As holidays go, New Year’s Eve can be more romantic than Valentine’s Day. Sure, it’s just a night of partying, noise-makers and funny hats, with hordes of people gathering ‘round to watch a giant lighted ball fall from the sky, but all that build-up to midnight culminates (if you’re lucky) in the famed New Year’s Eve kiss.

For the attached, the holiday can be a stress-free celebration. No presents required: just food, drink, merriment… and the kiss, as your relationship turns the corner on another year. There’s always at least one couple who gets engaged right in Times Square, right at midnight, and countless others who do so in more private venues. (Any place is more private than Times Square on New Year’s Eve!)

For those without a steady lover, the moment of midnight is also wrought with great significance. Who will you kiss? On the lips or cheek? Public—perhaps in front of a television audience of millions—or private? Will it mean anything?

Whether the kiss is a fleeting moment in time, participants kicked to the curb by morning like last year’s Christmas tree, or the harbinger of something big, the kiss, at least, should be a good one.

And so, because time is a’wastin’ as 2009 approaches, we bring you kissing tips for the New Year.

Don’t forget the mints. After an evening of drinking and hors d’ouvres, you’ll want to freshen up. Miss Sweet has always preferred Altoids, the original mint formula, because they pack such a punch. If your kiss turns into something more after midnight, Altoids add a bonus tingly sensation to oral sex, too.

Go in strong. Nobody likes a wimp. Once you’re sure of your partner’s New Year’s kiss intentions (full and on the lips) don’t hesitate. Firm but gentle is your mantra.

Don’t slobber, please. Yes, this is pretty basic, but there’s nothing worse than a guy (or gal) who drools all over you. If I wanted that, I could have stayed home and made out with a beagle.

Not too dry, either. Hopefully your mouth is still tingly from the champagne, your lips moist and succulent. One of the experts at www.lovetoknow.com recommends licking and pressing your own lips together to moisten, soften and warm them before the big moment. Once you go in deep for a long French kiss, let nature take its course. It’s not called “swapping spit” for nothing, after all.

Kiss her (or him) like you want them. No matter how poor your technique, it’s hard to resist a kiss from someone who puts his entire heart into the action. I’m going to leave you with a quote from Robert Heinlein’s Stranger in a Strange Land, regarding the Martian’s famous kiss, so heartfelt it caused one of the other characters to faint.

“Mike doesn’t have technique…but when Mike kisses you he isn’t doing anything else. You’re his whole universe…and the moment is eternal because he doesn’t have any plans and isn’t going anywhere. Just kissing you.”

Happy New Year’s from Vibrator.com and may your 2009 be filled with love and kisses!

In a recent post, your resourceful romancer, Desiree Sweet, talked about public places that are relatively safe to sneak a quickie.

A unique new Web site, outdoorlovemap.com, puts some organized effort into the concept.  Deemed “the International Guide to Places to Make Love Outdoors,” the Wiki-style site (which means the site grows as users contribute information) lists 63 lustful locations in 19 countries. It’s been reviewed—and praised—in several places on the Web.

Locations, which range from beach to public parks and even a zoo(!), are rated on a scale of one to five stars for privacy, comfort and legality.  Listings include GPS coordinates and a map powered by Google.

Right now, the site is too small to be very practical.  I typed New York City into its search engine and got locations ranging from Virginia Beach to the Cayman Islands, with nothing closer. I can name at least five locations in the tri-state area, right off the top of my head. And if I started thinking, I could come up with many more than that… including a few transitory locations. (Think Long Island Railroad…)

Outdoorlovemap’s best feature is the user-posted stories about the places listed. Some are simply one-line promptings, such as the listing for the famous “Lawn” at the University of Virginia, which tells readers that it’s tradition to have sex on the lawn.  Others, however, go into explicitly detailed stories about sexual experiences in interesting places. Whether you’re visiting the site for a good read or seeking a practical suggestion for outdoor romance, the site has a lot of potential.

I should add the standard disclaimer about sex in public places. Laws vary state by state; you could get slapped with charges of indecent exposure or even “disturbing the peace.” But for many, that risk is part of the fun. What else is it about sex in public places that gets people so excited?

For some new couples, it’s raw passion. They must have each other, here and now, wherever and whenever that may be. For others — and, by the sharing nature of Outdoorlovemap.com, I suspect this is the case for many of the Web site’s users — it is the thrill of exhibitionism. You can’t be sure, but someone MAY be watching. If this is the case, you’ll want to find a semi-public spot, with opportunities for a quick getaway if you do get caught.

