Personal ads have been around approximately since the first newspapers were published. One can imagine the ads that may have run in Ben Franklin’s Pennsylvania Gazette: SPM (Single Protestant Male) seeks SPF with generous dowry to share in barn raisings and candlelight dinners…

Today, of course, competition in the dating realm is fierce and, to land the lover of your dreams, you have to make your ad stand out. Of course, with millions of potential mates posting on sites such sites as Craigslist, Match.com, PlentyOfFish, e-Harmony and others, it’s mostly a numbers game and the odds are in favor of those who play.

The click of your mouse will put you in touch with men and women seeking a one-night hook-up, long-term relationship, or even a swinging arrangement. Follow these tips, courtesy of Vibrator.com, to make the most of your post.

–Be yourself—but better!

Dwayne Manley, one half of a swinger couple who has used personals to find playmates, says, “We just try to come across as fun, interesting and intelligent—just being ourselves. I think about the type of couple I’d like to hook up with, and present myself and my partner as those types of people.”

–Be clear about what you want.

Looking for a one-night stand? Potential life partner? Someone to tie you up, cover you in chocolate sauce and slowly lick it off? Whatever you want, the limitless boundaries of the Web will help you find it, so don’t hold back. The only way you can go wrong is by lying about your true desires or misleading a potential mate into thinking you’re in the market for more—or less—than you revealed in your ad.

–Share a pic.

Statistics say ads with a photo get an 80 percent better response, so brush your hair and pick out your favorite clothes to show off your attributes in the most attractive light. Did you know you can “slim down” for the camera by standing at a slight angle—don’t face the camera directly–and bending one leg ever-so-slightly? Experiment with different angles, poses and lighting to achieve the most flattering pic. And don’t forget to smile!

–Proofread

This is a pet peeve of mine. I’m inclined to skip over any ad with poor spelling or blatantly incorrect grammar. You don’t have to create 21st century Shakespeare, but use spellcheck to avoid obvious mistakes. Also try to avoid clichés such as long walks on the beach, or any line that reminds you of the words to The Pina Colada Song! Be original and let your personality (you, but better!) shine through in your prose. If writing isn’t your strong suit, you may want to ask a friend with a way with words to read it over for you or help you compose the ad.

–Be honest.

If you follow the previous tips, you’ll find they all promote honesty, but it bears repeating. Obviously, if you plan to meet people through your ad, you won’t do anything as dumb as posting a fake picture, but beware of more subtle dishonesty, too. For instance, don’t commit lies of omission.

A friend of mine answered a personal ad years ago looking for a long-term relationship and thought she found a potential partner—until she discovered he had a young daughter he “forgot” to mention. Since my friend had filled out “no kids” on her profile, this lie was a deal breaker for her. But even if she’d been willing to compromise on the kids, the fact that he lied was enough for her to say goodbye.

Everyone’s favorite online personals site, New York based Nerve wrote a piece on their blog lately entitled Everyone Pays for Sex. Kate Carraway (I searched for her profile on Nerve and I couldn’t find it) followed the spending habits of 9 people for four weeks where their dollars related to sexual pursuit and, ultimately, gratification. One could argue that every dollar spent will eventually lead to getting laid, because, really, isn’t that why we’re here? But Carraway asks us to put on the blinders for this 5 page article and become the sort of voyeuristic web user who frequent Nerve personals. We’re posed with the following questions:

Is being single really more expensive than being in a relationship? Are people who make $20,000 spending as much as those who make over a hundred grand?

As far as I understood from this article, only two participants were in actual relationships. One of the subjects was actually a couple who pooled incomes (skewed data?), while the other was a mom of two who has been married for the last decade. Will mom spend less on finding sex than a 29 year old straight single TV editor? Well, gee, I don’t know! I’m no scientist (despite what I may have claimed in previous posts), but shouldn’t we be presented with a formal hypothesis, have a control group, and then be handed a conclusion wrapped in a neat little bow?

