Holiday Cheer

Spice up your holidays! Make that special someone in your life stand up and take notice!

This time of year we usually reflect on the previous year and find the bright spots and the regrets. We are thankful for the bright spots and look to see what caused the regrets. Often, we find that the spark may be going out of our relationship. Life has it’s up and downs and it usually takes it toll on us and in turn on the ones we love. Whether it be a financial situation, the loss of a loved one, stress at work, etc.,  we tend to take it out on the one closest to us.

Take a step back, reevaluate and do something out of the ordinary to rekindle that spark. Think of something that would really turn your partner on.  Maybe he/she has been talking about trying something new. Maybe adding some sexual aids to your foreplay. Try it. It doesn’t have to be something like bondage. It could be something as simple as a flavored lubricant. Just the thought of trying something new could turn your partner on. But stay within your comfort zone. Don’t so anything that will make you feel uncomfortable. Sometimes just changing the “routine” can do a world of good. Showing that you care enough to put the effort in can go a long way. And you might be surprised to find that by trying to please your partner you are pleasing yourself in the process. Have fun. Relax. Enjoy! It’s not just about the sex, it’s about the intimacy and the caring. Take the time to appreciate what you have and cherish it.

Make this holiday season not just about the hustle and bustle of shopping for the perfect gift. Make it about spending time with your partner and rediscovering each other. Try to remember what made you fall in love with him/her in the first place and go from there. Sometimes going back to the basics is the best bet. Remember what you love about him/her. What makes you smile when you think about being together?  Sometimes just putting some thought into a relationship is all it takes to spark it up.

After you’ve considered all of your options, act on it. Put on that sexy outfit. Or maybe just a bow. Surprise your lover with you for Christmas!

Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas!

My first dildo

So, I was 27 before I really was comfortable using sex toys.  However I bought my first sex toy when I was 20.  Knowing nothing about sex toys I just chose one that looked like it was a good size and it was a pretty purple color.  It was just a simple jelly dildo, probably cost me less than $10.  I think I bought it more to be able to say that I had one, rather than because I really wanted to use one.

The thing is; I never actually used it.  I was always nervous, almost embarrassed to use it.  I would get really, really horny, and take it out and look at it, but wouldn’t use it.  Eventually I’d insert it maybe once, and then start feeling things I’d never felt before, both physically and emotionally, and I’d get scared so I wouldn’t use it anymore.

Now by that time I had been sexually active, previously.  So I had experienced vaginal penetration by a couple different sized and shaped penises.  So it wasn’t the size and/or shape that threw me off.  I think it was that I was … well, penetrating myself.  While interpreting my feelings so long after the fact I think I felt like I shouldn’t have to masturbate, I never had a shortage of partners so it wasn’t like I wasn’t getting any.

Growing up in the upper Midwest things like sex toys, masturbation, kink and all that were very taboo and hush-hush.  There was something “wrong” with you if you masturbated or wanted unusual things.  It is entirely possible that part of my nervousness with using the dildo came with the fact that the only adult store in my home town was very run down, dark, dank and shabby.  The place that even during the day I wouldn’t ever go into alone.  Granted it’s cleaned up now, when you buy something in a place that’s that creepy the experience leaves it’s mark.

In the end I got rid of the toy; I never really used it.  And I certainly didn’t finger myself.  It wasn’t until a few years later when my husband left me that I got a couple vibrators and actually used them from time to time.  And now I’m an avid sex toy reviewer with bins overflowing with toys!

So, share with us your first experience(s) with a sex toy!  Were you all over it, or nervous like I was?

Photo by: The Chanel ( Sepia Dildos)

Phone Sex, Anyone?

Your partner is out of town on a long assignment. Maybe it’s been a long week and all you really want is to be together. There is a way. A lot of people have never considered phone sex an option, but perhaps they should. A well planned encounter can be powerful foreplay, guaranteeing a passionate reunion. Before you start dialing consider some of the following points.

Be Comfortable
Comfort is different for each person. Personally, I prefer to be freshly showered, shaved, and lotioned because it makes me feel sexy. I wear night gowns because I don’t want to bother with the awkwardness of removing my pants in the heat of the moment. Phone sex is as much mental as it is physical, so it’s important that you can really relax. So being comfortable is the first step.

Eliminate Distractions
If your sweetie were home, you’d turn off the TV and put the cell phones away. Phone sex is no exception. You certainly don’t want to be distracted while talking with your partner. Then be sure to allow yourself plenty of time to enjoy the experience. In some ways phone sex can take longer because you are talking through things that you wouldn’t normally need to verbalize. Also consider the lighting. Try a small lamp or candles instead of harsh overhead lighting. Go ahead and gather anything you will need (toys, lube, etc.) to ensure that you won’t have to go find something once you get started.

Conversation
Generally speaking, I have found that phone sex conversation flows easier when you talk about what you ‘would like to do’ rather than what you ‘are doing’. For example, “I wish I were there. I want to trace that sensitive spot behind your ear with my tongue” is more intriguing and easier to believe than “I’m licking your neck right now.” Some people really enjoy role play, in which case you make take that approach. For many though, the former will flow a little easier. Once you’ve had this conversation and you’re mentally in the moment, someone will usually ask, “what are you doing right now?” At that point you are going to talk about what you are doing, but I still suggest staying focused on what you ‘wish’ you were doing. “I’m rubbing my clit. I wish you were here.” “I wish I were there too. I’m so hard right now. I wish I could slide into your wet pussy.” As the conversation heats up you should let your partner know exactly how you are touching yourself. The closer you come to release, the more vocal you should become about exactly what you want, exactly what you are wishing for. Let your partner know when come. That’s what you are both waiting to hear.

Ending the Call
Those first few minutes after you’ve finished can be awkward, especially since it is possible that you won’t finish at the same time. You may be feeling like you should say something, but you aren’t sure what to say. Honestly, there is no need to speak until you’ve both caught your breath. Comfortable silence can be good. If this is your partner, something like, “I love you. I can’t wait to see you again,” would be a very appropriate follow-up. Having had several casual encounters, I’ve found that keeping it lighthearted is best. Muster up your best Joey Tribbiani voice and ask, “Was it good for you?” if you want to get a laugh. You wouldn’t rush out the door immediately after sex, so try not to rush off the phone too quickly either. Don’t cut your partner off mid-sentence or hang-up. However, if the conversation was all about the sex to begin with, it’s ok to say goodnight and hang up the phone.

Cyber Sex
Cyber sex is obviously different from phone sex. I want to touch on this for a briefly because I’ve had a few pleasurable experiences with it and a few just-plain-awkward ones as well. Cyber-sex can be difficult. For starters, you’re typing. That takes both hands. This is one reason cyber-sex is more like mutually writing a good sex scene. You do tend to lean more towards present tense, and you go backand forth describing the situation and what you are “doing”. For me, I don’t generally get off from these encounters directly, but once the exchange is over I can re-read what we’ve created and get myself off then. In a perfect world phone sex and cyber sex are not substitutes for the real thing, but rather great methods of foreplay for couples who are separated for long periods of time. For singles with no current love interests though? It can also be kindling for some great self-play. So think about it, get used to the idea if you aren’t already, and give it a try!

