I’d forgotten how much fun dry humping and mutual masturbation can be! Due to medical reasons, your sex-hungry blogger is forced to abstain for six weeks.

Okay, okay, it’s actually a happy reason: all our “research” for this blog and the inspiration we found here at Vibrator.com resulted in the logical outcome, and, yours truly, Desiree Sweet recently gave birth to a beautiful baby girl!

Hubby and I are surviving the sleepless nights as well as we can, but we’ve also found ourselves more in love with—and turned on by—each other than ever before. This was something we were definitely not expecting; we figured six weeks of abstinence would be quite easy to endure amidst dirty diapers, breastfeeding challenges and other decidedly un-sexy aspects of parenting. So what’s a girl to do?

Last night, we stepped back in time, teenagers-in-the-backseat-of-a-car style, to explore each other’s bodies and enjoy “everything but” intercourse. Last night started out with kissing, and lots of it. This sensual activity often gets forgotten as couples rush forward to the main attraction. Lovers focus on a few specific erogenous zones, neglecting the pleasure that can be discovered when four lips and two tongues connect.

Our bodies pressed together in a continuous embrace, all the right parts lined up, I came as I felt him growing against me…and had three more orgasms from the close contact, even through our clothes. Wanting something even more, however, we ended the night with mutual masturbation—lots of clitoral stimulation for me, and a treat of hand-and-mouth for him.

This brings me back to my opening line and what I learned from last night’s experience. It’s a sex advice article cliché to remind readers to enjoy foreplay. But why not turn foreplay into the main attraction every once in a while—even if you have no good reason to do so?

It often takes longer to reach orgasm through these creative methods—and you can stretch out the passion and torture even longer if you keep your clothes on. You’re forced to slow down and appreciate every step of the act, and, with that, everything about your lover.

You can even forego oral sex to find out how many unique ways you can make your lover cum. It may be a great time to introduce toys (keeping the “no penetration” rule in full effect) or see if you can bring your lover to the peaks of passion with words and fantasies alone. (For some women, this can happen!) If you find after this lengthy make-out session that you simply can’t resist intercourse–and have no reason not to–go for it! Rules are made to be broken, after all.

I can’t wait for that first post-pregnancy, passion-filled quickie while our little sweetie naps, but I’ll still be walking around with a secretive smile on my face for the next month or so.

Change of weather. Colds and flu. Back-to-school. Holiday displays side-by-side with back-to-school sales. Is there anything about fall that isn’t stress-inducing?

Experts agree that sex is a great stress-buster. But getting in the mood with a million things on your mind isn’t easy. Contrary to clichés and popular belief, lack of a sex drive affects both genders when life gets hectic.

Some people, however, turn to sex when things get tough. Are these lucky types naturally conditioned for this healthy response, or have they trained themselves over time to know that sex will make them feel better, so why not just do it?

When two partners handle stress differently—one turning to carnal diversions, the other shutting down—that just adds another stressor to your life. You crave more nooky while your partner crawls further into that emotional hidey-hole (and not the fun one, either!)

So what’s a stressed-out, horny girl or guy to do? Sure, you could turn to Vibrator.com’s huge array of toys, but sometimes you crave emotional intimacy, too. Try these tantalizing seduction tactics to show your partner that the studies are right—sex is a stress-buster.

• Don’t push, just suggest. Every lover should have at least one move that she knows makes her partner melt; it’s time to use it. This soft-core tactic should work if the stress level isn’t too high – particularly if it’s been a while for both of you.

• Start with massage. Non-threatening, relaxing and seductive, if a massage doesn’t end in one of your favorite positions that night, it may just give your partner the stress relief she needs to get in the mood the next day. Or maybe she’ll be so appreciative of the massage, she’ll feel she “owes you one.” Either way, mission(ary) accomplished.

