Coming In From Behind

Nice Behind

It wasn’t long before I met my boyfriend that I began experimenting with anal play.  I was quite nervous, but thankfully had a really great anal probe to start with that was not intimidating and was a great size for a beginner. Similar to this vibrating anal probe it was great for a starter anal toy; it was thin, had a good thick base and was easy to use.  Plus it was non-porous, so I was able to keep it fully clean and sanitized.

Not long after that, I moved up to a set of anal beads and slowly but surely let my boyfriend play back there as well, using his fingers and then once, his mouth. (Which was awesome, by the way.)  Eventually I got to the point where I was in love with double penetration and wanted to expand to things larger than fingers and anal beads.

Thus began my exploration of anal probes and plugs.  Now, personally, I am not a fan of anal plugs.  I don’t know why, but no matter how awesome the plug is, I just prefer probes. I’m weird like that.  So I slowly started moving up in size with the toys I used anally, often using toys I already had that I knew I could sterilize; so pretty much anything that was 100% silicone.

Eventually we tried anal sex and we were able to get the entire head of his penis in, which was amazing.  I wasn’t able to take more than that so we abandoned it so I could get more practice taking toys anally.

Unfortunately we haven’t been able to try again since.  Since we’ve lost our sex drive and don’t have a real bed we aren’t able to get too terribly fancy with sex and sex play.  I’m still able to get anal play when I masturbate though!  I’ve found that if I go too long without doing something back there then, while I may not need to go all the way back down to beginner size, I still have to re-acclimate to the knowledge and sensation of something going up my butt.

Why do I like it though?  Why do I keep going back to it?  Well, it feels good!  I’ve had actual anal orgasms, which are incredible, by the way.  Absolutely amazing.  Plus, there’s the knowledge that it’s so taboo, so naughty that gives it that extra spice.  It’s a wholly unique sensation and I can use anal play to achieve double penetration, that is worth it in and of itself.

Do you enjoy anal play?  If so why?

Why do I have so many sex toys?

A couple months ago I gave away two boxes full of sex toys.  Vibrators, dildos, anal toys, lube, even some bondage gear.  Now first off, keep in mind that they were all cleaned and sterilized.  And they are sterilizable for future use.   Even after doing that, I still have over 100 sex toys.  That includes dildos, vibrators, eggs, rabbits, anal toys, bondage gear and so on and so forth.  And I love it!  It’s funny because sometimes I feel like a hoarder, having so many sex toys and wanting even more.

Now, how I get my toys is different than most people, probably, in that I review sex toys.  So I share my personal experiences with new toys in exchange for the toy itself.  But even still, it’s not like I masturbate for hours upon hours every day.  Hell, I can go a week or two between masturbation sessions.

And even how I masturbate can be different from one day to the next.  Sometimes I can just give myself a quickie in the shower, be done in 5 minutes.  Other days I can turn my whole living room into Masturbation Central with half my toys out, 3 porns, blankets and 5 kinds of lube ready and sitting out for whatever desire I and my body may have.  As such I find it important for me to have several toys, but it also makes it nigh impossible for me to say that I have any one favorite toy.  The answer varies depending on what kind of toy we’re talking about (dildo, vibrator, egg, anal toy, rabbit, etc) and also what mood I’m in.

This is why I tend to not only favor but almost “push” people to have at least 1 or 2 different sex toys.  Sometimes our body wants something different and there’s not a darn thing wrong with giving into that desire!

Most of my sex toys are in my bathroom closet, however I have a handful by my bed.  Here’s  a few of them: L’Amour Tripler , Petite Silhouette , Thrusting Jack Rabbit .  I also have a couple anal toys and at least one glass dildo as well.  My theory is: whatever my body wants, I can meet it’s needs! LOL

So, what toys do you have beside your bed??? Also, how many do you think is too many sex toys?

Sex drives

So, my boyfriend and I used to have a lot of sex.  A lot.  Every day, sometimes more than once a day, for an hour or two at a time.  It was incredible!  He loves to see where my limits are, for how many different types of pleasure I can take at once.  By this I mean clitoral stimulation, anal stimulation, nipple stimulation, etc.  One of his favorite toys to use is this triple egg/bullet vibrator I have, it’s very similar to this duo egg vibrator, except mine has one slim vibrator and two eggs, all attached to one power pack.   He loves this toy so much because it’s so easy to use and there’s only one power pack, for so many vibrators.

I remember one time he had nipple clamps on me, had the long bullet in my bottom, the two eggs in my vagina plus he used another vibrator on my clit.  Yea, we’re pretty certain the neighbors heard me that night.  I think he really loves the fact that eventually I needed to cry “uncle!” and have him remove some of the stimulations.