D. Scandal: I’m just a single girl in a small town looking to keep life interesting.  I’m full of contradictions and that’s part of what makes me who I am. You can read all about my exploits and secrets at my blog Scandal in the Choir Loft.

Online Dating: When the Small Town Dating Pool Dries Up

In a small town, if you haven’t met someone locally by the age of 25 or 30, then there is a serious chance you aren’t going to meet them.  If you’re like me, you simply haven’t met anyone that you can see yourself getting serious with, and you don’t want to settle. You’ve also likely met a few people who would give anything for you to settle and date them.

Another thing that small town singles do is fill out online dating profiles. Online dating is an undertaking that requires you to “own it”, and take control of it from the beginning or it can be a miserable disaster. These are all of my tips for online dating, especially in small towns. Most of them were learned the hard way.

There are definitely a few bumps in the initial process. First, you’re going to have to put on your big girl panties and hurt some feelings. Those guys who want you to settle for them? They’re online too, and they think that because you’ve now signed up for this site, you must be desperate. The first week or two involves crushing those poor individuals all over again. Once you get through that, there will be plenty of people who are desperate and will send you message after message even if you don’t have anything in common. Most sites have developed nifty little blocking applications. Don’t be afraid to use them! These people don’t know you and you don’t know them. You can’t be overly worried about
hurting their feelings.

Don’t be shy. If you see a profile you like, send a message. If they don’t answer, there’s no harm done. If they answer and it wasn’t what you expected, just be honest. Either they will gracefully accept what you say and appreciate your honesty, or they will make an ass of themselves and confirm your initial thoughts. Just because you talk to someone on the site doesn’t mean you have to give them your phone number or personal e-mail. In fact, I don’t necessarily recommend it until after a first date. That way if it doesn’t work out, you don’t have to deal with drunk texting or that sort of thing later on. Avoid people who put off meeting in person. There are a lot of people who join online dating sites just to find people to talk to online. If you’ve been e-mailing for a week with some degree of enjoyment, it’s time to think about a real life date. People do occasionally have legitimate real life situations that will cause them to reschedule, but if a week or so and two or three missed dates later you still haven’t met, it’s probably time to pull that plug.

And finally, be open to dating several people before finding someone you want to be in a relationship with. It can take a while to find someone you are actually compatible with. These are just suggestions. Some people would much rather give their number immediately and not bother with messaging on- site. But I like my privacy. There are also plenty of people who like having several guys around just for conversation. I’ve got friends though, and I don’t need to be juggling them with guys that I’ve never met (and probably will never meet). It can be a frustrating endeavor, but you’ll always have a healthy list of funny stories!

Side Note: This is my experience with free dating sites. I will admit that it can be less complicated on sites where you pay a subscription, but on those sites potential dates tend to be looking for long-term relationships that lead to marriage and at the time I wasn’t looking for that just yet, so I went to more popular free sites.

D. Scandal: I’m just a single girl in a small town looking to keep life interesting.  I’m full of contradictions and that’s part of what makes me who I am. You can read all about my exploits and secrets at my blog Scandal in the Choir Loft.

One Good Reason to Lock Up Your Vibes

Have you ever had an embarrassing vibrator incident? Perhaps you didn’t remove the batteries and you found the toy turned on when you picked up your checked bags at the airport. Or maybe you left a dildo out when the cleaning lady came over. If you play with vibrators frequently, you probably have at least one embarrassing sex toy incident.

When you’re a parent, these embarrassing moments may involve kids.

Most parents of toddlers know what a challenge it is to find a few minutes alone to go to the bathroom. While he was watching his two-year-old son, my friend Jordan had to go. He brought his son into the master suite with him, closing the bedroom door so his son could wander in the bedroom while Jordan did his business in the attached bathroom.

Jordan knew there wasn’t anything in the master bedroom his son could get hurt on. But the room hadn’t exactly been babyproofed, either. It wasn’t long before Jordan heard dresser drawers and cabinet doors opening and closing.

Jordan began having misgivings about the idea but it was too late for him to get up and do anything about it. Then he heard a telltale buzzing sound. Then he heard his son giggle.

Yes. His toddler had found the wife’s vibrator. Buzz. “Giggle.” Buzz. Buzz. Child’s laughter.

From the bathroom, Jordan began calling his son. “Come here, kiddo. Let me see what you have there. Can you show it to Daddy?”

Of course, the more you want a toddler to do something, the less inclined he is to do it. Children sense this. They also somehow know when a parent is helpless to stop them. Jordan began looking around frantically for something to divert the boy’s attention. He found a toilet paper roll. “Come here, son…”

The boy stepped closer, still playing with the buttons on the vibe and giggling at the funny sounds. This new toy was far more interesting than a toilet paper roll. The boy stood just out of reach of Jordan, who was still pleading with the boy to give the item to Daddy.

Then, of course, Jordan’s son got ready to do another thing toddlers often do. Jordan leapt up from the bowl, trying to catch the boy and grab the vibrator. The toddler stood poised with the sex toy, still buzzing, in front of his open mouth, ready to give it the toddler taste test.

If this isn’t reason enough to buy a locking case for your vibrator collection, I don’t know what is. Even if you think you don’t have to lock up your toys because no one besides you and your partner ever enter the master bedroom and if they do, they surely won’t be rummaging through your dresser drawers — I’m sure Jordan thought the same thing.

Seven Tips to Better, Safer Cybersex

“I’m going to have you all over the Web!” I uttered to a close friend.

Um, wait… that wasn’t exactly what I meant, and knowing the friend is an author of erotica, my words took on a whole new meaning. I was really just interviewing her for a writer’s blog, since she recently signed on as editor at a publishing company and just got proofs of her first published erotic short.

But if you choose to “have” someone (in the sexy sense of the word), the Web has plenty of venues in which to do so. My preference is plain old cybersex through a text-based chat interface of your choice — Digsby, Facebook, AIM … G-Talk is my favorite, but only because of the innuendo in its name.

Cybersex is easy and relatively safe. You can’t transmit or receive STDs, and don’t have to worry about condoms, pregnancy, or even cleaning up a mess on the sheets (okay, well maybe the last one!) Here are a few tips to have better, safer cybersex.

1. Set the stage with strong imagery. While words can be sexy, pictures bring our fantasies to life. That’s why porno DVDs sell so much better than erotic novels. Create a picture in your cyber-lover’s mind with your words. Tell the  tale of what you’re wearing — except if it’s flannel pants and a baggy sweatshirt. Then use your imagination to make up the sexiest outfit you can think of, and describe it in glorious detail. That’s one great thing about cybersex — he’ll never know you’re fibbing!

