Tips to Spice up your Sex Life!

No matter how in love you are, and no matter how attracted you are to your partner, sometimes it’s hard to get excited about sex.  Especially if you have sex frequently, it can eventually get redundant and almost boring; having the same kind of sex over and over again.   That’s not to say that there aren’t certain parts of sex that end up being the same; the penis gets inserted into a vagina or anus, however there are small things you can do to spice things up, to make that sex a little bit different.

CHANGE THE LOCATION

It may sound simple, but as my boyfriend and I learned last week, changing up the location of your sex can add a lot of spontaneity, as well as excitement and the feel of “something special.”   And it doesn’t have to be anything fancy either.  For us, we tried making love on our couch.  We discovered that the height and angles just weren’t right for our heights and body sizes, so we ended up with me laying on across the dining table!  Though it may be hard to hold your legs up, just put your feet up on the backs of chairs.

There are many other places you can explore for sex, such as on the stairs, on a chair, even on your patio/balcony if you have enough privacy.  By taking just a couple seconds to say “No, don’t go to the bed!  Let’s try the couch!” you could find a place that works excellent for sex.  And even if you don’t, it’s a fun memory that you now have with your lover.

CHANGE THE POSITION

Similar to changing the location, changing the positions you’re having sex in can really increase your pleasure and stave off too much repetition in your sex life.  The thing about changing positions is that it does not have to be fancy or complicated.  Especially for many women, simply moving one leg can really change the sensations received.

There are many simple ways to change up the most common sexual positions.  Sometimes it’s just one little change that’s needed to spice things up a bit, make it feel different/better and make it, quite simply, not the same.

- When in doggy style, simply changing whether or not her arms are bent or straight can make a huge difference.  Also, putting a pillow or two under her tummy can also help, so it’s not quite as much stress on her body which will help her be able to relax and focus on receiving pleasure, rather than keeping position.

- With her laying on her back, throwing one leg over another, so laying on her side but with her back flat on the bed can be very pleasurable as well; a subtle change that can spice things up a bit.  It feels like doggy style, just not as intense for her.

- In cowgirl position, if she flips around so she’s facing his feet, it’ll change it up a little bit, and also giver her the sensation of control just like dodgy style can give him.

USE ACCESSORIES

Sometimes it’s fun to add in a little something, a toy or accessory that can bring the sex from basic to exciting. Thing is, you don’t always need an expensive vibrator in order to do this.  Now don’t get me wrong!  Certainly there are things a dildo can do that other things cannot do.  However, sometimes it’s fun to add something in that doesn’t cost a lot of money or batteries.  Plus, it’s fun to try something that’s different and perhaps doesn’t require being inserted into a bodily orifice.

- Without getting sugar in a vagina, try licking chocolate syrup, whipped cream and other fun foods off of each other.  You can even eat regular foods off of each other!  Try putting raspberries on nipples, a strawberry sitting in a navel; you can even make a game out of it; set things on each other and have “prizes” or “punishments” if something falls off.

- Ice cubes can be incredibly stimulating as they’re drawn over nipples, labia, testicles and other body parts.

- Use scarves and neck ties to blindfold or even tie up your lover’s hands.  The lack of moment and/or vision will increase his/her other senses and make their skin much more sensitive.

- Costumes and sexy lingerie are also something that can really make sex time fun.  Even if it’s just a little role play or fun dressing someone or undressing them, using clothing can really add some spice, especially if you don’t all of the clothing off!

~*~

What sorts of things do you like to do to add a little spice in your sex play?

What makes sex good?

Now, I’m quite lucky in that I haven’t had much “bad” sex.  Basically, for me, any sex is good sex so long as it’s consensual and safe and all that.  So for me, a lot of it is a chosen mental state, rather than the actual quality of sex.  I suppose though, that there are physical factors of consensual intercourse that would cause it to be good versus bad.  So I suppose, in order for the sex to be good both parties would need to orgasm, yes?  Not really.  I think there needs to be more than that.

