Wear Purple October 20 for Gay Pride and Spirit

With 11 gay suicides in the past month, the media has deemed the incidences a gay suicide epidemic. But it is really a larger problem coming to light in a tragic way — the discrimination of gay and lesbian teens and youth and the lack of a support network for them in their schools and home towns.

Most children and teens undergo teasing at some stage of their life, whether their peers view them as too fat, too smart, too dumb, too rich, too poor… Kids can be cruel and words can cause lasting damage, wreaking havoc on an adolescent’s self-esteem, which can have lasting effects even into their adult life.

But for gay and lesbian teens, issues of teasing are amplified, as they may find it hard to gain the support, sympathy or understanding even from parents, school counselors, teachers and other adults. Gay and lesbian teens, when faced with bullying and teasing, may truly have nowhere to turn

New York Takes Action with Dignity for All Students Act

Following the suicide of Rutgers student Tyler Clementi, New York Speaker Christine Quinn addressed the issue at the GLAAD Media Awards in Advertising event. The story was reported on the NEXT Magazine website, where Quinn was quoted as saying, ““This is a serious problem—words and name-calling are much more serious than people think. People write it off like it’s going to be water off a duck’s back and it’s not.”

New York recently passed the Dignity for All Students Act, which is designed to provide schools with the tools and resources in place to provide all students, especially those who are frequent victims of bullying and discrimination, an educational environment where they can thrive.

The law, which does not go into effect until July 2012 and only addresses public schools at the primary and secondary level, is too late for Tyler Clementi and others like him. The young man’s suicide only underscores the importance of such an act.

Worldwide, People Wear Purple to Show Spirit and Support

In more immediate efforts to raise awareness of the problem, a grassroots initiative is asking everyone to wear purple on October 20 to honor the 11 youths who recently committed suicide.

The event started, as so many worldwide events do in the social media age, on Facebook. Facebook members launched the unofficial holiday by setting up an event and asking people to wear purple on October 20 “in honor of the LGBT youth who have committed suicide in recent weeks/months due to homophobic abuse in their homes and schools.”

The Facebook event invitation explains: “PURPLE represents Spirit on the LGBTQ flag and that’s exactly what we’d like all of you to have with you: spirit. Please know that times will get better and that you will meet people who will love you and respect you for who you are, no matter your sexuality.”

So far, 33,348 Facebook members worldwide are “attending” the event by wearing purple on October 20.

Will you be wearing purple October 20?

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Hollywood Exhibit Celebrates Mainstreaming of Porn

I’m sitting here watching Lifetime’s The Secret Lives of Women. It is about swingers. Last week’s episode focused on prostitution. In the beginning of January, G4’s Attack of the Show team covered the Adult Entertainment Expo for the second year running, showcasing products such as the Boob bong on the air during prime time. Is porn really going mainstream?

My personal and professional opinion as an astute member of the media—both mainstream and erotic? Yes. And it has been for some time.

Is this a bad thing? Not for the millions of “mainstream” men and women looking to add some excitement into their love lives. I’m sure for every couple who might shake their heads in disgust – or at least say “not for me”—if they came across the Secret Lives of Women while channel surfing one night, just as many would be intrigued. They might not be ready to place an ad on Craigslist to find another couple to play with or call up her best friend for a ménage a trois, but the idea might spark an interesting conversation about fantasies and boundaries.

The trend has been going on for quite some time. We have multiple modern-day examples. My Bare Lady, a FOX series, focused on blossoming porn stars trying to make it big. The next year, Ron Jeremy was one of the stars in The Surreal Life.

More recently, the Sex and the City movie showed full frontal male nudity and still garnered a mere “R” rating. Years before, Carrie Bradshaw made talk of Rabbit vibes acceptable at the office water cooler. And let’s face it… the Internet makes porn accessible to anyone with a computer, Internet connection, and two fingers to type “tits” or “pussy.”

But the mainstreaming of porn pre-dates reality T.V. and the Internet, and a new exhibit at the World of Wonder’s storefront gallery in L.A. drives home the point. The exhibit “All-American Porn: 25 Years of Erotic Photography from Vivid Entertainment” opens February 14 with a Valentine’s Day cocktail party from 7PM – 11PM. Guests will be able to meet Vivid Girls and also enjoy a screening of excerpts from “Deeper Throat,” Vivid’s third premium cable TV series which debuts that evening.

On February 19, a free panel discussion hosted by World of Wonder co-founder Fenton Bailey explores topics such as: How Vivid became the world’s top adult studio offered by the company’s co-founder and co-chairman Steven Hirsch; How to direct an adult movie, presented by legendary director Paul Thomas; and What it takes to be an adult superstar with inside tips from Vivid Girls.

Vivid was the first company to bring porn into the mainstream, creating adult films with high product values and turning the performers into “stars” with the creation of the Vivid Girls. Since “Ginger” starring Ginger Lynn was released in 1984, the face of porn—at least as far as adult films went—changed. Explicit images on the front of VHS tapes gave way to artful photography of gorgeous women that—you guessed it—had mainstream appeal. Years later, Vivid was the first production company to offer titles targeted to couples.

