private parts.

Personal Lubricants for Sexual Pleasure

Water-based

Water-based personal lubricants are the most versatile for all types of sex play.  They feel more natural and are therefore great for a variety of penetrative sex.  Water-based lubes are water soluble which means they won’t stain fabrics and wash away easily from the body.  They are also compatible with condoms and other latex products so perfect for safe sex practices and won’t ruin your sex toys.  On the downside, water-based lubes dry more quickly than silicone and oil-based lubes, sometimes leaving a sticky residue. Because of this they need to be reapplied often during partner sex or solo play.  Many water-based lubes also contain sugars or glycerin so should be avoided by women who are prone to yeast infections.  Water-based lubricants are also not compatible with water sex play in the bathtub, pool or hot tub as they will wash away.

Oil-based

Oil-based lubricants are the best types of lubes for men who want to jack’n off their beanstalk.  These lubes are super slick, water-resistant and long lasting.  They are also great for anal sex when used with polyurethane condoms.  They should not be used with latex condoms, however, as oils break down latex and make them unsafe.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: oil-based lubes should stay clear of the vagina as they can attract bacteria and cause infections.  Oils will also stain fabrics and cause dyes to run in sex toys.

Silicone-based

Silicone-based personal lubricants have been promoted as being superior to that of water and oil-based lubes.  This is because they are hypo-allergenic, condom and latex safe, are very long-lasting, and water resistant.  Silicone lubes are great for partner sex, penetration, masturbation and even sensual massage.  These lubes stay on top of the skin creating a slippery glide that will not absorb or dry out.  For this reason, they also don’t wash away as easily as water-based lubes.  They are also not recommended to use with silicone or Cyberskin sex toys as they will cause a chemical reaction that will melt the toy.

Flavored Lubes

These days personal sexual lubricants come in every flavor imaginable from Bubblegum and Watermelon to Pina Colada and Passion Fruit.  Tangy, fruity lubes are a great addition for oral sex and foreplay, making your lover taste juicy and sweet.  ID Juicy Flavored Lubricant is my personal favorite as it contains no sugars or dyes, is water-based and latex compatible.  It comes in a variety to flavors and is not as sickly sweet as some of the other flavored lubes.

Stimulating and Desensitizing Lubes

Some lubricants have stimulating properties that create pleasurable warming, cooling or tingling sensations on the genitals.  Many stimulating lubes or gels are formulated for women to enhance clitoral sensitivity by increasing blood flow to the genitals, but can also be used by men.  Desensitizing lubes containing Lidocaine are formulated for men to prolong erections.  Some stimulating lubes can be very strong and may cause a burning sensation on some people, so caution should be used when trying them.  ID Sensation Warming Liquid is a gentle, pleasant warming lube that enhances sex and masturbation play.  Stud Delay Spray is a popular brand of desensitizing spray for men and I have been told by men that it acts almost instantly so is ready when you are.

Natural Organic Lubes

More and more people are buying organic lubes or all-natural lubricants as alternatives to pharmacy based products.  As people become more concerned about what kind of foods they put into their body, they are also becoming concerned about what they put on their body.  After all, skin is the body’s largest organ and is capable of absorbing 60% of all chemicals you put on it which eventually ends up in the blood stream.   Lubricants may be absorbed through the mucus membranes of the vagina and anus even more so because there is no barrier for protection.  Most certified organic lubricants also contain no irritating parabens, fragrances, chemicals or sugars, so will not cause rashes or yeast infections.  My favorite all time lube is Yes® water-based personal organic lubricant which is currently only available through their website.

Domina Doll is a sex writer who writes articles and reviews for various magazines, zines and adult toy stores.  Visit her sexuality blog CherryBoxxx at http://cherryboxxx.wordpress.com/.

From mom’s apple pie (does anyone’s mom really bake apple pie anymore?) to your ex-boyfriend’s cologne, smells conjure up powerful memories. That’s because they are the only sense that directly connects to the hippocampus, the part of the brain that stores emotional memories.

But they can also work as amazing natural aphrodisiacs. Certain scents—perhaps that ex-boyfriend’s cologne—are “personal” aphrodisiacs, triggering memories that make you amorous.

Have fond memories of doing it on the beach? Then the tropical scent of suntan lotion might get you going. For me, rum and coke usually does it—and I don’t even have to have a drink! I just have fond memories of nights spent sipping this sweet and pungent drink.

However, other smells seem to work as aphrodisiacs regardless of your personal associations. Rose and patchouli (not necessarily together), for instance, have been shown to be aphrodisiacs for men and women. I can vouch for the patchouli, and it’s rare if hubby brings me flowers and doesn’t “get some” that night.