• Play. My husband and I play paintball together, bicycle regularly, and are always on the lookout for other fun athletic activities. Since exercise (much like sex) boosts your mood and alleviates stress – and extreme sports or healthy competition creates an adrenaline rush that helps you forget all your problems – fun vertical activities may lead to horizontal adventures.

• Get away. Who has time or money for a vacation right now? If that’s out of the question, take a weekend trip: no cell phones, no lap top, no Blackberry.  Make sure to pack the lingerie and the water toys, but don’t put pressure on your partner. You’re there to relax. If he’s not feeling better by Saturday afternoon, try some of the tactics above.  A nice hotel or cozy Bed and Breakfast just a few hours away from home is a great place to try these diversions.

There’s a little fantasy of mine where I’m sprawled out in my tub, water from the shower cascading down onto my clit, with my vibe tucked neatly right where it belongs… and my husband walks in.

He doesn’t want to join in, just wants to watch me go through my repertoire. Other women may be mortified at the idea, but I can think of few things sexier. Besides, imagine all the tips your lover will pick up by watching you do what you’ve been doing for years?

If I’m feeling particularly imaginative, I’ll add another element to the fantasy, where he asks:  “Can I help?” There’s nothing hotter. And ladies, if you happen to walk in on your man while he’s checking out his porn collection, I encourage you to try the phrase. You may never see a bigger smile (among other things).

So what if you actually do have the opportunity to try out your sex toys with your partner? First, release your inhibitions. If you’ve been playing alone for a while, it might seem strange to have someone else involved in what used to be just you and your Pearl Lotus.

Some men may feel as if they’re in competition with the toy. After all, it might be bigger, more flexible, and it’s definitely got more functions. Make sure not to neglect his part when you bring your battery-operated friend into the bedroom.

Starting off with a toy that looks nothing like a penis may ease any trepidations he may have. You may even start with something small and basic, a standard “beginner vibe” or a small bullet vibe. With a remote control bullet, you can give him the controller, putting all the power in his hands.

Both bullets and basic vibes feel amazing rubbed on your clit during the act of sex. Doggy-style works best, but you can even use the vibe when you’re face to face. If he’s up to it, rub the vibe, on a low setting, gently against his balls. Gauge his reaction and then rev it up. Most men will love it.

If you’ve never experienced double stimulation with an anal vibe in the girl-on-top position, this is a must-try — and something you can’t really do to the same effect alone.

As you get more comfortable with gadgets, there are plenty of couple’s toys on the market, too. The Ultimate Couples Sensuous Sexual Enhancer is a cock ring and clit vibe with pleasure knobs all in one. You’ll both feel the powerful, stimulating vibes.

For powerful internal vibrations during love-making, there’s only one way to go: The unique “We Vibe” vibrator. This waterproof, rechargeable silicone vibe provides pleasure for both partners. And it looks nothing like a cock, just in case you can’t get your man to get over that particular hang-up.

So what are you waiting for? It’s time to take your toys out of the closet!

Lubricants are Essential

Lubricants were first designed for medical purposes, but it wasn’t long before people started using them for sexual purposes as well.  Lubrication is an essential part of sex play, whether it is for partner sex or masturbation.  Personal lubricants turn all sex play into an erotic adventure by adding extra wetness to reduce friction and dryness, enhance pleasure and sensation, and allowing all of your sexual parts to slide.

For Anal Play

For anal sex, lubes are essential as the anus does not naturally produce its own lubricant like the vagina.  Anal lubes are usually thicker than regular lubes and formulated specifically to reduce friction when having anal intercourse or using anal sex toys.  A popular anal sex lube is Anal Lube.  Silicone lubes are also popular for anal sex play as they stay slick much longer.  Some anal lubes contain desensitizing agents that numb the anus like Orajel that numbs a baby’s gums during teething.  Although this may work well for poor baby, I don’t recommend numbing agents in the anus as you are unable to feel pain associated with injury.  Anal play is supposed to feel good and not hurt.  Therefore, if you experience pain during anal sex then you are most likely taking in something too big, too fast.  It is important to be patient and take anal sex slow especially if you are an anal virgin or novice.  Relax, use plenty of lube and remember it is not a race.

