Seven Sexy New Year’s Resolutions

It’s the first full week of the New Year. That means it’s not too late to make a New Year’s Resolution! I hope no one has actually broken any of theirs yet, unless they were the kind meant to be broken. (Like giving up sex in 2010… definitely a bad idea!)

So, dear readers, what are your New Year’s Resolutions? I’m sure we have the lion’s share of “quit smoking,” “lose weight” and (my personal favorite) “quit procrastinating.” In 2010, your resident blogger has made a resolution to keep this blog up-to-date with exciting, fun and sometimes educational content – just for you.

In that vein, here are some suggestions for New Year’s Resolutions you won’t mind keeping all year long!

1. Do something new with your lover. You can break open the Kama Sutra and play with whatever position strikes your fancy, have sex outdoors, or make a foray into BDSM. Whatever you choose, do something that is a new experience for both of you.

2. Communicate with your lover. Take time, inside the bedroom or out, to reveal your innermost fantasies. What do you love best about his techniques? What do you wish he’d do more often? Here’s a tip, ladies – long talks during car drives work well. The lack of eye contact makes your man more comfortable and it helps that he has something else to focus on while still giving you the attention you need (and deserve!)

3. Buy a new toy. Expand your bedroom repertoire with the help of a new battery-powered friend. Go for something completely different. If you’ve never used a rabbit-style vibe, I recommend the new WOW series. Want something great for anal play? The Slimline Anal Explorer is a great beginner vibe at a great price.

4. Have more sex. Who couldn’t use a little more love in their life? Make arrangements for lunchtime rendezvous, quickies before breakfast, or long Saturday evening romps through every room in your house. If you’re an “only on weekends” couple, add a weekday into the mix. If you currently have sex once a week or less, aim for two or three times, just for a month, to see how you like it.

5. Make (and keep) a weekly date night. After the hubbub of the holidays, everyone begins to settle back into their normal routine. Why not make a weekly connection with your lover part of your regular 2010 schedule? If you have kids, line up a babysitter. If not – you have less of an excuse.

Date night doesn’t have to be expensive. Order Chinese food and then give each other massages by the fireplace. Use your imagination for low-cost, stay-at-home one-on-one time or splurge with a dinner out at your favorite restaurant. You can decide who, er – what’s – for dessert.

6. Do kegels. Kegels – easy little exercises that tone the PC (Pubococcygeus) muscles have well-documented health benefits. Not only do they help prevent incontinence, they can aid in childbirth. They also help women have more intense orgasms. You can do kegels anywhere, at any time (and no one will know). You can also use ben wa balls for a more intense experience.

7. Use a condom. If you’re not in a monogamous relationship, make 2010 the year you vow to practice safe sex with every partner and use a condom. You’ll find so many fun varieties here at Vibrator.com, you can even use a different style, color or flavor every day of the year!

Farrah’s Death Raises Anal Cancer Awareness

It’s often hard to make sense of death, especially when the death follows a long battle with a rare illness. Although cancer in so many forms has permeated our society, anal cancer remains quite rare. According to the American Cancer Society, slightly over 5,000 cases are diagnosed each year, with 700 people dying from the disease. On June 25, 2009, 70s icon and former Charlie’s Angel star Farrah Fawcett was one of its victims.

Because of the body part it afflicts, and also because of the stigma attached to it, anal cancer is rarely publicized and often diagnosed too late. In Farrah Fawcett’s case, it was diagnosed and treated in 2006, but then returned this April and spread. On June 25, 2009, the beauty icon passed away from the cancer, which it is reported had spread to her liver.

“Farrah’s Story”
Although the disease, as cancer goes, is quite rare, it is also frequently ignored. Let’s face it: exams used to detect this type of cancer are uncomfortable, at best. The same goes for discussing the topic.

Farrah Fawcett’s documentary, “Farrah’s Story,” which aired on NBC in late May, shed light on the disease and on Farrah’s struggle. During the latter part of her life, Farrah brought several facts about anal cancer into the public eye.

1. If diagnosed early, patients have an 80 to 90 % remission rate.
2. If the cancer is localized and detected in its first stage, the 5-year survival is approximately 82%.
3. According to the American Cancer Society, up to 85 % of all anal cancers are caused by the HPV (human papillomavirus) infection, but it is not a sexually transmitted disease per se.
4. Since up to 25 % of all women have, at some point, contracted the HPV virus, while sexual promiscuity increases the risk of anal cancer, it is not the only risk factor.

