In my last post, I admitted that I kissed a girl… and I liked it. Well, the truth is, I’ve done much more than that with a woman…and her husband… and my husband, too.

Yet my husband and I eschew the title “swingers.” We don’t attend parties, answer ads on craigslist, or frequent dating sites to hook up with other swingers. On a lark, my husband once typed in an e-mail reply to a hot guy on Craig’s List for me, but by the time my face had blushed from bright pink to red to purple, he deleted it. I can’t imagine hooking up with a complete stranger.

In fact, our “swinging” lifestyle occurred by accident. Six friends, lots of alcohol, some yummy chocolate cordials whose filling tasted even better licked off the breasts of my best friend—and we all stopped short of having sex. Sadly, no sex occurred that night even amongst significant others and we have since dubbed the night, “The orgy where no one got laid.”

But it got four out of the six of us talking. And planning. And we have now strengthened our friendship in wonderful, beautiful, naughty ways.

Many swingers claim the worst thing a couple can do is have sex with friends. It’s like… well… having sex with a friend. It can get complicated. In his book My Boring-Ass Life, Kevin Smith shares this observation about threesomes: “Post-menage relationships are awfully difficult to maintain…. There’s this fall-out involved in crossing that line that makes for awkward conversations in the light of day, once everybody’s clothes are back on… that’s not unlike chatting up your ex, but even more delicate.”

He recommends sticking to threesomes (or foursomes) with total strangers or people you will never see again.

Maybe I’m just lucky, but for us, playing with another couple has turned into a beautiful expression of our friendship. Our friend once observed, “I like playing with you guys—there’s no drama.”

How do you keep a swinging relationship drama free—amongst friends or strangers?

No Drama

Set ground rules. Alcohol can be a great social lubricant (and, in moderation, can help prolong the night’s festivities.) Set ground rules before the first Mojito is mixed, and stick to them. Discuss what’s okay and what’s not. And remember—whatever you, as couples decide, can be okay or can be off-limits. There are no wrong choices.

Ground rules should include discussion of safe sex. Condoms should be mandatory, but if you have all been recently tested for the gamut of STDs and the women are on another form of birth control, you can discuss this, too. Partners in previously monogamous relationships may not be accustomed to condoms, so you’ll want to discuss preferences, hang-ups, and maybe even consider brands designed for greater sensitivity.

If you choose not to drink at all, that’s okay, too. Things may get started a bit more slowly, but everyone will have greater control. Some swingers ban alcohol entirely from their relationships.

If someone crosses the line, stop him or her firmly, but gently. Be understanding. During our first get-together, we decided we weren’t ready for penetration. When hubby got a bit too close, our darling friend simply smiled and said, “Now, now, none of that,” in a friendly, gentle tone. No one was made uncomfortable.

In the heat of the moment, passion can take over. A gentle warning should be all that’s needed. By all means, if the party doesn’t listen, you have a legitimate gripe and may want to put an end to the night and re-consider the entire relationship. Even then, the friendship might be saved with good communication, even though the swinging aspect may disappear.

Don’t compare yourself. I don’t know if guys do this, but it’s inevitable for a woman, faced with another naked woman, to compare—her boobs, her belly, her butt… anything below the neck is fair game. Feel comfortable complimenting your female counterpart, but don’t make yourself uncomfortable because she’s got 34Ds and you’re barely an A. All women are beautiful and one thing I can guarantee is that the men are not comparing.

A little jealousy is normal; enjoy it but don’t harp on it. Your partner may be admiring the physical attributes of your counterpart; this is normal. You may get a pang of jealousy, but this adrenaline rush is part of the thrill of swinging. Don’t let it consume you or ruin the night. Do some ogling of your own. Vive la difference in all body types!

Games can loosen you up. Simple dice or spin-the-wheel games, strip-anything (poker, darts, Wii…) or adult board games that get you talking about your turn-ons are a great way to start the night.

Getting Started

So, is swinging for you? Are you sexually open, not overly jealous or competitive, and looking for a creative way to spice up your love life? Sex with friends—or strangers– might be just the thing.

How do you broach the subject with your attractive neighbors or even lifelong best friends? That’s a tough one. Start with flirting and let it evolve organically.

In most foursomes, two parties are the “communicators.” This may be the men, the women, or a combination. They might be closer friends who share everything on a normal basis, or they could be the two parties who analyze every situation ad infinitum.

Let the natural communicators get the wheels turning and bring the conclusions back to their partners… if you’re close enough friends, and you’ve already been getting vibes about the possibility of a hook-up, no topic should be “too weird” to discuss.

One last point: for a great instructional erotic video on swinging and tips from a woman who knows far more than I do, check out Nina Hartley’s Guide to Swinging DVD.

It’s a telltale sign that I’m a product of Generation X, but when I saw this news report talking about a study on the dangers of oral sex, all I could think of was the line uttered by Dante in the original Clerks: “You sucked 37 dicks?!”

I’ve long believed that the 1994 Kevin Smith movie played a role in blow jobs becoming, for better or worse, the teenage equivalent of making out in recent decades. My husband often laments that the movie hadn’t been made yet when he was a teenager; I tell him to quit complaining and then I start making up for lost time.

A study from Johns Hopkins University, however, shows that unprotected oral sex, especially with multiple partners over time, may not be the “safe sex” alternative many teenagers view it as. Sure, it can’t get you pregnant, but strains of the HPV virus, shown to cause cervical cancer in women, can be transmitted orally and are linked to head, neck and throat cancer.

Anyone who is not monogamous should understand the risks associated with oral sex without a condom or dental dam. Not only can HPV be spread through unprotected oral sex, but so can gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes and HIV. Maybe this is old news, but it bears repeating.

What surprised me is the prevalence of HPV-related throat cancer. According to the Johns Hopkins report, the cancer afflicts approximately 11,000 people in the U.S. each year, making it an equal threat as cervical cancer.

To date, no study has been done regarding the effect of Gardasil, Merck’s questionable vaccine to protect against certain strains of HPV, to prevent throat cancer.

Now, I’m the first one to rail against “alarmist” studies. But I feel this is important information that should be shared. Condoms and dental dams can reduce the risk of spreading HPV, but not eliminate it entirely.

Still, with the lines of colorful and tasty condoms available today, there’s really no excuse, if you’re not in a monogamous relationship, to use a condom during oral sex.

And if you take some time and learn to put the condom on using only your mouth and tongue, I seriously doubt you’ll hear your partner complain!