First off I think there needs to be fun.  Even if you’re having emotional make-up sex, or passionate been-teasing-each-other-all-day sex, you still need to be enjoying it.  Secondly, I think there needs to be more contact that just genital contact.  (Please keep in mind this is my opinion … )For me, if there’s no kissing or no caressing or things like that, it just removes something very ..intrinsic to a sexual encounter.  I may have the best orgasm ever, but there will still be something missing, something that’s really undefinable, something that’s probably more emotional than physical.  Not sure, body parts will graze each other, but for me it needs to be intentional touching/caressing.

I asked my boyfriend what, to him, does sex need to have in order for it to be “good” and he replied that first and foremost both parties would need to be satisfied to their own individual sexual gratification needs.  And I’d have to agree with him on that one.  As he pointed out, everybody has their own needs in order for sex to be ultimately satisfying for them.  For me, that’s deliberate touching, caressing and kissing.  For a good friend of mine, sex has to involve some sort of bdsm kink.  For my boyfriend it’s ensuring that I’ve had at least one full on, climax.  He’s unable to allow himself to have genuine sexual pleasure until I’ve had genuine sexual satisfaction.

For me I think that one of the most important things that really makes sex good for me is that my partner (my boyfriend now of course) is actually into it.  I know many who have gone to be solely because their partner was horny.  Now of course there is the aspect that a lot of the time I think you should try, at least see if a little foreplay can get you in the mood.  But if you’re not at that point mentally, then sex with a sense of obligation is one of those things that can lead to a whole host of unpleasantness.  But, sometimes you can simply oblige your partner by using a vibrator on them or giving a hand job or blow job.

Lastly I think, as does my boyfriend, that it’s important to always keep in mind that an orgasm or ejaculation does not mean “great” or “good” sex.  My boyfriend and I have had some of the most incredible sex that didn’t end with orgasm, climax or ejaculation.  You can have a huge ejaculation simply during masturbation.  Or even during sleep!  If you get too focused on the end result, you loose what’s happening in the now, and I can guarantee that you loose a lot of pleasure doing that.

In the end, what “good” sex is is not, in any way, universal. It’s all personal!  It’s what you find pleasurable and ensuring that you have that experience during your sexual encounters.  And because we each find different things pleasurable, and each of us finds different things pleasurable that ensures a lot of joy and variety in our sexcapades!

What, to you, is good sex?? Do share!

To laugh or not to laugh…

The last time my boyfriend and I had sex we enjoyed a lot of laughing.  So much laughing i was wondering if we were going to get pat it and actually get busy! It was fun though.  We poked at each other, picked on each other, laughed together and smiled a lot.  It was wonderful.

As much as slow, romantic situations are wonderful and passionate, spur of the moment quickies are incredible, it seems like that’s always what we want and we don’t let whatever happens, happen.  We get so wrapped up with everything having to be “just so.”   The thing is, the only “right” way to have sex is consensually.

One of my favorite things to do is to roll around in bed laughing with my boyfriend.  Whether or not we end up fornicating is not important.  It may take longer to get there, we may have a couple hiccups (last night I had grabbed onto his penis and then he turned away, though I didn’t know he was going to turn and I was laughing so I didn’t notice until it was too late and he goes “oowwwww”) but they create memories and things you can laugh at going forward.

The thing is, pretty sex doesn’t exist.  Sex is messy, usually loud, and involves exchanging bodily fluids.  You sweat, swear, scream, moan, maybe drool, get your make-up messed up, your hair becomes a mess and typically need a shower afterwards.  Not to mention, for women (especially if no condom is used) we get to enjoy having semen in us for a day of two, often dripping down our thighs.  Yea, sex is very messy.

My thought is that we need to worry less about it all and just enjoy what’s happening.  Don’t get caught up in “oh we were supposed to have sex!  Not laughing and making jokes!” or stuff like that.  Just go with the flow and enjoy spending time with your lover.  Believe me, the stress reduction will make all the difference.

