There are people who love anal play—and those who haven’t tried it.

Maybe that’s an exaggeration. Some men are too squeamish to even entertain the idea. But for many men, once they’ve released those inhibitions and experienced prostate stimulation for the first time, they find it a fun and intimate addition to their love life.

There are two important rules to remember for safe anal play between monogamous partners.

1). While ass-to-mouth is a personal choice, never, ever (that’s never!) go ass-to-vagina. Not with the cock, not with a finger, and not with a toy that hasn’t been thoroughly cleaned first. It can cause urinary tract infections and other icky and painful ailments.

2). Too much lube is almost enough lube!

Anal play is probably not a topic most men want to discuss outside the bedroom. The best tactic is to make a move in the throes of ecstasy and see how he responds.

These same rules and techniques apply to women and anal stimulation. Although women don’t have a prostate, the anal area contains one of the largest concentrations of nerve endings, making it one of the more sensitive parts of the male or female body.

If you have long nails, place cotton balls in the finger tips of a latex (or in the case of a latex allergy, synthetic rubber) glove. The glove will create a smooth sensation and the cotton will prevent injury due to sharp finger nails. If your nails are already short, make sure they are filed with no rough edges.

Even inserting just a finger, you’ll want to use some lube. You can use your own juices if you’re extremely wet, but a lubricant like Doc Johnson’s Anal Lube will help ensure a good, smooth experience.

Try moving your finger in and out a few times while he gets accustomed to the sensation. You’ll find the prostate a few inches above the anus, on the belly side. Finding it is similar to finding a woman’s g-spot. In fact, it’s sometimes called the “male g-spot.”

Combining prostate stimulation with a blow job or hand job can create unprecedented pleasure. But men can have an amazing orgasm from prostate stimulation alone. Massage the prostate in the same way you would the g-spot, with a rubbing, “come here” motion.

If your guy likes the feeling of your finger up there, you may want to introduce a toy. Anal probes range in size from “starter models,” measuring a slender 1-inch across, to thicker, 2 or 3-inch models with varying-sized bulbs or ribs for increased pleasure.

For beginners, look for a slender butt plug with a thick base; it will be easier to control. Thicker plugs can create a great feeling of being “filled up,” but you’ll want to work your way up to larger models.

This slender jelly toy features a smooth shaft on one side and pleasure bulbs measuring up to an inch on the other, making it a toy that will “grow with you” as you become more adventurous and want the sensation of graduated bulbs.

Anal probes and plugs are usually manufactured from PVC jelly, rubber, silicone or glass. Don’t forget the lube!

You can also try a vibrating probe, such as this waterproof anal vibe from Doc Johnson.

Remember to go slow. It will build up anticipation and minimize pain or the chance of dangerous rips to delicate skin.

Once you and your lover start exploring anal play, you’ll find hundreds of toys, in every price range, available to help.

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