The last few months though, we haven’t been having much sex.  Stress has gotten in the way, it totally has sapped our sex drives.  My boyfriend’s went first, but mine quickly went after.  Prior to me loosing my sex drive it was really difficult for me to cope with the very infrequent sex.  Part of me felt like I wasn’t attractive to him anymore, part of me feared he didn’t love me anymore, though he always told me it wasn’t either of those.  He was dealing with some depression and stress, things of that nature.

I’m quite ashamed of how poorly I dealt with it though.  I felt like he should be more willing to use his fingers or mouth on me, or use some of my sex toys on me so that I can at orgasm.  I would blame him, for me not getting off, when all I had to do wasmasturbate.    Happily I got over myself and then eventually started loosing my own sex drive.

Thing is, I felt like since we used to have sex so much, we should always have sex that much.  This is so not the case.  We should have sex when we want it, not because we did yesterday, or two days ago.  Sex can’t be scheduled, that causes it to loose it’s specialness, it looses it’s spur-of-the-moment feel and becomes tedious, almost like a chore.  Makes it seem more like you’re having sex because it’s time to, or you have to, rather than you want to.

Happily, nowadays, we have our sex drive back, and we’re having sex when we want to again.  It’s nowhere near as frequent as it used to be, however it’s damn good when it happens!!

Photo By: music2work2

My first dildo

So, I was 27 before I really was comfortable using sex toys.  However I bought my first sex toy when I was 20.  Knowing nothing about sex toys I just chose one that looked like it was a good size and it was a pretty purple color.  It was just a simple jelly dildo, probably cost me less than $10.  I think I bought it more to be able to say that I had one, rather than because I really wanted to use one.

The thing is; I never actually used it.  I was always nervous, almost embarrassed to use it.  I would get really, really horny, and take it out and look at it, but wouldn’t use it.  Eventually I’d insert it maybe once, and then start feeling things I’d never felt before, both physically and emotionally, and I’d get scared so I wouldn’t use it anymore.

Now by that time I had been sexually active, previously.  So I had experienced vaginal penetration by a couple different sized and shaped penises.  So it wasn’t the size and/or shape that threw me off.  I think it was that I was … well, penetrating myself.  While interpreting my feelings so long after the fact I think I felt like I shouldn’t have to masturbate, I never had a shortage of partners so it wasn’t like I wasn’t getting any.

Growing up in the upper Midwest things like sex toys, masturbation, kink and all that were very taboo and hush-hush.  There was something “wrong” with you if you masturbated or wanted unusual things.  It is entirely possible that part of my nervousness with using the dildo came with the fact that the only adult store in my home town was very run down, dark, dank and shabby.  The place that even during the day I wouldn’t ever go into alone.  Granted it’s cleaned up now, when you buy something in a place that’s that creepy the experience leaves it’s mark.

In the end I got rid of the toy; I never really used it.  And I certainly didn’t finger myself.  It wasn’t until a few years later when my husband left me that I got a couple vibrators and actually used them from time to time.  And now I’m an avid sex toy reviewer with bins overflowing with toys!

So, share with us your first experience(s) with a sex toy!  Were you all over it, or nervous like I was?

Photo by: The Chanel ( Sepia Dildos)

Why Women Love Vibrators and (Some) Men Fear Them

I have a few guilty pleasures, and not all of them involve sex. No, really.

For instance, I like to watch Monday night sitcoms. With Allison Hannigan co-starring in How I Met Your Mother and Kaley Cuoco as the hot blond Penny in Big Bang Theory, the scenery’s good.

A recent episode of Rules of Engagement, which proceeds my usual Monday night TV viewing but just happened to suck me in this particular night, gave me a good laugh. Here’s the elevator pitch description if you don’t follow the show: it’s about the lives and antics of two couples — one married, one engaged — and their single, stereotypical wanna-be ladies’ man friend played by David Spade.

In this particular episode, one of the women hosted a sex party. You know, one of those where the girls get together and buy over-priced sex toys and lingerie that never really fits anyone once they get it home.

I just got rid of the $80 slinky black “dress” (okay, more like a negligee) hanging in my closet that, after too many glasses of White Zin and near-satanic goading from my friends, seemed like a wonderful investment.

But I digress –

The ladies attended this sex toy party and the men were quite worried. “Does my woman need toys in the bedroom? Is our sex life too boring?”

One particularly amusing scene involved the husband barging into the bedroom upon hearing tell-tale buzzing– to find his wife brushing her teeth with an electric toothbrush.

This whole thing got me thinking. What is it about vibrators that some men find so threatening?

Obviously, some men feel they are falling short (so to speak) in the sex department if their partner desires stimulation from a toy. They wonder what they’re doing wrong or why they aren’t “enough” for their partner – both in the very physical sense of not being large enough and in the sense of not being able to satisfy their partner for any reason, whether it’s size, technique, or something else all together.