For Women Only

Many women need added lubrication at least some of the time for various reasons regardless of age.  Most women need a longer warm-up time before intercourse and lubes can be used as a fun part of foreplay.  As women age, the vagina begins producing less natural lubricant, so adding additional lube during sex or masturbation is important for enhancing those experiences.  Many personal lubricants are formulated especially for women and there are those on the market for everyday use to help eliminate dryness.  For masturbation, lubrication is important as many sex toys both made for insertion and external stimulation tend to by drying. Women who are sensitive or prone to yeast infections should avoid lubes that contain sugars or glycerin which may alter the PH of the vagina.  Lubes with added parabens which can cause irritation and rashes should also be avoided by women who have sensitivity issues.  Nonoxynol-9 is another ingredient that is sometimes added to lubes.  It is a popular contraceptive gel ingredient and has been promoted as a protection against HIV.  However, N-9 is a harsh detergent-like compound that creates tiny abrasions in the mucous membranes of the vagina and anus, creating a greater risk for the transmission of HIV and other STDs.  All women should avoid oil-based lubes as these are not formulated for women’s genitals.  The best lubes for women are water-based and silicone.  Moist Personal Lubricant and Pjur Eros - Body Glide Women are specially formulated for women’s sensitive parts and are available in both water and silicone-based formulations.

Lubes for Guys

For men, there are several types of lubricants available for different types of sex play.  Silicone lubes are great for anal play and/or vagina penetrative sex and include popular brands like Wet Platinum and ID Millennium.  Oil-based lubes like Boy Butter and Elbow Grease are popular lubes for hand-jobs.  Oil-based lubricants are NOT latex condom compatible, however, so shouldn’t be used in penetrative sex (either anal or vagina) unless a polyurethane condom like Trojan Supra or Durex Avanti is used.

To Spit or Not to Spit

While spit can lubricate the genitals at first it dries out quickly and it’s a dirty habit.  Seriously.  The human mouth contains more germs (oral flora and bacteria) than most animals and can cause irritation and infection.  Saliva, like other bodily fluids is capable of transmitting STD’s, herpes and AIDS as well.  So while you may have seen spit-swapping in adult films, remember not everything your see in movies is recommended for real life experiences.

Cooking Oils as Lubricants

Okay, we’ve all heard of people using cooking oils like Crisco and other household products like WD40 as sexual lubricants.  I’ll even admit that I used vegetable oil once for a night of slip-and-slide sex on a plastic sheet.  But, cooking oils and other household lubricants are not formulated for the skin and especially the genitals.  These oils can cause serious irritation, clog pores, don’t allow the skin to breathe, are not condom safe and should never go anywhere near the vagina.  So let’s just leave those cooking oil sex stories to the stupid-human-tricks archive, for we know better in this day and age and don’t need to repeat our parents dumb mistakes.  Never use Crisco, WD40, Vaseline or Baby Oil on your precious private parts.

Personal Lubricants for Sexual Pleasure

Water-based

Water-based personal lubricants are the most versatile for all types of sex play.  They feel more natural and are therefore great for a variety of penetrative sex.  Water-based lubes are water soluble which means they won’t stain fabrics and wash away easily from the body.  They are also compatible with condoms and other latex products so perfect for safe sex practices and won’t ruin your sex toys.  On the downside, water-based lubes dry more quickly than silicone and oil-based lubes, sometimes leaving a sticky residue. Because of this they need to be reapplied often during partner sex or solo play.  Many water-based lubes also contain sugars or glycerin so should be avoided by women who are prone to yeast infections.  Water-based lubricants are also not compatible with water sex play in the bathtub, pool or hot tub as they will wash away.

