Clean Your Sex Toys for Better Health

We’re going to talk about a decidedly unsexy topic that can come from sex. No, I’m not talking about how kids can ruin your sex life (link). But a UTI, otherwise known as a Urinary Tract Infection or a bladder infection, can put a damper on your love life for a week or more.
Here are five ways to prevent a UTI — and a few to treat one without antibiotics — so you can stay sexy!

1. Urinate after sex. Okay, I know you’d just rather bask in the afterglow and then fall asleep in your lover’s arms. But if you make that quick trip to the bathroom while your lover cleans up, you reduce the risk of a UTI significantly.

2. Keep objects (other than clean sex toys) out of there. Believe it or not, I know someone who caught a UTI when her husband fingered her while she was wearing denim and no underwear. And although the sensations are amazing, you can also increase your chances of a UTI if you have sex while wearing silk or satin panties or pantyhose. That’s because these items may not be completely clean and may harbor bacteria. If you do so, make sure the clothing is straight-from-the-laundry-clean and hasn’t been sitting in a drawer or in the dryer, and urinate after sex to flush away any bacteria.

3. Make sure your lover is clean. I’m not talking about making sure he’s been tested for STDs (although that’s a good idea if you are not in a monogamous relationship with one partner). I mean make sure he’s well-washed — that includes his hands and any other body parts that may enter you.

4. Never go ass-to-pussy. We’re not passing judgment on going ass-to-mouth. But never, ever send a toy or anything else from back to front without cleaning it off well. Sex toys used for anal play should be sanitized (glass toys can be boiled) before being used again.

5. Keep your sex toys clean. Clean sex toys help prevent UTIs. Check out Vibrator.com’s handy guide to cleaning sex toys to learn how to keep toys of specific materials clean and sanitary.

6. Drink lots of water. Water helps flush bacteria out of your system and can help prevent UTIs.

7. Take cranberry supplements. Cranberry supplements, too, are good for urinary health and aren’t loaded with calories and sugar like cranberry juice or craisins.

How to Treat a UTI Naturally

1. Early detection is key. Think you have a urinary tract infection? Some symptoms include cramping (similar to menstrual cramps) and frequent urinary. If you feel a burning sensation when you urinate, chances are it’s a UTI, and it could be pretty far along. You can still treat it with natural methods, but it may be harder to fight.

2. Drink lots of water. You should stop drinking caffeine altogether. In fact, if you suspect you have a UTI, the only liquids you should drink are water and pure cranberry juice. Pure, 100% cranberry juice can be purchased at most health food stores. It will not taste as sweet as the cranberry juice cocktail you may be used to drinking. You can dilute it with water or apple juice to take away some of the tartness.

3. Take even cranberry supplements. Double up on the cranberry supplements to knock the infection out. Expect to urinate frequently. If your symptoms do not improve within a few days, see your doctor for antibiotics before the UTI can develop into a kidney infection.

* This information is not meant to treat or diagnose any illness. If you suspect you have a UTI or other problem, see you medical care provider.

Extra-Small Condoms Marketed at Teens in Europe

A Switzerland-based condom manufacturer (Lamprecht AG) recently started marketing extra-small condoms, under the name “Hotshot” for boys age 12 to 14, who often have problems with regular size condoms being too large.

A survey of 13 to 20-year-old males revealed that 25% said a standard size condom was too large– which probably means it’s too large for about half of those surveyed. (And I’m honestly surprised the numbers were that high!)

The condoms have been for sale in Switzerland and are expected to be distributed in the U.K. as well; the United Kingdom has the highest teen pregnancy rate in Europe, in spite of various sex education efforts. Switzerland, on the other hand, was cited as having low teen pregnancy and abortion rates.

It’s unlikely the condoms will ever be for sale in the U.S., as having sex under the age of consent in the United States is a crime.

