Tips for Taking Care of Your Sex Toys

Afterglow Sex Toy Cleaning Wipes

Especially with how expensive sex toys can get, it’s important to take care of them.  With as much work as we put some of our toys through, and considering the sensitive places where we use those toys, we really need to work at keeping them in tip top shape.  As such, it’s important to take care of your toys; to keep them clean and store them properly between uses.

The first step in taking care of your sex toys is to keep them clean.  There are many varieties of antibacterial toy cleaners which you can use to clean any type of sex toy before and after use.  It’s important to clean toy before use, as well as after.  Before use, it’s important because the toys can collect lint, dust and other stuff that floats around in the air.  Even just rinsing the toy off first works, as we don’t want that lint and other stuff to get in our parts.  I like to use antibacterial toy wipes before I use my toys as the bathroom is very out of the way and many of many favorite toys are in my bedroom.

For cleaning after sex, it’s important to clean in all the crevices and dips you can find in toys, as fluids can get in there and then dry, which can lead to a lot of bacterial growth.  It’s important to use body safe soap as well as hot water.  For glass, pure silicone and other heat resistant toys without motors you can boil them.  5-10 minutes, depending on the size of the toy and how many you’re cleaning works just fine.  Also, a 10% bleach solution (so 1 part bleach to 10 parts water) works well also, so long as you ensure to rinse the toy completely.

It’s important to remember that unless your toy is completely non-porous, such as 100% silicone, metal or glass, your toy will never be wholly clean, as bodily fluids will get into the tiny pores and you won’t be able to clean them out.  As such, it’s always in your best interest to get totally non-porous sex toys.  Also, when it comes to toys used anally or shard, it’s imperative to get non-porous toys and then fully sterilize them before sharing or use again.  And never, ever take a sex toy from the anus to the vagina without fully sterilizing it first, or using condoms.

As for storing your toys, many toys cannot touch, or else there could be a reaction between the materials they’re made out of, which can ruin your toys.  The safest rule of thumb is to simply just store your toys so none of them touch.  Glass toys, wood or metal toys and ceramic toys are safe to touch each other and toys of the same material.  Plastics, jelly toys and silicone toys really shouldn’t touch each other or toys of the same material as a chemical reaction could occur which would damage the toys.

What I do is I keep each toy wrapped in cloth.  Sometimes I use the same piece of cloth, I just ensure that there is a couple folds of cloth between them.  Also, you can simply use the package that the toy came in, if it came in anything substantial.    Sometimes this is the best way to go, especially if the packaging is awesome and substantial, such as with Evolved toys.

Lastly for storage, it’s important to ensure your toys are safe.  Last thing you want is for them to get broken by accidentally being stepped on, or sliding off of a shelf.

So, the long and short of it is; take care of your sex toys. You spend your hard earned money on them, and you insert them into your bits and use them on your parts.  The better you take care of them, the longer they’ll last and the more you’ll be able to use them.

A breakdown of sex toys.

There’s a lot of different kinds of sex toys out there.  So I thought I’d break some of it down for you, to help separate some of the toys, what they are, what they’re typically used for, and how they’re used.

The Dildo

Perhaps the most recognizable sex toy, the dildo has been around for longer than many people realize.  Dildos come in shapes from realistic (meaning it looks very much like a real penis, typically uncircumcised) to unrealistic, possibly looking like a rose or some other, non-penile shape.

Dildos are typically used for vaginal penetration, though some are also able to be used for anal penetration.  For safety purposes, only use dildos with a flared base and that are also non-porous (so that they may be sterilized) for anal penetration.

Typically non-intimidating, a dildo is often the first sex toy a woman will purchase.  They are simple to use, don’t usually require batteries and come in a wide variety of sizes, colors and shapes.

The Vibrator

Vibrators really are more than a dildo that vibrates. For the most part, vibrating dildos are simply dildos that have a slot for a small vibrator (typically a bullet.)  They are typically realistic in shape and made of a soft material.  Actual vibrators, on the other hand, are made around the motor and vibrator, meaning that the vibrator is not removable.

Vibrators come in endless colors, shapes and sizes, as well as types.  From rabbits to g-spot vibrators to clitoral vibrators there is a vibrator made for any purpose.  As they sound, g-spot vibrators are made with a “hook” or nub at the end of it, to help the user reach and then stimulate the g-spot.  The clitoral vibrators are round and thin, without much substantial size so that one may target the clitoris.  Many clitoral vibrators can sit snugly between the labia.  Rabbits have a shaft for internal vaginal stimulation as well as a clitoral stimulator, so that both areas may be stimulated simultaneously.

Typically run on batteries, many sex toy companies are getting on the green bandwagon and making their sex toys rechargeable.

Vaginal Balls

Vaginal balls are small, body safe balls that typically are hollow, with another weighted ball inside of them.  Most vaginal balls are two balls, connected by a string with another retrieval string at the end of one of the balls.   A few are single balls with a retrieval string, and also you can find some which have no retrieval string, that you remove by simply using your pc muscles.  Some, like the Luna Balls offer a couple different options, working with one or two balls of different weights.

Vaginal balls are excellent for women who have had children and/or who are experiencing difficult controlling their bladder.  The reason for this is that doing regular exercises with vaginal balls (or kegel exercises without the balls) most certainly help strengthen the pc muscles.  This will increase your continence and there are many instances where this increased muscle control will also increase the pleasure you receive during sex.

The vaginal balls strengthen muscles by you holding them in.  They are weighted, so you squeeze your muscles around the balls, holding them inside your vagina.  By squeezing your muscles, holding the balls in, then releasing your muscles you exercise the muscles just like you exercise any other body part.