Risk Factors
In addition to the HPV virus, risk factors for anal cancer include:

-         being over the age of 50
-         a weakened immune system
-         smoking
-         family history

It’s important to stress that anal cancer is not necessarily an indicator of sexual promiscuity – having many sexual partners is just one of many risk factors. Because small tears in the anus can lead to easier transmission of the HPV virus, practicing safe anal sex can decrease the odds of contracting the disease. The use of condoms can protect against HPV transmission, but may not entirely prevent it.

Symptoms of Anal Cancer
Symptoms of anal cancer include anal bleeding, itching and soreness. Other symptoms include changes in bowel habits, pain or pressure in that area, and unusual discharge from the area. Again, because of the high remission rate when the cancer is detected early, see a doctor if you exhibit any of these symptoms.

What about the HPV Vaccine?
Two vaccines—GlaxoSmithKline’s Cervarix and Merck’s Gardasil—have been shown to protect against some cancer-causing strains of HPV. However, neither vaccine has been approved for use to specifically prevent anal cancer. You can read more about the vaccine in this post, HPV Vaccine: Cancer Prevention or Corporate Profits?

As with any other form of cancer, knowledge of risk factors and symptoms, along with early detection and treatment, are the keys to better health.

Guide to Tantric Sex, Part 2: Foreplay

Our Guide to Tantric Sex, Part 1 explored some of the rituals you might do to prepare your surroundings, as well as your mind and body, for tantric sex. These can take place at any time and can be used to strengthen your love relationship, without necessarily leading up to sexual activity.

The activities covered in this post lead directly to the sexual act, a prolonged lovemaking experience that many say is the pinnacle of sex!

1.    Self-exploration –

The expression, “You have to love yourself before you can love someone else” is a very tantric philosophy. Practitioners of tantra recommend getting to know—and love—your own body before engaging in sex. Many people, especially women, simply aren’t comfortable with their bodies, so this step may take a long time before you feel ready to move on.

Stand naked in front of a full-length mirror and look at every part of your body. Really get to know it. Don’t nitpick at your perceived flaws, but accept them as part of the roadmap of your life experience. Do you have stretch marks from pregnancy? Thick thighs, solid with muscle from physical activity? Accept them as part of who you are. Don’t look past parts of your body you don’t like, love them.

It may be easier to start with body parts you like, or even less intimate parts, such as your hair, eyes and lips. Appreciate the symmetry of your face, the sensuousness of your lips. Work your way down until you feel as if you can accept, and grow to love, every inch of your body. The same technique applies to men!

2.    Self-love –

When you reach your genitals during this self-exploration ritual, use a mirror to explore every section. Finger yourself, rub and watch as your clitoris expands with increased blood flow. Revel in the moisture. As the sexual tension builds, don’t forget to practice your tantric breathing!  You may want to expel low, relaxing moans as you breathe out. Don’t be self-conscious.  Men, too… Feel yourself grow with your touch, appreciate the shape and texture of your penis. Do whatever feels right to you.

3.    Discussion –

Now it’s time to bring your lover into the mix. Sit face-to-face in your sacred space and talk. Share your fantasies and ideas about what you would like to do. Praise your partner, too. Tell them what you like about their body and techniques.

4.    Kissing –

A tantric kiss is more than foreplay. It’s an enjoyable act on its own. Kiss with your entire body, mind and soul, focusing only on the tactile sensations of your lovers’ lips. Taste his saliva. Let his tongue mimic intercourse as it plunges in and out of your mouth.

If you find your mind beginning to wander, whether you contemplate your technique or become self-conscious, breathe deeply of your lovers’ breath and pull yourself back in to the moment. The kiss is all that matters. We offer more kissing tips in this post.

5.    Worship each others’ bodies –

As you went through the phase of self-exploration, now it’s time to explore your lover’s body. Focus on the sensuous curve of their feet, every muscle in their legs, and work your way up. There is something sensual and sexual in every body part, so praise, rub, kiss or lick it as you wish.

