Holiday Cheer

Spice up your holidays! Make that special someone in your life stand up and take notice!

This time of year we usually reflect on the previous year and find the bright spots and the regrets. We are thankful for the bright spots and look to see what caused the regrets. Often, we find that the spark may be going out of our relationship. Life has it’s up and downs and it usually takes it toll on us and in turn on the ones we love. Whether it be a financial situation, the loss of a loved one, stress at work, etc.,  we tend to take it out on the one closest to us.

Take a step back, reevaluate and do something out of the ordinary to rekindle that spark. Think of something that would really turn your partner on.  Maybe he/she has been talking about trying something new. Maybe adding some sexual aids to your foreplay. Try it. It doesn’t have to be something like bondage. It could be something as simple as a flavored lubricant. Just the thought of trying something new could turn your partner on. But stay within your comfort zone. Don’t so anything that will make you feel uncomfortable. Sometimes just changing the “routine” can do a world of good. Showing that you care enough to put the effort in can go a long way. And you might be surprised to find that by trying to please your partner you are pleasing yourself in the process. Have fun. Relax. Enjoy! It’s not just about the sex, it’s about the intimacy and the caring. Take the time to appreciate what you have and cherish it.

Make this holiday season not just about the hustle and bustle of shopping for the perfect gift. Make it about spending time with your partner and rediscovering each other. Try to remember what made you fall in love with him/her in the first place and go from there. Sometimes going back to the basics is the best bet. Remember what you love about him/her. What makes you smile when you think about being together?  Sometimes just putting some thought into a relationship is all it takes to spark it up.

After you’ve considered all of your options, act on it. Put on that sexy outfit. Or maybe just a bow. Surprise your lover with you for Christmas!

Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas!

Vibrator.com now carries Brandie’s favorite lube!!!

I’m so excited to let y’all know that Vibrator.com now carries my favorite line of personal lubricant; Climax Bursts!  YAYY!!  There are several varieties of it: Aphrodesiac , Cooling (my personal favorite), Warming , Anal and some of the best Sex Toy Cleaner that I’ve ever used.  They are great for both masturbation purposes and sex itself.

What’s really cool about these lubricants is that they are very thick, yet still water based.  Plus, they all have little beads of Vitamin E in them (thus the “bursts” in the name) that burst upon contact with our skin (you don’t feel it) and it releases that Vitamin E into your skin.  This helps keep our skin moist and the lube active.  The same beads are in the toy cleaner and that really helps your toys stay in good working condition and safe for use.

Not to mention the tops of the bottles look like nipples! LOL

Also, each variety is a different color. Cooling is blue, Anal is black, Sex Toy Cleaner is green, Aphrodesiac is orange and Warming is red.  Climax Bursts is an awesome lubricant and despite being water based (thus it’s safe to use with any kind of sex toy) it rarely needs re-applying unless you’re using it for a good half hour or more.

I *highly* recommend any and all of the Climax Bursts products.  My favorite is the cooling lube, and what we love to do with it is to put it in the fridge.  Hehehe

Anal Lube

Aphrodesiac, Cooling and Warming Lubricant

Sex Toy Cleaner

How to Choose the Best Lubricant

If you have any experience with lubricants, you know how much they can add to sex. Whether it’s your goal to “go all night,” or you simply want to help your favorite sex toy slide in (anywhere) easier, you’ll want some good quality lube.

By the same token, we want our precious sex toys to last a long time, too. (I’m talking years, not hours…) Using the right lubricant on sex toys of various materials will prolong their lifespan, make clean-up easier, and permit you even more enjoyment from your sex toys.

Here’s a quick and easy reference guide to lubricants and the toys and activities they are compatible with:

Water-based lubricants: Think of water-based lubes as the Swiss Army knife of lubricants. They work with any sex toys or condom material, under nearly any circumstance. They are long-lasting, easy-to-clean up, and won’t stain sheets or clothing. Water-based lubricants may have different consistencies. As a general rule, seek thicker (gel-like) water-based lubricants for more intense play, including anal sex or when you’re looking for a long-lasting lubricant.

There’s one time (ironically), when you don’t want to use a water-based lube: when you’re having sex in the water. It will wash right off. Instead, choose a silicone lubricant, which is not water-soluble and is safe to use with condoms.

