In a recent post, I wrote about Everyday Turn-ons and mentioned the sexy things men do that have nothing to do with the deed.

It seems I wasn’t too far off the mark, and even have the backing of research professionals. Psychologist Professor Marita McCabe of Deakin University in Melbourne, Australia, recently commented, “Washing dishes can be foreplay.”

McCabe was discussing the surprising findings of a new study of 400 Australian women. The study showed that most women don’t exhibit sexual desire until after sex has begun.

Additionally, 60 percent of women believe their libido is unusually low. If 60 percent believe their libidos are lagging, this actually puts them in the majority. McCabe, then, wants to re-define what is “normal” for a woman’s sex drive.

“[I]f you’re working hard, if you’ve got kids, if you haven’t got much family support, it’s not surprising you’re not interested in sex at that time,” she said in one article. Women shouldn’t compare their sex drives to those of women on television, she asserted.

McCabe also noted that lack of communication and consideration from their partners are big turn-offs for most women.

I find the research sad, but believable. We all know Sex & the City and Desperate Housewives are not reality TV. Nevertheless, I’m concerned by McCabe’s seemingly defeatist attitude. Even if the proverbial “everyone” is doing it (or not Doing It, as the case may be) does that make it right? Should women resign themselves to a lackluster sex life?

I have to respond with a lusty, “No!”

Many factors, including fatigue, stress, work and children, according to McCabe, work against us when it comes to satisfying sexual encounters.

With a newborn in the house, I certainly understand what it means to be “too tired for sex.” But a good roll in the hay has been shown to energize us, reduce stress and bring us closer to our partners, which is good for our relationship and our family life. Ironically, the answer to overcoming minor sexual obstacles may lie in having more sex.

If you’re not turned on until you’re actually in the moment, that’s okay, too. It’s like the holidays: we suffer through the preparations and dread the celebration, imagining the worst. But once we’re in the moment, we have a damn good time.

I urge women – in Australia and across the world – to consider the results of McCabe’s study and use the knowledge to strive for something better. Whether it’s through toys, fantasies or just better communication with your mate, you can create the sexual experience you want.

You can also participate in a follow-up study by McCabe and postgraduate student Denise Goldhammer by completing an anonymous online questionnaire. The survey takes about 30 to 45 minutes and can be an interesting exercise, prompting an unbiased evaluation of your sex life from the person who knows best what is normal for YOU. As you answer the questions, think about what you can do to improve your love relationship, what areas are lacking, and what works for you and your partner.

How about you, Vibrator.com visitors? Are you in the 60 percent majority with a low libido or would your thoughts and actions make Carrie Bradshaw blush?

A study published in the New England Journal of Medicine shows that a testosterone patch, marketed by Proctor & Gamble Pharmaceuticals under the name Intrinsa, can enhance the sex drives of postmenopausal women. The patch is placed on the abdomen like the birth control patch and changed twice a week.

Participants in the study wore a patch that released either 300 micrograms of testosterone a day, a patch that released 150 micrograms, or a placebo patch. Women wearing the 300 microgram patch reported an average increase in their “satisfying sexual experiences” of 2.1 times every four weeks. Researchers called the improvement “modest but significant.”

The study was funded by the manufacturer of the patch, following the FDA’s denial of approval for use of the patch in the U.S. in 2004. The FDA cited a lack of long-term safety data as the reason for denial, and the results of the study indicate that further research is still required.

While one of the minor side effects of the hormone therapy—unwanted hair growth—did not bother any of the test subjects enough for them to discontinue use of the patch, a potential, if tenuous, link to breast cancer is more disturbing.

During the study, four out of 814 women receiving either 150 microgram or 300 microgram doses of the hormone were diagnosed with breast cancer, compared to no women in the placebo group. In an article posted on Health.com, Lead Researcher Susan R. Davis, MD, PhD, of Monash University in Australia, called it a “chance finding” that four women in the treatment groups were diagnosed with breast cancer, noting that four breast cancer diagnoses among 814 women during a two-year period is “not unexpected.”

Nevertheless, it seems like a dangerous chance to take for a drug that yields only modest improvements to a woman’s libido.

Not to minimize the impact that menopause and a lack of estrogen can have on a woman’s sex drive, but I’d urge women to investigate more natural methods to boost their libido first, keeping in mind that the most powerful sex organ is the brain. This may be even more true for women than for men; fantasy alone can be a powerful aphrodisiac, as can sexy lingerie, the right mood, and (of course) the right lover’s touch.  Lack of lubrication is a true physical symptom in postmenopausal women, but there are plenty of safe lubricants available to solve that stumbling block.

Even if Intrinsa does become available as a “viagra for women,” satisfactory long-term safety trials could mean five years or more before the patch finds its way to a drugstore near you. And if the drug alone yields a marginal improvement in the sex lives of postmenopausal women, combining it with natural mood enhancers should raise the bar for amazing sex well into a woman’s golden years.

