Kryptonite Not Included

Watching Heroes last night made me think; superhero abilities are cool. Flying, super-human strength, super-healing, and every teenage boy’s favorite: x-ray vision.

But Desiree Sweet began thinking outside the phone booth to come up with her favorite Super-sex abilities.

1. Super-deep throating: Sure, this ability can be learned through practice, but wouldn’t it be great to have a superpower that erases the gag reflex?

2.    Super-flexibility: Every position in the Kama Sutra? That’s no problem for Elasti-girl. Just imagine the possibilities when you can bend, stretch and hang with no effort or fear of pulled muscles.

3.    The ability to breathe through your ears: Kevin Costner had this talent in the 1995 hit Waterworld, but he never put it to use the way we intend! This special ability would come in very handy for oral sex, making you a favorite partner of men and women alike!

I can imagine our male readers saying, “But you forgot super-size and the ability to last forever, Miss Sweet!”

While these traits may be appealing to some, if you’re going to be completely selfless and ask for a special power to please your partner, go with the ability to read minds. Wouldn’t it be great to know exactly which moves make your lover turn to jelly, and which ones leave her thinking about doing laundry?

Best of all, you don’t need to be a superhero to develop this ability. Slow down, watch, listen and communicate. Pay attention to verbal and non-verbal cues and vary your pace and motions based on her feedback. If you’re not sure how something feels, ask. If you have a special fantasy, share it. It may encourage her to do the same.

You don’t need to be born on a different planet to have super-sex… On the other hand, if you’re in the market for a super-fast, rocket launcher-equipped armor-plated Batmobile-style vehicle, you’re on your own.

Be Sociable, Share!

•