2. Don’t let typos and “net-speak” distract you or your cybersex partner. Proper spelling makes a smoother read for everyone. And how much longer does it really take to type “your” instead of “ur?”    In fact, most people over age 18 actually have to take more time to convert appropriate spelling into net-speak in our minds before we type. It’s easier to spell out most words. On the other hand, don’t obsess over correct grammar. Just do the best you can and get lost in the moment. Your lover will know what you mean.

3. Be explicit. The hottest cybersex I ever had involved a play-by-play interaction of exactly what I’d do to my lover — and what he’d do to me. We held nothing back, describing everything from the first caress to our mutual, and simultaneous, orgasms.

4. Be creative. Cybersex is a fabulous form of fantasy. Don’t worry if it’s nothing you’d actually want to do in person — you can still talk about it. I’ve had sexy conversations with my lover discussing acts I’m not quite ready for, but are fun to think about! By the same token, there’s no reason to bring the conversation around to anything that makes you uncomfortable. You can steer things in the right direction by sayer (er, typing) “How about we…?”

5. Don’t reveal personal details. I’m not going to be judgmental. Some people have cybersex with strangers. If you do, be careful not to reveal personal details. It’s okay to share the color of your underwear or your favorite sex position, but don’t reveal where you live, for instance, or your place of business or your favorite hangout. You don’t know if the person on the other end of your broadband connection could be a stalker.

6. Better yet, stick with people you know in real life. When you play on the ‘net, you never know what you’re getting. Forty-year-old men can pretend to be 22-year-old porn stars. By the same token, 14-year-old girls can also pretend to be 22-year-old porn stars. And police officers can pretend to be 14-year-old girls pretending to be 22-year-old porn stars. (Got that?) You can get in serious trouble having cybersex with a minor — or someone you believe to be a minor. It’s safer for a variety of reasons to stick to having cybersex with people you know in real life.

7. Webcams add another element to cybersex. If you’re having cybersex with someone you already know, setting up the webcam can really spice it up. Besides, it’s a great way to make sure no one is playing false identity games. Alternately, you can create an avatar in Second Life and have an affair of endless possibilities through your online persona. But that’s a post for another day….

Weird Sex News from around the World (and Beyond)

It’s a weird, wild, sexy world out there. We cover a lot of “off-the-beaten-path” sex topics on this blog, from swingers to fetishes, but some of the sex news I’ve seen around the Web lately makes this adventurous blogger feel downright vanilla.

Mistaken Identity
In Toronto, a man is being tried for rape after having sex with his twin brother’s lover. The case is in court right now. The woman claims she didn’t know it was not her lover, but his twin, when he climbed into bed with her after a party to take a nap. She instituted sex, beginning by caressing him. He claims he told her who it was. She says she used her lover’s name several times, and he did not correct her. She consented to sex by her actions, he says.

When he turned on the lights, she realized who he was and ran out of the room screaming. Apparently, the twins were not identical — but close enough for rock and roll, as the saying goes. The article does not say whether or not the woman and her lover’s twin used a condom.

The World’s Largest Condom
You caught me. That last line was just an easy segue into this next bit: a giant flying condom. If you see something strange flying the friendly skies of France, it might just be the 120-foot long CondomFly. By the end of this year, the condom-blimp will begin a 100-city tour to promote World AIDS Day. It carries four people, including a pilot and is, perhaps, the first safe sex alternate for another over-sized French contribution to the world: the Statue of Liberty.

Don’t Bring a Pussy Cat to a Dog Show
While a Helium-filled flying condom is a pretty good marketing tactic to promote safe sex, I think this streaker may need a quick lesson in “knowing your audience.” He interrupted a dog show in Birmingham, England, just for the thrill. I can understand the psychology behind streaking — obviously, streakers want attention. But wearing a cat loin cloth over your sausage at a dog show? That’s just inviting trouble.

Man Arrested for Masturbating in Public Library
For some people, it’s dogs, for others it’s…pro wrestling? A man in Burlington, Kentucky, was arrested in the Boone County Public Library for allegedly masturbating at a computer terminal. But it wasn’t porn on the screen, at all — he was watching pro wrestling videos.

Pornographic Postal Theft
At least the Boone County man had the good graces to get his masturbating material without stealing. A Peterborough, U.K.-based postal worker was caught stealing sex toys, pornographic DVDs and lingerie from people on his delivery route for the past 10 years, according to this article in the Telegraph. Police raided his former home to find a hefty stash, including the receipts. The postal worker would open a box containing a large order, steal one item, and then re-seal the box for delivery.

This seems a good time to remind everyone that all orders from Vibrator.com are discretely shipped in plain packaging, so family members, neighbors — and unscrupulous postal workers — won’t be able to identify the contents, let alone know if they’re worth stealing!

How to Hold a Sexy Photo Shoot

While women often have hang-ups about their looks, especially in the bright light conditions required for a photo shoot, I don’t know of any man alive who doesn’t drool at the thought of his lover memorialized in semi-compromising, or simply sexy, positions.

Case in point: I recently complained to a male friend of mine that my hair had gotten way too long and I wouldn’t be appearing in any photos until I got it cut.

“Ooh, sexy,” he replied. “More to grab onto.”

See what I mean?

So, ladies, set aside your inhibitions and give your man a special treat – let him take your picture – over and over again. We’re ready here at Vibrator.com with tips to get over your shyness and look your best!

Take it slow.
Don’t want to pose in your birthday suit the first time out? Totally understandable. Start with an outfit that makes you feel good – from a business suit to a little black dress. Then unbutton a few buttons, life the hemline or pull down a strap, and take it from there. Fully-clothed can be just as sexy as seeing all nine yards. The key is to be comfortable.

Use appropriate lighting.
Flashes are decidedly unsexy. Better DSLR cameras let you adjust the F-stop to let in more light, so you can take photos in low light conditions without a flash. But that’s getting too technical for most people, who might be using a point-and-shoot digital camera. (Did you zone out when I said f-stop?)
If possible, take photos in natural daylight… but don’t stand next to the window. There’s an obvious reason for that (unless you’re an exhibitionist) but there’s an artistic reason, as well. Light creates harsh shadows, and, in most cases, harsh shadows on a model’s face (and the curves of her body) is decidedly unsexy. Instead, use a reflector – a white card, white sheet, shiny metallic surface or a mirror to reflect light from the original source. Keep the light source in front of the model.

Pose at an angle.
Professional models and Hollywood superstars use this technique all time. Never stand straight ahead facing the camera. Instead, stand partially sideways, with one foot in front of the other. Point your toe toward the camera, putting your weight on your back foot. For a sexy glance, look slightly away from the camera, or look up at the camera to show off big bedroom eyes. Don’t be afraid to suck in your stomach and puff out your chest – but not too much! Experiment with different poses until you find your favorites – we promise the photographer won’t mind!