Some men even go so far as to compare themselves physically to the toy. This gets into the realm of Really Silly when you look at certain sex toys designed partly for shock value and partly for those adventurous ladies (and men) looking to try something different once in a while. But let’s be realistic: How many women really want a 16-inch dildo up there every single night?

Comically large rubber penises aside, guys, there are plenty of things flesh-and-blood men give us that a sex toy can’t. Our Ambitious Beaver rabbit vibe  can’t take out the garbage or hang that shelf in the foyer, for instance.

But we’re talking sex here. A vibrator in the right hands may be efficient, but no matter how many different functions of pulsation, vibration and rotation it has, it’s still essentially the same thing every time. It’s a machine. Literally. Sure, a vibrator can send a woman to never-before-experienced levels of ecstasy, but it’s almost too easy.

A real man fumbles, makes mistakes, tries again, eventually gets it right. He explores our bodies and responds to our moans and squeals, hopefully in a way we enjoy. Couples who’ve been together a while are hopefully proficient, but you can still experiment to keep things exciting.

Using a vibrator during lovemaking is another way to keep things from getting boring, BUT, if your wife does want to introduce a vibrator into your bedroom routine, it doesn’t necessarily mean sex is boring without it.

There’s also the give-and-take of sex with a real person. Women, by nature, are nurturers. We want to give you pleasure to you as much as you rejoice in pleasuring us – maybe even more so. We simply don’t get the pleasure of giving when it comes to our battery-operated toys.

We can’t kiss a vibrator lovingly, rub its muscular shoulders, enjoy a cuddle after the main attraction. Masturbation with a vibrator relieves tension and yes, it makes us feel great, but it tends to get lonely.

If sex with real men has so many benefits, why do women even want to play with sex toys at all? They’re powerful. They’re efficient. And when you just want to get fucked good, hard, and fast, with multiple speeds of vibration to make sure it’s done right, they do an unparalleled job.

What’s even more fun than playing with a toy is sharing this amazing sexual event with a partner — combining the purely physical, sexual act with the sensual and erotic experience of lovemaking.

Guys, when we add another vibrator to our toy box, it doesn’t mean we want you any less or that there’s a sexual need of ours you aren’t fulfilling. In fact, we’d love for you to give us a hand with our latest machine!

Anal Adventures: Going Where No-one’s Gone Before

So you want to try anal sex.  You’ve heard about it, read about it, and maybe even had secret fantasies about it.  As an anal virgin you are curious, maybe a bit fearful, and wondering what it’s all about.  We are taught as children that the anus is a dirty, secret place and many of us carry those taboos with us into adulthood.  But, the anus is a very sensitive area, and, when given the proper attention, can bring one to a whole new level of ecstasy.  For men, the anus is the gateway to the prostate, a very sensitive area that many men may achieve orgasm from when stimulated.   Anal expert, Tristan Taormino notes that the “anus, anal canal, and rectum are wonderfully erogenous zones, rich in nerve endings and super-sensitive to stimulation and penetration. At the right angle, many women find that you can indirectly stimulate the G-spot through anal penetration.”  Many sex experts recommend that you arouse yourself in the regular ways, until you are good and hot before attempting anal play and to continue stimulation throughout.

The most important thing to consider with trying anal sex with a partner for the first time is that the person being penetrated is the one in charge.  Communication is essential with any type of sex play and even more so for anal play.  It is important to go slow, get fully aroused, use plenty of lubricant (and then some), and to listen to your partner’s needs and body language.  Because the anus has a very thin lining it is important to be careful not to tear it and to use condoms for safe sex purposes. Always stop if you experience pain or discomfort.

Solo Anal Play

The best way to try anal sex for the first time is through masturbation.  That way you are really in control and can decide how big, how far and how fast on your own.  Self exploration is important as it allows you to discover what feels best and how your body responds.  You also don’t have the pressure of performing or trying to satisfy your partner’s needs.

Warming Up: The Rosebud of Pleasure

Developed by massage therapist and sex educator Joseph Kramer, this is a good way to begin exploring anal pleasure.  First, begin with massaging your buttocks to get the blood flowing.  Try squeezing your cheeks with your fingers, raking your fingernails over your ass, and even slapping it.  Slowly begin to clench and unclench the asshole.  Next, lube your finger very well and rub the pad of you finger around the anal rim, exploring the sensitive rosebud.  Lube up the crack and slide your hand up and down.  Finally, when you feel ready, you can insert a finger inside the sphincter, gently stretching it and massage the silky skin inside.  It is also recommended to stimulate other areas of your body as you would naturally, to get yourself good and aroused.

