Recently I had the privilege to sit down with author and sexual deviant extraordinaire, Suzanne Portnoy.

Allow me to expound for a moment on my terminology. According to the Cambridge English Dictionary, deviant behavior is described as “a person or behaviour that is not usual and is generally considered to be unacceptable.” This of course begs the question: What is usual or acceptable? One could say that deviant behavior violates the social contract which, according to Rousseau, is only legitimate to the extent that it meets the general interest. But let’s say the general interest is both spoken and unspoken. My point is simple, public and private behavior should have equal consideration for general interest. Enough people engage in, ponder, seek out, or simply desire sexually adventurous behavior to say that it, in fact, deviates from nothing. So to call Ms. Portnoy a deviant is simply a term of endearment, a tongue-in-cheek wink-wink kind of way to show my acceptance. There is a ‘deviant’ in each and every one of us.

Suzanne was visiting from London to promote her book, The Butcher, The Baker, The Candlestick Maker, a book that follows Suzanne’s sexual escapades prior to marriage and following her divorce. Admittedly, I read the book while riding the subway on my morning commutes to work. There were moments I had to put the book down due to excessive redness in my cheeks and sweating on the nape of my neck. For those of you wondering, that is a positive reaction.

We met up at Corner Bistro in the West Village and ordered ourselves each a glass of wine, her a Pinot Grigio and for myself a Chardonnay. It was a fast paced conversation that I wished I had a recorder for instead of my trusty pen and notepad. Her open and fearless manner might have struck some as shocking but I found it refreshing. It seems almost customary that in order to start a frank conversation about sex one party must feign shyness or embarrassment (”Oh my god, I can’t believe you just said that!” Which inevitably leads to something along the lines of, “I’ve tried that too!” Because the ’shy’ party, though no more innocent than the initiator, needs to know they won’t be judged or rejected in order to open up.) But speaking with Suzanne was not like this. Nor is her book.

Suzanne’s professional job is Publicist. She has kept a blog, in one form or another, since 2002. Now her blog is used not just to market her book but she also finds it an excellent place to write freely and flesh out stories. In fact, Suzanne points to the web as the nexus in her own self-discovery as well as an ideal venue for women who may feel sexually sheltered to explore possibilities. Her path started on some traditional dating sites to see what the world had to offer. She encourages the curious among us to approach online dating with a sense of fun, just as she has. Now that she has a better handle on her desires and needs she finds the swingers’ dating sites suit her best. One cannot say the she is not resourceful nor inefficient about fulfilling her desires, even before arriving in NYC she had dates set up via Craigslist and after appearing on Howard Stern she had many more, even a Sky Cap at JFK emailed her with his exact location in case she might have some time to kill before her flight back to London.

To say Suzanne is clever about satisfying her sexual appetite is an understatement. She is downright devious (wink wink) about finding the ways and means. When I asked her about having children and her feelings on how women tend to remain sexually dormant because of their kids she said that these women needed to stop thinking about sex during normal hours and places. She explained that there are so many pockets of time in a normal day that simply go to waste when one could in fact be bent over in perhaps a bathroom stall or a coat closet. This certainly has changed the way I look at my Outlook Daily Planner and the large bathroom at the Starbucks on 6th Ave.

Suzanne is an amazing person, bending and quite possibly contorting the sexual confines of her own life. She has an intensity about her that is infectious and like a firefly, enchanting. Reading her book is strongly recommended and may even allow you to expand your own personal sexual confines, at least redefine them.

1 Comment »

1. 

   Hey Meme,

   I see a self-help book in y(our) future (a collaboration, of course). Something like “Getting In Touch With Your Inner Deviant,” by Meme and Dan. It would contain a combination of creative visualization techniques, real-life action tips, and a daily log to plot out one’s progress over a month or so. Oh, and some kick-ass graphics, too.

   You could bring your laptop along on the subway and channel the redness in your cheeks and sweat on the nape of your neck into art. And, since my testosterone levels are naturally higher in the morning, well, hey, I can’t think of a better time to collaborate. I’m just worried that if I try to ride the subway I’ll get lost. Isn’t it dark down there? Better just meet up at Starbuck’s. If you get there first, order me a grande dry cappuccino with skim and light cinnamon. I’ll bring the “Closed For Repairs” sign.

   Comment by Dan — April 8, 2007 @ 7:21 pm

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