Read the article, if you’re really really bored. If you’ve got shit to do then you’re likely to be as pissed off as I was by this anti-climactic waste of everybody’s time.

(Sorry Kate Carraway. You’ve certainly got journalistic integrity for allowing this to be published without manipulating the heck out of this data!)

A statistic that really surprised me the other day is that 1 in 2000 babies born have “indistinguisable genitalia” at birth.   XXY and XYY children are born daily, and the majority of these children have their post-operative gender decided by their parents long before their bodies suggest which sex they more closely identify with.  The UK has recently recommended to doctors and families not to perform gender assignment surgeries on children, yet legally it is still a parent’s decision to do so.  In other cultures, it is still a decision of the state.

Recent history of the past few hundred years had either ignored, alienated, or persecuted intersex people - based generally on a lack of understanding.  But lest we forget our ancient history, when our differences were reverred.  The Greek God, Hermaphroditus, was the god of hermaphrodites and of effeminate men. Hermaphroditos was a son of Hermes and Aphrodite, the gods of male and female sexuality.

Some say he was once a handsome youth who attracted the love of a Naiad nymph named Salmakis. She prayed to to be united with him forever and a god, in answer to her prayer, merged their two forms into one. At the same time her spring acquired the property of making men who bathed in its waters soft and effeminate.

Both modern Christianity and Islam have references to hermaphroditic angels, as well.  However, devout and orthodox members of these religions would have you believe that God will only recognize marriage as between a man and a woman - when gender is clearly not that black and white.  In the US alone (from the statistics above) 175,000 people would identify as intersex.  It’s high time we appreciate each other for our differences and stop using ignorance, confusion, and religion as pulpits for hate.

The video above is from Current.com and documents Adele’s 30 year journey to the crossroads of courage and realization.  I hope you enjoy it.

Superheroes have them. So do spies. But did you ever think that your cubicle mate may not be exactly who he claims to be?

In this era of MySpace, Facebook, and all manner of social networking sites, it seems everyone is “LinkedIn,” “Plurking” or “Tweeting” their life away on Twitter. (None of these activities is as much fun as the names make them sound—really!)

It’s kind of cool that we can follow the activities of people around the world with just a click of a mouse, but how much information is TMI (TOO MUCH information?) Some social networking blogs have recently talked about “transparency” – in other words, full disclosure on your blog or other social networking site. But for some people, that’s a difficult choice. Possibly even the wrong choice.

For instance, a colleague of mine who writes erotic fan fiction (she didn’t get into details, but the words “gay elf sex” came up in conversation) works in a school district. There could be big problems if anyone in her real life discovered her literary leanings.

That’s where an uber-cool “secret identity” comes in (cape is optional). Sure, anyone who is determined enough can trace an IP address and find out who you really are, but, for the most part, a handily-crafted pseudonym will permit you to contribute to sex blogs, write erotic fan fiction, haunt chat rooms, and flirt (and more), anonymously. We won’t go into the moral ramifications of the latter. We are not here to judge.

So when you’re ready to become your alter-ego, how do you choose your name? There are tons of “porn star name” generators on the Web but most of these yield silly results. Do you really want to be known as Tara Asstronaut or Sergeant Slamm?

There’s also the old trick of “Name of your First Pet, Name of the Street Where You Lived Growing Up.” For me, this yields the very sexy, yet somewhat masculine, “Frisky Swallow.” So I tend to go with my second pet’s name, for the sexily suggestive “Tabitha Swallow.”

However, after a brief stint writing under this name, out of curiosity I did a numerology report and realized the name is too far removed from my own personality to yield success. So I randomly picked Desiree Sweet and ran that name, too, through a numerology report. Often the center of attention, Desiree Sweet is creative, fun and gets the job done. Now, that’s the type of person whose blog you want to read, isn’t it?