Anal Plug

Anal plugs are anal safe sex toys that get inserted into the rectum and then kept there.  They come in several materials, from silicone which is best for beginners as it gives, to steel which is more advanced, as there’s no give to it. Typically they do not vibrate and simply sit there.  While this may seem unexciting, there are many good reasons to use anal plugs.

First, you can work your way up from small plugs to larger ones to get your bottom used to having something larger in there.  This is a great thing to do if you wish to experiment with anal sex at some point in time.  Secondly, it can simply be enjoyable for the different sensations having something in your bottom can give.  Thirdly, using an anal plug is an awesome way to experience double penetration for women; having something both in your butt and vagina.

Anal plugs are great because you can wear them for long periods of time.  You can put an anal plug in then go do your errands!  This is a lovely and erotic way to spend some time during your day as no one else will know you’ve stuck something in your bum!  This can be a naughty secret between you and your lover, or something only you know.

Anal Probe

Basically, anal probes are anal vibrators.  They come in many shapes and sizes and are made specifically for anal use.  It’s always important to ensure that they’re non-porous so you can fully clean and sterilize them as well as ensure there’s a large flared handle so that it won’t get stuck up there; you can’t push things out of your bottom the same way a woman can push something out of her vagina.

Many anal probes are made specifically for men and thus are designed to simulate the prostate.  This is a wonderful and healthy thing for men to do as it can give a unique orgasm all of it’s own; it also does not, in any way, mean someone is bi or homosexual.

Anal Beads

Anal beads are sort of like anal plugs, but they are smaller and longer.  Anal beads are  an excellent thing to start with if you’re a beginner to anal play.  They have several beads or bumps on a body safe string or piece of silicone.  You can pop one in then after a few seconds of acclimation go ahead and put in the next one, which is a tad bit bigger.  You can then keep going (each bead/bump is a tad bit bigger than the one before) until you’ve inserted them all, or until you’ve reached the largest one you wish to use.

Also similar to anal plugs, these can be worn for extended periods of time while you are having sex, doing chores or running errands.  Anal beads are wonderful to have in while having sex.  You can experience double penetration, but also, typically, the man can feel the beads on his penis through the vaginal/anal wall which will give him unique sensations and increase the uniqueness and pleasure during sex.

The one sex toy I couldn’t live without…

Now… yes.  My favorite sex toy is my boyfriend.  However, when it comes to actual vibrators, rabbits are my favorite. I would go nuts without a good rabbit vibrator! (And when it comes to rabbits, my favorite is the L’Amour Tripler ) There are many reasons why I enjoy a good rabbit.

First off, it allows me to have both vaginal and clitoral stimulation without having to use two separate toys.  Holding a vibrator on my clit while also having vaginal stimulation can be logistically difficult.  There’s not a whole heck of a lot of room down there and so having more than one toy down there can be difficult.  Not only that but having to maneuver two toys at once, you can get rhythm going that works for one but not the other, and all sorts of stuff like that.

Secondly, my clitoris is very, very sensitive.  So this frequently can give me problems with over-stimulation and my clit being so sensitive I can’t stand any kind of touch on it.  So, having the “ticklers” that many rabbits boast frequently makes it easier for me to accept the stimulation as it’s usually not very intense.  For me, being able to genuinely be able to thoroughly enjoy clitoral stimulation without having to focus on simply being able to accept it is unique and a joy.

Thirdly, I love rabbits because so many of them have rotation settings on the shafts of the vibrators. Rotating rabbits and other similarly unique functioned rabbits offer one-of-a-kind experiences that many other sex toys don’t give.

Rabbits, of any kind, allow you to just insert, turn it on and lay back letting the toy do it’s job; give you incredible sexual sensations and pleasure and bring on orgasms that no other toy or stimulation will bring.

My favorite is the L’Amour Tripler .  What’s your favorite rabbit vibe??

Making time for sex…

What time is it?

Something I’ve noticed is that no matter how in the mood you are, sometimes there just isn’t time.  Whether it’s chores, work, familial obligations or getting together with friends it seems like there’s always something in the way of finding time to have sex or masturbate.  There was a time when I was “scheduling”, for lack of a better word, time for masturbation.  It was kind of fun because I was able to make a big production of it, with ambiance, a ton of toys, lubes and movies at my disposal so I could scratch whatever itch my body presented.  While doing things like that is certainly fun and has merit, it doesn’t really work in the long term.

I have a strong dislike for scheduling sex.  By scheduling sex I mean saying something to the effect that every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 7:30pm is sex time.  Doing stuff like that creates a sense of obligation which can lead to resentment and stagnation.  Now, planning a romantic and sexy evening is one thing; that’s a special night, it’s something extra and probably won’t happen again for a while and if it does it’ll be different.  About the only time I can see actually scheduling sex being beneficial is if you’re trying to conceive.  Otherwise it becomes monotonous, lacks spontaneity and can breed resentment.

So what’s the key to finding time then?  I guess in the end it’s just knowing that you’re in the mood and going for it.  While some things like children can’t be set aside for an hour or so, other things like dishes, sending that e-mail and returning the phone call from your Mother can indeed be put set aside for some time so that you can get sexy with your partner.

The important thing to remember is that the grocery store will still be there.  Your Mom will understand a slightly delayed phone call and your chores area always going to be there, even if you do them at 8pm instead of 7pm.  Life will continue on, without glitch or delay, while you’re making love.

When I Masturbate…

Even after all this time sometimes I still worry about what others would think if they saw me.  The strange part is though, if there is a chance that people could see me (like through open blinds or something) then it’s like, extra better for me!  I suppose that’s the exhibitionist in me.  They way I look at it; if someone’s watching then they want to watch, otherwise they wouldn’t, ya know?  However I don’t much like to watch myself so I suppose that’s where the issues come from.