How to bring up trying a taboo sex act

Blow? Suck?

Face it.  No matter who you are, no matter your religion, your sexual experience, your moral values, where you live, your shape or size, no matter anything, there comes a time when you want to try something “taboo” with your lover.  Or yourself.

So first, let’s look at what taboo is.  Basically, something is taboo when there’s a strong social “ban” on it.  So, according to society to do activity x, y, or z is bad.  Then that activity is taboo.  Even if it is perfectly legal.  Taboo does not mean illegal or legal.  Just that according to society at large, to do that act is abhorrent or objectionable.

Due to the taboo nature of many sex acts, it can be difficult for someone to bring it up to their lover, even if they’ve been together for years.  Now, each relationship is unique; everybody communicates in their own way just as each relationship has it’s own best system(s) of communication.

However, when you haven’t ever talked about it before, for a lot of people, suddenly saying “Baby, get on your hands and knees I wanna fuck you in the arse” typically isn’t the best idea to go about it.

When it comes to trying new things in bed, many people can be very touchy about the subject.  Often it’s due to their upbringing, but whatever the reason those persons feelings must be taken into account and honored and respected. Doing anything less simply shows that you don’t care about the other persons feelings and is/can be very detrimental to your relationship with them.  By taking their feelings into account you’re showing them that they matter to you, that their opinion is important to you

So, especially when you’re asking them to try something they’re not familiar with, make sure to be prepared to answer questions.  And also be kind about it, don’t, in any way, even begin to insinuate that they’re stupid or naive for asking.  Also, be prepared to offer up examples and educational materials.  These could be instructional/informational videos or books , maybe even a website or two.

Another good idea is if you’re wanting to try a new toy or type of toy it wouldn’t be a bad idea to actually buy a simple version of one so they can see it, feel it and get an idea of what it is before you’re actually in the moment of sex play when you’d want to try it. Get one that’s simple and unassuming, and preferrably a litle bit on the cheaper end so that if they don’t like it or that particular type of sex play doesn’t work for you you’re not out a lot of money.  You can always get a nicer one if it ends up being something you both like and want to try again.

There’s a few other things to remember.  First off, don’t be demanding.  Demanding can be construed as force, and force is horrible, bad and illegal.  Also, it can cause your partner to feel guilty if they’re not interested in which case they may do it anyway, despite not wanting to.  That can really get you into troubles and problems you wouldn’t want.

Also, you have to understand and be okay with the fact that not everyone likes everything.  Be understanding, compassionate and accepting if your partner genuinely tries something new for you and doesn’t like it.  Be willing to gently suggest trying it another way (perhaps with a different toy, a different position or maybe in a different place).  Also allow them time before trying it again if they’re not wanting to jump right back into it.

All in all, trying something new can be difficult for some people, regardless of the reasons for it.  And this needs to be respected and honored.  But at the same time, trying something new can really bring flavor and excitement back into your sex life.  Talk about it, bring it up, hide a book about it in their briefcase or on their pillow, leave a video of it when you’re going out of town or give a new toy as a gift.  However you do it; do it and be empathetic about it.  You won’t regret it.

Making time for sex…

What time is it?

Something I’ve noticed is that no matter how in the mood you are, sometimes there just isn’t time.  Whether it’s chores, work, familial obligations or getting together with friends it seems like there’s always something in the way of finding time to have sex or masturbate.  There was a time when I was “scheduling”, for lack of a better word, time for masturbation.  It was kind of fun because I was able to make a big production of it, with ambiance, a ton of toys, lubes and movies at my disposal so I could scratch whatever itch my body presented.  While doing things like that is certainly fun and has merit, it doesn’t really work in the long term.