For writers, pseudonyms are an accepted part of life. Where most people tend to get in trouble, however, are those pesky pics (and the Web vids). Everyone’s got a camera now. And a Facebook or Flicka account. So what to do?

You can try banning cameras at many get-togethers, but not everyone adheres to the policy. In lieu of this, keep a close eye on the photo albums of friends and acquaintances (especially those who may have friends – real or online – who overlap yours). Don’t hesitate to ask them to remove a photo, even if it doesn’t have your name tied to it, if you find it embarrassing, incriminating, or just something you’d feel weird about your grandmother seeing.

As for your own account, again, a pseudonym is a good start, but if you’re a school teacher, public official or, well, anyone with a job, you may want to think twice before posting that photo of you in a Fruit Loop bikini during that wild summer on Fire Island.

There’s a cartoon with the caption “Porn for Women.” The picture shows a sexy man, shirtless—vacuuming!

Sure, clean dishes sparkling in the dish rack next to a shiny stainless steel sink get me a little hot and heavy, but there are many everyday situations where both men and women find themselves incredibly attracted to their mates. Not all have to do with household chores, either.

In my other life, where I don’t blog about sex toys, I play paintball. It’s amazing how many men think this is sexy (and they think it about many other female players too.) Sure. We’re running around, our faces entirely covered by our safety masks, oversized jerseys protecting us from the pain of paintball hits. We traipse around the woods lugging big military-looking paintball markers—and guys think this is the biggest turn-on in the world. It’s gotta be a power thing. Or maybe it’s the “guns.”

I guess female athletes, in general, are sexy. Look at the Beijing Olympics: Ana Ivanovic (Serbia, Tennis) Logan Tom (United States, Volleyball) and Sue Bird (U.S., Basketball), just to name a few.

Of course, what’s not to love about the entire women’s volleyball competition, or tennis players with the short little skirts and scores like 30-Love? (And Ashley Harkleroad with her Playboy spread). But hotties like Britta Heidemann (Germany, Fencing) and Victoria Pendleton (Britain, Cycling) also made Maxim’s list of the World’s Hottest Olympians.

For other men, it’s not the process of getting down and dirty on the playing field that turns them on, but watching their dolls get all dolled up. Rod Rampage says his biggest turn-on is “watching you guys pretty yourselves up to go out.” He adds that he could watch a woman play with her hair for hours.

For some women, the sound of a man’s voice, especially when he’s singing, turns them on. Deep baritones and strong voices with resonance, not surprisingly, are preferred, but for many women, it’s just a personal thing. If they like the voice, the guy can turn them on with a mere word.

Stage presence is also a big thing when you’re talking about musicians and performers. And guys (and girls) with guitars? Totally hot.

College student Vikki Bethel names “cooking” and “deep thoughts” as two of her biggest turn-ons, but says, “A guy taking off at like 3 am to go on a hike around campus and leaving the path and blazing around and being very passionate and excited can be hot. Guys are hot.”

Teen pregnancy rates, nationwide, have dropped between 1990 and 2004, according to a report recently released by the CDC (U.S. Centers for Disease Control). Abortions also dropped by 24 percent during this time period, perhaps indicating that comprehensive sex education has had the desired effect on teen sexual activity and behaviors.

Unfortunately, the optimistic 2004 stats were offset by a preliminary CDC report on 2006 births, which showed an increase in the number of teen pregnancies for the first-time in 14 years. And in one Massachusetts school, the news is even more depressing.

In the past year, the teen pregnancy rate at Gloucester High School has more than quadrupled, with 17 young women pregnant. What’s more, many of the girls view this as a good thing. It is part of a “pregnancy pact,” in which many girls, all under 16, pledged to get pregnant and raise their children together.

The breaking-news article published in Time reported that several students requested multiple pregnancy tests this spring and, according to the school principle, “Some girls seemed more upset when they weren’t pregnant than when they were.”