You might buy: Astroglide, ID Glide Lube, or Wet Original Lubricant

Silicone lubricants: More expensive but also typically longer lasting than water-based lubricants, silicone lubricants are slippery smooth, luxurious, and great for all types of play — except one. Do not use a silicone-based lubricant with your silicone-containing sex toys, including toys made from Cyberskin and similar materials. It will wear down your silicone-based toys faster than a porn star can get it up.

You might buy: Pjur Eros, Toko Silicone Lubricant, or Gun Oil Silicone Lube

Oil-based lubricants: Oil-based lubricants are longer lasting than water-based lubes, making them a desirable choice for many people. Oil-based lubes are suitable for water-play, since they’re not water soluble. However, oil has some major drawbacks. It can:

• stain fabric
• break down latex condoms (they are safe with polyurethane condoms)
• damage certain sex toys

Oil-based lubricants can harbor bacteria, causing vaginal infections in women. It’s best not to use them during penetration (even with a toy) for women, although they are okay for penetration of men during anal sex.

You might buy: ID Cream lubricant or Jack Jelly.

Lubricants with glycerin and sugar: Lubricants with glycerin and sugar or high-fructose corn syrup (for instance, some flavored lubes) can also cause yeast infections in some women. These are best used for external play only.

Save the Olive Oil for the Salad
While we’re on the topic of “flavorful lubricants” — a note about Olive Oil as a lubricant: Olive oil is sometimes recommended as an “all-natural” lubricant. Olive oil doesn’t make the best lubricant at all, because it can breed bacteria, is not very thick or long-lasting, and is fairly expensive. Keep the olive oil in the kitchen; if you’re looking for an inexpensive, natural lubricant, go with a water-based lube.

The Survivalist’s Guide to Stockpiling Sex Toys

Before the holidays, the Northeast suffered what some people have called the largest snow storm to hit our region in 17 years.  It’s already shaping up to be a long, cold winter.

Of course, the forecast of a blizzard sent people rushing to Wal-mart to stock up on bottled water, batteries, and canned goods. I was lucky enough to grab the last container of milk off the grocery store shelf – not because I was stockpiling, but because I happened to be out of milk. And there was a sale on bread, which explains the six loaves in my freezer. But that’s neither here nor there.

Really… why do people stockpile odd things in the event of a storm? And if we have a power outage, how do they plan to cook all that Campbell’s Chunky soup? I hope they remembered the propane for their camp stove. Wait, what?! Camp stove? You see my point.

Now, your resident blogger and erstwhile survivalist, Desiree Sweet, is here to share the things you REALLY need to stock up on. Because what fun is a snow day unless you can spend it tucked inside where it’s nice and warm?

Four Things Every Sexy Survivalist Needs

Condoms – You don’t want to trudge to the gas station in the middle of a blizzard because you’re down to your last condom, do you? We like this variety pack from Trojan, featuring three each of the Ultra Pleasure, Her Pleasure, and Pleasure Mesh varieties.

How many do you need? First, calculate approximately how many times you have sex each week. Remember, you need a new condom each time you have intercourse, and plan to use two to three times as many as usual during a snow storm or long weekend.

Condoms typically expire about 4 years from the date of production, so you can safely store a year’s supply as long as you remember to rotate your stock. When you buy a new box, place it toward the back of your supply. Older condoms should go in the front and be used first.

Lubricants – Different sex toys and condom materials require different lubricants. For instance, silicone toys should only be used with water-based lubricants. For bath fun, you’ll want a silicone lubricant, since water-based lubricants wash off too easily in the water and don’t provide enough staying power. Keep the following varieties of lube on hand for snowy day adventures:

-    Silicone lubricant – For use with most sex toys, except silicone varieties.
-    Water-based lubricant – For silicone toys
-    Massage oils – Not a lubricant but still important to have for full-body massages after your lover shovels the driveway
-    Warming lubricants – Perfect for those cold winter nights

According to the experts at Cosmopolitan magazine, most lubricants don’t have an expiration date, but it’s smart to use them within a year. I wouldn’t stockpile more than one or two bottles of each variety. Store your lubricants in a cool, dry place and give a quick sniff and look-over before you use them. If anything seems funky, toss it and reach for your back-up bottle.

