Research Discovers Love Can Last Forever

With a 50 percent divorce rate in the U.S. and people always talking about how the spark of love fades, becomes boring, and passion dies after time, new research has uncovered some optimistic findings for long-term couples.

Through brain scans, a team of researchers at Stony Brook University in Long Island, New York, found that some couples experience the same chemical reactions when viewing photos of their loved ones after 15 or 20 years as those involved in a new love. This shows that “old love” can be as exciting as new love.

Stony Brook-based researcher, psychologist and intimacy expert Dr. Arthur Aron explains, “When we look at the pattern of brain in a person in the FMRI scanner, the brain response when you hear your own name is much more similar to what you get when you hear the name of a close other than when you hear the name of a not-quite-so-close other.”

According to an article in Britain’s Sunday Times, which reported on the findings, previous research suggested that the first stages of romantic love fade within 15 months and after 10 years it has gone completely.

The bad news? A mere 10 percent of the long-term couples studied still had that spark.

In a podcast titled “The Science of Intimacy and Love,” Aron talks about what couples can do to increase their odds of becoming part of that 10 percent of couples who still feel intimacy and passion after 10 years or more.

Aron stresses that good communication skills, high self-esteem in both partners, and a lack of depression or anxiety help maintain closeness. Aron stated in the podcast, “If you are fairly confident in your own self, if your self-esteem is not too low, if it’s fairly stable, then you can share yourself with another and not feel you’re losing who you are.”

Not surprisingly, another important tenet of keeping the spark alive after a decade involves trying new, challenging activities with your partner. Aron stated that he and his wife try to engage in an interactive activity they’ve never done, or haven’t done in a while, at least once a week.

New experiences need not be sexual or even physical. New topics of conversation, debates and sharing fantasies or dreams can have a positive effect. Think about when you first met your lover, how much time you spent simply getting to know your significant other through conversation. You can bring that excitement back by pushing past your mental, and sometimes physical, boundaries.

If you and your partner are adrenaline junkies, you may have to stretch yourselves to come up with a new activity. Base-jumping or roller coasters, anyone? For other couples, battling out on the Nintendo Wii may be the exciting challenge you need to re-connect.

And, of course, don’t underestimate the value of introducing a new toy or game in the bedroom to keep your passion alive.

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