6.    “The Crow” –

Often called “69,” this position is part of the Kama Sutra guide to sex positions and brings oral pleasure to both partners. Most tantric sex guides emphasize the co-mingling of bodily fluids—“love juices” and saliva—but it would be irresponsible to talk about oral sex without protection if you are not in a monogamous relationship, where you can be assured both partners are free of diseases. With or without protection, the technique and pleasure are the same.

In the spirit of tantric sex, pay close attention to your lovers’ parts and be free to give and receive feedback about what feels good. Enjoy the taste of your lover just as you enjoyed the oysters and strawberries, appreciating both the flavor and scent. You may want to experiment with different positions (side-by-side, him on top, her on top) and even add pillows to place your neck at the right angle to be comfortable. You should be able to focus entirely on your lover during this experience.

Stay tuned for Part 3 of our Guide to Tantric Sex, which will talk about intercourse and how to prolong orgasms.

Sex Games Beyond Strip Poker

You may have started in junior high school with Spin the Bottle or Seven Minutes in Heaven.  If you’re looking for a fun way to spend the night with your partner, or a great way to loosen up with friends before sharing or swapping, games are still fun. but we’re all grown up now, and, the games have gotten racier.

You can customize these games to your own comfort level.  For instance, it can be fun to hit second base with close friends, even if you’re not into full-fledged swinging. Or you can have a free-for-all, anything goes, with just you and your partner. The best thing about these games? Everyone wins.

One point I’d like to make: Don’t be afraid to change the rules as you go. You might want to set guidelines before you begin, such as: “no guy-on-guy action” or “no kissing on the lips,” but if anything comes up that someone is uncomfortable with, the player shouldn’t be afraid to speak up. These games are about fun, not about humiliation or pushing people past their sexual comfort levels. And if none of these appeal, why not try some old-fashioned strip poker?

Strip Darts… and Then Some
You can play this just like a classic dart game, where you are shooting to hit each number three times in any combination. In other words, you can hit three singles, a single and a double, or one triple. Write all the numbers, plus bulls-eye, on your scoreboard. The fun begins when someone closes out a number. When one player or team “closes out” a number (gets three points on that number), the opponent removes a piece of clothing. Go round this way until all clothes are removed, and then begin with sexual favors. For instance, you may go from a kiss to a massage to oral sex. We like to play that closing out the bulls-eye equals automatic oral sex, even if the other player isn’t naked yet. If being naked around sharp objects makes you uncomfortable, try this game with Velcro darts and pre-printed commands.

Dirty Jenga
This is an exciting game of skill, coordination… and sex! Jenga provides several blank tiles where you can write your own challenges. Fill these in with dirty ideas such as “trade underwear with the person to your right,” “kiss the person to your left,” “massage the person across from you.” You can also cross off the instructions on some of the tiles to write your own activities. The person who knocks over the Jenga tower must give oral sex to one of the other players (or all of them!)

Truth or Dare
This one’s a classic but now you can give it a truly adult twist. Go around the room and ask a saucy question such as, “What’s your naughtiest unfulfilled fantasy?” or “What’s the weirdest place you ever had sex?” Anyone who doesn’t want to answer must perform the dare decided by the person who asked the question. How many rounds will you go before the game turns into a free-for-all love-fest?

Vibrator.com also sells some great sex games for couples or groups. Some of my favorites are the dirty dice, with body parts printed on one die and actions on the other, or easy-to-play board games like Stairway to Pleasure.

Whether you decide to spring for a storebought game or modify a favorite game you already own, games are a great, low-cost way to spend a cold winter night. What are your favorite dirty games?

Delicious Desires: Top Products for Oral Sex

All that talk of kissing in my last blog got me thinking about flavored products. The right lip gloss not only makes your lips soft, smooth and succulent, but it can add a pleasant flavor to a kiss.

Likewise, Nipple Nibblers lotion not only adds a sweet, pleasant-tasting tingle to your nipples, it’s also recommended for the lips. Available in sun-ripened strawberry, this lotion from Holiday Products is a steal at only $8 for the 2 oz. container.

But let’s work our way down as we explore some of  Desiree Sweet’s favorite lubes, lotions and condoms to make oral sex even sweeter.

Sweeten’d Blow – This cleverly named pleasure gel comes in raspberry, vanilla and watermelon and has a lubricating effect for an extra smooth blow job. Vibrator.com offers plenty of different oral sex gels, but this blogger likes the unique flavors of Sweeten’d Blow and the campy container.

