Swinger Parties

For many people, dating sucks. There are people who love it, excel in it, find it fun, interesting, even easy (or maybe they just like the challenge?) Then there’s the rest of us.

So when you find a partner you want to settle down with for the rest of your life, on top of all the other benefits of a loving relationship, you don’t have to date anymore!

Then, maybe you decide to add swinging into your relationship mix. And—BAM! You’re back to the challenge of finding suitable partners. On the bright side, however, you already have a partner to share in your misery—and if all goes well, eventual pleasure.

In my first post about swinging, I discussed the benefits of hooking up with friends. But what if you don’t have any friends who share your inclinations? There are lots of Web sites where you can meet up with other couples for two-on-two encounters, possibly building life-long friendships as well as finding sexual playmates. But you can forego the “dating scene” by attending parties, instead.

Most house parties are by invitation only, but they are very welcome to newcomers who have been able to score an invitation. Start out by frequenting local swinger forums on the Internet or searching for swinger parties going on at lifestyle clubs in your area. Also check alternative lifestyle newspapers in your area; classifieds sometimes list house parties.

You don’t have to hook up at a club unless you want to; if a party atmosphere is what you seek, network and get to know people. Once you start conversations, ask regulars if they know of house parties going on, maybe even that night! If you’re friendly (without seeming stalker-ish) and seem fun to be around, chances are invitations will start flowing like wine.

Benefits of House Parties

What’s the difference between a house party and a club connection? Think of the difference between a carefully-selected gathering of people in a friend’s home versus spending the night at a club. It’s as simple as that. Less pressure, usually less people, and a more laidback “stay and party all night if you’d like” attitude. If you prefer parties to the club scene—well, you’ll prefer parties to the club scene!

Rules of the Party

Just as you follow rules of etiquette any time you visit someone’s home, certain rules apply at parties.

Arrive on time. You always want to arrive at a gathering on time, but at swinger parties, it’s crucial. It can be awkward to enter when the party is already underway and couples have already hooked up in the throes of passion.

BYOB Many swinger parties that permit drinking are “bring your own bottle,” so inquire ahead of time. Even if you’re not expected to bring your own alcohol, it’s nice to ask the guest if there is anything you can bring, and show up with a small token: a light dish, a bottle of wine, or a small host gift.

Bring… everything else. Don’t forget personal grooming products to clean up afterward, and, of course, condoms. Show up showered, shaved and ready for action.

Leave with the one who brought you. You’re at the party specifically not to “dance” with the one who brought you, so to speak, but be sure to leave with them. It’s considered bad form if half of a swinging couple leaves the partner behind.

This covers the general rules of etiquette. Most importantly, know the rules of the party you’re attending, including what kind of swinging will go on and what activities may be frowned upon.

Make the Most of the Party

Discuss boundaries with your partner beforehand. You don’t want misunderstandings, which can be awkward for everyone involved, while you’re in the act.

Establish signals. During mainstream get-togethers, most couples have a gesture or hand signal that indicates “It’s time to go home.” Establish a signal that tells your partner if you like the couple you’ve approached and want to pursue a connection, or if you’re not into them. You should have a signal for whether or not to approach a couple, one to decide if you like them or not, and one to know how to respond if another couple approaches you. This should not be a topic for negotiating—either both of you like the couple, or it’s a no-go.

If you want to extricate yourself from a situation, simply be polite and say “No, thanks,” or, “We’re not interested.” No explanation is necessary, and these words should be respected. Likewise, if a couple turns you down, don’t take it personally; just as in dating, not every pairing is a perfect match.

Relax and have fun. This is the key to swinging. As in any leisure activity/lifestyle, if it’s not fun, why do it? Be open not only to meeting couples for sex, but to making some great friends.

And if you run into a fellow swinger in the “real world?” Be discrete. It may be okay to smile and wave, but don’t let on where you know each other. If you think a friendly greeting will open you to questions that you’re not prepared to answer, pretend you’ve just met. The other couple will understand.

Be Sociable, Share!

•