Vibrator.com Talks with Erotica Author Raven McQuade

Keith Publications imprint Wicked Ink Press is set to launch the career of a hot new erotica author, Raven McQuade. Vibrator.com’s resident blogger, Desiree Sweet, gets up close and personal with McQuade, who offers tips on how to write better erotica, talks about the market for erotic shorts and reveals some intimate details about her life.

Desiree Sweet: In a few sentences, what is Broken Dreams about?
Raven McQuade: My story is about the fulfillment of a fetish fantasy. Jessie, a romance author, meets the very sexy Mike when he rescues her from her own clumsiness. Little does she know he has a fetish for feet and the medical fetish- casting. He never reveals that fetish, but it is very clear to anyone into it when they read.

Desiree: Casting… that’s an interesting fetish. Is that something you have experience with?
Raven: Well, you could say I’ve put my time in. [lol] I’ve worn my fair share of casts…and truth be told, I’m known in certain circles.

Desiree: Is the book autobiographical in any other ways?
Raven: Again, you could say so. My ‘Caster’ has given my toes a kiss once or twice. Though I haven’t spied on him…might have to, now.

Desiree: What tips do you have for someone who wants to write erotica?
Raven: First you need to have a flair for fiction. Second — and this is imperative — you must love sexuality. The two go hand in hand. Someone that does not love sex cannot write good, believable sex scenes. If you do not have a flair for being creative — you can’t be good at writing or having sex, I’m afraid.

Desiree: Very interesting point, Raven! Anything else?
Raven: As for writing erotica, any writer could try their hand at it. The process is exactly like writing any other genre. You write a compelling story, then search for the publisher right for you. Polish your story, send a great query and hope the editor likes your story as much as you do. I feel honored that Keith Publications owner, Mary Keith, loved my story at first read. She accepted my story for the KP imprint, Wicked Ink Press, in about 24 hours, if that.

Desiree: Tell us a bit about Wicked Ink Press… Is it new?
Raven: Very new. The company will officially launch in September, but titles will be available for download as they are added to the storefront. Some writers tend to shy away from new epublishers…I feel the reason some new epublishers fail is writers don’t approach them, fearing that since they are new, they will not make it. I’m the exact opposite: How will I know how well a company treats me until I work with them? So far, I’ve been very happy.

Desiree: So KP / Wicked Ink is accepting submissions from up-and-coming writers?
Raven: They definitely are. Published, unpublished and experimental.

Desire: Experimental. Would you consider your work experimental because it deals with a fetish?
Raven: No, not really. I cover the fetish in a way that it isn’t obvious to anyone that isn’t aware of it. It sounds and reads more like he is into feet which is generally more well known. Anyone that likes to read about hot sex may enjoy my story.

Desiree: What’s the most challenging part of writing erotica to you?
Raven: The man’s orgasm. Good grief, I really, really did not want to screw up and talk about his hot man juice or seed.

Desiree: LOL – I love it! I had the pleasure of reading some pieces of Broken Dreams (thank you for sharing that, by the way…) How did you manage to bring the characters to life in such a captivating way?
Raven: Now you’re making me blush. I think a lot of it has to do with my background in high school. I did a stint with Drama. But the biggest influence on how I write my characters? Years of role-playing. Yes, folks. I am a geek chick.

Desiree: Oh! Roleplaying in the Sci-Fi/Fantasy sense, not “You’re the cabana boy and I’m the lonely heiress…”
Raven: Hahaha! I role-played Vampire the Masquerade for years, Dungeons & Dragons, and some other games. I’m a die-hard gamer.

Desiree: For someone who wants to learn more about writing erotica, where can they go to learn more about the craft, improve their skills and network with other writers?
Raven: For aspiring writers- check out the AbsoluteWrite forums section on erotica. Nothing else compares to that.You can write to challenges, share your work for critiques and ask advice without feeling “weird.”

Desiree: One last question… when will your book be out? And can we pre-order copies now?
Raven: Actually, it will be available very soon. After the final edit it will be formatted and placed in the storefront at Wicked Ink Press. Don’t expect novel length, though. It’s a short, about 25 pages on an e-reader if I remember correctly.

Image courtesy of Lily at CastFetish.com.