Thing is, I’m a creature that thrives on routine and consistency.  While I don’t mind doing something spontaneously, if there’s any sort of routine change I tend to tweak out a little bit.  However sexually, I like variety, as does my body.  So in the end, sometimes I still end up masturbating in the same way as always because it then avoids any of those weird feelings plus, in the end, it gets the job done quick.

When I really want something special though, I tend to make a pretty big production out of it.  Thus, it doesn’t frequently happen.  First off I typically don’t have free all the time it takes to make such a big production.  I’ll take up to a half hour to prepare for it, while making plans for a day or two prior.  Plus, I’ll take at least a half hour to clean up as well.  I’ll have movies picked out for background, candles and will re-arrange the living room so I have all the space I need.

I also typically have several toys out, if not 2 or 3 toyboxes sitting out for me to get whatever toy or toys I want.  Plus I’ll have all kinds of lube ready, a towel or two, nipple clamps, anal toys, a blanket or two to lay on so I don’t get the couch dirty, and things of that nature.  These tend to be incredible masturbation sessions where I will use 10 or more toys just ‘cuz I get so into the mood I want every sensation I can get.  It’s during these sessions where I often will be able to ejaculate a little bit.  That’s always exciting for me as it takes so very much for me to be able to do so.

It then takes me quite some time to clean up.  First, I need to recoup a bit LOL  Then I need to clean up all my toys and get them put away and all the porn put away and the towels and blankets put away.  Typically I just end up showering ‘cuz I’m covered in lube and my own sexual juices.

Regardless of how I masturbate though; taking 2 hours out of my day or just grabbing one toy and having a 10 minute quickie with myself, I love it.  It’s so fun, it’s wonderful stress relief and if my blinds are open I get to have a little exhibitionist fun as well.  Granted I live on the 2nd floor and there’s no way anyone could see me on the couch unless they’re literally right in front of my window..that’s not the point! LOL

How do you like to masturbate?  Quickies or involved set ups?

Vibrator.com now carries Brandie’s favorite lube!!!

I’m so excited to let y’all know that Vibrator.com now carries my favorite line of personal lubricant; Climax Bursts!  YAYY!!  There are several varieties of it: Aphrodesiac , Cooling (my personal favorite), Warming , Anal and some of the best Sex Toy Cleaner that I’ve ever used.  They are great for both masturbation purposes and sex itself.

What’s really cool about these lubricants is that they are very thick, yet still water based.  Plus, they all have little beads of Vitamin E in them (thus the “bursts” in the name) that burst upon contact with our skin (you don’t feel it) and it releases that Vitamin E into your skin.  This helps keep our skin moist and the lube active.  The same beads are in the toy cleaner and that really helps your toys stay in good working condition and safe for use.

Not to mention the tops of the bottles look like nipples! LOL

Also, each variety is a different color. Cooling is blue, Anal is black, Sex Toy Cleaner is green, Aphrodesiac is orange and Warming is red.  Climax Bursts is an awesome lubricant and despite being water based (thus it’s safe to use with any kind of sex toy) it rarely needs re-applying unless you’re using it for a good half hour or more.

I *highly* recommend any and all of the Climax Bursts products.  My favorite is the cooling lube, and what we love to do with it is to put it in the fridge.  Hehehe

Anal Lube

Aphrodesiac, Cooling and Warming Lubricant

Sex Toy Cleaner

Plus Sized Sex

So often when reading about sex and sexuality and sex toys and all that, there are many issues which are addressed.  Different sexual orientations.  Issues resulting from sexual abuse.  Transgender issues.  It’s very rare though, to see someone talking about issues surrounding being plus sized.  Sure there’s plenty of discussion of self esteem and how it’s healthy to masturbate, but how often do you see suggestions on sex toys that are easier for larger women to use?  How often do you see suggestions on sex positions that are easier for plus sized people to get into?

Personally, I’ve only seen one book where plus sizes were addressed and the only suggestions on toys for plus sized women was a post written by me quite some time ago.  So, in the interest of promoting awesome masturbation for us plus sized girls, here’s a couple of my favorite toys, and some tips for us plus sized women!

Evolved Bendable You Too —  While this vibrator, unfortunately, doesn’t have Evolved’s standard rockin’ tins to keep it in, it’s bendy nature and lengthy size make it great for reaching hard to reach places!  It’s almost 9″ long, so when you have it elongated and not bent it can easily reach around extra flesh, it can easily fit inside thick labia and can help you reach if you’re unable to reach your fingers or hands down there.  Plus, with how bendable it is you can easily shape it exactly how you want and need it.  Not to mention the long cord for the power pack, so you don’t have to worry too much about where it is or how far away it is.

Share Dildo — Now, yes.  The intended purpose of this dildo is to be inserted into one female, and then that female has sex with someone else using the dildo as it’s inserted into her vagina.  However.  Look at the size and shape of this baby! That short end makes a perfect handle!  So it’s super easy for you to lay back, hold onto it and it’s size and length makes it easy to reach around extra flesh and still make it into your vagina so you can pleasure yourself.

TIPS:

Position aids, like the Liberator Wedge are really a girls best friend.  First off then can help you (anybody really) get into positions that may otherwise be difficult to achieve.  One thing though, to try, is if you’re in doggy style slap a pillow two under your belly. This will help to not only give your upper body some support so your arms dont’ have to take all the weight but also it can help give your stomach support so it’s not all pulling on your back.