Boi Toyz Blow Job Drops – Just a few drops of this minty concoction on your tongue gives your partner a tingly treat. Lots of fun for the adventurous couple! Best of all, it’s available in minty combinations of spearmint, cinnamon, wintergreen and chocolate mint.

Oral Delight Couples Kit – This kit from Doc Johnson has it all: Wild cherry-flavored Good Head lotion for blow jobs, strawberry-flavored LickMe licker gel for her, plus a mini-waterproof massager and UR3 slipper tongue sleeve for the vibe. You can use this exciting foursome in any combination for a full night of oral pleasure.

Astroglide Sensual Strawberry – If you’re looking for an effective, light, water-based lube that is safe for use with condoms, you can’t beat the classic Astroglide. Add strawberry flavor and you have a true winner! This lubricant keeps you wet and slippery for hours while adding a light taste that’s not too sugary-sweet. Definitely a favorite of this blogger!

Four Seasons Flavored Condoms – Oral sex with a regular condom can leave a rubbery taste in your mouth; flavored condoms are the way to go. And because variety is the spice of life (and your sex life!) this four-pack gives you four different flavors: banana, strawberry, blueberry and chocolate.

The Collection – Flavored massage oils add a great taste and scent to foreplay. This kit from Kama Sutra offers five 1 oz. bottles of tasty massage oil in sensual flavors such as chocolate mint, cherry almond, raspberry kiss and vanilla crème.
It’s important to remember that not every flavor appeals to every person. (Although we’ve yet to find the individual who is turned off by chocolate!) Variety packs of condoms, flavored massage oils and drops help ensure that you are adding a pleasing taste for your partner. Before you apply a particular flavor, make sure to ask! You don’t want to be sent off to the showers with the line: “No, really, it’s not you! It’s the cherry lube!”

“Everything But…”

I’d forgotten how much fun dry humping and mutual masturbation can be! Due to medical reasons, your sex-hungry blogger is forced to abstain for six weeks.

Okay, okay, it’s actually a happy reason: all our “research” for this blog and the inspiration we found here at Vibrator.com resulted in the logical outcome, and, yours truly, Desiree Sweet recently gave birth to a beautiful baby girl!

Hubby and I are surviving the sleepless nights as well as we can, but we’ve also found ourselves more in love with—and turned on by—each other than ever before. This was something we were definitely not expecting; we figured six weeks of abstinence would be quite easy to endure amidst dirty diapers, breastfeeding challenges and other decidedly un-sexy aspects of parenting. So what’s a girl to do?

Last night, we stepped back in time, teenagers-in-the-backseat-of-a-car style, to explore each other’s bodies and enjoy “everything but” intercourse. Last night started out with kissing, and lots of it. This sensual activity often gets forgotten as couples rush forward to the main attraction. Lovers focus on a few specific erogenous zones, neglecting the pleasure that can be discovered when four lips and two tongues connect.

Our bodies pressed together in a continuous embrace, all the right parts lined up, I came as I felt him growing against me…and had three more orgasms from the close contact, even through our clothes. Wanting something even more, however, we ended the night with mutual masturbation—lots of clitoral stimulation for me, and a treat of hand-and-mouth for him.

This brings me back to my opening line and what I learned from last night’s experience. It’s a sex advice article cliché to remind readers to enjoy foreplay. But why not turn foreplay into the main attraction every once in a while—even if you have no good reason to do so?

It often takes longer to reach orgasm through these creative methods—and you can stretch out the passion and torture even longer if you keep your clothes on. You’re forced to slow down and appreciate every step of the act, and, with that, everything about your lover.

You can even forego oral sex to find out how many unique ways you can make your lover cum. It may be a great time to introduce toys (keeping the “no penetration” rule in full effect) or see if you can bring your lover to the peaks of passion with words and fantasies alone. (For some women, this can happen!) If you find after this lengthy make-out session that you simply can’t resist intercourse–and have no reason not to–go for it! Rules are made to be broken, after all.

I can’t wait for that first post-pregnancy, passion-filled quickie while our little sweetie naps, but I’ll still be walking around with a secretive smile on my face for the next month or so.

The Five W’s of Role-Playing

In a previous blog, we showcased several costumes suitable for Halloween or everyday role-playing fun. They say clothes may make the man (or the woman) but it’s your imagination that brings the characters to life.

