Phone Sex, Anyone?

Your partner is out of town on a long assignment. Maybe it’s been a long week and all you really want is to be together. There is a way. A lot of people have never considered phone sex an option, but perhaps they should. A well planned encounter can be powerful foreplay, guaranteeing a passionate reunion. Before you start dialing consider some of the following points.

Be Comfortable
Comfort is different for each person. Personally, I prefer to be freshly showered, shaved, and lotioned because it makes me feel sexy. I wear night gowns because I don’t want to bother with the awkwardness of removing my pants in the heat of the moment. Phone sex is as much mental as it is physical, so it’s important that you can really relax. So being comfortable is the first step.

Eliminate Distractions
If your sweetie were home, you’d turn off the TV and put the cell phones away. Phone sex is no exception. You certainly don’t want to be distracted while talking with your partner. Then be sure to allow yourself plenty of time to enjoy the experience. In some ways phone sex can take longer because you are talking through things that you wouldn’t normally need to verbalize. Also consider the lighting. Try a small lamp or candles instead of harsh overhead lighting. Go ahead and gather anything you will need (toys, lube, etc.) to ensure that you won’t have to go find something once you get started.

Conversation
Generally speaking, I have found that phone sex conversation flows easier when you talk about what you ‘would like to do’ rather than what you ‘are doing’. For example, “I wish I were there. I want to trace that sensitive spot behind your ear with my tongue” is more intriguing and easier to believe than “I’m licking your neck right now.” Some people really enjoy role play, in which case you make take that approach. For many though, the former will flow a little easier. Once you’ve had this conversation and you’re mentally in the moment, someone will usually ask, “what are you doing right now?” At that point you are going to talk about what you are doing, but I still suggest staying focused on what you ‘wish’ you were doing. “I’m rubbing my clit. I wish you were here.” “I wish I were there too. I’m so hard right now. I wish I could slide into your wet pussy.” As the conversation heats up you should let your partner know exactly how you are touching yourself. The closer you come to release, the more vocal you should become about exactly what you want, exactly what you are wishing for. Let your partner know when come. That’s what you are both waiting to hear.

Ending the Call
Those first few minutes after you’ve finished can be awkward, especially since it is possible that you won’t finish at the same time. You may be feeling like you should say something, but you aren’t sure what to say. Honestly, there is no need to speak until you’ve both caught your breath. Comfortable silence can be good. If this is your partner, something like, “I love you. I can’t wait to see you again,” would be a very appropriate follow-up. Having had several casual encounters, I’ve found that keeping it lighthearted is best. Muster up your best Joey Tribbiani voice and ask, “Was it good for you?” if you want to get a laugh. You wouldn’t rush out the door immediately after sex, so try not to rush off the phone too quickly either. Don’t cut your partner off mid-sentence or hang-up. However, if the conversation was all about the sex to begin with, it’s ok to say goodnight and hang up the phone.

Cyber Sex
Cyber sex is obviously different from phone sex. I want to touch on this for a briefly because I’ve had a few pleasurable experiences with it and a few just-plain-awkward ones as well. Cyber-sex can be difficult. For starters, you’re typing. That takes both hands. This is one reason cyber-sex is more like mutually writing a good sex scene. You do tend to lean more towards present tense, and you go backand forth describing the situation and what you are “doing”. For me, I don’t generally get off from these encounters directly, but once the exchange is over I can re-read what we’ve created and get myself off then. In a perfect world phone sex and cyber sex are not substitutes for the real thing, but rather great methods of foreplay for couples who are separated for long periods of time. For singles with no current love interests though? It can also be kindling for some great self-play. So think about it, get used to the idea if you aren’t already, and give it a try!

D. Scandal: I’m just a single girl in a small town looking to keep life interesting.  I’m full of contradictions and that’s part of what makes me who I am. You can read all about my exploits and secrets at my blog Scandal in the Choir Loft.

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