Any long term relationship is bound to get a little mundane every now and then. Even the sickly sweet, madly in love couples eventually get distracted with children, bogged down in debt, and stressed by work and social commitments. Having sex with the same person after a few years can be like eating the same meal day in and day out: It may be delicious and your absolute favorite, but something about it leaves your pallet wanting a new taste.

This is common among married couples or long-term partners and is generally not an indication of how you feel for each other. Unfortunately, sometimes the wires get crossed and we react by withdrawing, having affairs, or taking out that unfulfilled anger on our loved ones.

Your relationship does not have to be over. Focus your energy on igniting new desires and sustaining the ones that brought you both together to begin with. Here are a few ideas to help get the blood pumping.

Watch an XXX movie together

While it’s true that many couples initially reject the idea, most will try it at least once. Women like pornography too! (Most don’t like to admit it, but the right kind of movie can turn her on instantly.) It is advisable to steer clear of anything too extreme unless you’re keenly aware of your partner’s interests and fantasies. Remember, this is about turning your partner on and not about sending your partner running for the hills. Exploring what gets you both in the mood can be a new learning experience.

Set the atmosphere

Write your partner a modest song or poem. Lay a trail of her favorite candy from the door to the shower where you’ve thoughtfully placed a dozen roses. Be open with your feelings and don’t be afraid to tell your partner how much you love them. Light some candles or incense. This should set the fire in both of you.

A bit of BDSM

Many people are secretly aroused by the thought of being tied up. Play cautiously in this area as you are exploring each others’ boundaries and trust. Bring an article of clothing like a necktie to bed. Test the waters by gently restraining your partner’s hands and wrists during foreplay. Pay close attention to your partner’s reactions. If all seems well then reach for the necktie and slowly and loosely place the tie around your partner’s wrists. Kiss and caress your partner and take your time! Like in many aspects of your relationship, communication will be key.

Putting food to good use

Strawberries and whipped cream are the staples of erotic foods and can be sensually fed to your partner in or out of the bedroom. Run a honey covered finger across your partner’s lips and see how quickly your finger ends up in her mouth. Covering your lover in whipped cream and licking it off may sounds cliché, but it does work for some. Feeding your partner resembles kissing and fellatio, and if discreetly performed outside the bedroom, act as occasional reminders of sexy things to come. Advancing these ideas in a public place may help you discover the exhibitionist or voyeur in the person you thought you knew so well.

Throughout your fast-paced days, take the time to slow down and be in the moment with the one you love. Listen to each other. Compromise. Be caring and compassionate. Above all else, be attentive to your partner’s needs, both in and out of the bedroom.