So you’re getting it on, and loving it, and she seems to be loving it to. Everything’s just peachy. Then she whispers in your ear:

‘Talk dirty to me.’

Gulp.

Lost for words? You’re not the only one. What exactly do you say in flagrante delicto, and how do you say it? Here’s a crash course in aural sex for the tongue-tied.

For those of you who come over all shy when it comes to voicing your desires - how about blindfolding your partner and whispering in their ear? Not only will this add a sexy little kink to the session, but a lot of embarrassment seems to disappear when your partner can’t see your face. Having music playing will also help you feel less exposed - and fill in any awkward silences.

Now a great piece of advice for those who don’t know what to say is: Ask questions. You’ll find that this draws the woman into a dirty conversation, and takes some of the heat off you. Rather than giving a Shakespearean monologue, you want to aim for a little give-and-take. Not sure what she wants to hear? Just ask.

‘Do you like that?’
‘Where do you want me to touch you?’

When you’re ready to add some pithy comments of your own, start small. Don’t barge in with the triple-X words straight away - you can get across a very sexy idea with some simple instructions.

‘Turn over.’
‘Now open your legs.’

Most important of all - relax. Imagine you’re having a normal conversation. Usually no one will be taping your dirty talk, and she’s not taking notes. (At least, she shouldn’t be.) So loosen up and experiment. Think about what turns you on - and tell her about it. Tell her how beautiful she is, how sexy her ass is (flattery will get you everywhere!). If something feels good, don’t keep it to yourself. Talking dirty is all about sharing your experience with each other - describing how it feels and encouraging your partner.

Lastly, do your homework. Check out some erotic writing (there are thousands of books or magazines filled with erotic dialog.) Expand your smut vocab - there’s more to it than ‘cock’ and ‘pussy’. And practice makes perfect. Lock yourself in the bathroom and imagine you’re with your lover. Don’t sweat too much over exactly what words to use - while using the odd dirty word can be sexy, it’s as much a case of how you say it as what you say.

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