Oil-based

Oil-based lubricants are the best types of lubes for men who want to jack’n off their beanstalk.  These lubes are super slick, water-resistant and long lasting.  They are also great for anal sex when used with polyurethane condoms.  They should not be used with latex condoms, however, as oils break down latex and make them unsafe.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: oil-based lubes should stay clear of the vagina as they can attract bacteria and cause infections.  Oils will also stain fabrics and cause dyes to run in sex toys.

Silicone-based

Silicone-based personal lubricants have been promoted as being superior to that of water and oil-based lubes.  This is because they are hypo-allergenic, condom and latex safe, are very long-lasting, and water resistant.  Silicone lubes are great for partner sex, penetration, masturbation and even sensual massage.  These lubes stay on top of the skin creating a slippery glide that will not absorb or dry out.  For this reason, they also don’t wash away as easily as water-based lubes.  They are also not recommended to use with silicone or Cyberskin sex toys as they will cause a chemical reaction that will melt the toy.

Flavored Lubes

These days personal sexual lubricants come in every flavor imaginable from Bubblegum and Watermelon to Pina Colada and Passion Fruit.  Tangy, fruity lubes are a great addition for oral sex and foreplay, making your lover taste juicy and sweet.  ID Juicy Flavored Lubricant is my personal favorite as it contains no sugars or dyes, is water-based and latex compatible.  It comes in a variety to flavors and is not as sickly sweet as some of the other flavored lubes.

Stimulating and Desensitizing Lubes

Some lubricants have stimulating properties that create pleasurable warming, cooling or tingling sensations on the genitals.  Many stimulating lubes or gels are formulated for women to enhance clitoral sensitivity by increasing blood flow to the genitals, but can also be used by men.  Desensitizing lubes containing Lidocaine are formulated for men to prolong erections.  Some stimulating lubes can be very strong and may cause a burning sensation on some people, so caution should be used when trying them.  ID Sensation Warming Liquid is a gentle, pleasant warming lube that enhances sex and masturbation play.  Stud Delay Spray is a popular brand of desensitizing spray for men and I have been told by men that it acts almost instantly so is ready when you are.

Natural Organic Lubes

More and more people are buying organic lubes or all-natural lubricants as alternatives to pharmacy based products.  As people become more concerned about what kind of foods they put into their body, they are also becoming concerned about what they put on their body.  After all, skin is the body’s largest organ and is capable of absorbing 60% of all chemicals you put on it which eventually ends up in the blood stream.   Lubricants may be absorbed through the mucus membranes of the vagina and anus even more so because there is no barrier for protection.  Most certified organic lubricants also contain no irritating parabens, fragrances, chemicals or sugars, so will not cause rashes or yeast infections.  My favorite all time lube is Yes® water-based personal organic lubricant which is currently only available through their website.

Domina Doll is a sex writer who writes articles and reviews for various magazines, zines and adult toy stores.  Visit her sexuality blog CherryBoxxx at http://cherryboxxx.wordpress.com/.

There’s a cartoon with the caption “Porn for Women.” The picture shows a sexy man, shirtless—vacuuming!

Sure, clean dishes sparkling in the dish rack next to a shiny stainless steel sink get me a little hot and heavy, but there are many everyday situations where both men and women find themselves incredibly attracted to their mates. Not all have to do with household chores, either.

In my other life, where I don’t blog about sex toys, I play paintball. It’s amazing how many men think this is sexy (and they think it about many other female players too.) Sure. We’re running around, our faces entirely covered by our safety masks, oversized jerseys protecting us from the pain of paintball hits. We traipse around the woods lugging big military-looking paintball markers—and guys think this is the biggest turn-on in the world. It’s gotta be a power thing. Or maybe it’s the “guns.”

I guess female athletes, in general, are sexy. Look at the Beijing Olympics: Ana Ivanovic (Serbia, Tennis) Logan Tom (United States, Volleyball) and Sue Bird (U.S., Basketball), just to name a few.