Employ the rule of thirds.
This doesn’t have anything to do with threesomes (although I highly recommend them to make a photo shoot even more interesting!) When you take a picture, divide what you can see into nine equal parts (think tic-tac-toe board). The photo’s main subject should fall on or near one of the intersections of those lines to create maximum interest. Do not place the subject in the dead center of the photo.

Frame the shot.
The setting helps to make the picture. Sure, all eyes will be on you (should you choose to show the photos to anyone at all) but pay attention to what’s in the background. It’s all about setting the scene.

Some sexy props to include on camera? A bed with sexy red sheets and rose petals. Sex toys. A carefully arranged plate of fruit, especially strawberry, bananas, mango and papaya. Porn movies on a flat screen. If you get really brave, play with the sex toys, teasing at penetration… or go all the way if you feel inclined.

Most importantly, relax, do whatever feels comfortable, and have fun. Remember, every digital camera has a delete button.

Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree – And Other Sexy Things to Do This Holiday

Aren’t the holidays a romantic time of year? Let’s forget the crowded malls, endless piles of presents to wrap, and our dwindling bank accounts. Pass the spiked egg nog and let’s focus on the mistletoe and the crackling fire.

For couples celebrating Christmas together, Christmas Eve is the perfect night to set aside time for nooky near the tree. Just be careful where you roll; you don’t want to crush the Nativity scene. Here are some more ideas to really rock your lover’s jingle bells.

Role play – Santa and Mrs. Claus, a few naughty elves… bring on the garb and make it a very Merry Christmas. Don’t forget to take a few photos that you can enjoy throughout the year.

Play a fun (and silly) sex game – Turn on one of your favorite Christmas classics, but give it a grown-up twist while you watch. Write up cards with foreplay acts on them – or use these “dirty” dice. Then roll the dice or draw a card every time Rudolph’s nose lights up or Snoopy enters the scene. Use your imagination. You each get to open one of your presents early if you actually make it through all 23 minutes of the Christmas special before having sex.

Take in a (private) movie – My husband and I have a tradition of opening one gift each on Christmas Eve. Inevitably, I give him a DVD, ensuring some quiet couples time for the rest of the night as we snuggle in front of the roaring fireplace to watch a movie. Why not follow our tradition but make it an X-rated selection? I particularly like plot-driven films made for couples, with big name stars like Jenna Jameson in Cover to Cover.

Enjoy a toy that didn’t come from Santa – If movies aren’t your thing, why not gift your lover with a unique and adventurous couples sex toy, and spend the rest of the evening playing? A vibrating cock ring or a wireless remote control vibe make great couples toys!

Breakfast in bed – We all remember racing out of bed Christmas morning to see what treats Santa left for us. But we’re mature adults now, with more patience. And we know good things come to those who wait.

If you’re one of those lucky couples without kids, linger in bed Christmas morning and enjoy a decadent breakfast: French toast with gooey syrup or sticky cinnamon buns. Don’t forget the fresh strawberries and whipped cream; strawberries are shown to be an aphrodisiac.

You can prepare the French toast in the evening and simply bake until golden brown… We’re sure you can find something to do while breakfast is cooking.

I also liked Michael Webb’s tips for 12 Romantic Days of Christmas. Select a few of these to spice up your holiday celebration!

Lace Thongs, Boxer Briefs & Other Underwear Tales

A few friends gathered at my house the other day and the topic of underwear came up.

“Everyone’s got a good underwear story!” my one friend said. But she’s been known to write fan fiction about BDSM elves, so I’m not sure if she falls into that category of “everyone.”

As I thought about it, though, I realized I did have a few. And a few that are fun to re-tell although they’re not mine. So sit right back and you’ll hear a tale (or three)…

“She forgot to add the fabric softener…”

A friend of mine is an elementary school teacher. At the chalk board one day, she noticed something amiss. You might say she had something up her sleeve. She casually maneuvered her hand to pull a black lace thong out the sleeve of her sweater. Blushing, she tucked the thong into her pocket and continued with the lesson.

“He left these at my house…”

Doing laundry one day I came across a pair of boxer briefs that were decidedly not my husband’s. Now, a friend had visited a few months prior, but I’m still not sure how his underwear didn’t make it to the laundry sooner. So I got to make that fun phone call.

“Um, I think you left underwear at my house…”
“Are you sure?” Let’s just say that yes, I do know what his underwear looks like (when he chooses to wear it.) So I was pretty sure.
“Boxer briefs? Dark gray?”
“Yup.”

It just so happened I’d be seeing my friend’s fiancé at another friend’s bridal shower the next week, so, of course, I brought the underwear. I couldn’t resist handing them to her in front of the bride-to-be’s 76-year-old, never-married aunt. “Your husband left these at my house,” I said, resisting a smirk.

She didn’t bat an eye, took them, and thanked me. It’s fun to make people wonder.

“That’s why I’m the cool aunt…”

Last week, my washing machine broke so I went to my sister’s house to do a load of laundry. Just the necessities: socks, underwear, jeans, and lots and lots of baby clothes. When the dryer finished, I brought the basket of clean clothes into the living room where my sister helped me fold them.

My one-year-old daughter decided she wanted to help and began pulling clothes out of the basket and handing them to her cousin, my 14-year-old nephew. First a shirt. A onesie. And then a pink leopard print thong.

He played it cool, getting ready to toss the thong back into the basket without a word when his father pointed it out. “A leopard thong?”

“Is that the baby’s?” my sister asked, not quite sure what was going on.

Um. No.

Why not share your own underwear stories? Everybody’s got one, right?

How to Remove Ben Wa Balls

During a late night in front of the computer, a friend sent me this story,  about a woman with Ben Wa balls stuck in her hoo-ha. (Her words…)

Your resident blogger waits patiently as you read…

Pretty funny, no?

This got me thinking, though… Was this the best way to release those little ben wa balls? And I also couldn’t help but wonder… why didn’t she buy the ones with a string, like the popular SmartBalls. Even  their name is clever. And the strong silicone string permits easy removal.

But, for those more adventurous, who like their balls with no strings attached,  what is the best way to remove ben wa balls on the off chance that they should become stuck?

Incidentally, my experience with ben wa balls tends to agree with blogger Kat’s toy salesperson – gravity does a great job at making sure most women don’t wind up in Kat’s predicament. She truly must, as she proclaims, have a Super Hoo-ha.  I’m only slightly jealous.

But in case you, too, are blessed with a Super Hoo-ha and wind up in the embarrassing situation of two ben wa balls stuck up there without a string, several methods can work to save you any embarrassing phone calls or trips to the doctor.

The most important thing to remember is to relax. In a relaxed state, you have more control over your body, so whichever method you choose to release the ben wa balls will be more effective.

