Everyone is a “kind” of friend. Some people are the “supportive-buys-their-
friend-ice-cream-when-their-boyfriend-dumps-them-for-being-too-needy” kind of friend. Some people are the “party-all-night-long-and-wake-up-with- your-underwear-on-your-head” kind of friend. Turns out I’m the “ask-for-advice-on-awkward-questions-about-morning-after-pills-and- other-highly-personal-things” kind of friend. As such, it’s only natural that I am also the friend who takes my friends to the somewhat creepy 24-hour sex toy store to buy their first (desperately needed) vibrator. I’ve done it so many times that it’s starting to become a science. So - if you are having some difficulty deciding what to buy for yourself, and need a guiding hand, try this on for size: I can tell what kind of vibrator or sex toy you’re going to want or need by what kind of music you listen to. Here we go…

The Indecisive Listener

You listen to everything from Fall Out Boy to Kelly Clarkson, Snoop Dogg, and Metallica. You are passionate about music in general. You always grab the chance to go to a concert, even if you’re not familiar with the band, because what’s better than live music? But don’t get the wrong idea - just because you crave variety, doesn’t mean you go for just anything. You also have an eye for quality. To Summarize: You’re passionate about what you love, you crave variety, and you know quality when you see it.

Your Toy of Choice: The Better Sex Synergy Pleasure System

To prove my point, here’s a little bit about the Better Sex Synergy Pleasure System:”The Synergy is a massager that uses a unique oscillating action (up to 12,000 oscillations per minute) to enhance pleasure. The massager has five different heads made of soft rubber. The dual navigator can be used to cup sensitive areas or turned over and the nub can stimulate. The cup and ridges attachment can add subtle stimulation or be used as a larger cup to tantalize.” In other words, this one toy gives you a variety of ways to achieve a quality climax.

The R&B, Rap, and Hip Hop Listener

First of all, you keep it real. You don’t want to hear sweet, simpering melodies or bubblegum pop. You want a creative, driving beat, innovative lyrics, social commentary, and undiluted sexuality. You like it hard and dirty, and you don’t even bother with the censored-for-radio versions of songs. Your car’s stereo system can be felt before it is heard. You get involved in the inter-artist battles, taking sides and arguing about it with your friends. You cried when Tupac and Biggie were shot. To Summarize: Basically, you don’t fuck around - and if it doesn’t have rhythm, it’s not worth it.

Your Toy of Choice:Realistic Squirmy 6-inch Beige Rotating Cock

No fuss, no frills. This cock feels just like the real thing - except it’s always big enough and hard enough, and the strong vibrations give it an extra kick. It rotates at your will, pulsing with a heady beat. This is about as real as it gets.

The Wannabe Pop Star

You have strong opinions about which Simpson and Duff sister is cuter, and you like, totally think Jessica broke Nick Lachey’s heart (poor thing!). You are drawn to the simple, undemanding lyrics, and you like how fun and fashion-forward the singers are. You’re a big fan of best-friend sleepovers, where you both dance around like Britney in your pajamas, singing wholeheartedly into a couple of Conair brushes. You’re popular in school, but you’re still pretty shy around boys. (Oh, and by the way - definitelyAshlee and Haley!) To Summarize: You’re more into pretty and simple than complicated and kinky.

Your Toy of Choice:The Lelo NEA

This pretty little item is uncomplicated - just two discreet buttons that gradually increase or decrease the speed of vibration - but it packs a powerful punch. You’re not ready for a big nasty dildo vibrator with all sorts of attachments, but you are ready for an elegant, smooth little pebble of a vibrator. It fits snugly into the cup of your hand, and is easily manipulatable, for perfectly tailored stimulation. The delicate floral detail appeals to your aesthetic sense, and its small, sleek design allows it to be easily hidden from your parents and your little brother while you learn how take care of yourself. To top it all off, it’s quiet. Perfect, I know.

The Rocker/Alternative Girl

Torn-out magazine pictures of Angelina Jolie are taped to your wall, and lately you’ve been identifying yourself as “bi-curious” - which basically means you’re a little kinky, and a little provocative, but you’re sort of unsure about what qualifies as “sex” in a lesbian relationship (don’t worry, you’re not alone). Your hair has been several colors. You’re more interested in intelligent music played by talented artists than you are by the consumer-America style of pop. You take it as a personal affront when people like artists that don’t write their own music. You have at least one piercing, and - you know…FUCK authority. To Summarize: You’re an independent thinker who prefers counter-culture, and you’re drawn to real ideas, raw talent, and progressive music.

Your Toy of Choice:OhMiBod

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