In a clinical study, psychiatrist Alan Hirsch, author of Scentsational Sex and neurological director of the Smell and Taste Treatment Research Foundation in Chicago, discovered that the combination of pumpkin pie and lavender scents help rev up a man’s libido, while the smell of cucumbers and, oddly, Good and Plenty candies (think licorice) work for many women. So that explains Bath & Bodyworks men’s line in cucumber melon—I had always wondered about that!

The scent of strawberries, too, a food long-noted for its aphrodisiac properties, can help create a mood of romance.

In this post, we explored whether aphrodisiacs actually work and, according to several studies, few actually do. So we’re back to the mental and emotional effects of certain scents, and the way they trigger positive, possibly kinky, memories. In  fact, because of the positive associations and the strong emotional memories evoked by scents, smells may be the most powerful aphrodisiacs available.

Whether you seek your favorite smells in the form of candles, massage oils, or condoms, why not employ another powerful sex organ, your nose, in the bedroom tonight?

Here is a list of some scents recommended for having aphrodisiac properties:

Rose
Strawberry
Vanilla
Pumpkin Pie
Cinnamon
Buttered Popcorn (movie night, anyone?)
Jasmine
Patchouli
Chocolate
Lavender (do not use if pregnant)
Cucumber
Ginger
Licorice
Sandalwood

The Pubococcygeus Muscle

The vagina—just like every other part of your body—needs regular exercise to keep it resilient, healthy and happy. Overtime, the vagina and its surrounding muscles on the pelvic floor can weaken, stretch, become torn and no longer offer support due to pregnancy, childbirth, aging, being overweight, abdominal surgery and inactivity. An important part of vaginal health is exercising a muscle called the PC muscle (pubococcygeus muscle). It is a hammock-shaped muscle that stretches from the pubic bone to the tail bone. It forms the pelvic floor and supports the pelvic organs including the bladder, urethra and vagina.

Advantages of Good PC Health

Exercising your PC muscle has numerous advantages because it strengthens the pelvic floor. Strengthening this area will help prevent prolapse (slipping or sagging of the uterus), incontinence (loss of bladder or bowel control) and constipation. For women who are pregnant, a fit PC muscle will help relax muscles during birth allowing for easier deliveries through the birthing canal. After vaginal births, working the PC muscle will benefit you by restoring vaginal muscle tone and promoting perineal healing (the area between the anus and vagina that can stretch or tear during birth).

Some women suffer from painful disorders like vaginismus (pain from vaginal insertion), dyspareunia (painful intercourse) and female sexual dysfunction (loss of sex drive or diminished sexual satisfaction). Working your PC muscles will help make your vagina and pelvic floor stronger and more elastic which means it will stretch easier during sexual intercourse. It will also help stimulate the sex drive by increasing blood flow to the pelvic region which will enhance sensitivity and arousal as well as allow you to achieve orgasm easier. It is important however to consult your doctor if you suffer from any of the above disorders, before beginning any exercise routine.

Enhancing the Sexual Experience

Training your PC muscles is not only for women who suffer from disorders. PC workouts are very beneficial for all women, regardless of your age, your vagina’s physical condition, or whether or not you have given birth. Why? Since the PC muscle also encircles the outside of the vagina, healthy PC muscles will improve sexual arousal, allow you to feel your partner more fully during intercourse and intensify your partner’s pleasure by tightening the vagina cavity, thus enhancing lovemaking for both of you. And, that’s not all. Strong PCs allow you to reach orgasm more easily, experience more powerful and pleasurable orgasms, and may even help you achieve multiple orgasms as you learn to better control and respond to your sexual arousal. Fit PC muscles also improve G-spot stimulation and can help you learn to experience G-spot orgasms and female ejaculation. Rhythmic squeezing of your PC muscles during intercourse will help increase lubrication, stimulate the clitoris, and massage your partner’s penis to take him to new heights of sexual ecstasy.

Finding your PC Muscle

It is very easy to find your PC muscle. You probably use it on a daily basis without even being aware of it. It is the muscle you use when you stop urinating mid-stream. The muscles of your pelvic floor tighten and your vaginal muscles clench when you activate this muscle. A method of locating the PC muscle is to insert a finger or two inside your vagina and squeeze until you feel the muscles gripping your fingers. So now that you’ve found it, how do you exercise it?

Kegel Exercises

Kegel exercises are how you work the PC muscles, strengthen the pelvic floor and restore muscle tone to this area. Named after Dr. Arnold Kegel, kegels consist of contracting and relaxing the muscles in rhythmic intervals. There are different types of kegels and different methods for exercising them. Regularity when doing kegels is more important than how many you do in sequence. It is therefore recommended to do any of the following exercises three times a day. You can even mix them up. The exercises become easier the more often you do them. Remember to relieve your bladder first before performing kegels.