Of course, what’s not to love about the entire women’s volleyball competition, or tennis players with the short little skirts and scores like 30-Love? (And Ashley Harkleroad with her Playboy spread). But hotties like Britta Heidemann (Germany, Fencing) and Victoria Pendleton (Britain, Cycling) also made Maxim’s list of the World’s Hottest Olympians.

For other men, it’s not the process of getting down and dirty on the playing field that turns them on, but watching their dolls get all dolled up. Rod Rampage says his biggest turn-on is “watching you guys pretty yourselves up to go out.” He adds that he could watch a woman play with her hair for hours.

For some women, the sound of a man’s voice, especially when he’s singing, turns them on. Deep baritones and strong voices with resonance, not surprisingly, are preferred, but for many women, it’s just a personal thing. If they like the voice, the guy can turn them on with a mere word.

Stage presence is also a big thing when you’re talking about musicians and performers. And guys (and girls) with guitars? Totally hot.

College student Vikki Bethel names “cooking” and “deep thoughts” as two of her biggest turn-ons, but says, “A guy taking off at like 3 am to go on a hike around campus and leaving the path and blazing around and being very passionate and excited can be hot. Guys are hot.”

In my last post, I admitted that I kissed a girl… and I liked it. Well, the truth is, I’ve done much more than that with a woman…and her husband… and my husband, too.

Yet my husband and I eschew the title “swingers.” We don’t attend parties, answer ads on craigslist, or frequent dating sites to hook up with other swingers. On a lark, my husband once typed in an e-mail reply to a hot guy on Craig’s List for me, but by the time my face had blushed from bright pink to red to purple, he deleted it. I can’t imagine hooking up with a complete stranger.

In fact, our “swinging” lifestyle occurred by accident. Six friends, lots of alcohol, some yummy chocolate cordials whose filling tasted even better licked off the breasts of my best friend—and we all stopped short of having sex. Sadly, no sex occurred that night even amongst significant others and we have since dubbed the night, “The orgy where no one got laid.”

But it got four out of the six of us talking. And planning. And we have now strengthened our friendship in wonderful, beautiful, naughty ways.

Many swingers claim the worst thing a couple can do is have sex with friends. It’s like… well… having sex with a friend. It can get complicated. In his book My Boring-Ass Life, Kevin Smith shares this observation about threesomes: “Post-menage relationships are awfully difficult to maintain…. There’s this fall-out involved in crossing that line that makes for awkward conversations in the light of day, once everybody’s clothes are back on… that’s not unlike chatting up your ex, but even more delicate.”

He recommends sticking to threesomes (or foursomes) with total strangers or people you will never see again.

Maybe I’m just lucky, but for us, playing with another couple has turned into a beautiful expression of our friendship. Our friend once observed, “I like playing with you guys—there’s no drama.”

How do you keep a swinging relationship drama free—amongst friends or strangers?

No Drama

Set ground rules. Alcohol can be a great social lubricant (and, in moderation, can help prolong the night’s festivities.) Set ground rules before the first Mojito is mixed, and stick to them. Discuss what’s okay and what’s not. And remember—whatever you, as couples decide, can be okay or can be off-limits. There are no wrong choices.

Ground rules should include discussion of safe sex. Condoms should be mandatory, but if you have all been recently tested for the gamut of STDs and the women are on another form of birth control, you can discuss this, too. Partners in previously monogamous relationships may not be accustomed to condoms, so you’ll want to discuss preferences, hang-ups, and maybe even consider brands designed for greater sensitivity.

If you choose not to drink at all, that’s okay, too. Things may get started a bit more slowly, but everyone will have greater control. Some swingers ban alcohol entirely from their relationships.

If someone crosses the line, stop him or her firmly, but gently. Be understanding. During our first get-together, we decided we weren’t ready for penetration. When hubby got a bit too close, our darling friend simply smiled and said, “Now, now, none of that,” in a friendly, gentle tone. No one was made uncomfortable.

