The holiday season is upon us. Yes. Really. Didn’t you know as soon as Halloween is over, it’s officially time to start decking the halls?

Fortunately, Vibrator.com is here to make all your shopping go just a little bit more smoothly. We bring you this quick quiz to help you pick out the best toy for your girl. Don’t worry, boys… you’re next.

1. It’s happy hour. Your lady is most likely to order:

A. Budweiser
B. Cosmo
C. Whiskey, straight up
D. Bahama Mama

2. Your girlfriend’s favorite reality TV show is:

A. She doesn’t watch reality TV.
B. Top Chef
C. Temptation Island
D. Drawn Together

3. It’s her turn to pick the movie. It’s…

A. Sleepless in Seattle
B. The Terminator
C. Kill Bill
D. American Pie

4. Your significant other’s dream date would be:

A. Dinner at that cozy little Italian place and a horse and carriage ride
B. Dinner and drinks at an A-list hot spot and a Cirque du Soleil show
C. Base jumping in the Rocky Mountains
D. Caroline’s Comedy Club followed by a walk through Central Park

5. Her favorite position?
A.    Missionary
B.    Just one?
C.    Girl-on-top
D.    Doggie Style

6. The superhero she most identifies with is:
A. Superman
B. Spiderman
C. Batman
D. Mrs. Incredible

7. Your girl’s favorite subject in school was
A. Math
B. English
C. Gym
D. Lunch

8. Her house is decorated in…

A. Classic contemporary
B. Only the best: solid wood floors, leather sofas and complete luxury
C. Gothic: lots of velvet, in a red and black color scheme
D. Ikea specials, with a few whimsical street fair finds thrown in

9. Her next car is most likely to be a…

A.    Toyota Camry
B.    Mercedes-Benz C Class sedan
C.    Porsche
D.    Volkswagen Beetle

10. Her favorite holiday tradition is…

A.    Decorating the tree.
B.    A sleigh ride followed by hot chocolate cuddled up in front of a roaring fire
C.    Flirting with her cubicle mate during the office party
D.    Watching the Grinch

Mostly As-
Anything beyond the basic may scare your vanilla sweetie. Try Doc Johnson’s Little Pearl and maybe one day she’ll work her way up to the Decadent Indulgence III.

Mostly Bs—
It’s all about passion for your partner. Why not try a set of massage oils and the luxurious Lelo NEA?

Mostly Cs—
Your BDSM babe deserves more than coal in her (fishnet) stockings. For the dom who has everything, try these classy, sensual and oh-so-naughty Japanese silk rope ankle cuffs and a new ball gag.

Mostly Ds—
Your lover believes laughter makes everything better—and bedroom antics are no exception. Tickle her clit with vibrating panties or try this whimsical cell phone vibe.

“Let’s have fun with sex and stop being afraid of some freaking digital penises.”

This may be – no, it definitely is – the funniest line I’ve read all week. I won’t even try to match Neoseeker blogger Sean Ridgeley’s wit.  But I shouldn’t keep you wondering what he was talking about either, should I? I’m such a tease.

Electronic Arts, Inc. recently released the hottest new computer game phenomenon from Sims creator Will Wright. The long-awaited “Spore” permits players to create an entire universe beginning with tiny micro-organisms and evolve the world into literally billions of different life forms.  Social networking features permit your universe’s inhabitants to interact with other people’s creations.

And, surprise, surprise, what did some people immediately start to do? Use the program’s Creature Creator feature to build bizarre life forms with sexual organs as unexpected appendages.  Players then post these creatures and their interactions on YouTube for the amusement of others. A new genre, “Spornography,” has been born.

EA has announced that it will ban users who create sexually-explicit material. Some extremists have gone so far as to liken the strange animated characters to “child pornography,” because it’s accessible to anyone on the Internet and is created using an E-rated game. Will Wright, however, has told several news sources that he’s impressed by some of the creations.

To satisfy your sexual curiosity now that I’ve intrigued you with the notion of breast monsters and dancing dicks, here’s a link to The Exploding Barrel’s list of Top 10 Spornography videos.

While some Sporn spawn seems to lack any purpose other than to showcase the sophomoric imaginations of their creators, others look like they could be fairly functional with a couple of C batteries. Just imagine: the sex toy industry could take rabbits to a whole new level with the introduction of the Doc Johnson Spornography line.

With all their levels of vibration, rotation and escalation, not to mention more buttons than your boyfriend’s Xbox controller, many rabbit vibrators look intimidating to beginning toy users. The Decadent Indulgence 3, for instance, looks like something we use to control our home entertainment system!

Add to the control panel a thick shaft and…just what are those little tentacles sticking out, anyway? Those, my dear, are the key to the rabbit’s outstanding orgasm-inducing capabilities. (Well, those and the rotating pearls, but we’ll get to that later.)

The original rabbit vibe, the Vibratex Rabbit Pearl, was designed in Japan less than two decades ago, and popularized on HBO’s Sex and the City. The clitoral stimulator is actually in the shape of a rabbit with slim ears that vibrate to tickle the clit in pleasing ways.

Rabbit vibes are designed for dual stimulation—triple if you count the beads that, along with the realistic-shaped staff, stimulate the vagina.

Insert the shaft with the rabbit ears positioned on your clit, turn it on, and you’re ready to go! If your lover has ever rubbed your clit during penetration, then you have an idea what to expect from a rabbit vibe. (See? Not scary at all!)

If you flip the rabbit vibe around, the clit stimulators can provide intense anal pleasure, instead. (Remember to clean the vibrator well before switching from anal to vaginal stimulation, or before sharing your vibe with a friend!)

Many rabbits, such as the Pearl Lotus, feature independent controls for the shaft and rabbit ears. It can be fun to bring yourself to the brink of orgasm and then quickly switch stimulation. By timing this right, you can have a simultaneous vaginal (or g-spot) and clitoral orgasm, sending waves of pleasure coursing through your body for minutes at a time.

Like many styles of sex toy, rabbit vibes have evolved over the years and now come with remote control operation, in waterproof models, and with multiple speeds of vibration. Some, like the Doc Johnson’s colorful iVibe rabbit, even feature a shaft that rotates for unique sensations. While this is not exactly a “natural” motion, you’ll enjoy the feel of the soft, smooth material on all walls of your vagina.
Some feature simple twist-cap controls, while others, like the Decadent Indulgence series, offer push-button operation with independent controls for multiple levels of vibration, and even reversible rotation. You’re sure to have hours of fun experimenting until you find your favorite settings and combinations. Or you can stick to the basics with a vibrating shaft and bunny ears.

Like most vibrators, rabbits come in a variety of lengths and girths–some have curved shafts for better g-spot pleasure, while many are designed with realistic-looking heads. Whatever your choice, expect to achieve a more intense orgasm faster than you ever dreamed possible with the dual stimulation action of a rabbit.