Batteries – Fortunately, most vibrators are battery-powered, so you can enjoy your toys even in an electrical outage. But you don’t want to steal batteries from your flashlight (or vice versa) during the big storm. Make sure you have plenty of C and AA batteries available (the most common types for most vibes). Rechargable batteries, obviously, are the green solution, but make sure they’re fully charged before the storm hits.

Something to clean up – I love this “after sex towel” but if your power’s out, you won’t be doing laundry. Keep plenty of these in your linen closet, or simply have plenty of tissues on hand for clean up. Perhaps this is where all that bottled water comes in handy.

Rest easy, now that you’re all set for the next sex-filled snow day.

Image is of the F. Y. N. Adult Toybox XL Faux Leather Case courtesy of For Your Nymphomation.

Making Time for Sex

Many factors can dampen someone’s sex drive, including stressful events in your life. Late last year I posted some tips on how to boost your sex drive if stress has created problems in the bedroom. But what if a busy life has just left you flat-out too tired to tango?

This can happen to many couples, including:

-    new parents
-    people working two jobs because of the economy
-    couples caring for aging parents
-    anyone trying to manage a job, family life, and time for themselves!

If you fall into one of these categories, or many I haven’t thought of, there’s still hope for your sex life. Instead of thinking about creating the perfect romantic environment for a night of lovemaking, carve out time in your busy life for quickies. Steal moments whenever (and wherever!) you can.

Working too much? Schedule a lunchtime rendezvous.

Got kids? Remember, a locking bedroom door is your friend, but so is the shower, or that SUV parked in the garage. Check out this post to find other ideas for sex in strange places.

The bottom line? Make sex a priority, and then get creative and work together to find the time for it in your life.

These tips will help you speed up the process in order to get excited, get in, get satisfied and get out before the next emergency needs your attention.

· Gear up beforehand. Start dropping hints in the morning that promise your lover you will find a time for romance come evening. Leave cute notes where he’ll find them, or send him a dirty e-mail. (Make sure not to send it to his work account). Anticipation will make it easier to get revved up for an evening quickie.

·    Use toys and props. Do you typically need a while to get wet? Powerful clitoral vibes offer speedy satisfaction to get you ready for the main attraction, even making multiple orgasms a likely possibility.

·    Use lube. A little lube can also go a long way to get the party started.

·    Fantasize. Just like little teasing love notes, keeping sexy thoughts in your mind throughout the day will make it easier for you to gear up when you can steal a few minutes alone at night.

·    Wear sexy underwear. It sounds cliché, but try it! The feel of soft silk rubbing against your skin all day will make it very easy to get in the mood come evening. You can also take that idea to the next level and insert geisha balls an hour or two before lovemaking… few women would be able to stand the sexy feeling of geisha balls, also called Ben Wa Balls, filling them up all day long. You can remove the balls before sex, or keep them in for a special treat.

Performing a Double Penetration

Double penetration is all about the rhythm. And lube. Lots of lube.

Some women may cringe at the thought of two cocks at once, but for others, the sensation of being all filled up brings boundless pleasure.

To prepare for a double penetration, you’ll want to find two men (of course.) They should be comfortable with incidental contact. Of course, sharing in any sex act is an intimate and personal experience, but some men aren’t comfortable with any male-to-male contact, even in a group sex situation. These types of guys would not be comfortable with the closeness required for a DP.

Practice, Practice, Practice

You don’t want to go into a DP for the first time without being physically prepared, either. If you’re not already an anal sex veteran, you’ll want to take some time to stretch. No, I don’t mean leg lifts or yoga poses, although flexibility doesn’t hurt!

Practice with a butt plug, starting off with the smallest size available and moving to larger models as each size gets more comfortable.
Here’s a great post on getting prepared for anal sex, including a handy list of Dos and Don’ts. Most importantly, use lots of lube so the plug slides in easily.

Eventually, you’ll want to move on to a realistic dildo, ideally the size and shape of your partner’s. Use this by itself a few times, and then try it during sex. Mix it up and use the dildo in your vagina while your partner penetrates your back door. Don’t forget the lube! Now you’re getting closer to the sensations of a real DP!

If you don’t like it, you can take a step back and “practice” some more with a smaller dildo or butt plug. You might also want to—that’s right—use more lube! Or you can decide it’s not something you ever want to try. That’s okay.

If you decide you like this feeling, though, by now you’re probably getting pretty anxious to try the real deal!

