Sex Toys For Pensioners

Standing in line at the post office yesterday, trying to avoid getting into an argument with the crotchety old guy behind me who kept breathing into my ear; my gaze wandered over the usual clutter of birthday cards, novelty gifts and stationery sets. It stopped abruptly when it noticed a shiny red carton containing a PVC mask and leather whip, wrapped up tightly in cellophane and winking at me from the shelf.

Halloween is long gone, and the mask was adult sized. So unless I’m very much mistaken, the good folk at the Post Office are now selling a little bondage gear on the side.

Strange how what was once a rather furtive little occupation kept strictly behind closed doors is now being marketed as a kinky bit of fun for a Tuesday afternoon. Perhaps in between filling out your tax return and renewing your driver’s license, the done thing is now to sneak off for a nice little whipping. This is all lovely and open minded, but, dear reader, I wonder: Where will it end?

I can picture estate agents including ‘bijou sex dungeon’ as a selling point for desirable apartments. Free ‘Beginner’s B/D Kits’ in the drawers of hotel rooms. Wedding lists held at Vibrator.com with the bride in a latex mini-skirt and the groom in a thong – hold it! In fact, that’s a great idea! Where do I sign up?

Nikki Magennis

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