I have a strong dislike for scheduling sex.  By scheduling sex I mean saying something to the effect that every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 7:30pm is sex time.  Doing stuff like that creates a sense of obligation which can lead to resentment and stagnation.  Now, planning a romantic and sexy evening is one thing; that’s a special night, it’s something extra and probably won’t happen again for a while and if it does it’ll be different.  About the only time I can see actually scheduling sex being beneficial is if you’re trying to conceive.  Otherwise it becomes monotonous, lacks spontaneity and can breed resentment.

So what’s the key to finding time then?  I guess in the end it’s just knowing that you’re in the mood and going for it.  While some things like children can’t be set aside for an hour or so, other things like dishes, sending that e-mail and returning the phone call from your Mother can indeed be put set aside for some time so that you can get sexy with your partner.

The important thing to remember is that the grocery store will still be there.  Your Mom will understand a slightly delayed phone call and your chores area always going to be there, even if you do them at 8pm instead of 7pm.  Life will continue on, without glitch or delay, while you’re making love.

Intimacy

Intimacy is something that I think is sadly lacking in most relationships nowadays.  So often when I’ve been a part of a conversation about intimacy, be it a face-to-face discussion or online, people typically say “Ohh, we have a good sex life!” or “We have a lot of sex!” Well, intimacy is not sex!

Now, don’t get me wrong.  Sex IS intimate!  LOL You’re putting part(s) of one body inside another!  Your juices are mingling together, you’re causing each other indescribable pleasure.  You could possibly be making a baby!! Yea.  That’s intimate.  You’re also trusting one another to not go too far; I’ve heard from many men that it takes a lot of trust to let a woman give them head; the chance of getting bit is very scary for some men.

My boyfriend and I are not intimate in the sense of romance.  Neither of us is romantic, y0u won’t find him buying me flowers (which I’m thankful of; they just die anyway) or sprinkling petals leading me somewhere or anything like that.  And it’s fine with me because it works for us.  We don’t take baths together (though we regularly shower together and wash each other) or whisper lovey dovey stuff to each other.

However, we hold hands when we’re in bed together.  We hold hands while watching tv and almost always touch each other.  We listen to each other and do our best to always honor each other’s quirks, ticks and idiosyncrasies.  I’ve checked the definition of the word “intimacy” on more than one source and the main theme is that intimacy is actually a descriptor of very close relationships.   A relationship in which you are very close with the other person, such as siblings, best friends, parent/child and so forth.

I have intimate, non-sexual relationships with many, mostly female actually.  There’s actually a couple of females that I’m very close with, have very intimate relationships with, and it’s not at all sexual.  Sexuality and intimacy are, for the most part, exclusive.    A trusting, close relationship does not beget sex, and sex does not beget a close, trusting relationship.

More than anything though, I think it saddens me (actually often makes me angry) that so many people see sex a necessity for an intimate relationship.  Relationships with parents and siblings are getting more cold and distant, so many relationships with friends are nothing more than partying and then it’s like, once you get close enough with someone to actually be intimate, it’s suddenly seems to be a requirement that you also be sexual with them.  And the part that is really weird for me is how that assumed sexual requisite is sometimes not even from the people in the relationship!  It’s an assumption from those who  are not a part of the relationship and, for whatever reason, have a difficult time seeing close relationships between people who are not lovers.  It’s unfortunate, really.

For those that do have intimate, non-sexual relationships, they often get teased about it; being called gay, people assuming that you are indeed having sex with the person and not taking no for an answer (which can then lead to even more unpleasantness if someone says they’re lying), and so forth.

More and more, however, we are seeing non-sexual intimate relationships crop up.  From bro-mances to heterosexual lifemates (2 people of the same gender who are living together, have an intimate life-long companionship but are not sexual with one-another) it’s becoming more and more prolific.  H0pefully with how much more common it’s becoming the understanding of it will also become more common.

What are your thoughts on how intimacy and sex are two totally separate things?

Coming In From Behind

Nice Behind

It wasn’t long before I met my boyfriend that I began experimenting with anal play.  I was quite nervous, but thankfully had a really great anal probe to start with that was not intimidating and was a great size for a beginner. Similar to this vibrating anal probe it was great for a starter anal toy; it was thin, had a good thick base and was easy to use.  Plus it was non-porous, so I was able to keep it fully clean and sanitized.