Perform deep breathing exercises, count to ten slowly, or make yourself a cup of tea and go about your day. The balls will come out. It is physically impossible to permanently lose Ben Wa balls inside your body.

Jump up and down. Give gravity a hand by standing up and then jumping up and down. Most people who’ve had issues retrieving their balls noted that this worked. You may feel a bit silly jumping up and down naked (or maybe not…), but weigh the alternatives here…

“Squat and sweep.” Squatting close to the ground, reach into your vagina with one or two fingers and “sweep” the balls out.

Cough, sneeze or laugh. Many women (who haven’t been doing their kegels!) may experience mild incontinence when they cough, sneeze or laugh, because doing so relaxes the PC muscles – those same muscles holding the Ben Wa balls firmly in place. A good cough, sneeze or laugh (I know which of the three I’d choose!) may be all it takes for the Ben Wa balls to drop free.

Squat and push. Any woman who’s given birth naturally knows the way to force something out of your vagina is to “push.” If this action can work for an 8-pound human being, it will definitely work for two, tiny weighted balls. Many sources recommend this as the quickest and easiest way to remove Ben Wa balls that are stubbornly stuck.

With this knowledge, readers can relax and experience the wonder of Ben Wa balls with no worries. How to keep them in when you’re in a vertical position? That’s advice for another article.

6 Sexiest Movies of the 80′s

The world mourned another entertainment icon when Patrick Swayze, 57, lost his two-year battle with pancreatic cancer.

Swayze’s career skyrocketed in 1987 with the release of the sleeper hit, Dirty Dancing. In more recent years, he went into film production and theatre work and also had a continuing role on The Beast television series. IMDB quotes Swayze as saying: “How do you nurture a positive attitude when… statistics say you’re a dead man? You go to work.”

In 1991, he was named Sexiest Man Alive by People magazine. It’s not surprising, then, that Swayze starred in two of what many consider the sexiest movies of that time: Dirty Dancing (1987) and Ghost (1990).

So let’s rewind to the 1980s for a moment – an era when movies began evolving from the subtle onscreen sensuality seen in previous generations to more blatant sexuality. It was the Reagan era: skirts were short, paychecks were large, Madonna danced “Like a Virgin,” and these were the eight sexiest films of the eighties…

Nine and 1/2 Weeks (1986)– In an informal poll, every single person over the age of 35 listed Nine and Half Weeks as the number one sexiest film of the era. I suspect those younger weren’t permitted to watch this film when it was released! With its blatant sexuality and much more than just BDSM “overtones” this movie created scandal when it was first released in 1986. Starring the always sexy Kim Basinger and Mickey Rourke, Nine and ½ Weeks was about as close to soft porn as you could get at that time and still earn an R-rating in U.S. theatres.

Dirty Dancing (1987) – Jennifer Grey’s innocence contrasted with Patrick Swayze’s sheer sensuality epitomized everything a good romance should be. Dirty Dancing entertained us, made us laugh, made us cry, and changed the way we danced. Patrick Swayze also showed off his singing voice in this one; She’s Like the Wind reached #3 on Billboard’s Top 100 and #1 on the Adult Contemporary charts.

Bull Durham (1988) – “I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.” This quote alone places Bull Durham in the number three slot, and also set pretty high standards for make out sessions of the time. Kevin Costner. Susan Sarandon. Baseball. Poetry. Handcuffs. ‘Nuff said.

Footloose (1984) – I honestly can’t think of anything Kevin Bacon was in that wasn’t incredibly sexy on some level, including Waterworld. (You have to love a man who can breathe through his ears.) But this movie launched his career and from those first dance moves to his moving speech in the church, passion is what puts Footloose on my list.

Weird Science (1985) – This one didn’t come to my mind immediately, but in an informal poll enough people endorsed it that I want to add it to the list. Granted, decades later Anthony Michael Hall grew into quite the heartthrob (hey, in a post about the 80s, I get to use words like “heartthrob”) but the film’s real appeal is Kelly LeBrock as the lab-created “Lisa,” who puts the most realistic-looking RealSkin blow-up doll to shame.

Dangerous Liaisons (1988) – The risqué plot involving love games and casual sex puts this one on the list. Hot as can be, with an all-star cast. Michelle Pfeiffer adds to the appeal, although personally, I liked her better as Catwoman in the 1992 Batman Returns.

This list really could go on and on. Honorable mentions include Basic Instinct, American Gigolo, Fatal Attraction and so many others. What’s your favorite sexy movie of the 80s?

Sex-scopes for August

Wondering what the dog days of summer have in store for you? Are you more interested in a poolside rendezvous or an air-conditioned adventures? The Vibrator.com horoscopes let you know what to expect… in bed and anywhere else you may hook up with your lover.

Aries (March 21 – April 19): Temptation reigns during the dog days of summer. Whether it’s a foray into BDSM or a splurge on a new, multi-featured vibe, you’ll yearn to venture where you’ve never gone before. Once you’ve tasted life on the wild side, you may not want to return, either.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20): Things may start to feel dull and lifeless. It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity… and it’s wreaking havoc on your love life, too. Take time to nurture yourself. Light those candles, draw a bath, treat yourself to a decadent new toy, and romance will follow. When you’re feeling more yourself, your nurturing nature will turn your lover into jelly (and that’s a good thing!)

Gemini (May 21 – June 21): It may be wise to forego the pole-dancing or sex swing this month to avoid getting caught in any compromising positions.  Keep it calm and conventional, with an emphasis on love and romance to avoid arguments – or a trip to the emergency room!

Cancer (June 22 – July 22): It’s time to party it up, Cancerians. A vacation may be in the cards; spring for the room with the hot tub and the ocean view! If the opportunity arises to try something new, get to it. Three-some, four-some, public places? Have fun! Anything goes this month.

Leo (July 23 – August 22): Everything you desire will come to you this month, Leo. Single? A long, meaningful relationship may begin. Married? Set your ego aside. Careful negotiations and diplomacy will lead to vigorous and enthusiastic shows of good will … in the bedroom, of course.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22): The normally staid Virgo will let their dominatrix side out this month. That doesn’t mean they can’t show love and reverence, but they may do it with a cat o’ nine tails. Not much will stop Virgos from asserting themselves – better stock up on lube!