Seven Sexy New Year’s Resolutions

It’s the first full week of the New Year. That means it’s not too late to make a New Year’s Resolution! I hope no one has actually broken any of theirs yet, unless they were the kind meant to be broken. (Like giving up sex in 2010… definitely a bad idea!)

So, dear readers, what are your New Year’s Resolutions? I’m sure we have the lion’s share of “quit smoking,” “lose weight” and (my personal favorite) “quit procrastinating.” In 2010, your resident blogger has made a resolution to keep this blog up-to-date with exciting, fun and sometimes educational content – just for you.

In that vein, here are some suggestions for New Year’s Resolutions you won’t mind keeping all year long!

1. Do something new with your lover. You can break open the Kama Sutra and play with whatever position strikes your fancy, have sex outdoors, or make a foray into BDSM. Whatever you choose, do something that is a new experience for both of you.

2. Communicate with your lover. Take time, inside the bedroom or out, to reveal your innermost fantasies. What do you love best about his techniques? What do you wish he’d do more often? Here’s a tip, ladies – long talks during car drives work well. The lack of eye contact makes your man more comfortable and it helps that he has something else to focus on while still giving you the attention you need (and deserve!)

3. Buy a new toy. Expand your bedroom repertoire with the help of a new battery-powered friend. Go for something completely different. If you’ve never used a rabbit-style vibe, I recommend the new WOW series. Want something great for anal play? The Slimline Anal Explorer is a great beginner vibe at a great price.

4. Have more sex. Who couldn’t use a little more love in their life? Make arrangements for lunchtime rendezvous, quickies before breakfast, or long Saturday evening romps through every room in your house. If you’re an “only on weekends” couple, add a weekday into the mix. If you currently have sex once a week or less, aim for two or three times, just for a month, to see how you like it.

5. Make (and keep) a weekly date night. After the hubbub of the holidays, everyone begins to settle back into their normal routine. Why not make a weekly connection with your lover part of your regular 2010 schedule? If you have kids, line up a babysitter. If not – you have less of an excuse.

Date night doesn’t have to be expensive. Order Chinese food and then give each other massages by the fireplace. Use your imagination for low-cost, stay-at-home one-on-one time or splurge with a dinner out at your favorite restaurant. You can decide who, er – what’s – for dessert.

6. Do kegels. Kegels – easy little exercises that tone the PC (Pubococcygeus) muscles have well-documented health benefits. Not only do they help prevent incontinence, they can aid in childbirth. They also help women have more intense orgasms. You can do kegels anywhere, at any time (and no one will know). You can also use ben wa balls for a more intense experience.

7. Use a condom. If you’re not in a monogamous relationship, make 2010 the year you vow to practice safe sex with every partner and use a condom. You’ll find so many fun varieties here at Vibrator.com, you can even use a different style, color or flavor every day of the year!

When a Fetish Becomes a Chore

Ah, fetishes. They can make sex even more fun and exciting, or – for the less enthusiastic partner of a fetishist – turn it into a banal chore.

In a prior post, we explored the medical and colloquial definitions of a fetish. But what if your partner has a fetish that isn’t exactly hampering his ability to function as a normal individual, but it makes you long for the days when sex was just, well, a little bit of foreplay, then penetration? No props, cameras, vinyl, rubber, leather, lace, balloons, puppets… you get the picture.

Is It a True Fetish?

Experts consider a fetish any sexual obsession that interferes with a person’s ability to function normally in work and social settings. But sometimes, when one partner has a fetish the other person doesn’t share, it can affect your sex life in a negative way – even if you previously enjoyed sharing in the fetish activity.

In fact, when a partner indulges their significant other in a fetish, that fetish can grow stronger until it turns into a problem for both parties. If your partner can’t get aroused without thinking about or using the fetish object, by all means, seek professional help or couples counseling.

If your partner can get aroused without the object, but chooses not to, he may not realize it’s grown stale for you. Chances are, you’ll be able to work things out on your own, without professional intervention. As with any other aspect of sex, communication is the key.

Remember, It’s Not You

Partners coerced into fetish activities often begin to feel they aren’t adequate on their own. “He only wants me for my feet!” might be a common complaint.