If you want to have a leg or two in the air try laying on the couch and putting one up on the back of the couch.  By hooking a foot up there you can have a leg up without having to hold it up yourself or have your partner hold it for you.  That way you either don’t have to worry about that, or you and/or your partner can hold your other leg up and you can have the variety of position with a leg or two up.  This position sort of mimics doggy style and also makes it easier to achieve g-spot stimulation.

~~~~~~

Do you have any tips for plus sized people wanting to masturbate and have sex?  Or, are you plus sized and would like tips?  Please, leave a comment!!

Why do I have so many sex toys?

A couple months ago I gave away two boxes full of sex toys.  Vibrators, dildos, anal toys, lube, even some bondage gear.  Now first off, keep in mind that they were all cleaned and sterilized.  And they are sterilizable for future use.   Even after doing that, I still have over 100 sex toys.  That includes dildos, vibrators, eggs, rabbits, anal toys, bondage gear and so on and so forth.  And I love it!  It’s funny because sometimes I feel like a hoarder, having so many sex toys and wanting even more.

Now, how I get my toys is different than most people, probably, in that I review sex toys.  So I share my personal experiences with new toys in exchange for the toy itself.  But even still, it’s not like I masturbate for hours upon hours every day.  Hell, I can go a week or two between masturbation sessions.

And even how I masturbate can be different from one day to the next.  Sometimes I can just give myself a quickie in the shower, be done in 5 minutes.  Other days I can turn my whole living room into Masturbation Central with half my toys out, 3 porns, blankets and 5 kinds of lube ready and sitting out for whatever desire I and my body may have.  As such I find it important for me to have several toys, but it also makes it nigh impossible for me to say that I have any one favorite toy.  The answer varies depending on what kind of toy we’re talking about (dildo, vibrator, egg, anal toy, rabbit, etc) and also what mood I’m in.

This is why I tend to not only favor but almost “push” people to have at least 1 or 2 different sex toys.  Sometimes our body wants something different and there’s not a darn thing wrong with giving into that desire!

Most of my sex toys are in my bathroom closet, however I have a handful by my bed.  Here’s  a few of them: L’Amour Tripler , Petite Silhouette , Thrusting Jack Rabbit .  I also have a couple anal toys and at least one glass dildo as well.  My theory is: whatever my body wants, I can meet it’s needs! LOL

So, what toys do you have beside your bed??? Also, how many do you think is too many sex toys?

Sex toys and Mom

So, recently my mother came to visit.  We hadn’t seen each other in almost a year so it was really exciting!  Thing is; I think I spent more time finding my sex toys and porn and hiding it all than I did cleaning!  And as things are wont to do when you spend so much time focusing on them, I realized a couple things.

Firstly I realized that my Mom already knows that I have sex toys.  While she doesn’t know I’m a reviewer, she knows I write for an adult website.  Secondly, my Mom knows that I’m a sexually active adult and thus would have a dildo or two anyway.  Granted, my collection of over 100 sex toys is a lot more than “a dildo or two”, when I was showing her this website I realized that it’s not a big of a deal to me as I was making it out to be.

There’s a couple reasons for this; the main one being that there’s not a damn thing to be ashamed about when it comes to using sex toys! It’s a totally normal thing, it’s in no way cheating and it doesn’t harm anyone or get anyone addicted to vibrators or anything like that.

I actually ended up showing her Icicles #21 glass dildo as she’d never heard of those and couldn’t imagine using something glass “down there” she said.  Plus, with as pretty as it is, she also couldn’t imagine that you’d want something so beautiful for sexual purposes.  To which my response was that you wouldn’t want something ugly! LOL

Anyway, when I first showed her the Icicles line and the post that went along with it her first worry about glass toys was that they’d break.  Which was why I dug out one of mine to show her how sturdy they are.   For one thing, there’s always that joy of shocking a parent, ya know?  LOL  Secondly though, it’s nice to be able to educate my Mom and I think that, in the end, being able to educate and possibly open a mind, even just a smidgen, is worth a little bit of discomfort or embarrassment.

Does your parent(s) know you use sex toys?  If so to what extent and how did they find out?  Share your stories!

Photo By: crimsonninjagirl

My first dildo

So, I was 27 before I really was comfortable using sex toys.  However I bought my first sex toy when I was 20.  Knowing nothing about sex toys I just chose one that looked like it was a good size and it was a pretty purple color.  It was just a simple jelly dildo, probably cost me less than $10.  I think I bought it more to be able to say that I had one, rather than because I really wanted to use one.

The thing is; I never actually used it.  I was always nervous, almost embarrassed to use it.  I would get really, really horny, and take it out and look at it, but wouldn’t use it.  Eventually I’d insert it maybe once, and then start feeling things I’d never felt before, both physically and emotionally, and I’d get scared so I wouldn’t use it anymore.

Now by that time I had been sexually active, previously.  So I had experienced vaginal penetration by a couple different sized and shaped penises.  So it wasn’t the size and/or shape that threw me off.  I think it was that I was … well, penetrating myself.  While interpreting my feelings so long after the fact I think I felt like I shouldn’t have to masturbate, I never had a shortage of partners so it wasn’t like I wasn’t getting any.

Growing up in the upper Midwest things like sex toys, masturbation, kink and all that were very taboo and hush-hush.  There was something “wrong” with you if you masturbated or wanted unusual things.  It is entirely possible that part of my nervousness with using the dildo came with the fact that the only adult store in my home town was very run down, dark, dank and shabby.  The place that even during the day I wouldn’t ever go into alone.  Granted it’s cleaned up now, when you buy something in a place that’s that creepy the experience leaves it’s mark.

In the end I got rid of the toy; I never really used it.  And I certainly didn’t finger myself.  It wasn’t until a few years later when my husband left me that I got a couple vibrators and actually used them from time to time.  And now I’m an avid sex toy reviewer with bins overflowing with toys!