Not long after that, I moved up to a set of anal beads and slowly but surely let my boyfriend play back there as well, using his fingers and then once, his mouth. (Which was awesome, by the way.)  Eventually I got to the point where I was in love with double penetration and wanted to expand to things larger than fingers and anal beads.

Thus began my exploration of anal probes and plugs.  Now, personally, I am not a fan of anal plugs.  I don’t know why, but no matter how awesome the plug is, I just prefer probes. I’m weird like that.  So I slowly started moving up in size with the toys I used anally, often using toys I already had that I knew I could sterilize; so pretty much anything that was 100% silicone.

Eventually we tried anal sex and we were able to get the entire head of his penis in, which was amazing.  I wasn’t able to take more than that so we abandoned it so I could get more practice taking toys anally.

Unfortunately we haven’t been able to try again since.  Since we’ve lost our sex drive and don’t have a real bed we aren’t able to get too terribly fancy with sex and sex play.  I’m still able to get anal play when I masturbate though!  I’ve found that if I go too long without doing something back there then, while I may not need to go all the way back down to beginner size, I still have to re-acclimate to the knowledge and sensation of something going up my butt.

Why do I like it though?  Why do I keep going back to it?  Well, it feels good!  I’ve had actual anal orgasms, which are incredible, by the way.  Absolutely amazing.  Plus, there’s the knowledge that it’s so taboo, so naughty that gives it that extra spice.  It’s a wholly unique sensation and I can use anal play to achieve double penetration, that is worth it in and of itself.

Do you enjoy anal play?  If so why?

When You’ve Lost Your Sex Drive

Something that we’ve been dealing with for quite some time is that we’ve lost our sex drives.  My boyfriend more than I, but both of us nonetheless.  There’s several reasons for this, and slowly but surely we’re getting through this.

An important thing to remember though, for anyone involved in a loss of sex drive is that it’s a normal thing to have happen.  While it sucks in epic fashion, it really does fall into the “shit happens” category of life.  However, that doesn’t make it any easier to accept or cope with.

Now, if you’ve both lost your sex drives, that does make it easier, in that one of you isn’t sitting there all horny and desiring your partner while he/she is unable to oblige you.  However, have been through all 3 versions of this (both of us lost it, and one of us lost it [me having lost it or him having lost it]) here are a few things that I’ve learned, in no particular order.

1. Talk about it.  Both parties need to be honest and empathetic to the other’s current issues.  And while this is always true in relationships, it’s most certainly emphatically true when this is going on.
2. Know that it’s okay to masturbate, but also make sure you’ve had a talk with your partner about masturbation so that there’s no mixed communication about it.  Some people truly do have a problem with masturbation.
3. Even if you’re unable to understand why your partner is feeling they way they are that is resulting in a low sex drive, make sure that you respect their feelings.  Though it may make no sense to you, their feelings are valid and we all need to act like it.
4. Do everything you can to try to get to the bottom of the problem and resolve it.   Is it physical or emotional?

The thing is that loosing your sex drive, or if your partner loosing theirs is really emotionally difficult.  It can bring up a lot of emotions which can be an issue in and of themselves.  I can say though, that I’ve never doubted my boyfriend’s desire for me, which often can be the first emotional fallout during a time like this.  Why haven’t I felt this?  Because my boyfriend makes sure to still give me attention, we’ve talked about this and also he makes sure to tell me that he still finds me attractive.  I do the same for him.

A few things I’ve noticed have helped us during this difficult time are (in no particular order):

1. Don’t blame.  Ever.
2. Make sure to still give your partner attention; kisses, hugs, tickles or whatever works for your relationship and personalities.
3. Simply admit that your sex drive is gone and let your partner know that you still find them attractive and still desire them.