First, remember that his fetish has nothing to do with you. Even if it hasn’t turned into a full-blown addiction that requires treatment, it’s about the object, not about you. If he can’t get turned on without the object, that is because of him, not your level of attractiveness. If he can… then it’s time to talk to him about doing so every so often.

Conversation-starters

First, stress to your partner that you don’t want to abandon his fetish completely, but you’d like to try something that turns you on more every once in a while.

Suggest, kindly and when you’re outside the bedroom: “Would it be okay if we tried sex without [fetish object] once in a while, just for something different?”

Don’t be afraid to ask for the reassurance you need. Ask him straight out if he still finds you attractive. If he has a foot fetish, for instance, ask him to compliment other body parts, even if you have to fish for the compliments. Wear clothing emphasizing other body parts and then ask a question like, “Doesn’t this thong make my ass look tight?” Hopefully, he’ll get the idea that you want to focus on another body part for a change.

Transfer the “Object of Transfer”

A fetishist transfers his sexual feelings onto a specific, typically non-sexual, object. If the so-called fetish  is not so much about the fetish object, but about doing something daring, different and socially unacceptable in the bedroom, change it up.

If your partner is infatuated with dirty talk, try making a video instead. If he’s into being blindfolded, see if he’d be game to try being tied up instead. If he doesn’t have a true fetish by the clinical definition, but merely craves excitement and is turned on by taboo acts, he shouldn’t mind trying something different. Maybe he’s just fallen into a kinky rut and needs to explore other creative sex acts.

Fetishes, like any non-mainstream sex acts, aren’t inherently good or bad, but when one partner stops finding enjoyment in it, it’s time to pause and re-assess your sex life. It doesn’t mean you’re not good together as a couple, it just means you need to work on some aspects of your relationship. And who doesn’t?

What’s Your Favorite Fetish?

The DSM-IV, the text book psychologists and doctors use to diagnose mental illnesses, defines sexual fetishes as recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, urges or behaviors involving the use of non-living objects, which cause clinically-significant distress or impairment in normal functioning. Experts call such fetishes, which interfere with a normal sex life, paraphilia.

However, many people use a fetish to describe any “unusual” and recurring sexual behavior. It doesn’t interfere with the person’s job or social life, and may even enhance a couple’s sex life.

History of the Fetish

The word fetish, by most accounts, originates from the Portuguese word “Feitico” meaning “false” and refers to the transfer of power from one object to a substitute. For instance, rather than being turned on by an entire woman, her sexual power is transferred only to her breasts, or feet, or lingerie she’s wearing.

Some experts claim fetishes are established from incidents that take place while masturbating during puberty. The person becomes fixated on object which is not normally associated with sex (in other words, you can’t actually have a vibrator fetish!) in order to become aroused.

That may be true about actual, clinical fetishes that interfere with a patient’s life. What people commonly refer to as “fetishes,” – non-vanilla sexual preferences – more likely come about due to a sense of sexual adventure, experimentation, and the desire to keep things exciting in the bedroom.

Is it a Problem?

Do you have an actual fetish or just a preference? If you can get aroused without using, seeing or even thinking about the object or body part, it’s merely a preference. If you absolutely need it for sex, it’s a fetish.

Whether you should get treatment depends on if it’s preventing you from functioning normally—in and out of the bedroom. If you have a fetish and an understanding partner more than happy to humor your fetish, keep it up (so to speak).

Types of Fetishes

Many different fetishes exist, and we covered some of the more unusual ones in the post “They Like What?” But all fetishes fall into one of three categories:

Media: A media fetish emphasizes the material of an inanimate object. Like leather, lace, rubber, latex or silk? That’s a media fetish.

Form: A form fetishes focuses on the shape of an object rather than its texture. A balloon fetish is both a form and media fetish, while an attraction to high heels is purely a form fetish. Casting, for the person viewing the cast, would be a form fetish, while for the wearer, it is a media fetish.

Animate: Any fetish involving living things or even body parts, from hamsters to human feet, is considered animate.

Askmen.com published a list, based on a reader survey, of the top ten most popular fetishes. The top five?

1. Voyeurism & exhibitionism

2. Golden showers

3. Water

4. Braids, ponytails and pigtails

5. Fingernails and lipstick

We’ll explore these and other fetishes in future posts. What’s your favorite fetish?