So, share with us your first experience(s) with a sex toy!  Were you all over it, or nervous like I was?

Photo by: The Chanel ( Sepia Dildos)

How to Get Turned on to Ben Wa Balls

With all the horror stories on the Internet about women who get ben-wa balls stuck you know where, the ancient Eastern sex toy may seem a little intimidating.

Sit back, relax… or perhaps lie down, and let me tell you about my first experience with Ben Wa Balls.

Cool textures, smooth feel
I admit after reading the horror stories, I was a bit tentative. The idea of the ben wa balls also didn’t seem very comfortable at first. First, I added some lubricant to the balls, because, honestly, I didn’t see these going in easily without any. I began masturbating with the balls, enjoying the ridged texture and the cool smoothness of the plastic. The weighted balls had a nice — very nice — feel and I soon enjoyed banging them against myself.

I’d often watched porn where a woman enjoys having someone smack her clit — or doing it herself. The balls provided that pulsing sensation without the sting.

It wasn’t long before I was wet enough to insert them easily. And they didn’t need as much lube as I thought. (But I still hold to the adage that you can never, ever have enough lube.)

Once the ben wa balls were inside, I have to admit, they didn’t provide as much pleasure as I thought they would, immediately. Ben wa balls are not a passive sex toy, where you lie there and let them do the work. In fact, they take a bit of creativity — and knowing your body — to really get the most pleasure from them.

I started to go through my usual masturbation repertoire, while also moving the balls around by the string every so often. It was fun but I knew I was missing something.

Contrary to the balls getting stuck, they kept slipping out. Each time, I pushed them deeper, and that’s when the pleasure potential started to hit me. With the balls filling me completely, I began to imagine a lover’s cock inside me along with them. Yes… these balls had an appeal.

Believe What You Read…
I ramped up the hand motion and, as I started to come, I realized the entire purpose — or at least, one of the purposes — of ben wa balls. The ridges caressed the inside walls of my vagina as my body pulsated. The weights inside them seemed to give the balls a life of their own. I detected mild vibrations — not as strong as my favorite vibe, more like a gentle tickling sensation.

By this time, I’d become adept at moving the balls by moving my legs, and was able to manipulate them to keep the orgasm going for minutes of undulating pleasure. Each spasm created another spasm, waves of ecstasy, just as the advertisements promise.

Ben wa balls have several uses and I look forward to experimenting with them all. You can use ben wa balls:

• during masturbation
• during intercourse
• in your vagina during anal sex, to give you a full feeling at every angle
• for kegel exercises
• throughout the day — as you learn to manipulate the balls with subtle movements, you can bring yourself to orgasm anytime, anywhere.

It’s true that these toys require a little bit of knowledge about your body — and some degree of pelvic muscle control — to really enjoy them to their full potential. But once you unlock the secrets of these ancient toys, you’ll become a true afficianado. You may even begin to collect multiple sets of balls in different sizes, styles and materials.

Our Top Picks for Ben Wa Balls
Whether you’re buying your first set or adding to your collection, here are some of our favorite ben wa balls:

Doc Johnson’s Gold Ben Wa Balls – cool, classy, sexy and pthalate-free

Smartballs – my favorite for their texture unique texture and sturdy string for removal

Leopard Duotone Balls – wild and sexy

What’s been your experience with Ben Wa balls? Did they require practice, and did you like them?

Would You Give Your Teen Daughter a Vibrator?

Sex expert Dr. Laura Berman recommends women buy vibrators for their teenage daughters.

“You’re teaching them about their own bodies and pleasuring themselves,” Dr. Berman said on a segment of Oprah this past spring. “They don’t need [a] boy – they don’t need another person — until they’re ready.”

She went on to say that using a vibrator may even make teenage girls safer, sexually-speaking, because it may encourage them to put off their sexual experience even longer.

Oprah’s best friend, Gayle King, shook her throughout the segment, arguing that it is “just too much information.” Kids are growing up fast enough, these days, she argued. Parents don’t need to add battery-operated fuel to the raging teenage hormonal fire.

The thought crossed my mind that, upon discovering how good sexual pleasure can feel with a vibrator, teenage girls may actually be more eager to find out about the real thing. (Only to be sorely disappointed by a first experience with an inexperienced boy their own age, of course… sending them running back to their vibrator… maybe Dr. Berman has the right idea?)

Dr. Berman says it’s about empowerment – teaching teens not only the basics of sex as well as how to be safe, but educating them about orgasm. Which we all know is an important part of sex. But I’m still not sure about vibrator-shopping with a teenage daughter.

Talking to Teens About Sex
I remember learning about masturbation from Judy Blume books. A few years later, I started learning about sex from Danielle Steele. We did not talk about sex in my house – at all. While my mom knew exactly what I was reading (after all, she read Danielle Steele and Nora Roberts, too) we never discussed it.

I know this is an extreme situation – the polar opposite of what today’s experts recommend. Certainly, I agree that parents should teach their teens about sex: the basic mechanics, safe sex for protection against disease and pregnancy, and the importance of not giving into peer pressure.

It’s also important to talk about the emotional connection forged after sex, which may surprise teenage girls who don’t fully understand the difference between love and lust; sometimes, those “feel-close” hormones can even throw grown women for a loop after a casual encounter.

Girls are giving blowjobs at 13 and 14 years old. (Note to the experts: Surprise! This is NOT a new phenomenon!) So it’s wise for parents to explain that STI’s can be transmitted through oral sex and condom use is important. Parents shouldn’t just pretend it’s not happening or even that it’s an atrocity.  It happens, has been happening probably since the dawn of time, and will continue to happen.  Sex education in schools, one-on-one conversations  at home, and buying sex toys for our teens won’t change that. The best we can do is educate teens on how to be safe and protect against disease and pregnancy. Well, that or chastity belts.

A Vibe for your Teen?