And just a couple more notes:

1. If you’re the one who’s lost your sex drive, sometimes it helps to simply jump in bed with your partner and try.  Who knows what’ll happen!
2. If your partner jumps in bed with you and tries and they are unable to finish, unable to stay lubricated or erect do not blame them!!!!  That will do nothing but make things worse and believe me; they already feel like shit about it.

Be supportive and loving and empathetic.  You’ll make it through this with love and understanding and will be better for it and chances are you’ll have better sex too!!

Have you gone through this?  If so what helped you make it through?

Photo By: krossbow

I’m too easy…

So I am way too easy.  I really am.  And it’s not  a choice thing.  It’s something I have very little control over.  And it’s really, really frustrating.  Sometimes I fight tears because of how easy I am.  Easy to get off that is.

I can orgasm within seconds.  Especially if it’s via clitoral stimulation.  But I cam also very easily orgasm, and quickly, via nipple stimulation, g-spot stimulation and internal vaginal stimulation.  I can also have small anal orgasms, though they’re not as intense; they’re almost a relief from the intense orgasms I can have otherwise.

I’ve always known that I was really easy to get off.  One of my friends can only orgasm after a long, long time of specific stimulation, and thus I’ve always considered myself lucky.  However, I was always forcing myself to feel that way.

Most of the men that I’d been with, prior to my current partner, thought it was so cool that they could make me scream within seconds of touching my clit.  Thing is, at that time I didn’t really know, or have the maturity to say, that it was too much and they needed to stop.  I would always “take it”, thinking I was supposed to and that I was being a good partner.

However, now that I have a partner that actually wants to take time rather than force a quick orgasm out of me so he can get his own rocks off, I really want to experience a full orgasm.  Something that has a beginning, a middle and an end.  For the most part my orgasms are almost instant, and don’t have a middle or an end.  The experience of 90% of my orgasms are climax.  And it’s tiresome.  It causes me to not be able to last as long, which makes my boyfriend have to end sooner as well (thankfully he has enough control of his orgasm that if I need him to finish he can fairly quickly; and he’s willing to, and understanding).

So many women need special positions, toys, breathing exercises, things like that to have an orgasm.  I need to do those things to not orgasm; I need them to make my orgasms last longer, or to just have pleasure without orgasming! Sometimes I specifically request things like only nipple stimulation, or just plain making out (eg – kissing and petting, nothing more) so that I can have sexual pleasure without instant orgasms.

Do you need to do anything to stop, or start, your orgasms??

Photo By: Stuart Webster

Sex drives

So, my boyfriend and I used to have a lot of sex.  A lot.  Every day, sometimes more than once a day, for an hour or two at a time.  It was incredible!  He loves to see where my limits are, for how many different types of pleasure I can take at once.  By this I mean clitoral stimulation, anal stimulation, nipple stimulation, etc.  One of his favorite toys to use is this triple egg/bullet vibrator I have, it’s very similar to this duo egg vibrator, except mine has one slim vibrator and two eggs, all attached to one power pack.   He loves this toy so much because it’s so easy to use and there’s only one power pack, for so many vibrators.

I remember one time he had nipple clamps on me, had the long bullet in my bottom, the two eggs in my vagina plus he used another vibrator on my clit.  Yea, we’re pretty certain the neighbors heard me that night.  I think he really loves the fact that eventually I needed to cry “uncle!” and have him remove some of the stimulations.

The last few months though, we haven’t been having much sex.  Stress has gotten in the way, it totally has sapped our sex drives.  My boyfriend’s went first, but mine quickly went after.  Prior to me loosing my sex drive it was really difficult for me to cope with the very infrequent sex.  Part of me felt like I wasn’t attractive to him anymore, part of me feared he didn’t love me anymore, though he always told me it wasn’t either of those.  He was dealing with some depression and stress, things of that nature.

I’m quite ashamed of how poorly I dealt with it though.  I felt like he should be more willing to use his fingers or mouth on me, or use some of my sex toys on me so that I can at orgasm.  I would blame him, for me not getting off, when all I had to do wasmasturbate.    Happily I got over myself and then eventually started loosing my own sex drive.