Positions for a DP

When you move onto the real act, don’t forget the first rule of a DP: Lots of lube! There are three basic positions for a DP; everything else is a minor variation of these. Use your imagination but, most importantly, do what is most comfortable.

A conventional woman-on-top, with the woman on her knees facing the first partner, is probably the best, most common position for a DP. It puts her ass in the air, just ripe for penetration. It also allows her to control the speed and angle of vaginal penetration.

You can also try with the woman leaning back, facing away from and on top of her anal partner, while the other partner penetrates from a missionary position.

With a strong partner (or a petite woman), one guy can actually lift the woman off the air, holding her while her legs wrap around his hips and waist. The anal partner can help support the woman while penetrating her from behind. (Note: We haven’t actually tried this, but it could be a fun, albeit challenging, position. Why not give it a try and post here to let us know how it worked?)

A real DP with two guys may hurt a bit more than toys the first time. Go slowly. You can have both partners insert at the same time, where they will meet in the middle and, to some degree, be able to feel each other through the vaginal wall. Or you can rock back and forth, having one enter as the other leaves.

For more information and a step-by-step video guide to DP, check out Nina Hartley’s Guide to Double Penetration.

And, please, leave a comment and share your own experiences with double penetration!

Anal Adventures: Going Where No-one’s Gone Before

So you want to try anal sex.  You’ve heard about it, read about it, and maybe even had secret fantasies about it.  As an anal virgin you are curious, maybe a bit fearful, and wondering what it’s all about.  We are taught as children that the anus is a dirty, secret place and many of us carry those taboos with us into adulthood.  But, the anus is a very sensitive area, and, when given the proper attention, can bring one to a whole new level of ecstasy.  For men, the anus is the gateway to the prostate, a very sensitive area that many men may achieve orgasm from when stimulated.   Anal expert, Tristan Taormino notes that the “anus, anal canal, and rectum are wonderfully erogenous zones, rich in nerve endings and super-sensitive to stimulation and penetration. At the right angle, many women find that you can indirectly stimulate the G-spot through anal penetration.”  Many sex experts recommend that you arouse yourself in the regular ways, until you are good and hot before attempting anal play and to continue stimulation throughout.

The most important thing to consider with trying anal sex with a partner for the first time is that the person being penetrated is the one in charge.  Communication is essential with any type of sex play and even more so for anal play.  It is important to go slow, get fully aroused, use plenty of lubricant (and then some), and to listen to your partner’s needs and body language.  Because the anus has a very thin lining it is important to be careful not to tear it and to use condoms for safe sex purposes. Always stop if you experience pain or discomfort.

Solo Anal Play

The best way to try anal sex for the first time is through masturbation.  That way you are really in control and can decide how big, how far and how fast on your own.  Self exploration is important as it allows you to discover what feels best and how your body responds.  You also don’t have the pressure of performing or trying to satisfy your partner’s needs.

Warming Up: The Rosebud of Pleasure

Developed by massage therapist and sex educator Joseph Kramer, this is a good way to begin exploring anal pleasure.  First, begin with massaging your buttocks to get the blood flowing.  Try squeezing your cheeks with your fingers, raking your fingernails over your ass, and even slapping it.  Slowly begin to clench and unclench the asshole.  Next, lube your finger very well and rub the pad of you finger around the anal rim, exploring the sensitive rosebud.  Lube up the crack and slide your hand up and down.  Finally, when you feel ready, you can insert a finger inside the sphincter, gently stretching it and massage the silky skin inside.  It is also recommended to stimulate other areas of your body as you would naturally, to get yourself good and aroused.

Sex Toys for Anal Play

There are a large variety of sex toys available for anal play.  These include butt plugs, anal beads, anal vibrators, prostate stimulators, and anal dildos.  They all have different purposes and will give your body different types of pleasure.  Butt plugs have a narrow head and flared base.  They are generally used for anal training, starting from small and slim, to allow you to get used to having something in your anus.  These are inserted and then stay in place for as long as you want to keep them there.  Tantus makes a whole line of excellent butt plugs called Flirts in various sizes all made of medical grade silicone.  Anal vibrators and dildos are more for stroking penetration, similar to regular penile sex play with a partner.  They can often be used on a harness for lesbian penetrative sex and bend-over-boyfriends.  The Rude-Boy prostate stimulator is a great toy for men who want to try a bit of buzz, while the Vivid Red Hots Briana Vibe is a good choice for women.