So you could say porn’s been “mainstream” for more than a quarter of a century. But  what I find so ironic is that people who enjoy sex are not—and never were—freaks! In fact, I don’t think there’s anything not mainstream about buying a vibrator or reading a sex blog.

Although I write for Vibrator.com, love shopping for sex toys, and have had a few experiences swinging, I consider myself to be pretty “mainstream.” In a lot of ways, my love for science fiction is more “fringe” than my healthy sexual appetite. (Yes, another confession from Desiree Sweet: I’m a closet Trekkie!)

As a group, Americans have always been more conservative about sex and nudity than, say, Europeans. Maybe we’re just now catching up to the rest of the world.

What do you think? Is porn getting more and more mainstream or are Americans—perhaps with the exception of Facebook—just getting less uptight?

Secret Identities

Superheroes have them. So do spies. But did you ever think that your cubicle mate may not be exactly who he claims to be?

In this era of MySpace, Facebook, and all manner of social networking sites, it seems everyone is “LinkedIn,” “Plurking” or “Tweeting” their life away on Twitter. (None of these activities is as much fun as the names make them sound—really!)

It’s kind of cool that we can follow the activities of people around the world with just a click of a mouse, but how much information is TMI (TOO MUCH information?) Some social networking blogs have recently talked about “transparency” – in other words, full disclosure on your blog or other social networking site. But for some people, that’s a difficult choice. Possibly even the wrong choice.

For instance, a colleague of mine who writes erotic fan fiction (she didn’t get into details, but the words “gay elf sex” came up in conversation) works in a school district. There could be big problems if anyone in her real life discovered her literary leanings.

That’s where an uber-cool “secret identity” comes in (cape is optional). Sure, anyone who is determined enough can trace an IP address and find out who you really are, but, for the most part, a handily-crafted pseudonym will permit you to contribute to sex blogs, write erotic fan fiction, haunt chat rooms, and flirt (and more), anonymously. We won’t go into the moral ramifications of the latter. We are not here to judge.

So when you’re ready to become your alter-ego, how do you choose your name? There are tons of “porn star name” generators on the Web but most of these yield silly results. Do you really want to be known as Tara Asstronaut or Sergeant Slamm?

There’s also the old trick of “Name of your First Pet, Name of the Street Where You Lived Growing Up.” For me, this yields the very sexy, yet somewhat masculine, “Frisky Swallow.” So I tend to go with my second pet’s name, for the sexily suggestive “Tabitha Swallow.”

However, after a brief stint writing under this name, out of curiosity I did a numerology report and realized the name is too far removed from my own personality to yield success. So I randomly picked Desiree Sweet and ran that name, too, through a numerology report. Often the center of attention, Desiree Sweet is creative, fun and gets the job done. Now, that’s the type of person whose blog you want to read, isn’t it?

For writers, pseudonyms are an accepted part of life. Where most people tend to get in trouble, however, are those pesky pics (and the Web vids). Everyone’s got a camera now. And a Facebook or Flicka account. So what to do?

You can try banning cameras at many get-togethers, but not everyone adheres to the policy. In lieu of this, keep a close eye on the photo albums of friends and acquaintances (especially those who may have friends – real or online – who overlap yours). Don’t hesitate to ask them to remove a photo, even if it doesn’t have your name tied to it, if you find it embarrassing, incriminating, or just something you’d feel weird about your grandmother seeing.

As for your own account, again, a pseudonym is a good start, but if you’re a school teacher, public official or, well, anyone with a job, you may want to think twice before posting that photo of you in a Fruit Loop bikini during that wild summer on Fire Island.

Exhibitionists on Xtube

Have you ever wasted hours of your life on Myspace or Facebook and wanted those hours back? Well then I might recommend NOT visiting web 2.0 sex networking sites like Xtube.com or Pornotube.com (see a previous blog post for the full list). Sites like these have the propensity to suck away thousands of minutes of the lives of young voyeurs like myself. The sheer selection of what one can search for and successfully find is astounding and almost a hindrance at an otherwise productive evening. The work of a voyeur is never done when sitting at the virtual telescope into countless bedroom windows.

Xtube has taught me some new sexual terms and interests that I was unaware of previously. “Whipped cream pie” is one of them. (I am actually still not sure what it means.) My conversational Spanish and French has greatly improved, as well. Still, I am not convinced that, as a voyeur, I’m making good use of my time on Xtube. Exhibitionists have a better deal.

You like it gay or straight? Sure, whatever. Interested in seeing a girl who has tattoos that encircle both of her breasts suck off two guys at once? Yeah, I’m into that, I guess. Have you seen “lingerieboy’s” most recent jerk off video? Like, who hasn’t?! Only a small percentage of videos on Xtube are of commercial porn, leaving the rest to be produced by horny guys and girls on private cams. This is the obvious choice for the countless exhibitionists of the world, but how can a voyeur like me find the time to spy in on everyone?! It’s just not possible.

So where does this leave me? Searching for keywords (like “whipped cream pie”, of course) and quietly subscribing my photo-less profile to receive notifications when my favorite “stars” update their arsenal of homemade treats for my viewing pleasure. Would it be easier and less time-consuming to buy a cam and become an exhibitionist myself? Maybe. But where’s the fun in that?