When school officials and the high school clinic’s medical director advocated dispensing oral contraceptives without parental consent, however, they faced opposition from many people in the predominantly-Catholic community.

The big question: How will birth control pills help stop pregnancy if teenage girls are actually trying to get pregnant? Maybe “comprehensive sex ed curriculum” should be expanded to include spending 24 hours a day, every day for a week or more, with a colicky infant.

On a serious note, if teen pregnancy is, in fact, on the rise, and the 2006 numbers were not just an odd peak in an otherwise downward trend, what’s the real solution?

Does size really matter?

I don’t know about you, but to me, what a guy does with what he has is far more important than how well endowed he is. Of course there are always the extremes such as being too small or too big to even get inside the action, but beyond that, size means nothing to me.

In fact, I appreciate the kind of man who doesn’t think that his sexual prowess is directly linked to a statistical measurement of girth or length. You know the type: in the heat of passion, he whips out a tape measure to “prove” that it really is as long as he’s been telling you.

Like you care! After all, his magnificent magnitude then shriveled right before your eyes, along with every last bit of your sexual excitement. The moment is ruined, the turn-on is gone, and for what purpose? To boost his ego… nothing more, nothing less.

Besides, any man who thinks that he can truly satisfy a woman with just the length of his penis has another thing coming. I want a man who knows how to use the core of his being and every breath he takes to satisfy me. After all, sex isn’t superficial or just a purely physical experience, especially for a woman!

Sexual experiences are about personality and character, creativity and vulnerability, taking chances and expanding boundaries. Besides, in today’s world, there are a plethora of nifty toys to expand on what a guy has and add to his arsenal of love. He can enlarge in girth and/or magnitude, sustain longer, add vibration and rotation with or without knobby beads to heighten your intensity and his, or just about anything else you can imagine!

But at its core, sex is about who a man is on the inside, not what he has tucked away inside his pants. In the end, the old adage really is true: it’s not how big he is but what he does with what he has that really matters.

Have you ever wasted hours of your life on Myspace or Facebook and wanted those hours back? Well then I might recommend NOT visiting web 2.0 sex networking sites like Xtube.com or Pornotube.com (see a previous blog post for the full list). Sites like these have the propensity to suck away thousands of minutes of the lives of young voyeurs like myself. The sheer selection of what one can search for and successfully find is astounding and almost a hindrance at an otherwise productive evening. The work of a voyeur is never done when sitting at the virtual telescope into countless bedroom windows.

Xtube has taught me some new sexual terms and interests that I was unaware of previously. “Whipped cream pie” is one of them. (I am actually still not sure what it means.) My conversational Spanish and French has greatly improved, as well. Still, I am not convinced that, as a voyeur, I’m making good use of my time on Xtube. Exhibitionists have a better deal.

You like it gay or straight? Sure, whatever. Interested in seeing a girl who has tattoos that encircle both of her breasts suck off two guys at once? Yeah, I’m into that, I guess. Have you seen “lingerieboy’s” most recent jerk off video? Like, who hasn’t?! Only a small percentage of videos on Xtube are of commercial porn, leaving the rest to be produced by horny guys and girls on private cams. This is the obvious choice for the countless exhibitionists of the world, but how can a voyeur like me find the time to spy in on everyone?! It’s just not possible.

So where does this leave me? Searching for keywords (like “whipped cream pie”, of course) and quietly subscribing my photo-less profile to receive notifications when my favorite “stars” update their arsenal of homemade treats for my viewing pleasure. Would it be easier and less time-consuming to buy a cam and become an exhibitionist myself? Maybe. But where’s the fun in that?