While I’m very much in favor of sex education and parents talking to their kids about sex, I also agree with Gayle King that to buy a teenage girl a vibrator is, indeed, “TMI.” I think discussions with teens about sex should lean toward the practical and the clinical. Of course, if a teenager has any questions, they should be answered open and honestly, and parents should make it clear that their kids can come to them with questions.

But I can imagine only one reaction if my mother ever brought up the topic of vibrators, masturbation or the specifics of orgasm: complete mortification. I can’t imagine it would be comfortable for many teenagers – or their parents. And I don’t see many benefits to it.

With all due respect, I think Dr. Berman is not giving enough consideration to the other reasons teenagers have sex, including the same reason vibrators don’t replace real-life lovers for grown-ups. Whether you’re 14 or 40, a sex toy—while fun—can never replace the intimacy of sex with someone you love (or even like a whole lot!)

Why Women Love Vibrators and (Some) Men Fear Them

I have a few guilty pleasures, and not all of them involve sex. No, really.

For instance, I like to watch Monday night sitcoms. With Allison Hannigan co-starring in How I Met Your Mother and Kaley Cuoco as the hot blond Penny in Big Bang Theory, the scenery’s good.

A recent episode of Rules of Engagement, which proceeds my usual Monday night TV viewing but just happened to suck me in this particular night, gave me a good laugh. Here’s the elevator pitch description if you don’t follow the show: it’s about the lives and antics of two couples — one married, one engaged — and their single, stereotypical wanna-be ladies’ man friend played by David Spade.

In this particular episode, one of the women hosted a sex party. You know, one of those where the girls get together and buy over-priced sex toys and lingerie that never really fits anyone once they get it home.

I just got rid of the $80 slinky black “dress” (okay, more like a negligee) hanging in my closet that, after too many glasses of White Zin and near-satanic goading from my friends, seemed like a wonderful investment.

But I digress –

The ladies attended this sex toy party and the men were quite worried. “Does my woman need toys in the bedroom? Is our sex life too boring?”

One particularly amusing scene involved the husband barging into the bedroom upon hearing tell-tale buzzing– to find his wife brushing her teeth with an electric toothbrush.

This whole thing got me thinking. What is it about vibrators that some men find so threatening?

Obviously, some men feel they are falling short (so to speak) in the sex department if their partner desires stimulation from a toy. They wonder what they’re doing wrong or why they aren’t “enough” for their partner – both in the very physical sense of not being large enough and in the sense of not being able to satisfy their partner for any reason, whether it’s size, technique, or something else all together.

Some men even go so far as to compare themselves physically to the toy. This gets into the realm of Really Silly when you look at certain sex toys designed partly for shock value and partly for those adventurous ladies (and men) looking to try something different once in a while. But let’s be realistic: How many women really want a 16-inch dildo up there every single night?

Comically large rubber penises aside, guys, there are plenty of things flesh-and-blood men give us that a sex toy can’t. Our Ambitious Beaver rabbit vibe  can’t take out the garbage or hang that shelf in the foyer, for instance.

But we’re talking sex here. A vibrator in the right hands may be efficient, but no matter how many different functions of pulsation, vibration and rotation it has, it’s still essentially the same thing every time. It’s a machine. Literally. Sure, a vibrator can send a woman to never-before-experienced levels of ecstasy, but it’s almost too easy.

A real man fumbles, makes mistakes, tries again, eventually gets it right. He explores our bodies and responds to our moans and squeals, hopefully in a way we enjoy. Couples who’ve been together a while are hopefully proficient, but you can still experiment to keep things exciting.

Using a vibrator during lovemaking is another way to keep things from getting boring, BUT, if your wife does want to introduce a vibrator into your bedroom routine, it doesn’t necessarily mean sex is boring without it.

There’s also the give-and-take of sex with a real person. Women, by nature, are nurturers. We want to give you pleasure to you as much as you rejoice in pleasuring us – maybe even more so. We simply don’t get the pleasure of giving when it comes to our battery-operated toys.

We can’t kiss a vibrator lovingly, rub its muscular shoulders, enjoy a cuddle after the main attraction. Masturbation with a vibrator relieves tension and yes, it makes us feel great, but it tends to get lonely.

If sex with real men has so many benefits, why do women even want to play with sex toys at all? They’re powerful. They’re efficient. And when you just want to get fucked good, hard, and fast, with multiple speeds of vibration to make sure it’s done right, they do an unparalleled job.

What’s even more fun than playing with a toy is sharing this amazing sexual event with a partner — combining the purely physical, sexual act with the sensual and erotic experience of lovemaking.

Guys, when we add another vibrator to our toy box, it doesn’t mean we want you any less or that there’s a sexual need of ours you aren’t fulfilling. In fact, we’d love for you to give us a hand with our latest machine!

How to Make a Masturbation Video

If you’re looking for a great surprise that’s sure to get your lover revved up, why not give him a video? Masturbation videos of yourself are quick, easy to make, and don’t require any coordination between two parties. When it comes to making a porno, it doesn’t get any easier than this.

All you need is a video camera, a place to prop the video camera (a tripod, dresser or table) and your own two hands. Or one. Add some colorful toys if you want to make it really hot. Make sure you record the video in a well-light room, with the lighting at your back to avoid shadows.

Slip the CD in the computer hard drive so it’s the first thing your lover views when they boot up the home computer in the morning, or tuck it into their briefcase—with a note to only view the vid with the office door closed!

Here are some tips to make sure that video makes your lover’s day.

1.    Keep it short and switch it up. Sure, masturbation is hot. And of course you’re lover’s going to want to watch this. Try different techniques, different camera angles and different positions. Whatever you do, no matter how wild and crazy you get, keep the entire video down to five minutes or less. There’s a lot less variety in any type of masturbation than there is in other sexual activity, and any more than five minutes of the same-old, same-old gets… well, old.