I personally haven’t been brave enough to try any risky spots, but I do have a wish list. Confession: Desiree Sweet yearns to join the Mile High Club and do it on an airplane. There’s also the Three Dolphin Club, but that’s more the stuff of science fiction. In spite of living on an island, I’ve never done it on the beach, so that’s another dream of mine.

What about it, Vibrator.com readers? Share your fantasies and tell us where you’d love to make love! Then help the Outdoorlovemap.com founders (and the world as a whole) by sharing your favorite outdoor love location.

The economy’s in a shambles, people are getting laid off, everyone is rushing around to finish their holiday shopping with too few dollars… and it’s raining. Or possibly snowing, depending on your location. Either way, things are bleak.

But you’ll be happy to know that 130,000 missing inflatable boobs have been found, a mere 900 kilometers from their intended location.

This, and several other odd news bits, turned up on the Web this week. And because we all need a laugh (probably even more than we need a little Christmas right now), your resident blogger decided she’d share the best, most silly sex-related stories on the Web right now. (In no one’s opinion but Ms. Sweet’s, of course).

1.    The now-famous shipment of inflatable plastic breasts from China, part of a promotional giveaway for Ralph, an Australian men’s magazine, was found sitting in a port in Melbourne. The novelty items were expected to arrive in Sydney last week, but a paperwork error resulted in a Snafu. Ralph workers are now rushing to stuff the boobs in bags to go out with the December 15 issue of the magazine. The shipping error cost the magazine $30,000 but, according to an article on WAToday.com, the publication will still have the world’s record for the most boobs given away at one time, so all is not lost.

2.    Obviously, we are all for masturbation here at Vibrator.com, but there are just some things you can’t really give yourself in a relationship (or so we thought). This oddly seductive viral implores you: “’Til Death Do You Part - Marry Yourself.” You can’t make this up, and nothing I say could make this any stranger, so click here and see for yourself.

3.    My fellow Vibrator.com blogger Rick sent me a link to Natural Harvest - A Collection of Semen-Based  Recipes. And here I settled for an egg white omelette for breakfast.

I confess: I’m not sure if the book, and the ensuing comments, are a joke or not, but Lulu is a vanity press so anything is possible.  If you’ve been following this blog for a while, you know Desiree Sweet is the biggest fan of oral sex you can find, but I think I’ll continue to get my daily allowance of protein from a nice, big, juicy… steak, thank you very much.

How about you? Seen anything new and newsworthy that left you scratching your head lately?

The flowers, the kiss, lonely single girls in big, poufy dresses … there’s something about a wedding that screams “romance”—and not just for the lucky couple.

I recently attended a wedding where one usher went home with two 20-year-old girls and another groomsman spent the night flirting with every lady on the dance floor – from the groom’s grandmother to his 30-year-old (hot, blonde…) niece.

Blogging about how to hook up at a wedding would be an extremely short article. “How do you know the bride/groom?” works as a pick up line. From there, it’s like shooting fish in a barrel — or tossing a bouquet into a raging crowd of single women.

Why do wedding hookups rock so much?

1.    You’re both “all cleaned up” already looking your best, so it’s easy to impress.
2.    The booze and food is on someone else—how can it get any better?
3.    There’s no expectation the relationship will last beyond the night.
4.    If you decide you’d like it to last, you already have something in common (your relationship with the bride and groom).

Besides, let’s be brutally honest here. Watching another couple, blissfully in love, whose sole purpose is to share their love on The Biggest Day of Their Lives puts the unattached in close, lonely contact with their single-ness. Whether you’re sitting at the “singles table” or merely scrambling for the bouquet so some lucky bachelor may get to cop a feel while he puts the garter on your leg, few situations make you more aware of your own relationship status or biological clock ticking in double time. (I’m married now, but I’ve “been there, done that,” dear readers.)

This state of mind makes the ladies and the men equally likely to yearn for a partner, even if just for the night. Nobody wants to be alone at a wedding. That’s not to say everyone attending a wedding is desperate for companionship every other day of the week. But let’s face it, from the bride and groom’s first dance, love is in the air.

Why not take the opportunity to challenge yourself? Do you want to be the lucky guy who beds two coeds? Want to make love in the bathroom of a posh hotel. Go for it. When you don that tux or little black dress (or pink taffeta, in the case of bridesmaids) you can become someone else. And when the DJ plays that “Last Dance,” the night doesn’t have to be over until the morning.

Having said all this, here’s a funny story about how NOT to hook up at a wedding.