Performing a Double Penetration

Double penetration is all about the rhythm. And lube. Lots of lube.

Some women may cringe at the thought of two cocks at once, but for others, the sensation of being all filled up brings boundless pleasure.

To prepare for a double penetration, you’ll want to find two men (of course.) They should be comfortable with incidental contact. Of course, sharing in any sex act is an intimate and personal experience, but some men aren’t comfortable with any male-to-male contact, even in a group sex situation. These types of guys would not be comfortable with the closeness required for a DP.

Practice, Practice, Practice

You don’t want to go into a DP for the first time without being physically prepared, either. If you’re not already an anal sex veteran, you’ll want to take some time to stretch. No, I don’t mean leg lifts or yoga poses, although flexibility doesn’t hurt!

Practice with a butt plug, starting off with the smallest size available and moving to larger models as each size gets more comfortable.
Here’s a great post on getting prepared for anal sex, including a handy list of Dos and Don’ts. Most importantly, use lots of lube so the plug slides in easily.

Eventually, you’ll want to move on to a realistic dildo, ideally the size and shape of your partner’s. Use this by itself a few times, and then try it during sex. Mix it up and use the dildo in your vagina while your partner penetrates your back door. Don’t forget the lube! Now you’re getting closer to the sensations of a real DP!

If you don’t like it, you can take a step back and “practice” some more with a smaller dildo or butt plug. You might also want to—that’s right—use more lube! Or you can decide it’s not something you ever want to try. That’s okay.

If you decide you like this feeling, though, by now you’re probably getting pretty anxious to try the real deal!

Positions for a DP

When you move onto the real act, don’t forget the first rule of a DP: Lots of lube! There are three basic positions for a DP; everything else is a minor variation of these. Use your imagination but, most importantly, do what is most comfortable.

A conventional woman-on-top, with the woman on her knees facing the first partner, is probably the best, most common position for a DP. It puts her ass in the air, just ripe for penetration. It also allows her to control the speed and angle of vaginal penetration.

You can also try with the woman leaning back, facing away from and on top of her anal partner, while the other partner penetrates from a missionary position.

With a strong partner (or a petite woman), one guy can actually lift the woman off the air, holding her while her legs wrap around his hips and waist. The anal partner can help support the woman while penetrating her from behind. (Note: We haven’t actually tried this, but it could be a fun, albeit challenging, position. Why not give it a try and post here to let us know how it worked?)

A real DP with two guys may hurt a bit more than toys the first time. Go slowly. You can have both partners insert at the same time, where they will meet in the middle and, to some degree, be able to feel each other through the vaginal wall. Or you can rock back and forth, having one enter as the other leaves.

For more information and a step-by-step video guide to DP, check out Nina Hartley’s Guide to Double Penetration.

And, please, leave a comment and share your own experiences with double penetration!

Keep Your BDSM Toys Looking New

Do you plan on treating your lover to some new BDSM toys for the holidays?  Chances are you want to keep them looking new well into next Christmas and beyond.  Who wants to be whipped with a dingy cat-o-nine-tails or tied up with tarnished restraints?

You can get these cleaning tips for leather, cotton blends and metal from Heloise and others, for sure, but no domestic guru will talk about these specific applications.  Let Vibrator.com be your care and cleaning guide for BDSM toys!

Cleaning leather

You can buy fancy leather conditioners such as saddle soap, or even pay to have your leather professionally cleaned, but it’s not necessary.  The cleaning experts at Everyday Economics recommend baby wipes to clean all kinds of leather: from your sofa to your slave’s garb!

Test the wipe on an inconspicuous area first.  If all is well and the dye doesn’t come off the leather, fold the wipe and rub it across the entire surface in small circles.  You should see dirt transferring to the wipe.  Some dye may come off, too, but not enough to discolor the leather.  When you’re finished, use a fresh wipe across the entire surface to remove any remaining dirt.  If the baby wipes have moisturizer in them, that also helps condition the leather.

For stubborn stains, EverydayEC.com recommends a Magic Eraser.   It’s best to try to remove any stains, including blood, while they are still fresh.  Fresh stains can probably be rubbed out with a baby wipe or a damp cloth.