Thing is, I felt like since we used to have sex so much, we should always have sex that much.  This is so not the case.  We should have sex when we want it, not because we did yesterday, or two days ago.  Sex can’t be scheduled, that causes it to loose it’s specialness, it looses it’s spur-of-the-moment feel and becomes tedious, almost like a chore.  Makes it seem more like you’re having sex because it’s time to, or you have to, rather than you want to.

Happily, nowadays, we have our sex drive back, and we’re having sex when we want to again.  It’s nowhere near as frequent as it used to be, however it’s damn good when it happens!!

Photo By: music2work2

Just Talk About It

So a couple nights ago my boyfriend and I were talking.  I honestly can’t remember how the subject came up, but we ended up telling stories from our past, which I love; even if it involves discussion about exes, sex with other people, and so forth.  You can learn so much about yourself and each other talking about these things!

This discussion ended up with us talking about this couple from my boyfriend’s past who seem to be serial cheaters on each other.  This then lead to the discussion of people who cheat because they’re not sexually satisfied at home.

Now, I can totally, totally understand being worried about what your partner would think of a weird sex desire you have, or a fetish or something like that.  Been there, done that, ya know?  The trick is though, 100% honesty mixed with mature discussions.

My boyfriend and I have had many such discussions.  We have come to an agreement that should one of us have a need for something, that is a true need, but also that the other one of us can’t meet, due to things like not having the right body parts or something like that, that there may be a chance of seeking fulfillment outside of our relationship, so long as both partners approve of the other party.  And of course so long as it’s safe, clean and only for that one specific need.

Now, that arrangement may not work for everybody.  I wouldn’t believe it if someone told me it did.  However there are many other ways things like this can be overcome.  Perhaps the need is really a want, perhaps it’s something the other partner would like too but just hasn’t tried it yet and any other number of scenarios.

The key really is to talk about it, though; through whatever means necessary.  Maybe simply talking about it; maybe buying a book or movie and giving it as a gift, write a letter or e-mail, surprise your partner, there are so many ways to communicate your needs and wants!  By not doing so you’re doing a disservice to yourself, your partner and your relationship.  Not only that but you’re missing out on a hell of a lot of fun, pleasure and sex!!

Photo By: scoobsmx6

What’s normal in bed?

Something that I’ve noticed with many, many people is a difficulty in accepting one’s sexual desires.  So often we can get hung up whether or not something is “normal,” or what so-and-so would think if they knew we like to do this-or-that.

Now, sometimes I still fall into this pattern of thinking.  “I shouldn’t want to do this.”  “Why does this feel good, it’s not normal?”  “What would my friends think of me if they knew I liked this?”  Things like that.

Really though, the thing is that it’s no one’s business what I do in the privacy of my home, except my partner’s.  And if my partner has a problem with it, then that’s something we need to discuss, and we do.  And, as adults, we work at compromises so that both of us can get the sexual fulfillment and satisfaction that we need, want and deserve.

It really makes me wonder what is normal, though.  The word normal means something that adheres to a standard.  So in regards to sexuality that means that what’s normal is what everyone else does, on a whole.  The kicker of the fact is that everyone is different, especially when it comes to sex.  I do not know 2 people who like exactly the same things.  There may be a couple similarities, like a friend of mine and I both enjoy having our cervixes bumped during intercourse, but I know others who do not and some who like it only in certain situations.

I know people who like to add some pain in their sex and others for whom even a little spanking is an immediate turn off.  So really, when these thoughts come up for me, “Gods why do I like anal play??  It’s so weird and abnormal!”  I just run some of these thoughts through my mind and it helps me get stable again and remember something that’s very important.

There’s really only one normal thing about sex: consensual pleasure.  Past that it’s just splitting hairs and leading to nothing more than heart ache…and a distinct lack of orgasms!

Photo By: crasch