‘Tis the season… for the in-laws to visit. Or maybe you and your sweetheart are traveling this holiday. Either way, the stress of shopping, wrapping, cooking, and decking the halls (all within a budget) leaves you sorely in need of some horizontal relief.

Finding privacy with a house full, though, may require you and your honey to get creative. The following suggestions have all been executed by real-life couples, but caution is still required.

In the UK, the 2003 Sexual Offences Act permits sex in an isolated place as long as you have a reasonable expectation of privacy. But laws in the U.S. vary by state – and often it depends on the disposition of the person who discovers you. Your best bet? Don’t get caught.

1.    In the car. We recommend an empty parking lot to avoid prying familial eyes, but you may find privacy as close as your own garage.

Tip: Bring a towel to protect your upholstery and expect to practice some contortionism.

2.    On a train. Hubby and I successfully pulled off this maneuver right before the last stop, after the conductor made his rounds.

Tip: You may have to hunt to find an empty car. Tuck yourselves into a corner bench seat and keep quiet… A blanket may help, too.

3.    Movie theatre… Dim lighting, a built-in soundtrack… The only negative is the $10 or more price of admission.
Tip: Pick a bomb of a movie at an off-time. Armrests that fold up help, too.

4.    Local park: It’s close, it’s free, and when you need it NOW, it should be easy enough to sneak away for a late-night quickie. If the park has swings—use your imagination!
Tip Don’t forget a blanket and a flashlight.

5. Your office, after-hours. Have your Significant Other meet you right after work. Don’t have your own office? People have successfully pulled off this maneuver in their boss’ office.
Tip: Be very sure there are no video cameras and don’t forget to lock the door!

I admit there are far stranger places to have sex than the ones on these list; consider these “beginner locations.”

Desiree Sweet’s strangest encounter? She recently gave head to a friend while pulled over in a car on a suburban street… He was standing outside the car, with the window open. She’s also gotten busy in a stairwell at a state college, the parking lot behind her office building, and on the side of the New Jersey Turnpike. But she’s got nothing on the couple who had sex in the bathroom at the top of Seattle’s Space Needle.

Watching Heroes last night made me think; superhero abilities are cool. Flying, super-human strength, super-healing, and every teenage boy’s favorite: x-ray vision.

But Desiree Sweet began thinking outside the phone booth to come up with her favorite Super-sex abilities.

1. Super-deep throating: Sure, this ability can be learned through practice, but wouldn’t it be great to have a superpower that erases the gag reflex?

2.    Super-flexibility: Every position in the Kama Sutra? That’s no problem for Elasti-girl. Just imagine the possibilities when you can bend, stretch and hang with no effort or fear of pulled muscles.

3.    The ability to breathe through your ears: Kevin Costner had this talent in the 1995 hit Waterworld, but he never put it to use the way we intend! This special ability would come in very handy for oral sex, making you a favorite partner of men and women alike!

I can imagine our male readers saying, “But you forgot super-size and the ability to last forever, Miss Sweet!”

While these traits may be appealing to some, if you’re going to be completely selfless and ask for a special power to please your partner, go with the ability to read minds. Wouldn’t it be great to know exactly which moves make your lover turn to jelly, and which ones leave her thinking about doing laundry?

Best of all, you don’t need to be a superhero to develop this ability. Slow down, watch, listen and communicate. Pay attention to verbal and non-verbal cues and vary your pace and motions based on her feedback. If you’re not sure how something feels, ask. If you have a special fantasy, share it. It may encourage her to do the same.

You don’t need to be born on a different planet to have super-sex… On the other hand, if you’re in the market for a super-fast, rocket launcher-equipped armor-plated Batmobile-style vehicle, you’re on your own.

The holiday season is upon us. Yes. Really. Didn’t you know as soon as Halloween is over, it’s officially time to start decking the halls?

Fortunately, Vibrator.com is here to make all your shopping go just a little bit more smoothly. We bring you this quick quiz to help you pick out the best toy for your girl. Don’t worry, boys… you’re next.