Libra (September 23 – October 22): Just make a choice already, Libra! Whatever you decide will be the right thing. You might be considering redecorating your bedroom in lusty shades of red, or maybe you’re reinventing yourself with a whole new look. Whatever you do, your lover will like it.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): Set your ego aside, Scorpio, and remember that whatever you put out into this Universe is exactly what you will get back. Initiate oral sex and you’ll find yourself in a 69 that rocks your world. If you choose to pout, instead, you’ll find it’s just you and your rabbit vibe tonight.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): August is all about compromise, give and take, share-and-share alike for Sagittarians. That may sound dull, but it’s actually quite refreshing. Play a love game where you fulfill each other’s fantasies, and you’ll discover some new tricks to add to your repertoire for years to come.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): It’s been a rough month, Capricorn. Problems at work and home mean sex is the last thing on your mind. The solution? Your knight in shining armor, bearing aphrodisiacs of all sorts, will whisk you away to fantasy land – even if all you can afford is a few hours away.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): Although your birthday is half a year away, Aquarius, you get to party it up this month. Group sex anyone? Indulgence is a beautiful thing, but it’s also likely you’ll be the one cleaning up afterwards, so don’t stay up too late and chill on the Mojitos.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20): It’s time to take the lead, Pisces. You’ve got a partner willing to indulge your every whim, so let your imagination soar. A playful game of truth or dare might lead to roadside sex or a strip club adventure. Take time to appreciate your lover outside the bedroom, too, or it could turn into a lonely month.

Pole Dancing for Fun and Foreplay

Ladies, are you seeking a new way to entice your man (or lady?) in the bedroom? Why not give pole dancing a whirl? This erotic style of dance provides a fabulous upper body workout and a unique foreplay experience.

Vibrator.com’s Desiree Sweet gets the inside scoop on getting started from pole dancing instructor LaylaBeth.

Desiree Sweet: How did you first get into pole dancing?
LaylaBeth: My first twirl around a pole was during a date night with my hubby. We went to a gentleman’s club, and after a little while, he asked the GM if I could get up on stage and dance. I am actually a trained dancer (ballet, jazz, belly dance) so I wasn’t scared of the idea of dancing. That pole, on the other hand, was an interesting accessory! I couldn’t do ANYTHING with it other than hold onto it and walk around a little, so if my curiosity had been SOMEWHAT piqued about the pole prior to that event, it was even MORE piqued after that!

I had heard about a company that did home pole-dancing parties, so, a few months after “Strip Club Night,” as we now refer to it, I contacted the company, ordered a pole and the rest is history!

DS: In addition to being fun and erotic, I’ve heard it’s great exercise, too.
LB: Pole dancing is GREAT exercise for women (or anyone for that matter!) because you really get to build up good upper-body strength. Pole dancing requires that we use our upper body during certain spins, holds and even inverts.

DS: What sort of women do you typically see in your class?
LB: I have seen the whole gamut–younger, college girls looking for a giggle, all the way to women in their fifties who want to let their hair down and strut their stuff a little!  (I even made my own mom come to one of my classes, once!)  My “favorite” students have actually been the older ones—they are typically more comfortable in their own skin and more confident; classes become fun and laidback with that type of energy. I’d say it has been an equal mix of single/coupled ladies. A few recent divorcees, too!

DS: Can anyone learn how to pole dance?
LB: From the bottom of my heart, I DO believe that just about ANYONE can learn to pole dance—at least SOME of the moves!  There are two basic moves I teach in every single class that by the end of the night, EVERYONE can do.  These moves require NO skill other than the willingness to employ a positive attitude!

DS: Anything they should know before they start?
LB: One ABSOLUTELY should warm-up first before attempting any pole maneuvers, so what I do in class is about a 15 minute “regular” exercise period that leads into a little burlesque style dance, and then some simple “struts” around the pole.

We teach barefoot—I won’t even entertain the notion of letting newbies wear “stripper shoes” because a rolled ankle is NOT sexy.

Of course, check with your doctor before starting any exercise program–including pole dancing!

DS: How can women apply the moves they learn in your class in the bedroom?

LB: Women can take a lot of what we learn in class to their bedrooms.  It’s very erotic. I like to include “chair” and “lap dance” techniques with each class, so that even if the lady doesn’t have a pole of her own, she can take what she learns back home with her and show her partner!

Do you wanna try pole dancing at  home? You can buy a pole here. The easy-to-assemble Peekaboo pole kit extends to a height of 6 to 8 feet, and tucks away easily when not in use.

To learn more about LaylaBeth and poledancing, go to http://www.transitionalpoledance.com or http://www.laylabeth.com.

OctoMom the Next Vivid Girl?

According to this report on Fox News, Vivid Entertainment offered Nadya Suleman, the infamous California mom of Octoputlets, a contract as a porn star.
According to the report, Vivid CEO Stephen Hirsch said Suleman received the offer and is considering it. They also offered her medical coverage for her whole family and other benefits if she signs a multi-film deal as a contract “Vivid Girl.”

Suleman was reportedly quoted on TMZ as saying, “Not until the stretch marks fade!”

I have to agree (and sympathize) with that. I gave birth to a 6 lbs. 4 oz. baby about 5 months ago, and I’m still unhappy with the shape of my body. Does anyone really want to see someone who just gave birth to eight children, naked? At least wait for the c-section scar to heal before you break out the camera equipment and studio lights.

I don’t want to pick on Suleman just for her physical appearance. That’s petty, and I’m not perfect myself! Besides, we can find plenty of other reasons to deride the unemployed single mom of 14, whose best financial plan seems to be to use her student loans to pay for the expense of raising her kids. Isn’t that illegal? I guess it’s better than welfare. Thank goodness for this back-up plan of becoming a porn star.

There’s no need to mock the woman for her c-section scar, stretch marks and sags. And since the babies were conceived in vitro and delivered by c-section, she could be as tight as a virgin for all we know. But it does make me wonder what Vivid Entertainment, one of the premier adult video and toy companies, was thinking.

Were they just trying to jump on the latest big news story like Larry Flynt and Hustler with the Sarah Palin porn parody? Or is this a new trend in “reality” porn stars—stretch marks and all? I know there are sections of the adult video store devoted to heavy women, older women, housewives and moms, and yes, even pregnant women. Is Vivid trying to create a new category?

Pregnancy is a beautiful thing. And so is childbirth… Well, not counting the pain, the blood, (and other various and sundry fluids), the screaming, and the stitches. Mothers *should* embrace every line, wrinkle, stretch mark, sag and scar that comes from pregnancy and childbirth. Moms, love your bodies and let your partners do the same.

I guess if Vivid is trying to popularize “reality” porn, they should be commended. In an industry that objectifies women and encourages fake boobs on size zero bodies, making a “real” mom a contract Vivid girl makes a powerful statement about our perceptions of beauty.

But – just speaking for myself here – when I watch porn, I want to look at people who are actually hotter than myself! I’m taking a guess that the men out there feel the same, and want to see stars who are sexier than their mates.

Porn stars, underneath that perfectly-placed lighting, with their tight bodies and lingerie designed to make them look sexier-than-life, aren’t there to make average women feel good about ourselves. It’s a porn star’s job to look good. That’s it. That’s how they spend their time: chewing celery sticks, working out with personal trainers, and fucking on camera. (Hmm… I wonder how I can get a contract with Vivid?)