Basic Kegel

The Basic kegel is a slow, controlled squeeze of the PC muscle, as you draw upward and inward. Imagine that you are sucking water up through your vagina (you can actually do this in the bathtub when your PC muscles are strong). Each time you do this hold for a count of 3-5 seconds. Repeat 10 times.

Pulsing Kegels

Pulsing kegels involves squeezing and releasing the PC muscle rapidly in quick succession, in a pulsing tempo. It is important to maintain control during these, instead of aiming for speed. It is not a race. Work your way up 25 or 30 pulses.

Kegel Push-Outs

This exercise engages the PC muscles more thoroughly giving a great workout. Slowly squeeze in, taking a deep breath, then slowly, gently push out, releasing your breath. Continue in a slow, in-out sequence, breathing in, and then out in time with each contraction. Repeat 10-20 times.

Elevator Kegels

This is my favorite kegel and I find it really works to tighten those muscles. Imagine that your vagina is an elevator shaft with the opening at the vagina entrance. Slowly pull the muscles in starting at the vagina, continuing to tighten as you go up the shaft like an elevator going up to the top floor. Pause at the top, and then slowly lower in reverse sequence. You will feel the difference just after a few times. Repeat 10-20 times.

Kegels and Sex Toys

There are several “sex toy” products now available on the market that enhances kegel exercises. I think of them as barbells for the vagina. Just as adding weight-training to an exercise routine helps improve strength and muscle tone, adding sex toys to your kegels increases resistance and gives you something to squeeze around, adding an extra benefit to the workout. You can do this as part of your regular kegel workout, or during masturbation. Who knew that doing something so pleasurable could benefit you as well! Try using the following toys while enjoying clitoral stimulation simultaneously to enhance your enjoyment as well as the power of your orgasms.

Duo-tone, Orgasm or Ben Wa Balls

You’ve probably heard of Ben Wa Balls . These are small weighted balls (usually plastic or metallic) that are inserted into the vagina for the purpose of kegel exercises and enhanced masturbation. The balls feel like they move around inside you because of the weights as they boost sensation to the entire area. Use them by clenching and doing kegels with them.

SmartBalls by FunFactory

SmartBalls are my favorite kegel sex toy. Like everything made by FunFactory, Smartballs are both innovative and high quality. Smartballs are two small metal balls inside a coating of silicone connected by an elastomer string that make them comfortable and sleek. They are inserted into the vagina where they vibrate and titillate, giving you a targeted work out for your PC muscles. They are a little larger than most other orgasm balls as well, making them easier to clench on to.

Berman Center Isis Beginning Pelvic Exerciser

The Isis is a dildo type pelvic exerciser made of smooth glass that is bowed at the ends. One end is inserted into the vagina and acts as a resistance to squeeze your vagina and PC muscles around. Try the Isis with any of the former mentioned exercises or during masturbation for enhanced play.

Natural Contours Energie

Natural Contours has designed a great product for doing kegels called Energie. It is weighted vaginal barbell that works the same as the Isis, but even better. The Energie is made of sleek hard plastic that is ergonomically shaped for ultimate comfort. Not only will this barbell strengthen your PC muscles while doing kegels, but it is perfectly shaped for G-Spot stimulation and self-pleasure. One end is slightly larger than the other as well, giving you a bit of variety.

So there it is. An exercise that will benefit your sexual pleasure as well as your health that you can do while masturbating or having sex. Who could ask for anything more? And, don’t underestimate the power of you PC. The first time you squeeze your vagina around your partner’s penis you will be delighted by his response. Not to mention the delight you will feel by your own heightened sexual experience. So, don’t delay. Keep your vagina resilient, healthy and happy. And, as Sue Johanson says: “Use it or loose it!”

Masturbation has been one of the most tabooed subjects throughout history and destructive myths still circulate in today’s society. Yet, it is the most common form of sexual play and a study by the Kinsey Institute maintains that between 62 percent of women and 92 percent of men jill and jerk-off regularly.

So, where did the negativity and guilt stem from?

Historically, masturbation was condemned due to the assumption that the “spilling of seed”—since men allegedly had a limited amount—was a wasteful act that endangered the survival of the species. The ancient Taoists believed that sperm held the life force (chi) and ejaculation would cause as loss in virility. Hippocrates believed that loss of semen would result in spinal problems. These days, we know that men produce 50,000 sperm per minute, so those ancient stigmas no longer make sense.

The “wasting of seed” further gained negative associations with the dawn of Christianity. The Church condemned masturbation as a “selfish act” because it allowed one to experience a kind of ecstasy that conflicted with religious ecstasy. “Onanism” originates in Genesis 38:9 . Onan refused to have sex with his brother’s widow and “spilled his semen on the ground to keep from producing offspring”. Although this taboo finds its seeds in Onan, the term is inaccurately associated with masturbation, for it was “coitus interruptus” or premature withdrawal that was the actual sin committed. Many Christian leaders today support the practice of masturbation as an act of self-love.