Change of weather. Colds and flu. Back-to-school. Holiday displays side-by-side with back-to-school sales. Is there anything about fall that isn’t stress-inducing?

Experts agree that sex is a great stress-buster. But getting in the mood with a million things on your mind isn’t easy. Contrary to clichés and popular belief, lack of a sex drive affects both genders when life gets hectic.

Some people, however, turn to sex when things get tough. Are these lucky types naturally conditioned for this healthy response, or have they trained themselves over time to know that sex will make them feel better, so why not just do it?

When two partners handle stress differently—one turning to carnal diversions, the other shutting down—that just adds another stressor to your life. You crave more nooky while your partner crawls further into that emotional hidey-hole (and not the fun one, either!)

So what’s a stressed-out, horny girl or guy to do? Sure, you could turn to Vibrator.com’s huge array of toys, but sometimes you crave emotional intimacy, too. Try these tantalizing seduction tactics to show your partner that the studies are right—sex is a stress-buster.

• Don’t push, just suggest. Every lover should have at least one move that she knows makes her partner melt; it’s time to use it. This soft-core tactic should work if the stress level isn’t too high – particularly if it’s been a while for both of you.

• Start with massage. Non-threatening, relaxing and seductive, if a massage doesn’t end in one of your favorite positions that night, it may just give your partner the stress relief she needs to get in the mood the next day. Or maybe she’ll be so appreciative of the massage, she’ll feel she “owes you one.” Either way, mission(ary) accomplished.

• Play. My husband and I play paintball together, bicycle regularly, and are always on the lookout for other fun athletic activities. Since exercise (much like sex) boosts your mood and alleviates stress – and extreme sports or healthy competition creates an adrenaline rush that helps you forget all your problems – fun vertical activities may lead to horizontal adventures.

• Get away. Who has time or money for a vacation right now? If that’s out of the question, take a weekend trip: no cell phones, no lap top, no Blackberry.  Make sure to pack the lingerie and the water toys, but don’t put pressure on your partner. You’re there to relax. If he’s not feeling better by Saturday afternoon, try some of the tactics above.  A nice hotel or cozy Bed and Breakfast just a few hours away from home is a great place to try these diversions.

From rhinoceros horns to Spanish Fly, even oysters and chocolate-covered strawberries, mankind has relied on natural foods and herbs to boost his libido. But do they work?

According to an FDA report published in 2006, probably not.

But you don’t have to believe the FDA. Even renowned sex expert Dr. Ruth Westheimer has been quoted as saying, “There’s no such thing as a true aphrodisiac.”

It’s more likely that an aphrodisiac’s power lies in a person’s belief that it works… the old placebo effect. The mind is our most powerful sex organ, so if we believe a food will make us sexy, sensual and desirable, it will.

A food’s desire-boosting abilities may also have more to do with the environment in which it is eaten than the food itself. Sucking down oysters during a candlelight dinner, soft music playing, champagne sparkling in fine crystal flutes… Who wouldn’t begin to feel amorous?

The placebo effect is definitely powerful. That’s why certain foods, due to their nutritional value, the physiological effects they have on your body, and centuries of folklore, are considered highly effective aphrodisiacs.

Amy Reiley, author of Fork Me, Spoon Me: The Sensual Cookbook likes ginger, because it makes your tongue tingle and swells your lips, turning them red and kissable, and also raises your body temperature slightly.

You won’t get these effects from a can of Canada Dry, though. Try some fresh ginger in a crisp veggie stir fry or make your own homemade ginger ale to really experience the powerful herb.

Discovery Health recommends asparagus, chili peppers and chocolate for their stimulating powers. Asparagus is rich in Vitamin E, thought to stimulate production of sex hormones. Chili peppers release capsaicin, a chemical that stimulates our nerve endings and also releases endorphins. And dark chocolate—in addition to its creamy, sweet taste and sensual texture—contains phenylethylamine, which gives us a natural high. Recent studies show that dark chocolate not only makes us feel good, it’s good for the heart, too.

Even if the aphrodisiac effect in these foods is purely psychological, nutritionists and sex experts agree that healthy foods are more likely to have long-term positive effects on your sex drive by giving you more energy and helping you look and feel better.

But there’s one aphrodisiac that won’t even count toward your daily caloric intake: regular exercise. The release of testosterone during workouts, along with feel-good endorphins and adrenaline, has been shown to boost the sex drives of both men and women.

A friend of mine says he’s started having sex three times a day since he began working out. I know an hour of bicycle-riding on the weekend always puts me in the mood. Besides, regular exercise will help you look better, feel better about yourself, and give you more energy. What’s not to love about that?