Don’t store your leather toys or clothing in plastic bags, as it will breed mildew.  Store leather in a breathable bag in a cool, dry place out of direct sunlight.  If you do need to remove mildew from your leather, sponge the leather with a solution that is equal parts rubbing alcohol and water.  You can read more about cleaning leather in this article.

Cleaning bloodstains

We recommend rubber sheets for hardcore BDSM play that may result in the loss of a lot of different bodily fluids.  Sanitary and inexpensive, if you’re pretty sure there will be blood, rubber sheets are the safest way to clean up.

But sometimes, you may not mean to draw blood and there you are with a stain on your sheets!  What to do?

First, do not wait for the stain to set, or you’re pretty much out of luck.  As soon as possible, use a sponge dampened with cold water to gently rub the blood out, working from the center of the stain outward.

If any blood remains, apply a wet spotter stain remover with an absorbent pad.  On cotton sheets, you can add a few drops of ammonia. (Do not use ammonia on silk, satin or wool).  Keep the pad on the stain as long as necessary, changing it as it becomes saturated. When the stain is out, rinse the area with cold water.  You can clean cotton sheets by pre-treating with a stain remover and laundering in cold water.

Cleaning stainless steel and brushed nickel

The metal parts of your BDSM gear are probably the easiest to clean, with many options available, from window cleaner to lemon juice.  Don’t use an abrasive cleaner such as Brillo, which will mar the finish.  Lemon juice will keep stainless steel fresh and clean, and baby oil adds a nice shine.  For brushed nickel finishes, stick with a solution of dish soap and water, applied with a soft cloth.

The Five W’s of Role-Playing

In a previous blog, we showcased several costumes suitable for Halloween or everyday role-playing fun. They say clothes may make the man (or the woman) but it’s your imagination that brings the characters to life.

Like talking dirty, role-playing stretches your mind during sex, leading to an experience that is fulfilling on multiple levels. When your mind is on something else—creating a scene—pleasure is prolonged. All the senses come into play, and the physical is merely one aspect of the ecstasy. But it’s not easy to do if you’re self-conscious—either of your abilities to come up with a tantalizing storyline, or your ability to share your fantasies.

First, relax. Close your eyes. Put yourself in the moment. Then just start talking, saying whatever comes into your head. No one is asking for Hollywood-caliber screenwriting here. (Although we’re sure you can do better than some of the lines from the latest Mummy movie!)

If you’re playing doctor and nurse, for instance, you don’t need to re-enact a script from ER. Toss in some campy medical terminology if you’d like, but use your standard porno flick script as your model. The goal of most scenes is simply to get the couple screwing. If your dialogue is silly and you both start laughing, that’s okay. Go with it. Pretend you’re famous porn stars, playing a doctor and nurse in a flick, and you flubbed your lines. (The old scene-within-a-scene literary device.)

In between the cheesy come-ons, make sure to inject some of your fantasies into the game. You don’t need to create a drama; a climax or two is the only necessary element in this story. If you need some guidance, just answer the five questions of news writing:

Who? You and your lover, obviously.

What? Have fun with this one, build up anticipation for the act by detailing exactly how you want to rip that little white skirt off her)

When? Create a sequence of events to build passion and anticipation

Where? The operating table? Your office? The supply closet where the passing janitor may overhear you in the throes of passion?

Why? Compliment your partner profusely. You may also want to toss in a little back story: how you came to meet, how long you’ve been lusting after Dr. Goodbody, why now is the perfect time to release your unadulterated passion for each other.

Before you know it, the costumes will come off and then it’s your choice to continue your passion “play” or just fuck like mad. Happy acting!

Lingerie: It’s All about Confidence

I’m a lingerie junkie. I’ve always preferred black and frilly, but my husband has a penchant for white and slinky.

It took a lot for me to don a white lace teddy the first time, but as soon as I got over my lack of confidence, the idea that only basic black is flattering and slimming, I packed an entire suitcase with white or pretty pastel-colored lingerie for our honeymoon. He loved it!

Of course, I was thrilled to see that Vibrator.com has expanded its lingerie line and posted it right on the home page. It’s taking every bit of willpower I have right now to blog instead of shop!

