Four Things You Need to Have a Threesome

With the Britney Spears song “1, 2, 3” running through my brain, I started wondering if threesomes have grown in popularity since the song hit the top 20. Most guys have the dream, whether they admit it or not. If he has testosterone coursing through his veins, chances are he wants to see you with another girl.

If you’re amenable to the suggestion, it’s not an impossible dream at all. And I don’t doubt Britney’s song sparked a few discussions on the topic. But there are four things you absolutely must have for a successful threesome.

1. A third person.

Where can you find another girl (or perhaps even another guy) to engage in a threesome? You have a few choices… Many websites are devoted to swingers, where you can find other people in your area to hook up with. You can hunt down swinger parties in your region, where you’ll meet interesting people, make friends, and hopefully find a third. If “blind dating” of this sort is not your style, you can approach friends, which carries a unique set of challenges.

If you have a friend, you’re going to face the person afterward — whether the night was a success or not. As in any kind of sexual encounter, lots of things can go wrong, including one person feeling neglected. You may also feel as if your relationship is threatened — especially if your partner and your friend had a close friendship previously. After all, the mix of close friendship, intimacy and sex has the makings of a potential relationship. Are you confident enough to recognize that the sex and the friendship can remain as separate elements? (And if not, you may want to reconsider the idea of a threesome at all). Is each party mature enough to recognize the difference between love and lust?

Many threesomes between friends work out very well, and can actually be a beautiful way to strengthen your friendship. But first, consider whether or not you’ll feel “weird” facing the person the next morning.

On the other hand, sex with a stranger or someone you meet through the swinger lifestyle can be illicit, exciting and lots of fun. The big problem is you really don’t know what you’re getting into and sex with a stranger may make you uncomfortable.

2. Lots of confidence.
Before you enter a threesome with your partner, you’ll need to be secure in several ways. You’ll want to believe in the strength of your relationship and understand that sex is fun, but it doesn’t mean he’s going to run off and marry the “third.”

You also need to have a healthy dose of self-confidence in your body. You don’t want to worry that he’s constantly comparing you (unfavorably!) to the other woman.

Finally, you need to understand the give-and-take of a sexual relationship. Sometimes, the emphasis will be on her, sometimes on you, and sometimes on both of you. Sometimes it will shift so you’re both focusing on him. One of the fantastically fun things about a threesome is the different possibilities it presents for sexual acts and positions.

3. Ground rules.
Perhaps you’re perfectly comfortable with him watching while you get it on with your best friend, but there are certain parts of him you don’t want to share. That’s fine, but discuss it beforehand and be honest. Also let the third person know your ground rules — they may have a few of their own.

If someone crosses a line (maybe the possibility wasn’t discussed because you didn’t think of it, or maybe someone got swept up in the heat of the moment), gently and playfully guide them in another direction. As long as you’re nice about it — and create an equally steamy diversion — no one should mind.

4. Condoms.
It’s a good idea for all parties to get tested for sexually-transmitted diseases beforehand and present a clean bill of health. But even if you do, any sex with a non-monogamous, regular partner should involve condoms. If the guy in a threesome switches between girls, he should change the condom each time to prevent the exchange of fluids. You may want to consider dental dams for  oral sex, as well.

Be Sociable, Share!

•