From rhinoceros horns to Spanish Fly, even oysters and chocolate-covered strawberries, mankind has relied on natural foods and herbs to boost his libido. But do they work?

According to an FDA report published in 2006, probably not.

But you don’t have to believe the FDA. Even renowned sex expert Dr. Ruth Westheimer has been quoted as saying, “There’s no such thing as a true aphrodisiac.”

It’s more likely that an aphrodisiac’s power lies in a person’s belief that it works… the old placebo effect. The mind is our most powerful sex organ, so if we believe a food will make us sexy, sensual and desirable, it will.

A food’s desire-boosting abilities may also have more to do with the environment in which it is eaten than the food itself. Sucking down oysters during a candlelight dinner, soft music playing, champagne sparkling in fine crystal flutes… Who wouldn’t begin to feel amorous?

The placebo effect is definitely powerful. That’s why certain foods, due to their nutritional value, the physiological effects they have on your body, and centuries of folklore, are considered highly effective aphrodisiacs.

Amy Reiley, author of Fork Me, Spoon Me: The Sensual Cookbook likes ginger, because it makes your tongue tingle and swells your lips, turning them red and kissable, and also raises your body temperature slightly.

You won’t get these effects from a can of Canada Dry, though. Try some fresh ginger in a crisp veggie stir fry or make your own homemade ginger ale to really experience the powerful herb.

Discovery Health recommends asparagus, chili peppers and chocolate for their stimulating powers. Asparagus is rich in Vitamin E, thought to stimulate production of sex hormones. Chili peppers release capsaicin, a chemical that stimulates our nerve endings and also releases endorphins. And dark chocolate—in addition to its creamy, sweet taste and sensual texture—contains phenylethylamine, which gives us a natural high. Recent studies show that dark chocolate not only makes us feel good, it’s good for the heart, too.

Even if the aphrodisiac effect in these foods is purely psychological, nutritionists and sex experts agree that healthy foods are more likely to have long-term positive effects on your sex drive by giving you more energy and helping you look and feel better.

But there’s one aphrodisiac that won’t even count toward your daily caloric intake: regular exercise. The release of testosterone during workouts, along with feel-good endorphins and adrenaline, has been shown to boost the sex drives of both men and women.

A friend of mine says he’s started having sex three times a day since he began working out. I know an hour of bicycle-riding on the weekend always puts me in the mood. Besides, regular exercise will help you look better, feel better about yourself, and give you more energy. What’s not to love about that?

Despite our iPods, skyscrapers, and 9-5 jobs, human beings are still part of the animal kingdom. We are susceptible to changes in the weather, the waxing and waning of the moon, and all that garbage just like our four-legged friends. One would therefore expect that when one animal species awakens from hibernation and commences the breeding process, we all do. The female of the species engages in “spring cleaning”, ridding the cave or nest of winter’s store of goods, and the male “sows his seed” as much as possible to ensure his genetic survival for future generations. Yes, yes, I know that such a simple three sentences do not account for the less-than-traditional relationships of modern society (or female sexuality other than cleaning!). But we’re animals nonetheless.

So what is it about Spring as a season that gets us in the mood? Maybe it’s the budding trees, the flowering plants, the April showers, and the breath of new life cleansing away the cold and dead winter. Actually, all of that tends to cause severe allergic reactions in me, for which I take copious amounts of antihistamines. And hospitals administer antihistamines for priapism (look it up), so in that respect spring doesn’t exactly jive with being an aphrodisiac.

The Vernal equinox marks the finality of longer, darker nights, bringing us more sunshine and longer days as we approach summer. Why this is a sexy thing, I’m not sure, as most people prefer the lights off when doing “the deed”. Fewer births occur in the Spring than in any other season, while Summer takes the lead in babies born. Simple math and countless research would have us believe that more sex is had in the Winter than in any other season. (Anything to save money on your heating bill…) Additional research shows that sperm count peaks in the colder months and slowly declines as Summer approaches. Not being a research scientist myself, I won’t make any hard conclusions, but the case for Spring as an aphrodisiac so far isn’t looking good!

One time honored tradition that represents youth and virility is, of course, Spring Break. Thousands of college students from around the globe flock to warmer climates for one week during March with the promise of getting laid. This year’s big destination was Key West, Florida - the gayest beach community in America! Sexually frustrated co-eds consume larger-than-normal amounts of alcohol, decreasing inhibition while at the same time inhibiting…um…performance for many over-eager frat dudes. For those sunburned, body-conscious young adults - “Spring has [not] sprung”!

While I generally don’t make a point of arguing with Mother Nature, something has gone awry in the human relationship with Spring. Perhaps our animal brethren don’t have as many societal stresses and imposed expectations, where one day can easily feel like the previous despite the season. If this is indeed the case and it doesn’t matter, then I’d like to propose that Summer be the “New Spring”. It’s hot and sweaty, sperm count is lower (nature’s birth control!) and you don’t have to travel as south as Key West to find fuckable college students.