Sex Toys for Anal Play

There are a large variety of sex toys available for anal play.  These include butt plugs, anal beads, anal vibrators, prostate stimulators, and anal dildos.  They all have different purposes and will give your body different types of pleasure.  Butt plugs have a narrow head and flared base.  They are generally used for anal training, starting from small and slim, to allow you to get used to having something in your anus.  These are inserted and then stay in place for as long as you want to keep them there.  Tantus makes a whole line of excellent butt plugs called Flirts in various sizes all made of medical grade silicone.  Anal vibrators and dildos are more for stroking penetration, similar to regular penile sex play with a partner.  They can often be used on a harness for lesbian penetrative sex and bend-over-boyfriends.  The Rude-Boy prostate stimulator is a great toy for men who want to try a bit of buzz, while the Vivid Red Hots Briana Vibe is a good choice for women.

Prostate stimulators like the Aneros are used to put pressure against the male prostate and are used in a rocking motion rather than in and out.  The male prostate is an area of immense pleasure and will often lead to intense orgasms when stimulated.  Anal beads, like the Bendybeads by Fun Factory, are one of the most non-threatening ways to begin anal adventures for anal virgins and can be used simultaneously with vaginal penetration or clitoral stimulation.  They are inserted one by one and then gently pulled out.

Any anal toy should have a wide base or a retrieval ring so the toy is easily removed.  When first exploring anal play it is important to start small and work your way up to larger sizes.  The most important “toy” for anal play is lubricant!  This cannot be stressed enough.  If you want to have a healthy, happy experience with anal play use lots of lube.  Good ones to try are Moist Anal Lube and Adam and Eve Anal Lube.

Anal Insertion

Like the vagina the anus can also receive enormous pleasure from the insertion of fingers or toys.  Start small, using a fingertip after you have stimulated the rosebud for a while, making sure to use lots of lubrication.  If your fingertip feels good you may want to insert the entire length of the finger, or even try two.  After a while, your anus will get more used to the feeling of fullness and you can try larger toys like slim butt plugs, anal beads, and anal dildos.

At first, anal play will feel strange and you will most likely want to push what is entering back out.  This is after all a natural reaction.  If you relax into it, however, anal insertion can be a wonderful experience that can intensify sexual play and orgasm.

Many people worry about mess during or after anal play.  Be sure to empty your bowels before anal play.  You can also choose to flush yourself out with an anal douche about an hour before play.  I found it much easier to enjoy anal play in the bath tub with toys designed for underwater fun.  It allows you to focus more on the pleasure and sensation, instead of worrying about messy accidents.  Also, a warm bath will help you relax, which is essential for anal play.

Anal Sex with Partners

Now that you’ve experienced a bit of solo play, it’s time to try out your new found passion with your partner.  Both men and women enjoy the experience of anal sex with a partner, no matter if you are GLBT or straight.  Most important is who is in control.  The partner being penetrated should always be in control of the pace and degree of penetration.  Anal sex is not supposed to hurt and if it does you are perhaps not ready or doing it wrong.  To avoid hurting your partner, make sure that you both communicate with each other.  “Mmmm, that feels good,” “More…”, “Back up a bit,” whatever works for you.  Express yourself.  Make sure you are ready for the experience and not being pressured into it just for your partner.  Try to relax, because a tight sphincter muscle can cause pain.  And use plenty of lube.  Oral anal play, called rimming, is a good way to arouse that area and make your partner relax for penetrative anal sex.  Learning the ins and outs of anal play will make you an expert.  For more expert information on anal play I recommend the DVD: Nina Hartley’s Advanced Guide to Anal Sex – For Men and Women; and the following books: The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men and The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women.

Bend Over Boyfriend

Some straight men have some misconceptions about anal sex (getting penetrated) that make them hesitant to try it out with their partner.  The prostrate is a very erogenous zone and the ultimate pleasure zone for men.  Anal sex will not make you gay.  That is a myth and many straight men enjoy anal play once they get over the social taboos.

Make sure your hands are clean or use gloves.  Also, trim your nails first as you don’t want to damage the delicate lining of the anus.  Next, you can saddle-up Cowgirl and move up to a dildo and a harness to give your guy the ride of his life!

Anal Do’s and Don’ts

Anal Do’s

•    Clean yourself and your toys.
•    Use a condom or latex gloves.
•    Trim nails of rough edges.
•    Relax, breath & take it slow.
•    Use lots of lube. I mean lots.
•    Stop if there is pain.
•    Only use toys with a flared base designed for anal play.

Anal Don’ts

•    Insert toys in the anus then the vagina as it may cause infection.
•    Insert sharp or foreign objects or anything too big.
•    Do it if you really don’t want it.
•    Hurry or force it.
•    Pressure your partner into it if they are not ready.

Domina Doll is a sex writer who writes articles and reviews for various magazines, zines and adult toy stores.  Visit her sexuality blog CherryBoxxx at http://cherryboxxx.wordpress.com/.