In the heat of the moment, passion can take over. A gentle warning should be all that’s needed. By all means, if the party doesn’t listen, you have a legitimate gripe and may want to put an end to the night and re-consider the entire relationship. Even then, the friendship might be saved with good communication, even though the swinging aspect may disappear.

Don’t compare yourself. I don’t know if guys do this, but it’s inevitable for a woman, faced with another naked woman, to compare—her boobs, her belly, her butt… anything below the neck is fair game. Feel comfortable complimenting your female counterpart, but don’t make yourself uncomfortable because she’s got 34Ds and you’re barely an A. All women are beautiful and one thing I can guarantee is that the men are not comparing.

A little jealousy is normal; enjoy it but don’t harp on it. Your partner may be admiring the physical attributes of your counterpart; this is normal. You may get a pang of jealousy, but this adrenaline rush is part of the thrill of swinging. Don’t let it consume you or ruin the night. Do some ogling of your own. Vive la difference in all body types!

Games can loosen you up. Simple dice or spin-the-wheel games, strip-anything (poker, darts, Wii…) or adult board games that get you talking about your turn-ons are a great way to start the night.

Getting Started

So, is swinging for you? Are you sexually open, not overly jealous or competitive, and looking for a creative way to spice up your love life? Sex with friends—or strangers– might be just the thing.

How do you broach the subject with your attractive neighbors or even lifelong best friends? That’s a tough one. Start with flirting and let it evolve organically.

In most foursomes, two parties are the “communicators.” This may be the men, the women, or a combination. They might be closer friends who share everything on a normal basis, or they could be the two parties who analyze every situation ad infinitum.

Let the natural communicators get the wheels turning and bring the conclusions back to their partners… if you’re close enough friends, and you’ve already been getting vibes about the possibility of a hook-up, no topic should be “too weird” to discuss.

One last point: for a great instructional erotic video on swinging and tips from a woman who knows far more than I do, check out Nina Hartley’s Guide to Swinging DVD.

Did you ever want to know exactly what turns your lover on—based on their sun sign? Let the first-ever Vibrator.com Erotic Astrology Guide help you.

Aries (March 21 – April 19): Fiery Aries, the Ram, takes charge in the bedroom. Let him have his way with you and you’ll win his heart. Be prepared for anything at all if you hook up with this impulsive lover. Wildly flirtatious, your Aries partner may start a fight simply for the sake of hot make-up sex.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20): Turn the sweet and seductive Taurus partner on with sexy photos of yourself. Hide them in their briefcase so they can anticipate the romantic tryst. Once you turn on your “bullish” lover, be prepared for an all-night love affair.

Gemini (May 21 – June 21): Satisfy the “Twins” with a little role-playing. Changeable Geminis are never quite themselves; take that to the extreme by dressing up and acting out a character skit to appeal to their darker side.

Cancer (June 22 – July 22): Soft and romantic, the Cancerian lover is a homebody at heart. Enjoy the dance of seduction, luxurious foreplay, and a main attraction that will be lengthy and full of love. If you’re lucky enough to catch “a Crab” (the sign, silly!) count your blessings and stock up on lube.

Leo (July 23 – August 22): The Lion wants his ego, as well as his luscious mane (and other body parts) stroked gently. Pure exhibitionist, open window blinds will make the Leo lover puff out his chest with pride and make love to you with even more slow, sensual intensity.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22): The reserved, uber-organized Virgo is used to going “by the book.” But why shouldn’t that book be the Kama Sutra? A change in position, location, or your usual repertoire is sure to rock your Virgo lover’s socks.

