Hollywood Exhibit Celebrates Mainstreaming of Porn

I’m sitting here watching Lifetime’s The Secret Lives of Women. It is about swingers. Last week’s episode focused on prostitution. In the beginning of January, G4’s Attack of the Show team covered the Adult Entertainment Expo for the second year running, showcasing products such as the Boob bong on the air during prime time. Is porn really going mainstream?

My personal and professional opinion as an astute member of the media—both mainstream and erotic? Yes. And it has been for some time.

Is this a bad thing? Not for the millions of “mainstream” men and women looking to add some excitement into their love lives. I’m sure for every couple who might shake their heads in disgust – or at least say “not for me”—if they came across the Secret Lives of Women while channel surfing one night, just as many would be intrigued. They might not be ready to place an ad on Craigslist to find another couple to play with or call up her best friend for a ménage a trois, but the idea might spark an interesting conversation about fantasies and boundaries.

The trend has been going on for quite some time. We have multiple modern-day examples. My Bare Lady, a FOX series, focused on blossoming porn stars trying to make it big. The next year, Ron Jeremy was one of the stars in The Surreal Life.

More recently, the Sex and the City movie showed full frontal male nudity and still garnered a mere “R” rating. Years before, Carrie Bradshaw made talk of Rabbit vibes acceptable at the office water cooler. And let’s face it… the Internet makes porn accessible to anyone with a computer, Internet connection, and two fingers to type “tits” or “pussy.”

But the mainstreaming of porn pre-dates reality T.V. and the Internet, and a new exhibit at the World of Wonder’s storefront gallery in L.A. drives home the point. The exhibit “All-American Porn: 25 Years of Erotic Photography from Vivid Entertainment” opens February 14 with a Valentine’s Day cocktail party from 7PM – 11PM. Guests will be able to meet Vivid Girls and also enjoy a screening of excerpts from “Deeper Throat,” Vivid’s third premium cable TV series which debuts that evening.

On February 19, a free panel discussion hosted by World of Wonder co-founder Fenton Bailey explores topics such as: How Vivid became the world’s top adult studio offered by the company’s co-founder and co-chairman Steven Hirsch; How to direct an adult movie, presented by legendary director Paul Thomas; and What it takes to be an adult superstar with inside tips from Vivid Girls.

Vivid was the first company to bring porn into the mainstream, creating adult films with high product values and turning the performers into “stars” with the creation of the Vivid Girls. Since “Ginger” starring Ginger Lynn was released in 1984, the face of porn—at least as far as adult films went—changed. Explicit images on the front of VHS tapes gave way to artful photography of gorgeous women that—you guessed it—had mainstream appeal. Years later, Vivid was the first production company to offer titles targeted to couples.

So you could say porn’s been “mainstream” for more than a quarter of a century. But  what I find so ironic is that people who enjoy sex are not—and never were—freaks! In fact, I don’t think there’s anything not mainstream about buying a vibrator or reading a sex blog.

Although I write for Vibrator.com, love shopping for sex toys, and have had a few experiences swinging, I consider myself to be pretty “mainstream.” In a lot of ways, my love for science fiction is more “fringe” than my healthy sexual appetite. (Yes, another confession from Desiree Sweet: I’m a closet Trekkie!)

As a group, Americans have always been more conservative about sex and nudity than, say, Europeans. Maybe we’re just now catching up to the rest of the world.

What do you think? Is porn getting more and more mainstream or are Americans—perhaps with the exception of Facebook—just getting less uptight?

Five Tips to Find Your Perfect Mate

Personal ads have been around approximately since the first newspapers were published. One can imagine the ads that may have run in Ben Franklin’s Pennsylvania Gazette: SPM (Single Protestant Male) seeks SPF with generous dowry to share in barn raisings and candlelight dinners…

Today, of course, competition in the dating realm is fierce and, to land the lover of your dreams, you have to make your ad stand out. Of course, with millions of potential mates posting on sites such sites as Craigslist, Match.com, PlentyOfFish, e-Harmony and others, it’s mostly a numbers game and the odds are in favor of those who play.

The click of your mouse will put you in touch with men and women seeking a one-night hook-up, long-term relationship, or even a swinging arrangement. Follow these tips, courtesy of Vibrator.com, to make the most of your post.

–Be yourself—but better!

Dwayne Manley, one half of a swinger couple who has used personals to find playmates, says, “We just try to come across as fun, interesting and intelligent—just being ourselves. I think about the type of couple I’d like to hook up with, and present myself and my partner as those types of people.”

–Be clear about what you want.

Looking for a one-night stand? Potential life partner? Someone to tie you up, cover you in chocolate sauce and slowly lick it off? Whatever you want, the limitless boundaries of the Web will help you find it, so don’t hold back. The only way you can go wrong is by lying about your true desires or misleading a potential mate into thinking you’re in the market for more—or less—than you revealed in your ad.

–Share a pic.

Statistics say ads with a photo get an 80 percent better response, so brush your hair and pick out your favorite clothes to show off your attributes in the most attractive light. Did you know you can “slim down” for the camera by standing at a slight angle—don’t face the camera directly–and bending one leg ever-so-slightly? Experiment with different angles, poses and lighting to achieve the most flattering pic. And don’t forget to smile!

–Proofread

This is a pet peeve of mine. I’m inclined to skip over any ad with poor spelling or blatantly incorrect grammar. You don’t have to create 21st century Shakespeare, but use spellcheck to avoid obvious mistakes. Also try to avoid clichés such as long walks on the beach, or any line that reminds you of the words to The Pina Colada Song! Be original and let your personality (you, but better!) shine through in your prose. If writing isn’t your strong suit, you may want to ask a friend with a way with words to read it over for you or help you compose the ad.