“Glorifying” Teen Sex?
One complaint mom-bloggers had was not so much the manufacture of the condoms, but the marketing efforts. It’s one thing to provide a product that can help prevent teen and pre-teen pregnancy and perhaps offer the condoms free in schools or at Planned Parenthood. It’s another to glorify adolescent sex by calling the condoms “Hotshot” brand and actually marketing it to the under-14 set.

I see their point about the marketing tactics, but if it helps the pre-teen and teenage boys feel more comfortable buying the condoms of a smaller size, then I can’t argue with it. I presume the ads aren’t  telling the boys to buy Hotshot condoms and go out and have sex.

Instead, it’s providing them with an option for safe sex that lets them feel good about themselves. Even if the girl buys the condoms and asks her partner to wear them, he’ll probably do it. If the condoms had a name that sounded demeaning, comical, boring, or even medical, the intended customers wouldn’t use them — and condoms still in a box on store shelves don’t help anyone fight STDs or prevent pregnancy.

Too Young for Sex, But Having it Anyway…
It’s true that at 12 and 13, some readers of this blog were still playing with Barbie dolls and Hot Wheels — and, as adults, that’s what we’d like to think of as the primary past times for pre-teens. (Or maybe Xbox and Wii, today.) But many others were just beginning to explore our sexuality, and some had even had sex for the first time. Guess what? Not much has changed in that regard. Some kids are still having sex before they’re ready, while others are not.

I’d like to believe it has to do with upbringing, but I think it has more to do with biology and opportunity … and more the first than the latter. Kids who are curious about sex and experiencing sexual feelings and interest in their early teens will find a way.

Some moms at BabyCenter commented that they were never left alone with a boy at such a young age. I wonder how practical that really is, while still conveying that you trust your child and permitting them some level of freedom? Unless you’re with your child 24/7, there’s no way you can say they are “never” alone with a member of the opposite sex.  And what about gay and bisexual teens, who are at an age where most are not out to their parents?  Where do you draw the line on parental supervision?

Some  mom-bloggers and readers who posted comments said, “If the condoms don’t fit, you’re too young for sex.” While this sounds very clever, it’s somewhat idealistic. If we are to help prevent STDs and pregnancy, we do need to provide sex education to pre-teens before they begin experimenting on their own, and they do need to have access to condoms that fit.

Seven Tips to Better, Safer Cybersex

“I’m going to have you all over the Web!” I uttered to a close friend.

Um, wait… that wasn’t exactly what I meant, and knowing the friend is an author of erotica, my words took on a whole new meaning. I was really just interviewing her for a writer’s blog, since she recently signed on as editor at a publishing company and just got proofs of her first published erotic short.

But if you choose to “have” someone (in the sexy sense of the word), the Web has plenty of venues in which to do so. My preference is plain old cybersex through a text-based chat interface of your choice — Digsby, Facebook, AIM … G-Talk is my favorite, but only because of the innuendo in its name.

Cybersex is easy and relatively safe. You can’t transmit or receive STDs, and don’t have to worry about condoms, pregnancy, or even cleaning up a mess on the sheets (okay, well maybe the last one!) Here are a few tips to have better, safer cybersex.

1. Set the stage with strong imagery. While words can be sexy, pictures bring our fantasies to life. That’s why porno DVDs sell so much better than erotic novels. Create a picture in your cyber-lover’s mind with your words. Tell the  tale of what you’re wearing — except if it’s flannel pants and a baggy sweatshirt. Then use your imagination to make up the sexiest outfit you can think of, and describe it in glorious detail. That’s one great thing about cybersex — he’ll never know you’re fibbing!

2. Don’t let typos and “net-speak” distract you or your cybersex partner. Proper spelling makes a smoother read for everyone. And how much longer does it really take to type “your” instead of “ur?”    In fact, most people over age 18 actually have to take more time to convert appropriate spelling into net-speak in our minds before we type. It’s easier to spell out most words. On the other hand, don’t obsess over correct grammar. Just do the best you can and get lost in the moment. Your lover will know what you mean.