Like talking dirty, role-playing stretches your mind during sex, leading to an experience that is fulfilling on multiple levels. When your mind is on something else—creating a scene—pleasure is prolonged. All the senses come into play, and the physical is merely one aspect of the ecstasy. But it’s not easy to do if you’re self-conscious—either of your abilities to come up with a tantalizing storyline, or your ability to share your fantasies.

First, relax. Close your eyes. Put yourself in the moment. Then just start talking, saying whatever comes into your head. No one is asking for Hollywood-caliber screenwriting here. (Although we’re sure you can do better than some of the lines from the latest Mummy movie!)

If you’re playing doctor and nurse, for instance, you don’t need to re-enact a script from ER. Toss in some campy medical terminology if you’d like, but use your standard porno flick script as your model. The goal of most scenes is simply to get the couple screwing. If your dialogue is silly and you both start laughing, that’s okay. Go with it. Pretend you’re famous porn stars, playing a doctor and nurse in a flick, and you flubbed your lines. (The old scene-within-a-scene literary device.)

In between the cheesy come-ons, make sure to inject some of your fantasies into the game. You don’t need to create a drama; a climax or two is the only necessary element in this story. If you need some guidance, just answer the five questions of news writing:

Who? You and your lover, obviously.

What? Have fun with this one, build up anticipation for the act by detailing exactly how you want to rip that little white skirt off her)

When? Create a sequence of events to build passion and anticipation

Where? The operating table? Your office? The supply closet where the passing janitor may overhear you in the throes of passion?

Why? Compliment your partner profusely. You may also want to toss in a little back story: how you came to meet, how long you’ve been lusting after Dr. Goodbody, why now is the perfect time to release your unadulterated passion for each other.

Before you know it, the costumes will come off and then it’s your choice to continue your passion “play” or just fuck like mad. Happy acting!

Lingerie: It’s All about Confidence

I’m a lingerie junkie. I’ve always preferred black and frilly, but my husband has a penchant for white and slinky.

It took a lot for me to don a white lace teddy the first time, but as soon as I got over my lack of confidence, the idea that only basic black is flattering and slimming, I packed an entire suitcase with white or pretty pastel-colored lingerie for our honeymoon. He loved it!

Of course, I was thrilled to see that Vibrator.com has expanded its lingerie line and posted it right on the home page. It’s taking every bit of willpower I have right now to blog instead of shop!

I find it a little sad that some women aren’t comfortable enough with their bodies to enjoy the power of lingerie. Yes, power. You’re putting on a peek-a-boo show for your partner; you’re in control of what you’re wearing — and when it comes off.

Most men will drool over whatever you don, whether it’s black leather or white lace. But when you find a style that fits your body, you’ll love the way you look, you’ll feel sexier… and that will make all the difference.

Pear-shaped… If you have a figure that may be described as “hippy,” look for a style that draws the eye upward. Fun, flirty detailing or a strapless style that accentuates your bust will stimulate his senses.

Large-busted… It probably doesn’t take much to get your guy all a-quiver over your assets. If you’ve got it, show it off! Remember, you do want some support, for both comfort and looks, so don’t shy away from foam-molded cups. Fashion experts also recommend a halter top for large-chested women. Not everyone can get away with a halter style, so if you’re lucky enough to pull this off—he’ll be pulling it off you in no time!

Slim… Women with a slim or boyish figure can basically get away with any style, so get adventurous! Colors and patterns add girlish dimensions to your figure, while flirty accents, such as fringes, on the bottom draw attention to your legs while disguising straight hips.

Full-figured… Vibrator.com has a full line of lingerie for larger women, too. Look for a supportive top and a style that makes you feel great!

Whatever your size or shape, looking good in lingerie is mainly about attitude. Whether you’re small and perky or classically-figured and well-endowed, turn up those lights and flaunt what you’ve got.

Ode to the Foot

Decades ago, fetishists would be incarcerated in asylums for their disorders. Considering the true meaning of the word, that’s not surprising.

A “fetish,” according to its clinical definition, is a sexual disorder where a person cannot get aroused without a particular object, body part, fantasy or behavior. The person may fantasize obsessively about his fetish, sometimes to the exclusion of normal social behavior. That doesn’t sound like fun, does it?