If we (or our partners) want reality, we’ve got it right there in our bedrooms. For mine and my husband’s enjoyment, I want the porn stars I watch to look better than I do!

What do you think? Has Vivid gone too far in trying to raise the bar on the MILF genre? And is Suleman really an “M” anyone would like to “F?”

Love Your Toys: Sex Toys in the Movies

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Broadway’s Sexiest Plays of All Time

We’re lucky here at Vibrator.com to live and work in the best place in the world to see a live show. So, in honor of the city that never sleeps, we bring you the five sexiest plays on Broadway. Why not fight the winter doldrums, spend some of that tax stimulus money you’ve got coming, and surprise your sweetie with a romantic night on the town?

1. Rent – The play celebrated its 12th anniversary and final year on Broadway last September, but has just kicked off a national tour. Just thinking about the scene featuring the song “Contact” makes me wet. Sure, the play covers some decidedly unsexy topics, including AIDS, drug addiction and poverty, but it’s also one of the most romantic rock operas ever to hit the stage.

2. Spring Awakening – The play’s major theme discusses sexual repression and the loss of virginity, so it shouldn’t be surprising that this one makes our list. Powerful S&M explorations and a tender, passionate (and also climactic) onstage love scene to end the first act makes the audience squirm in the best way possible.

3. La Cage Aux Folles – In many ways, it is the lack of overt sex that makes La Cage Aux Folles so sexy! The 1983 musical featured pure Broadway style with elaborate costumes and set design, a sexy, well-coiffed (and mostly male) chorus, harkening back to Broadway’s glory days. A groundbreaking performance artistically and socially, capturing progressive themes of its time, La Cage Aux Folles is a true classic.

4. The Rocky Horror Show – The next stop in our list is more of a cult classic, a sci-fi horror movie spoof about a “sweet transvestite / From Transexual, Transylvania.” The Rocky Horror Show was made into a movie starring Tim Curry as the terrifyingly sexy “Frank N. Furter.” Tim Curry also originated the role on stage.
If you can catch a midnight showing of the movie or, even better, a combined stage show/movie screening, definitely go for it! Enthusiasts dress in full costume and throw bread at the stage. You might be more amused than turned on, but everyone should experience Rocky Horror live at least once.
Here’s a free tip: I can’t tell you why, but don’t raise your hand if they ask for any Rocky Horror virgins in the audience.

5. Phantom of the Opera – Dark, forbidden love, a haunting (so to speak) soundtrack, a love triangle and one fateful kiss make Broadway’s longest-running musical one of the sexiest plays in history. If the lilting tones of a powerful voice and a vulnerable, not-quite-evil male lead do it for you, you’ll agree that Phantom of the Opera belongs on this list.

I was tempted to round out this list with Beauty and the Beast and The Little Mermaid. (Does anyone care to debate the sexiness of flirty little Ariel with her mermaid fins and bikini top?) But I got the vibe that Disney might not appreciate the plug. So consider this a list of Broadway’s sexiest plays (past and present) not necessarily produced for a family audience.

Roadside Assistance: A Short Story

Some things are so hot, you just have to share…

It was a dark and stormy night. Really, it was. Stay with me here.

I braved the downpour to pick up my husband from his best friend’s bachelor party around 2 AM. When he told me the party had been fun but the strippers were “lame,” well, I figured I should do something to spice up the night for the groom-to-be.

I would have loved to take both men back to my house for sex in all sorts of fun combinations, but between the rain, the late hour, and the fact that half the attendees were still partying it up at the best man’s house, we didn’t have a lot of options. My husband could disappear without comment, but the guest of honor would surely be missed.

I was pleased when L came out, along with my husband, to greet me. He was dressed in shorts and a t-shirt, already settled in for the night. I rolled down the car window and he planted a soft kiss just beside my lips, but in his eyes I saw a yearning for more. I heaved a sigh that told him I wanted more, too. He glanced around the front yard; no one else was outside. He leaned in again for a deeper kiss. At the same time, my husband’s hand caressed my thigh through my thin, silky pajama pants.

I bit my lip and contemplated Harley for a moment. Then my husband had an idea that made it a Much Better Night for everyone. “How about we, um, have a talk,” he said to Harley. My husband stepped out of the car, leaning over the roof. Harley stepped back for a moment to follow suit, the smile growing on his face.

I didn’t understand immediately. “So. An interesting night,” my husband said.

I looked from the driver’s side window to the passenger side. I realized what was happening as Harley lowered the waistband of his shorts and moved in closer to the car door. Then he, too, leaned over the roof of the car. I licked my lips as his cock came to life, dangling right in front of my face.

“Well, go ahead,” my husband said.

The two men made idle chatter over the roof of the car as I sucked, licked and fondled. The falling raindrops mixed with my saliva and his pre-cum for a sensual, exciting taste in my mouth unlike anything I’d ever experienced. He forced his cock through the open car window as I deep-throated him expertly.

I closed my eyes and imagined a shared fantasy, a glory–hole. “I’d recognize the taste of your cock,” I had teased him once. “But it would still be fun!”

As the rain pounded harder against the roof of the car, as well as through the window and onto my face, I increased the intensity of my sucking. I ran my mouth over his shaft faster, forcing it deeper and deeper into my mouth with each movement.

Every so often, I opened my eyes to peer outside the car, making sure no one had come out of the house, while thinking it could get even more interesting if another friend decided to join us.

I pulled his cock out of my mouth for a moment to breathe, letting my hand take over where my lips left off. With the rain coming down in heavy streams now, I jerked him off rapidly, teasing the tip of his cock with my tongue. His cock grew extremely hard, the pressure building up as I brought him closer to orgasm.

At just the right second, I wrapped my mouth around him, drawing him deep inside my mouth to swallow the warm fluids that squirted like a geyser down my throat. I swallowed the first wave, and the second, then pulled back to breathe, licking stray drops of cum from my lips.

I heard my husband breathe heavily from the other side of the car, as Harley’s knees buckled after the exhilaration of his orgasm. I blinked, smiled, wiped my lips and leaned back against the headrest. Once again, I wasn’t sure what was happening when Harley hurriedly pulled up his pants and made a random comment to my husband.

Then I heard a screen door slam shut and footsteps coming down the drive.

“Hey, what’s up?” I heard one of the groomsmen say. Not just “one of the groomsmen,” but the most attractive (aside from my husband, of course.)

“Hi,” Harley said. “Just getting ready to come in.”

“We’d better be going,” my husband said, opening the car door and climbing into the car.

I gazed out the window at the groomsman, said hi to him, then winked at my husband and wiped my mouth with satisfaction.

“Next?” I joked.

Note: The story you just read was a work of fiction. Had it been a true account, your resident swinging blogger would have insisted on a condom. Strawberry, of course.

We All Have Our Vices… Mine Takes Batteries

I didn’t plan to buy a vibrator last weekend.