2.    Talk! When my husband and I recorded some masturbation videos for close friends, I was told that he enjoyed the scenery, but when I started talking, that put him over the top. Address the camera with those wide, “fuck-me” eyes and tell the viewer exactly what you would like them to do to you, right now.  Don’t forget the moans, groans, and passionate sighs, either.

3.    Use toys. Most of the guys I talked to about what they’d like to see in a masturbation vid gave me a one-word answer: TOYS! The bigger and more colorful they are, the better! Doc Johnson’s 7-inch pink jelly dong with balls offers a large base to hold and manipulate the pretty pink cock. I also can’t resist the look of the glittery, 7-inch hot pink devil dick for video fun!

4.    The climax. Ladies, don’t let any orgasm go unseen. Play it up “When Harry Met Sally”-style for the camera. Scream, wriggle, writhe… even call out his name! Whether you cum with a toy or your own two fingers, make it one to remember. Ideally, you’ve set up the camera so he can view your face, too… Look straight into the camera for a sexy solo finale.

Guys, think about where you’re going to shoot that final cum shot, and how you’re going to make it special. Straight up in the air will offer a wonderful cascade of on-camera cum without creating a mess on the lens. You may want to set up a towel on the floor before you begin for easy clean-up. Again, don’t forget to ham it up with moans and groans.

A masturbation video is a perfect first foray into “film-making.” It’s easy to release your inhibitions with no one else around and with only one person involved and not a lot of large-scale movement, there are less logistical concerns. You can even use the video as a gentle way to show your lover what you really like.

How to Make a Porno, Part 2

In a previous post, How to Make a Porno, Part 1, we covered what you need to put together your own X-rated masterpiece. This post will talk about camera angles, video editing, and what to do with your porn once it’s produced.

You’re ready to film! The most important thing to remember is to relax. You can forget the camera’s there if it will make you feel better, or you might want to ham it up and peer seductively at the lens for an uber-sexy shot. Don’t forget to striptease for the camera. Shoes, if they are sexy stilettos, can stay on for the duration of the scene.

Some shots are a standard in most porno flicks. You may want to include some (or all) of these:

Close-up of penetration – For a really sexy view, have the woman place one leg on a sofa, and then hold the camera down below, pointing upward.

Masturbation shots – These are even hotter when they take place during penetration. Try different angles to get the best view.

Spanking – Mild BDSM, including spanking or simple restraints, gives your video that naughty, “more than vanilla” feel.

Don’t forget to pan up to capture facial expressions, especially when she cums.

Cum shots – You can’t go wrong with a facial. Or a nice, dripping wet cream pie. Another favorite is to cum on her tits and then have her rub it all over herself, and letting her pause to lick her fingers. These final moments can put your amateur film over-the-top, so to speak, so you’ll want to make sure it’s a moment to remember. Take a few minutes before you start your film to discuss and decide how you want it to end.

To keep it interesting, remember to switch positions and camera angles often. No one (probably not even the movie-makers) wants to watch two people banging in missionary position for 20 minutes.

If you have basic video editing software, you can keep the best scenes and toss the ones you don’t like, or cut any scene that goes too long. You can also use editing software to cut from scene to scene, avoiding any on-screen panning and zooming, which can make some viewers dizzy or ill. But by leaving in all the transitions, you’ll give your movie a homemade “Cloverfield” feel.

You can also play around with lighting for some cool effects, or go for a darker look, perhaps with faces in the shadows.

Now that you’ve made your very first porno, you can think about avenues of distribution… Just kidding! The safest place for your homemade porn is a file folder buried a few levels deep on your computer’s hard drive, with some innocuous name that makes sense only to you and your partner. Or you can simply burn a DVD and keep it in the bottom of a dresser drawer.

If you decide you really want to share your work of art with the world, remember—it’s potentially very easy for people to stumble across your DVD if you post it on YouTube, even if you don’t use your name. Would you really want a co-worker to see how you spent your weekend?

Self-Abuse and the Origin of Masturbation Myths

Masturbation has been one of the most tabooed subjects throughout history and destructive myths still circulate in today’s society. Yet, it is the most common form of sexual play and a study by the Kinsey Institute maintains that between 62 percent of women and 92 percent of men jill and jerk-off regularly.

So, where did the negativity and guilt stem from?

Historically, masturbation was condemned due to the assumption that the “spilling of seed”—since men allegedly had a limited amount—was a wasteful act that endangered the survival of the species. The ancient Taoists believed that sperm held the life force (chi) and ejaculation would cause as loss in virility. Hippocrates believed that loss of semen would result in spinal problems. These days, we know that men produce 50,000 sperm per minute, so those ancient stigmas no longer make sense.

The “wasting of seed” further gained negative associations with the dawn of Christianity. The Church condemned masturbation as a “selfish act” because it allowed one to experience a kind of ecstasy that conflicted with religious ecstasy. “Onanism” originates in Genesis 38:9 . Onan refused to have sex with his brother’s widow and “spilled his semen on the ground to keep from producing offspring”. Although this taboo finds its seeds in Onan, the term is inaccurately associated with masturbation, for it was “coitus interruptus” or premature withdrawal that was the actual sin committed. Many Christian leaders today support the practice of masturbation as an act of self-love.

Thomas Laqueur traces the negative attitudes about masturbation to the following text in his book Solitary Sex: Cultural History of Masturbation.
In 1712, an anonymous physician published a text called “Onania” or, The Heinous Sin of Self Pollution, and all its Frightful Consequences which warned about the dangers of defiling your own body. He linked masturbation to sodomy and homosexuality and claimed it caused numerous ailments including blindness, insanity and stunted growth.

