Sexual Problems Down Under?

In a recent post, I wrote about Everyday Turn-ons and mentioned the sexy things men do that have nothing to do with the deed.

It seems I wasn’t too far off the mark, and even have the backing of research professionals. Psychologist Professor Marita McCabe of Deakin University in Melbourne, Australia, recently commented, “Washing dishes can be foreplay.”

McCabe was discussing the surprising findings of a new study of 400 Australian women. The study showed that most women don’t exhibit sexual desire until after sex has begun.

Additionally, 60 percent of women believe their libido is unusually low. If 60 percent believe their libidos are lagging, this actually puts them in the majority. McCabe, then, wants to re-define what is “normal” for a woman’s sex drive.

“[I]f you’re working hard, if you’ve got kids, if you haven’t got much family support, it’s not surprising you’re not interested in sex at that time,” she said in one article. Women shouldn’t compare their sex drives to those of women on television, she asserted.

McCabe also noted that lack of communication and consideration from their partners are big turn-offs for most women.

I find the research sad, but believable. We all know Sex & the City and Desperate Housewives are not reality TV. Nevertheless, I’m concerned by McCabe’s seemingly defeatist attitude. Even if the proverbial “everyone” is doing it (or not Doing It, as the case may be) does that make it right? Should women resign themselves to a lackluster sex life?

I have to respond with a lusty, “No!”

Many factors, including fatigue, stress, work and children, according to McCabe, work against us when it comes to satisfying sexual encounters.

With a newborn in the house, I certainly understand what it means to be “too tired for sex.” But a good roll in the hay has been shown to energize us, reduce stress and bring us closer to our partners, which is good for our relationship and our family life. Ironically, the answer to overcoming minor sexual obstacles may lie in having more sex.

If you’re not turned on until you’re actually in the moment, that’s okay, too. It’s like the holidays: we suffer through the preparations and dread the celebration, imagining the worst. But once we’re in the moment, we have a damn good time.

I urge women – in Australia and across the world – to consider the results of McCabe’s study and use the knowledge to strive for something better. Whether it’s through toys, fantasies or just better communication with your mate, you can create the sexual experience you want.

You can also participate in a follow-up study by McCabe and postgraduate student Denise Goldhammer by completing an anonymous online questionnaire. The survey takes about 30 to 45 minutes and can be an interesting exercise, prompting an unbiased evaluation of your sex life from the person who knows best what is normal for YOU. As you answer the questions, think about what you can do to improve your love relationship, what areas are lacking, and what works for you and your partner.

How about you, Vibrator.com visitors? Are you in the 60 percent majority with a low libido or would your thoughts and actions make Carrie Bradshaw blush?

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