Online Dating: When the Small Town Dating Pool Dries Up

In a small town, if you haven’t met someone locally by the age of 25 or 30, then there is a serious chance you aren’t going to meet them.  If you’re like me, you simply haven’t met anyone that you can see yourself getting serious with, and you don’t want to settle. You’ve also likely met a few people who would give anything for you to settle and date them.

Another thing that small town singles do is fill out online dating profiles. Online dating is an undertaking that requires you to “own it”, and take control of it from the beginning or it can be a miserable disaster. These are all of my tips for online dating, especially in small towns. Most of them were learned the hard way.

There are definitely a few bumps in the initial process. First, you’re going to have to put on your big girl panties and hurt some feelings. Those guys who want you to settle for them? They’re online too, and they think that because you’ve now signed up for this site, you must be desperate. The first week or two involves crushing those poor individuals all over again. Once you get through that, there will be plenty of people who are desperate and will send you message after message even if you don’t have anything in common. Most sites have developed nifty little blocking applications. Don’t be afraid to use them! These people don’t know you and you don’t know them. You can’t be overly worried about
hurting their feelings.

Don’t be shy. If you see a profile you like, send a message. If they don’t answer, there’s no harm done. If they answer and it wasn’t what you expected, just be honest. Either they will gracefully accept what you say and appreciate your honesty, or they will make an ass of themselves and confirm your initial thoughts. Just because you talk to someone on the site doesn’t mean you have to give them your phone number or personal e-mail. In fact, I don’t necessarily recommend it until after a first date. That way if it doesn’t work out, you don’t have to deal with drunk texting or that sort of thing later on. Avoid people who put off meeting in person. There are a lot of people who join online dating sites just to find people to talk to online. If you’ve been e-mailing for a week with some degree of enjoyment, it’s time to think about a real life date. People do occasionally have legitimate real life situations that will cause them to reschedule, but if a week or so and two or three missed dates later you still haven’t met, it’s probably time to pull that plug.

And finally, be open to dating several people before finding someone you want to be in a relationship with. It can take a while to find someone you are actually compatible with. These are just suggestions. Some people would much rather give their number immediately and not bother with messaging on- site. But I like my privacy. There are also plenty of people who like having several guys around just for conversation. I’ve got friends though, and I don’t need to be juggling them with guys that I’ve never met (and probably will never meet). It can be a frustrating endeavor, but you’ll always have a healthy list of funny stories!

Side Note: This is my experience with free dating sites. I will admit that it can be less complicated on sites where you pay a subscription, but on those sites potential dates tend to be looking for long-term relationships that lead to marriage and at the time I wasn’t looking for that just yet, so I went to more popular free sites.

D. Scandal: I’m just a single girl in a small town looking to keep life interesting.  I’m full of contradictions and that’s part of what makes me who I am. You can read all about my exploits and secrets at my blog Scandal in the Choir Loft.

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