1. It’s happy hour. Your lady is most likely to order:

A. Budweiser
B. Cosmo
C. Whiskey, straight up
D. Bahama Mama

2. Your girlfriend’s favorite reality TV show is:

A. She doesn’t watch reality TV.
B. Top Chef
C. Temptation Island
D. Drawn Together

3. It’s her turn to pick the movie. It’s…

A. Sleepless in Seattle
B. The Terminator
C. Kill Bill
D. American Pie

4. Your significant other’s dream date would be:

A. Dinner at that cozy little Italian place and a horse and carriage ride
B. Dinner and drinks at an A-list hot spot and a Cirque du Soleil show
C. Base jumping in the Rocky Mountains
D. Caroline’s Comedy Club followed by a walk through Central Park

5. Her favorite position?
A.    Missionary
B.    Just one?
C.    Girl-on-top
D.    Doggie Style

6. The superhero she most identifies with is:
A. Superman
B. Spiderman
C. Batman
D. Mrs. Incredible

7. Your girl’s favorite subject in school was
A. Math
B. English
C. Gym
D. Lunch

8. Her house is decorated in…

A. Classic contemporary
B. Only the best: solid wood floors, leather sofas and complete luxury
C. Gothic: lots of velvet, in a red and black color scheme
D. Ikea specials, with a few whimsical street fair finds thrown in

9. Her next car is most likely to be a…

A.    Toyota Camry
B.    Mercedes-Benz C Class sedan
C.    Porsche
D.    Volkswagen Beetle

10. Her favorite holiday tradition is…

A.    Decorating the tree.
B.    A sleigh ride followed by hot chocolate cuddled up in front of a roaring fire
C.    Flirting with her cubicle mate during the office party
D.    Watching the Grinch

Mostly As-
Anything beyond the basic may scare your vanilla sweetie. Try Doc Johnson’s Little Pearl and maybe one day she’ll work her way up to the Decadent Indulgence III.

Mostly Bs—
It’s all about passion for your partner. Why not try a set of massage oils and the luxurious Lelo NEA?

Mostly Cs—
Your BDSM babe deserves more than coal in her (fishnet) stockings. For the dom who has everything, try these classy, sensual and oh-so-naughty Japanese silk rope ankle cuffs and a new ball gag.

Mostly Ds—
Your lover believes laughter makes everything better—and bedroom antics are no exception. Tickle her clit with vibrating panties or try this whimsical cell phone vibe.

Guess it wasn’t a scam.

Natalie Dylan’s virginity auction is still going strong, according to a report on the Web site Scandalist. In this post, we reported on the 22-year-old co-ed selling her virginity. Howard Stern gave her a plug on his radio show, and Dennis Hof, owner of the famed Bunny Ranch, promoted the event through the Bunny Ranch Web site. The act will take place on his ranch, too, where Dylan’s sister also works to pay off college debts.
The bids, so far, have reached $3.8 million. With that kind of money, the aspiring counselor–Dylan is going for a Masters in Family and Marriage Therapy–will be able to afford a whole lotta letters after her name!

My search for updates on Dylan’s entrepreneurial venture lead me to tons of celebrity sex gossip. So what else is going on in the world of sex and starlets? And where are some of the best places to find out? In the interests of pure, unadulterated guilty pleasure, we bring you a very short list of top celebrity sex sites and the most fascinating stories of the hour – in no one’s opinion but our own.

My first pick, www.tmz.com has the latest-breaking news and plenty of video to keep you stimulated. Top story? It has nothing to do with sex (yes, there’s a Britney Spears story having nothing to do with sex, drugs or debauchery), but the stage at Dodger Stadium, where Spears, Justin Timberlake and Madonna are slated to perform nearly collapsed prior to the show. Now that’s an epic fail!

Bloggers at www.thehollywoodgossip.com have a wry wit that’s fun to read, whatever the topic. I’m interested to see the results of their poll: “What’s your favorite celebrity sex tape?”

The newly revamped RadarOnline, now under the ownership of AMI, recently received a scathing review from the Huffington Post but I beg to differ. With up-to-date news, smart, concise writing and a clean, professional layout, Radar is poised to become one of the top sources for “pop, politics, scandal and style.”
And in case you were wondering, former child star Danny Bonaduce’s marriage is over. Okay… so maybe not all of the site’s reporting is cutting edge.

The World Wide Web is a big place, of course, and there are virtually thousands (or is that millions?) of gossip sites, professional and otherwise. ‘Fess up. What’s your favorite site for celebrity and sex news?

Our resident blogger Desiree Sweet recently posted an article entitled “Secret Identities”. However applicable to all, let’s take this opportunity to divulge into the world known exclusively by the LGBT community, men who cross-dress, and their friends: Drag Queens.

There are, of course, many famous drag queens of past and present. From those who paved the way like Dame Edna Everage, Margo Howard-Howard, and Divine to Ru Paul and gender bending myspace sensation Jeffree Starr; the evolution of drag has been a progressive one. Still, without such stylish, well crafted stage-names, dressing in women’s clothing could not have come so far!