In fact, our tour de adult shops focused on one very specific goal—finding thigh high leather boots for my best friend’s honeymoon.

Our quest took us to a three-story shop with an adult store on the lower level, and all manner of Wiccan, goth and “drug culture” memorabilia on the main retail floor. Looking for tarot cards, incense and a spiked collar? You’d find it here, along with an entire wall of leather boots.

In our mid-to-late 30s, my best friend and I were the oldest people in this store. And the only ones not clothed in black, with hair dyed in fluorescent colors. Imagine an X-rated video section tucked in the corner of Hot Topic, and you’ve got a pretty good description of this place. The phrase “Head shop with an identity crisis” also comes to mind.

When I spotted a Doc Johnson wireless remote control vibe for a little over $50, I couldn’t turn it down. But let me be clear: we were not in your usual adult video store, nor did the clientele represent the typical adult store demographic.

Every adult store has the resident overcoated perv in the corner ogling female customers, the quiet couple browsing the how-to videos, the twenty-something loner seeking something to keep him busy Saturday night, and the gaggle of bachelorette party babes giggling over the penis drink stirrers.

My first clue that something was amiss came right after I paid. The 19-year-old (at least, he looked 19) behind the counter put the toy in a paper bag, handed it to me and sent me on my way.

As anyone who’s purchased adult toys knows, they are non-refundable (quite understandably) and the clerk usually puts batteries in to make sure it works before you leave the store. I’m not thrilled with the idea of the fat, hairy middle-aged guy usually behind the counter in an adult store handling such an intimate item, but it’s better than being out $50 if the vibrator is defective. (Incidentally, Vibrator.com has a special, and very fair, return policy. You may write in to request a refund or exchange if your merchandise does not work… but back to our story! )

“Aren’t you going to make sure it works?” I asked the clerk.

His eyes gazed blankly at me. “Oh,” he said, slowly. Everything he did was slow. I’m not passing judgment or making assumptions, but I can’t help but think he frequently tested the “tobacco products” for sale in the store. “I suppose we should,” he said.

This isn’t your normal vibrator with a few AA batteries. Six watch batteries power the egg while a CR2, commonly used in digital cameras, powers the controller.

I tried to hide an expression that was half-smirk, half-grimace as I watched him putting six batteries smaller than my thumb into the small, egg-shaped contraption. I offered to help. Clearly uncomfortable handling the sex toy, he heaved a sigh and handed it to me.

I installed the batteries and pushed the button. Nothing.

A line has formed behind us, two twenty-something men with a question about a tobacco pipe and some kids buying rolling paper (for tobacco, of course.) Everything in the store is to be used only for tobacco, it is noted on signs taped to the wall.

I suspected one of the batteries might be facing the wrong way. I opened the egg and promptly dropped the batteries (all six) on the floor. I bent down to pick them up, knocking into the man behind me. My best friend giggled; I joined her.

Apparently, the spectacle of two women buying a vibrator became far more interesting than tobacco pipes, and everyone in the store gathered around to see if we could get the toy working.

After taking out and putting in the batteries three times—and checking the single battery in the remote, as well–we suggested to the clerk that the vibrator may be broken. Stumped, he called the manager.

The manager brought us a new vibrator, opened the package, started the process again.

“Does each remote work only on the egg it’s sold with?” I asked, my imagination running wild at the possibilities if one remote can control more than one vibrator.

“Of course,” the manager replied, giving me an odd look. “They’re all coded differently.” Adult novelty items are a recent addition to the shop, and I can tell he’s second-guessing the decision to carry them.

“That would be like a comedy skit if one remote controlled more than one vibrator!” my friend said, painting a verbal picture of women in a restaurant jumping and orgasming at sporadic intervals.

“It could make for an interesting evening!” I said, laughing.

A moment later, the egg I had in my hand—from the first, broken vibrator—began buzzing, as did the one in the manager’s hand. Letting out a girlish squeal, I dropped the toy and it fell just the right way to roll beneath the counter.

“I guess the remotes do work on more than one!” my friend observed.

Twenty minutes later, we managed to leave the store with a working vibrator and a modicum of dignity. Until we ran into the guys so amused by our antics. “Have fun with that!” they said as we walked out the door together.

Yes, from now on, I am definitely doing all my shopping for sex toys online.

Sex Games Beyond Strip Poker

You may have started in junior high school with Spin the Bottle or Seven Minutes in Heaven.  If you’re looking for a fun way to spend the night with your partner, or a great way to loosen up with friends before sharing or swapping, games are still fun. but we’re all grown up now, and, the games have gotten racier.

You can customize these games to your own comfort level.  For instance, it can be fun to hit second base with close friends, even if you’re not into full-fledged swinging. Or you can have a free-for-all, anything goes, with just you and your partner. The best thing about these games? Everyone wins.

One point I’d like to make: Don’t be afraid to change the rules as you go. You might want to set guidelines before you begin, such as: “no guy-on-guy action” or “no kissing on the lips,” but if anything comes up that someone is uncomfortable with, the player shouldn’t be afraid to speak up. These games are about fun, not about humiliation or pushing people past their sexual comfort levels. And if none of these appeal, why not try some old-fashioned strip poker?

Strip Darts… and Then Some
You can play this just like a classic dart game, where you are shooting to hit each number three times in any combination. In other words, you can hit three singles, a single and a double, or one triple. Write all the numbers, plus bulls-eye, on your scoreboard. The fun begins when someone closes out a number. When one player or team “closes out” a number (gets three points on that number), the opponent removes a piece of clothing. Go round this way until all clothes are removed, and then begin with sexual favors. For instance, you may go from a kiss to a massage to oral sex. We like to play that closing out the bulls-eye equals automatic oral sex, even if the other player isn’t naked yet. If being naked around sharp objects makes you uncomfortable, try this game with Velcro darts and pre-printed commands.

Dirty Jenga
This is an exciting game of skill, coordination… and sex! Jenga provides several blank tiles where you can write your own challenges. Fill these in with dirty ideas such as “trade underwear with the person to your right,” “kiss the person to your left,” “massage the person across from you.” You can also cross off the instructions on some of the tiles to write your own activities. The person who knocks over the Jenga tower must give oral sex to one of the other players (or all of them!)

Truth or Dare
This one’s a classic but now you can give it a truly adult twist. Go around the room and ask a saucy question such as, “What’s your naughtiest unfulfilled fantasy?” or “What’s the weirdest place you ever had sex?” Anyone who doesn’t want to answer must perform the dare decided by the person who asked the question. How many rounds will you go before the game turns into a free-for-all love-fest?

Vibrator.com also sells some great sex games for couples or groups. Some of my favorites are the dirty dice, with body parts printed on one die and actions on the other, or easy-to-play board games like Stairway to Pleasure.

Whether you decide to spring for a storebought game or modify a favorite game you already own, games are a great, low-cost way to spend a cold winter night. What are your favorite dirty games?