Thomas Laqueur traces the negative attitudes about masturbation to the following text in his book Solitary Sex: Cultural History of Masturbation.
In 1712, an anonymous physician published a text called “Onania” or, The Heinous Sin of Self Pollution, and all its Frightful Consequences which warned about the dangers of defiling your own body. He linked masturbation to sodomy and homosexuality and claimed it caused numerous ailments including blindness, insanity and stunted growth.

Over the centuries, physicians considered masturbation the worst form of the “wasting.” These corrupted ideas were the basis for an obsession to exorcize society from “self pollution” and was blamed for everything from acne and gout, to backache and epilepsy, madness and nymphomania. Female masturbation was viewed as a “moral leprosy” and many diseases were blamed on it such as cancer, hysteria and mania. Female clitorectomy—or, the surgical removal of the clitoris—was one of the terrible mutilations performed on girls under the guise of a cure.

Negative attitudes were further supported in the early 1900s by Graham (Graham cracker) and cereal developer John Harvey Kellogg who described masturbation as “the vilest, the basest and the most degrading act that a human being can commit.” Both of these men lead a health food crusade against sexual excess, including masturbation. Numerous “anti-masturbation” torture devices were invented with their stamp of approval including genital cages, spiked chastity belts and shock therapy applied to the genitals of young boys. Other inhuman therapies included the use of blistering powders on the genitals or leeches and bloodletting. Cutting the foreskin was also a popular remedy and in some extreme cases, patients had their foreskin pierced by a wire and soldered together. Most brutal was forced castration.

Current myths about masturbation or (OM) still inspire guilt. As recently as 1994, at least 50 percent of adults said they still felt guilty about masturbating. Most of these concerns are due to the persistence of social stigmas associated with masturbation and the “discomfort associated with discussions of sexuality” in general. But, rest assured. They are only myths and will not:

• reduce your arousal over time
• turn you into a homosexual
• cause infertility or impotence
• make your penis shrink
• cause STDs or AIDS
• make you go bald
• cause hair to grow on your palms
• or turn you into a werewolf

Today we know the myths associated with masturbation are no more than sex-negative propaganda. Solo sex is no longer a crime to be punished, nor a disorder to be cured. Sexologists now recognize that masturbation is a normal, natural act that promotes vitality and health. Research shows that masturbation has numerous health benefits and improves prostate health in men, reduces pre-menstrual cramping in women, provides a healthy release for sexual tension, and is the ultimate in safe sex. Psychotherapists agree “that a lack of masturbatory experience may be related to psychopathology, rather than the practice of autoeroticism.” In fact, Masters and Johnson—a team of physicians responsible for pioneering the field of human sexuality—have established that masturbation does not cause any “negative short-term or long-term medical health effects” what-so-ever. Therefore, the only dilemma that masturbation may cause is “laundry problems.”

It’s a telltale sign that I’m a product of Generation X, but when I saw this news report talking about a study on the dangers of oral sex, all I could think of was the line uttered by Dante in the original Clerks: “You sucked 37 dicks?!”

I’ve long believed that the 1994 Kevin Smith movie played a role in blow jobs becoming, for better or worse, the teenage equivalent of making out in recent decades. My husband often laments that the movie hadn’t been made yet when he was a teenager; I tell him to quit complaining and then I start making up for lost time.

A study from Johns Hopkins University, however, shows that unprotected oral sex, especially with multiple partners over time, may not be the “safe sex” alternative many teenagers view it as. Sure, it can’t get you pregnant, but strains of the HPV virus, shown to cause cervical cancer in women, can be transmitted orally and are linked to head, neck and throat cancer.

Anyone who is not monogamous should understand the risks associated with oral sex without a condom or dental dam. Not only can HPV be spread through unprotected oral sex, but so can gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes and HIV. Maybe this is old news, but it bears repeating.

What surprised me is the prevalence of HPV-related throat cancer. According to the Johns Hopkins report, the cancer afflicts approximately 11,000 people in the U.S. each year, making it an equal threat as cervical cancer.

To date, no study has been done regarding the effect of Gardasil, Merck’s questionable vaccine to protect against certain strains of HPV, to prevent throat cancer.

Now, I’m the first one to rail against “alarmist” studies. But I feel this is important information that should be shared. Condoms and dental dams can reduce the risk of spreading HPV, but not eliminate it entirely.

Still, with the lines of colorful and tasty condoms available today, there’s really no excuse, if you’re not in a monogamous relationship, to use a condom during oral sex.

And if you take some time and learn to put the condom on using only your mouth and tongue, I seriously doubt you’ll hear your partner complain!

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