In recent years, though, the word has evolved to encompass many types of unusual, and even some not-so-unusual, sexual behaviors. If you enjoy an activity or appreciate the beauty in a particular body part, but don’t need it during every sexual encounter to get aroused, a so-called “fetish” can be quite fun to explore.
A foot fetish is a common, “mainstream” fetish, if you will. It’s quite easy to see the sensual attraction to feet. After all, what’s not to love about smooth, pampered soles, finely polished toenails, the sensual arc of a woman’s foot and, of course, sexy and powerful stiletto heels? (Just writing this makes me yearn for a pedicure!)

Beach season brings plenty for a foot fetishist to feast upon and enjoy. (And is it just a coincidence that a thong describes a sexy piece of clothing worn in two separate places? Or that low-cut shoes create sensual and revealing “toe cleavage?”)
According to the principles of Reflexology, the foot contains powerful nerve endings that can elicit amazing physical and even sexual responses. Performed by certified reflexologists, it can also treat ailments and diseases.

But you don’t have to be a pro to give a relaxing, sensual foot massage. You may want to study reflexology charts to learn what parts of the foot correspond with different parts of the body. Other than that, a little massage oil and a firm but gentle touch will have your lady swooning.

Approach from the top of the foot, or even her calf, and work your way down, if your lady proves to be too ticklish down there at first. Warm up her feet, too, with some rapid rubbing.

From a simple massage, foot play can progress to even more sensual, playful and arousing experiences. Try toe-sucking, or even a foot job. (Yes, that is exactly what it sounds like.) If you ask your partner to pull on silky stockings, you’ll like the feel of her toes and feet all over your body; you may even be ready to come by the time she gets to the main attraction.
Now, looking at it that way, is a fetish really all that bad?

Bedtime Stories

When your lover says “talk dirty to me,” does your mind go blank and your tongue turn frigid? It’s tough to come up with creative, enticing, sexy statements that don’t sound like a bad porno.

In all likelihood, your lover doesn’t care exactly what you say, so long as you’re talking. Be honest about your thoughts and feelings, and describe your fantasies in as much detail as you can muster. You can always do a play-by-play, too, of what you’re doing to him or her—or what you’d like your lover to do to you.

But if you just can’t bring yourself to come up with enough dirty deeds and words to satisfy, why not let someone else do the hard part?

From Penthouse Magazine’s monthly letters (also collected in several books) to Anne Roquelaire’s Sleeping Beauty series, there’s enough erotica out there to keep you talking dirty for days.

It’s worth noting that some writers and readers choose to make distinctions between erotica and porn. Personally, I’ve always thought of erotica as having a plot and character development intertwined with scintillating sexual scenes. Porn gets straight to the sex.

When it comes down to it, however, the distinctions are irrelevant. Some couples may get turned on by the love scenes in a Harlequin romance, while others will seek the Fetish section of Literotica for their fix.

What makes books and stories better than off-the-cuff dirty talk? First, you can hide your eyes behind the book—a great bonus for someone who’s shy. Reading aloud can be even more titillating than talking dirty; it forces you to prolong the foreplay. Waiting to initiate sexual contact until the climax and resolution of the story can be hot! Trust me, you don’t want anything too long… no more than 10 pages or a few thousand words. The Wet collection features seven short, sensual stories that are perfect for reading aloud before bed.

Whatever your choice of–ahem–literature, here are a few tips for reading:

Take it slow. Take deep breaths between sentences, and pause after particularly racy scenes to let the experience sink in. Build tension by slowing down your speech.

You may naturally speak a little faster during action sequences or when the author uses a lot of short sentences in a row, but you never want to sound like you’re rushing to get to the next page.

Make sure to enunciate, don’t mumble. Also, don’t talk into the book as this will muffle your voice.

Use inflection. Remember those kids in school who used to read like robots? It was painful then, and it’s no fun to hear it now. Pretend you’re telling a story (which you are) and use natural inflection in your voice. If you can do it without sounding (or feeling) silly, you may even want to come up with different voices for different characters.

The first few times I read to my lover, I tried for a sexy, breathless “phone sex operator” voice and quickly discovered it was hard to keep up. Speak in whatever way feels natural to you, so long as it’s clear and slow. Most importantly, relax and enjoy the story yourself! That’s part of the fun!