–Be honest.

If you follow the previous tips, you’ll find they all promote honesty, but it bears repeating. Obviously, if you plan to meet people through your ad, you won’t do anything as dumb as posting a fake picture, but beware of more subtle dishonesty, too. For instance, don’t commit lies of omission.

A friend of mine answered a personal ad years ago looking for a long-term relationship and thought she found a potential partner—until she discovered he had a young daughter he “forgot” to mention. Since my friend had filled out “no kids” on her profile, this lie was a deal breaker for her. But even if she’d been willing to compromise on the kids, the fact that he lied was enough for her to say goodbye.

Confessions of a Suburban Swinger

In my last post, I admitted that I kissed a girl… and I liked it. Well, the truth is, I’ve done much more than that with a woman…and her husband… and my husband, too.

Yet my husband and I eschew the title “swingers.” We don’t attend parties, answer ads on craigslist, or frequent dating sites to hook up with other swingers. On a lark, my husband once typed in an e-mail reply to a hot guy on Craig’s List for me, but by the time my face had blushed from bright pink to red to purple, he deleted it. I can’t imagine hooking up with a complete stranger.

In fact, our “swinging” lifestyle occurred by accident. Six friends, lots of alcohol, some yummy chocolate cordials whose filling tasted even better licked off the breasts of my best friend—and we all stopped short of having sex. Sadly, no sex occurred that night even amongst significant others and we have since dubbed the night, “The orgy where no one got laid.”

But it got four out of the six of us talking. And planning. And we have now strengthened our friendship in wonderful, beautiful, naughty ways.

Many swingers claim the worst thing a couple can do is have sex with friends. It’s like… well… having sex with a friend. It can get complicated. In his book My Boring-Ass Life, Kevin Smith shares this observation about threesomes: “Post-menage relationships are awfully difficult to maintain…. There’s this fall-out involved in crossing that line that makes for awkward conversations in the light of day, once everybody’s clothes are back on… that’s not unlike chatting up your ex, but even more delicate.”

He recommends sticking to threesomes (or foursomes) with total strangers or people you will never see again.

Maybe I’m just lucky, but for us, playing with another couple has turned into a beautiful expression of our friendship. Our friend once observed, “I like playing with you guys—there’s no drama.”

How do you keep a swinging relationship drama free—amongst friends or strangers?

No Drama

Set ground rules. Alcohol can be a great social lubricant (and, in moderation, can help prolong the night’s festivities.) Set ground rules before the first Mojito is mixed, and stick to them. Discuss what’s okay and what’s not. And remember—whatever you, as couples decide, can be okay or can be off-limits. There are no wrong choices.

Ground rules should include discussion of safe sex. Condoms should be mandatory, but if you have all been recently tested for the gamut of STDs and the women are on another form of birth control, you can discuss this, too. Partners in previously monogamous relationships may not be accustomed to condoms, so you’ll want to discuss preferences, hang-ups, and maybe even consider brands designed for greater sensitivity.

If you choose not to drink at all, that’s okay, too. Things may get started a bit more slowly, but everyone will have greater control. Some swingers ban alcohol entirely from their relationships.

If someone crosses the line, stop him or her firmly, but gently. Be understanding. During our first get-together, we decided we weren’t ready for penetration. When hubby got a bit too close, our darling friend simply smiled and said, “Now, now, none of that,” in a friendly, gentle tone. No one was made uncomfortable.

In the heat of the moment, passion can take over. A gentle warning should be all that’s needed. By all means, if the party doesn’t listen, you have a legitimate gripe and may want to put an end to the night and re-consider the entire relationship. Even then, the friendship might be saved with good communication, even though the swinging aspect may disappear.

Don’t compare yourself. I don’t know if guys do this, but it’s inevitable for a woman, faced with another naked woman, to compare—her boobs, her belly, her butt… anything below the neck is fair game. Feel comfortable complimenting your female counterpart, but don’t make yourself uncomfortable because she’s got 34Ds and you’re barely an A. All women are beautiful and one thing I can guarantee is that the men are not comparing.

A little jealousy is normal; enjoy it but don’t harp on it. Your partner may be admiring the physical attributes of your counterpart; this is normal. You may get a pang of jealousy, but this adrenaline rush is part of the thrill of swinging. Don’t let it consume you or ruin the night. Do some ogling of your own. Vive la difference in all body types!

Games can loosen you up. Simple dice or spin-the-wheel games, strip-anything (poker, darts, Wii…) or adult board games that get you talking about your turn-ons are a great way to start the night.

Getting Started

So, is swinging for you? Are you sexually open, not overly jealous or competitive, and looking for a creative way to spice up your love life? Sex with friends—or strangers– might be just the thing.

How do you broach the subject with your attractive neighbors or even lifelong best friends? That’s a tough one. Start with flirting and let it evolve organically.

In most foursomes, two parties are the “communicators.” This may be the men, the women, or a combination. They might be closer friends who share everything on a normal basis, or they could be the two parties who analyze every situation ad infinitum.

Let the natural communicators get the wheels turning and bring the conclusions back to their partners… if you’re close enough friends, and you’ve already been getting vibes about the possibility of a hook-up, no topic should be “too weird” to discuss.

One last point: for a great instructional erotic video on swinging and tips from a woman who knows far more than I do, check out Nina Hartley’s Guide to Swinging DVD.