3. Be explicit. The hottest cybersex I ever had involved a play-by-play interaction of exactly what I’d do to my lover — and what he’d do to me. We held nothing back, describing everything from the first caress to our mutual, and simultaneous, orgasms.

4. Be creative. Cybersex is a fabulous form of fantasy. Don’t worry if it’s nothing you’d actually want to do in person — you can still talk about it. I’ve had sexy conversations with my lover discussing acts I’m not quite ready for, but are fun to think about! By the same token, there’s no reason to bring the conversation around to anything that makes you uncomfortable. You can steer things in the right direction by sayer (er, typing) “How about we…?”

5. Don’t reveal personal details. I’m not going to be judgmental. Some people have cybersex with strangers. If you do, be careful not to reveal personal details. It’s okay to share the color of your underwear or your favorite sex position, but don’t reveal where you live, for instance, or your place of business or your favorite hangout. You don’t know if the person on the other end of your broadband connection could be a stalker.

6. Better yet, stick with people you know in real life. When you play on the ‘net, you never know what you’re getting. Forty-year-old men can pretend to be 22-year-old porn stars. By the same token, 14-year-old girls can also pretend to be 22-year-old porn stars. And police officers can pretend to be 14-year-old girls pretending to be 22-year-old porn stars. (Got that?) You can get in serious trouble having cybersex with a minor — or someone you believe to be a minor. It’s safer for a variety of reasons to stick to having cybersex with people you know in real life.

7. Webcams add another element to cybersex. If you’re having cybersex with someone you already know, setting up the webcam can really spice it up. Besides, it’s a great way to make sure no one is playing false identity games. Alternately, you can create an avatar in Second Life and have an affair of endless possibilities through your online persona. But that’s a post for another day….

CDC Reports STD’s Rampant in Washington

I really wanted to broach the subject of STDs in Washington, D.C. with a tongue-in-cheek approach. (I’m not doing anything more fun with my tongue at the moment.) I had a whole series of bi-partisan jokes lined up, poking fun at political personalities from Clinton to Ted Kennedy to Elliot Spitzer…

Then I thought better of it. It’s really not a laughing matter. In fact, it’s pretty sad.

D.C. beats all 50 states for cases of Chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis
Our nation’s capital has a higher concentration of STDs than anywhere else in the U.S., according to a new report released by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).

Washington D.C. has higher rates of Chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis, with:

- 451.5 cases of gonorrhea per 100,000 people
- 24.8 cases of syphilis per 100,000 people; and
- 1,177 cases of Chlamydia per 100,000 people.

The Chlamydia rate in D.C. is nearly three times the rate of neighboring Virginia and Maryland.

Indicative of larger problems
It’s easy – almost cliché – to blame politicians with a penchant for interns and prostitutes, but the reality is, STD rates are higher in major cities across the U.S.

Other problems plaguing major urban areas also plague D.C. For instance, Washington D.C. also leads the pack in violent crime, and some statistics show that more than 14,000 people in our nation’s capital are homeless.

Sadly, these statistics don’t share any “breaking news.” They only drive home some obvious points:

- More sex education may help combat the spread of STDs.
- A better healthcare system can diagnose and treat individuals before they perpetuate more disease.
- How can we expect our politicians to serve an entire country when they can’t take care of problems right on their doorstep?

Teen girls also at risk
Nationwide, according to the CDC report, teen girls show the highest rates of  Chlamydia and gonorrhea, with more than 400,000 girls ages 15 – 19 infected with one or both of the STDs.

Left untreated, 10 to 20 % of these infections can result in pelvic inflammatory disease, which can cause chronic pelvic pain, ectopic pregnancies and infertility in women.

The prevalence of these STDs in teenage males was slightly lower – probably due to increased screening and diagnoses for teenage girls. Additionally, the long-term health risks for females who contract the disease are much worse than for men, in general. The U.S. population aged 15 to 24 years old, both male and female, are most at risk to contract STDs. The CDC report estimates approximately 19 million new STD infections each year, with almost half of those amongst people age 15 to 24.