One of my favorite forms of foreplay doesn’t involve candlelight dinners, roses, or even porn DVDs. My husband and I like browsing through adult stores. We rarely buy anything in brick-and-mortar stores; we save our shopping for online. But we love pointing out our favorite DVDs, looking at the lingerie, and giggling at some of the sillier sex toys. It helps that we’re both people-watchers, and you certainly encounter characters at the adult store. After a few rounds through the rows of vibrators, though, we’re focused only on each other, thinking of the toys we’ll pull out of our own collection that night. By the time we get in the car, we can barely make it home before ripping off each other’s clothes.

Sometimes we pick out some lingerie, maybe a sexy little teddy or a pretty bra and g-string set. In my opinion (and hubby’s!) there’s nothing hotter than a lady in lingerie. Think you can’t wear something black and slinky? Nonsense! It’s all about the attitude. A confident woman will look great in anything. If you’re feeling self-conscious, soft lights in the bedroom don’t hurt.

For years, I had a hang-up about wearing white lingerie. You know, that old myth about black being slimming and white, well, showing flaws? But every time we picked out a new outfit, hubby preferred white. I started to like it simply because he liked it so much. And I started to feel good in it. On our honeymoon, I packed five different white outfits and wore a new one each night.

It’s been a while since we’ve toured the adult shops in our area. I wonder if there’s anything new. It doesn’t matter what merchandise we spot—the most important thing we’ll find on the excursion is our sense of playfulness and revved up imaginations!

Then again, we can do the same thing from home, browsing Vibrator.com, and I won’t have to worry about the legal ramifications if we get pulled over while I’m giving him a blow job in the car.

Despite our iPods, skyscrapers, and 9-5 jobs, human beings are still part of the animal kingdom. We are susceptible to changes in the weather, the waxing and waning of the moon, and all that garbage just like our four-legged friends. One would therefore expect that when one animal species awakens from hibernation and commences the breeding process, we all do. The female of the species engages in “spring cleaning”, ridding the cave or nest of winter’s store of goods, and the male “sows his seed” as much as possible to ensure his genetic survival for future generations. Yes, yes, I know that such a simple three sentences do not account for the less-than-traditional relationships of modern society (or female sexuality other than cleaning!). But we’re animals nonetheless.

So what is it about Spring as a season that gets us in the mood? Maybe it’s the budding trees, the flowering plants, the April showers, and the breath of new life cleansing away the cold and dead winter. Actually, all of that tends to cause severe allergic reactions in me, for which I take copious amounts of antihistamines. And hospitals administer antihistamines for priapism (look it up), so in that respect spring doesn’t exactly jive with being an aphrodisiac.

The Vernal equinox marks the finality of longer, darker nights, bringing us more sunshine and longer days as we approach summer. Why this is a sexy thing, I’m not sure, as most people prefer the lights off when doing “the deed”. Fewer births occur in the Spring than in any other season, while Summer takes the lead in babies born. Simple math and countless research would have us believe that more sex is had in the Winter than in any other season. (Anything to save money on your heating bill…) Additional research shows that sperm count peaks in the colder months and slowly declines as Summer approaches. Not being a research scientist myself, I won’t make any hard conclusions, but the case for Spring as an aphrodisiac so far isn’t looking good!

One time honored tradition that represents youth and virility is, of course, Spring Break. Thousands of college students from around the globe flock to warmer climates for one week during March with the promise of getting laid. This year’s big destination was Key West, Florida - the gayest beach community in America! Sexually frustrated co-eds consume larger-than-normal amounts of alcohol, decreasing inhibition while at the same time inhibiting…um…performance for many over-eager frat dudes. For those sunburned, body-conscious young adults - “Spring has [not] sprung”!

While I generally don’t make a point of arguing with Mother Nature, something has gone awry in the human relationship with Spring. Perhaps our animal brethren don’t have as many societal stresses and imposed expectations, where one day can easily feel like the previous despite the season. If this is indeed the case and it doesn’t matter, then I’d like to propose that Summer be the “New Spring”. It’s hot and sweaty, sperm count is lower (nature’s birth control!) and you don’t have to travel as south as Key West to find fuckable college students.

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