Over the centuries, physicians considered masturbation the worst form of the “wasting.” These corrupted ideas were the basis for an obsession to exorcize society from “self pollution” and was blamed for everything from acne and gout, to backache and epilepsy, madness and nymphomania. Female masturbation was viewed as a “moral leprosy” and many diseases were blamed on it such as cancer, hysteria and mania. Female clitorectomy—or, the surgical removal of the clitoris—was one of the terrible mutilations performed on girls under the guise of a cure.

Negative attitudes were further supported in the early 1900s by Graham (Graham cracker) and cereal developer John Harvey Kellogg who described masturbation as “the vilest, the basest and the most degrading act that a human being can commit.” Both of these men lead a health food crusade against sexual excess, including masturbation. Numerous “anti-masturbation” torture devices were invented with their stamp of approval including genital cages, spiked chastity belts and shock therapy applied to the genitals of young boys. Other inhuman therapies included the use of blistering powders on the genitals or leeches and bloodletting. Cutting the foreskin was also a popular remedy and in some extreme cases, patients had their foreskin pierced by a wire and soldered together. Most brutal was forced castration.

Current myths about masturbation or (OM) still inspire guilt. As recently as 1994, at least 50 percent of adults said they still felt guilty about masturbating. Most of these concerns are due to the persistence of social stigmas associated with masturbation and the “discomfort associated with discussions of sexuality” in general. But, rest assured. They are only myths and will not:

• reduce your arousal over time
• turn you into a homosexual
• cause infertility or impotence
• make your penis shrink
• cause STDs or AIDS
• make you go bald
• cause hair to grow on your palms
• or turn you into a werewolf

Today we know the myths associated with masturbation are no more than sex-negative propaganda. Solo sex is no longer a crime to be punished, nor a disorder to be cured. Sexologists now recognize that masturbation is a normal, natural act that promotes vitality and health. Research shows that masturbation has numerous health benefits and improves prostate health in men, reduces pre-menstrual cramping in women, provides a healthy release for sexual tension, and is the ultimate in safe sex. Psychotherapists agree “that a lack of masturbatory experience may be related to psychopathology, rather than the practice of autoeroticism.” In fact, Masters and Johnson—a team of physicians responsible for pioneering the field of human sexuality—have established that masturbation does not cause any “negative short-term or long-term medical health effects” what-so-ever. Therefore, the only dilemma that masturbation may cause is “laundry problems.”

Generation Sex: China’s Sexual Revolution

China + sex revolution are hot buzz words lately, with topics about China’s sex-culture flooding the internet. Once controversial subjects like promiscuity, homosexuality, prostitution, AIDS, abortion, pornography and masturbation would have be taboo in China. They are now the focus of passionate public debate. One documentary, China’s Sexual Revolution (2007) that first aired on CBC takes a covert look as the slumbering giant’s libido awakens.

The documentary opens with a scene of young people necking in Beijing’s Tiananmen Square, only two decades after the massacre. This liberalization of a new sexual freedom is the result of various determining factors including modernization, urbanization, China’s “one child policy”, women’s liberation, and a half a century of Maoist sexual repression and conform.

Chairman Mao—leader of the PRC from 1949 until his death in 1976—was mainly responsible for making sex a taboo. Under Mao’s dictatorship, it became mandatory for everyone to wear the unisex Mao suits which concealed a women’s curves and transformed lovers into androgynous comrades. Sex was to be performed as a reproductive duty only. Citizen’s private lives were also extremely restricted, resulting in loveless, sexless marriages.

Shortly after Mao’s death, the “one child policy” was introduced in China in 1979 as a form of “population control” in an attempt to alleviate social and environmental problems. This policy has had distinct effects on China’s social structure. It liberated women from their reproductive responsibility allowing them to pursue higher education and careers. However, it has resulted in an unbalanced ratio of men to women, with an estimated population of 30 million more men to women by 2020.

China now has the fastest growing sex trade in the world with roughly 10-20 million sex workers. Schoolgirls are being lured into the sex trade at karaoke clubs, while prostitution is widespread in bars, beauty salons, brothels and concubine villages. An AIDS epidemic is sweeping the nation as well, with approximately 200 people infected daily, and an estimated 10 million people to be infected by 2010. According to the China Family Planning Association premarital sex, pregnancy and abortions are all on the rise, especially among high school girls. Many educators have blamed outdated sex education, with people uninformed about birth control. Xu Tianming, the president of China Sexology Society, says that sexual ignorance outnumbers illiteracy.

Leading sexologists, like Pan Suiming, from the Sex Museum near Shanghai where visitors can view 1500 artifacts from China’s 9000 years of sexual history. Liu also shows his collection at Hong Kong’s first nude photo contest to take place and soft-core porn to be published in magazines. This is just the latest sign that sex is infiltrating the mainstream media. And, although the government is trying to eliminate online porn, much of it still falls through the cracks.

Muzi Mei is a sex blogger who became an instant celebrity in 2003 when she posted audio erotica of her own lovemaking on her blog. The podcast was downloaded by more than 50,000 people at once, crashing the server. She has since become a role model and characterizes the sexual attitudes of contemporary Chinese women.

There is no doubt that China is undergoing a sexual revolution. But, they still have a long way to go as far as public education. While 60-70% of Chinese have had pre-marital sex, only 20% of the men know where to find the clitoris and just 50% of the women have ever experienced an orgasm. One thing, however is for certain: Sex—China’s great taboo—is back out in the open.

Domina Doll is a sex writer who writes articles and reviews for various magazines, zines and adult toy stores. Visit her sexuality blog CherryBoxxx at http://cherryboxxx.blogspot.com/.