Prostate stimulators like the Aneros are used to put pressure against the male prostate and are used in a rocking motion rather than in and out.  The male prostate is an area of immense pleasure and will often lead to intense orgasms when stimulated.  Anal beads, like the Bendybeads by Fun Factory, are one of the most non-threatening ways to begin anal adventures for anal virgins and can be used simultaneously with vaginal penetration or clitoral stimulation.  They are inserted one by one and then gently pulled out.

Any anal toy should have a wide base or a retrieval ring so the toy is easily removed.  When first exploring anal play it is important to start small and work your way up to larger sizes.  The most important “toy” for anal play is lubricant!  This cannot be stressed enough.  If you want to have a healthy, happy experience with anal play use lots of lube.  Good ones to try are Moist Anal Lube and Adam and Eve Anal Lube.

Anal Insertion

Like the vagina the anus can also receive enormous pleasure from the insertion of fingers or toys.  Start small, using a fingertip after you have stimulated the rosebud for a while, making sure to use lots of lubrication.  If your fingertip feels good you may want to insert the entire length of the finger, or even try two.  After a while, your anus will get more used to the feeling of fullness and you can try larger toys like slim butt plugs, anal beads, and anal dildos.

At first, anal play will feel strange and you will most likely want to push what is entering back out.  This is after all a natural reaction.  If you relax into it, however, anal insertion can be a wonderful experience that can intensify sexual play and orgasm.

Many people worry about mess during or after anal play.  Be sure to empty your bowels before anal play.  You can also choose to flush yourself out with an anal douche about an hour before play.  I found it much easier to enjoy anal play in the bath tub with toys designed for underwater fun.  It allows you to focus more on the pleasure and sensation, instead of worrying about messy accidents.  Also, a warm bath will help you relax, which is essential for anal play.

Anal Sex with Partners

Now that you’ve experienced a bit of solo play, it’s time to try out your new found passion with your partner.  Both men and women enjoy the experience of anal sex with a partner, no matter if you are GLBT or straight.  Most important is who is in control.  The partner being penetrated should always be in control of the pace and degree of penetration.  Anal sex is not supposed to hurt and if it does you are perhaps not ready or doing it wrong.  To avoid hurting your partner, make sure that you both communicate with each other.  “Mmmm, that feels good,” “More…”, “Back up a bit,” whatever works for you.  Express yourself.  Make sure you are ready for the experience and not being pressured into it just for your partner.  Try to relax, because a tight sphincter muscle can cause pain.  And use plenty of lube.  Oral anal play, called rimming, is a good way to arouse that area and make your partner relax for penetrative anal sex.  Learning the ins and outs of anal play will make you an expert.  For more expert information on anal play I recommend the DVD: Nina Hartley’s Advanced Guide to Anal Sex – For Men and Women; and the following books: The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men and The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women.

Bend Over Boyfriend

Some straight men have some misconceptions about anal sex (getting penetrated) that make them hesitant to try it out with their partner.  The prostrate is a very erogenous zone and the ultimate pleasure zone for men.  Anal sex will not make you gay.  That is a myth and many straight men enjoy anal play once they get over the social taboos.

Make sure your hands are clean or use gloves.  Also, trim your nails first as you don’t want to damage the delicate lining of the anus.  Next, you can saddle-up Cowgirl and move up to a dildo and a harness to give your guy the ride of his life!

Anal Do’s and Don’ts

Anal Do’s

•    Clean yourself and your toys.
•    Use a condom or latex gloves.
•    Trim nails of rough edges.
•    Relax, breath & take it slow.
•    Use lots of lube. I mean lots.
•    Stop if there is pain.
•    Only use toys with a flared base designed for anal play.

Anal Don’ts

•    Insert toys in the anus then the vagina as it may cause infection.
•    Insert sharp or foreign objects or anything too big.
•    Do it if you really don’t want it.
•    Hurry or force it.
•    Pressure your partner into it if they are not ready.

Domina Doll is a sex writer who writes articles and reviews for various magazines, zines and adult toy stores.  Visit her sexuality blog CherryBoxxx at http://cherryboxxx.wordpress.com/.