While it’s not as scientific an approach as choosing your porn star name, there are still some rules that can be followed. As with most beginnings, the starting point should include sufficient amounts of beer, wine, or spirits. A refresher viewing of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert or To Wong Fu might help. Some may recommend the Queen of the Night music video, but don’t be fooled by Whitney Houston in a bad wig.

Drag Names consist of 3 main types, according to my friend Wikipedia. The first are satirical plays on words like Peaches Christ or Candis Cayne. My favorite that I’m sure I didn’t write but like to pretend I did is “Anita Labotomy.” The second type relates to glamour, extravagance, and even royalty. Dame Edna Everage, and The Lady Chablis come to mind. My friend Eliot came up with “Petifore Seasons” the other night. The third type generally has cultural or historical significance or an in-depth and usually familiar backstory. Ricky Reeves and Divine fall into this scheme. My friend Brian coined the offensive and clever “Krystal Nacht” as his drag persona.

But don’t let Wikipedia hinder your creativity. There really are no rules! Try experimenting by drinking more alcohol, as I did for this article. “Miss” is always a good place to start, but don’t get stuck in it. “Miss Appropriation”, “Miss Behavin’”, and “Miss Take” are old Queens, honey, and they’re not getting any younger! Capitalize on celebrities and try “Britney Rears”. Mess it up and try “Sarah Jessica Raphael”. Create an involved backstory about how you’re carrying the baby of the bell boy you met for that one night at the Sheraton, and voila, girl - “Uniqua Hotelbelboy”!

What’s your Drag Queen Name?

Personal ads have been around approximately since the first newspapers were published. One can imagine the ads that may have run in Ben Franklin’s Pennsylvania Gazette: SPM (Single Protestant Male) seeks SPF with generous dowry to share in barn raisings and candlelight dinners…

Today, of course, competition in the dating realm is fierce and, to land the lover of your dreams, you have to make your ad stand out. Of course, with millions of potential mates posting on sites such sites as Craigslist, Match.com, PlentyOfFish, e-Harmony and others, it’s mostly a numbers game and the odds are in favor of those who play.

The click of your mouse will put you in touch with men and women seeking a one-night hook-up, long-term relationship, or even a swinging arrangement. Follow these tips, courtesy of Vibrator.com, to make the most of your post.

–Be yourself—but better!

Dwayne Manley, one half of a swinger couple who has used personals to find playmates, says, “We just try to come across as fun, interesting and intelligent—just being ourselves. I think about the type of couple I’d like to hook up with, and present myself and my partner as those types of people.”

–Be clear about what you want.

Looking for a one-night stand? Potential life partner? Someone to tie you up, cover you in chocolate sauce and slowly lick it off? Whatever you want, the limitless boundaries of the Web will help you find it, so don’t hold back. The only way you can go wrong is by lying about your true desires or misleading a potential mate into thinking you’re in the market for more—or less—than you revealed in your ad.

–Share a pic.

Statistics say ads with a photo get an 80 percent better response, so brush your hair and pick out your favorite clothes to show off your attributes in the most attractive light. Did you know you can “slim down” for the camera by standing at a slight angle—don’t face the camera directly–and bending one leg ever-so-slightly? Experiment with different angles, poses and lighting to achieve the most flattering pic. And don’t forget to smile!

–Proofread

This is a pet peeve of mine. I’m inclined to skip over any ad with poor spelling or blatantly incorrect grammar. You don’t have to create 21st century Shakespeare, but use spellcheck to avoid obvious mistakes. Also try to avoid clichés such as long walks on the beach, or any line that reminds you of the words to The Pina Colada Song! Be original and let your personality (you, but better!) shine through in your prose. If writing isn’t your strong suit, you may want to ask a friend with a way with words to read it over for you or help you compose the ad.

–Be honest.

If you follow the previous tips, you’ll find they all promote honesty, but it bears repeating. Obviously, if you plan to meet people through your ad, you won’t do anything as dumb as posting a fake picture, but beware of more subtle dishonesty, too. For instance, don’t commit lies of omission.

A friend of mine answered a personal ad years ago looking for a long-term relationship and thought she found a potential partner—until she discovered he had a young daughter he “forgot” to mention. Since my friend had filled out “no kids” on her profile, this lie was a deal breaker for her. But even if she’d been willing to compromise on the kids, the fact that he lied was enough for her to say goodbye.

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