One Good Reason to Lock Up Your Vibes

Have you ever had an embarrassing vibrator incident? Perhaps you didn’t remove the batteries and you found the toy turned on when you picked up your checked bags at the airport. Or maybe you left a dildo out when the cleaning lady came over. If you play with vibrators frequently, you probably have at least one embarrassing sex toy incident.

When you’re a parent, these embarrassing moments may involve kids.

Most parents of toddlers know what a challenge it is to find a few minutes alone to go to the bathroom. While he was watching his two-year-old son, my friend Jordan had to go. He brought his son into the master suite with him, closing the bedroom door so his son could wander in the bedroom while Jordan did his business in the attached bathroom.

Jordan knew there wasn’t anything in the master bedroom his son could get hurt on. But the room hadn’t exactly been babyproofed, either. It wasn’t long before Jordan heard dresser drawers and cabinet doors opening and closing.

Jordan began having misgivings about the idea but it was too late for him to get up and do anything about it. Then he heard a telltale buzzing sound. Then he heard his son giggle.

Yes. His toddler had found the wife’s vibrator. Buzz. “Giggle.” Buzz. Buzz. Child’s laughter.

From the bathroom, Jordan began calling his son. “Come here, kiddo. Let me see what you have there. Can you show it to Daddy?”

Of course, the more you want a toddler to do something, the less inclined he is to do it. Children sense this. They also somehow know when a parent is helpless to stop them. Jordan began looking around frantically for something to divert the boy’s attention. He found a toilet paper roll. “Come here, son…”

The boy stepped closer, still playing with the buttons on the vibe and giggling at the funny sounds. This new toy was far more interesting than a toilet paper roll. The boy stood just out of reach of Jordan, who was still pleading with the boy to give the item to Daddy.

Then, of course, Jordan’s son got ready to do another thing toddlers often do. Jordan leapt up from the bowl, trying to catch the boy and grab the vibrator. The toddler stood poised with the sex toy, still buzzing, in front of his open mouth, ready to give it the toddler taste test.

If this isn’t reason enough to buy a locking case for your vibrator collection, I don’t know what is. Even if you think you don’t have to lock up your toys because no one besides you and your partner ever enter the master bedroom and if they do, they surely won’t be rummaging through your dresser drawers — I’m sure Jordan thought the same thing.

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