Sex education, condom availability the keys
Educating high school and college students about the importance of safe sex can help combat the spread of STDs. At home, an open-door policy regarding discussions about sex with your teens can help.

It’s especially important for teenage girls to feel as if they can talk to their mothers about delicate sexual matters, as early diagnosis and treatment with antibiotics of common STDs can help prevent future health problems and infertility. Whether that discussion involves a conversation about sex toys or not is a personal decision…

Would You Give Your Teen Daughter a Vibrator?

Sex expert Dr. Laura Berman recommends women buy vibrators for their teenage daughters.

“You’re teaching them about their own bodies and pleasuring themselves,” Dr. Berman said on a segment of Oprah this past spring. “They don’t need [a] boy – they don’t need another person — until they’re ready.”

She went on to say that using a vibrator may even make teenage girls safer, sexually-speaking, because it may encourage them to put off their sexual experience even longer.

Oprah’s best friend, Gayle King, shook her throughout the segment, arguing that it is “just too much information.” Kids are growing up fast enough, these days, she argued. Parents don’t need to add battery-operated fuel to the raging teenage hormonal fire.

The thought crossed my mind that, upon discovering how good sexual pleasure can feel with a vibrator, teenage girls may actually be more eager to find out about the real thing. (Only to be sorely disappointed by a first experience with an inexperienced boy their own age, of course… sending them running back to their vibrator… maybe Dr. Berman has the right idea?)

Dr. Berman says it’s about empowerment – teaching teens not only the basics of sex as well as how to be safe, but educating them about orgasm. Which we all know is an important part of sex. But I’m still not sure about vibrator-shopping with a teenage daughter.

Talking to Teens About Sex
I remember learning about masturbation from Judy Blume books. A few years later, I started learning about sex from Danielle Steele. We did not talk about sex in my house – at all. While my mom knew exactly what I was reading (after all, she read Danielle Steele and Nora Roberts, too) we never discussed it.

I know this is an extreme situation – the polar opposite of what today’s experts recommend. Certainly, I agree that parents should teach their teens about sex: the basic mechanics, safe sex for protection against disease and pregnancy, and the importance of not giving into peer pressure.

It’s also important to talk about the emotional connection forged after sex, which may surprise teenage girls who don’t fully understand the difference between love and lust; sometimes, those “feel-close” hormones can even throw grown women for a loop after a casual encounter.

Girls are giving blowjobs at 13 and 14 years old. (Note to the experts: Surprise! This is NOT a new phenomenon!) So it’s wise for parents to explain that STI’s can be transmitted through oral sex and condom use is important. Parents shouldn’t just pretend it’s not happening or even that it’s an atrocity.  It happens, has been happening probably since the dawn of time, and will continue to happen.  Sex education in schools, one-on-one conversations  at home, and buying sex toys for our teens won’t change that. The best we can do is educate teens on how to be safe and protect against disease and pregnancy. Well, that or chastity belts.

A Vibe for your Teen?
While I’m very much in favor of sex education and parents talking to their kids about sex, I also agree with Gayle King that to buy a teenage girl a vibrator is, indeed, “TMI.” I think discussions with teens about sex should lean toward the practical and the clinical. Of course, if a teenager has any questions, they should be answered open and honestly, and parents should make it clear that their kids can come to them with questions.

But I can imagine only one reaction if my mother ever brought up the topic of vibrators, masturbation or the specifics of orgasm: complete mortification. I can’t imagine it would be comfortable for many teenagers – or their parents. And I don’t see many benefits to it.

With all due respect, I think Dr. Berman is not giving enough consideration to the other reasons teenagers have sex, including the same reason vibrators don’t replace real-life lovers for grown-ups. Whether you’re 14 or 40, a sex toy—while fun—can never replace the intimacy of sex with someone you love (or even like a whole lot!)