Libra (September 23 – October 22): Charm your Libra lady with lusty tales or share your innermost fantasies. Lavish her with attention and you will have a lover for life. Libras, too, have an intense desire to please, and want to make sure they are giving their lover the best of the best.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): Give these sexy signs what they want, when they want it, and they’ll do the same for you. Passionate, self-confident and vivacious, Scorpios love to deliver pleasure to their partners, and are skilled lovers with all the tricks to do so. But only if you “do them” first.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): Looking for adventure? The Sagittarius is ready. Dig out that 12-inch dildo, the handcuffs and the oil – Sagittarians are always seeking something different to quench their lusty libidos. They’ll respect straight talk in bed, and when it comes time for action, be ready to anything!

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): The earthy Capricorn seeks love as much as white-hot sex. You’re best foregoing the toys and flashy lingerie; impress your Capricorn lover with tenderness and passion. That’s doesn’t mean they’re boring! On the contrary, the frisky Sea Goat, inspired by the right partner, can carry you to new heights of ecstasy.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): Fun-loving yet passionate Aquarius is the sign most likely to engage in a threesome—with her best friend or yours! While Aquarians can easily separate sex from love, they also believe in love-making as a natural expression of friendship. Besides, Aquarians have so much passion to share, there’s more than enough to go around.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20): Ironically, the “Fish” has quite a foot fetish. Make him wiggle by sucking his toes—or let him suck yours. Not surprisingly, the Pisces also loves water play. Why not try a tryst in the hot tub and introduce some toys? After all, Pisceans want nothing more than to please their lovers, fulfilling their every fantasy.

Any long term relationship is bound to get a little mundane every now and then. Even the sickly sweet, madly in love couples eventually get distracted with children, bogged down in debt, and stressed by work and social commitments. Having sex with the same person after a few years can be like eating the same meal day in and day out: It may be delicious and your absolute favorite, but something about it leaves your pallet wanting a new taste.

This is common among married couples or long-term partners and is generally not an indication of how you feel for each other. Unfortunately, sometimes the wires get crossed and we react by withdrawing, having affairs, or taking out that unfulfilled anger on our loved ones.

Your relationship does not have to be over. Focus your energy on igniting new desires and sustaining the ones that brought you both together to begin with. Here are a few ideas to help get the blood pumping.

Watch an XXX movie together

While it’s true that many couples initially reject the idea, most will try it at least once. Women like pornography too! (Most don’t like to admit it, but the right kind of movie can turn her on instantly.) It is advisable to steer clear of anything too extreme unless you’re keenly aware of your partner’s interests and fantasies. Remember, this is about turning your partner on and not about sending your partner running for the hills. Exploring what gets you both in the mood can be a new learning experience.

Set the atmosphere

Write your partner a modest song or poem. Lay a trail of her favorite candy from the door to the shower where you’ve thoughtfully placed a dozen roses. Be open with your feelings and don’t be afraid to tell your partner how much you love them. Light some candles or incense. This should set the fire in both of you.

A bit of BDSM

Many people are secretly aroused by the thought of being tied up. Play cautiously in this area as you are exploring each others’ boundaries and trust. Bring an article of clothing like a necktie to bed. Test the waters by gently restraining your partner’s hands and wrists during foreplay. Pay close attention to your partner’s reactions. If all seems well then reach for the necktie and slowly and loosely place the tie around your partner’s wrists. Kiss and caress your partner and take your time! Like in many aspects of your relationship, communication will be key.

Putting food to good use

Strawberries and whipped cream are the staples of erotic foods and can be sensually fed to your partner in or out of the bedroom. Run a honey covered finger across your partner’s lips and see how quickly your finger ends up in her mouth. Covering your lover in whipped cream and licking it off may sounds cliché, but it does work for some. Feeding your partner resembles kissing and fellatio, and if discreetly performed outside the bedroom, act as occasional reminders of sexy things to come. Advancing these ideas in a public place may help you discover the exhibitionist or voyeur in the person you thought you knew so well.

Throughout your fast-paced days, take the time to slow down and be in the moment with the one you love. Listen to each other. Compromise. Be caring and compassionate. Above all else, be attentive to your partner’s needs, both in and out of the bedroom.