I find it a little sad that some women aren’t comfortable enough with their bodies to enjoy the power of lingerie. Yes, power. You’re putting on a peek-a-boo show for your partner; you’re in control of what you’re wearing — and when it comes off.

Most men will drool over whatever you don, whether it’s black leather or white lace. But when you find a style that fits your body, you’ll love the way you look, you’ll feel sexier… and that will make all the difference.

Pear-shaped… If you have a figure that may be described as “hippy,” look for a style that draws the eye upward. Fun, flirty detailing or a strapless style that accentuates your bust will stimulate his senses.

Large-busted… It probably doesn’t take much to get your guy all a-quiver over your assets. If you’ve got it, show it off! Remember, you do want some support, for both comfort and looks, so don’t shy away from foam-molded cups. Fashion experts also recommend a halter top for large-chested women. Not everyone can get away with a halter style, so if you’re lucky enough to pull this off—he’ll be pulling it off you in no time!

Slim… Women with a slim or boyish figure can basically get away with any style, so get adventurous! Colors and patterns add girlish dimensions to your figure, while flirty accents, such as fringes, on the bottom draw attention to your legs while disguising straight hips.

Full-figured… Vibrator.com has a full line of lingerie for larger women, too. Look for a supportive top and a style that makes you feel great!

Whatever your size or shape, looking good in lingerie is mainly about attitude. Whether you’re small and perky or classically-figured and well-endowed, turn up those lights and flaunt what you’ve got.

Sex Sells

Since its inception, eBay has developed some pretty stringent rules as to what items they will permit to be placed up for auction. They’ve taken some heat for banning the sale of firearms, and they don’t permit users to sell used underwear, either. But sometimes interesting sales slip through the cracks.

Recently, a scorned Australian woman sold an empty condom packet (size small, of course) and a photo of lacy underwear (size humongous) after finding them in her cheating husband’s bed. Ebay pulled the original auction, which included “the tart’s” actual black lace “knickers.”

By some accounts, bidding for the panties and condom wrapper had reached six figures. The photograph wound up selling for $303, proving that a picture may be worth a thousand words, but it’s definitely not as valuable as old underwear.

But that doesn’t beat Natalie Dylan, who is auctioning off her virginity to pay for her Master’s Degree. Her offer didn’t make it past eBay’s Terms of Service personnel, although I distinctly recall hearing of similar auctions on eBay in the past.

Dylan’s idea is not unprecedented. In 2004, lesbian Rosie Reid sold her virginity through her own Web site after eBay nixed her auction. Reid received more than $20,000, which she put toward her college education.

With the rising costs of tuition, let’s hope Dylan fares somewhat better than earning enough for just one-year at a private school. She should; she has the publicity behind her. Famed shock jock Howard Stern and Dennis Hof of the world-famous BunnyRanch brothel in Las Vegas have gotten behind the 22-year-old virgin (no, not like that!) to promote her endeavor.

Stern announced the auction on his radio show on Tuesday, September 9, and bidding is taking place through Hof’s site, BunnyRanch.com. Dylan (not her real name) says she won’t just sleep with the highest bidder, but will take bids until she finds someone she’s happy with. The deal will be sealed at the BunnyRanch, where Dylan’s sister already works.

Scam? Or capitalism at its best (and worst)? Stay tuned, as we’ll be following this story to its erotic end.

As for me? I’m off to check out college savings plans for any future daughters I may have!

Animal Lovin’ at The Museum of Sex

The Museum of Sex in New York opened its exhibit on The Sex Lives of Animals yesterday. This “new natural history” presents nature’s uncensored story of animal sexuality extending far beyond ritualistic mating, and examining the real possibility than humans aren’t the only creatures who enjoy geting laid.

Sculptor Rune Olsen brings the exhibit to life with startling and beautiful displays of members of the animal kingdom in full coitus. “Deer Threesome” is a marvel!

A host of scientists, academics and experts are on the board of advisory for this exhibit, so you know it ain’t just hardcore animal porn. And even if it is, they’ve legitimized it by signing on.

If you haven’t been to The Museum of Sex, there’s no better time. The Sex Lives of Animals is open from July 24, 2008 through Spring 2009. More information can be found on The Museum of Sex Website. Sorry, no pets allowed!