The Survivalist’s Guide to Stockpiling Sex Toys

Before the holidays, the Northeast suffered what some people have called the largest snow storm to hit our region in 17 years.  It’s already shaping up to be a long, cold winter.

Of course, the forecast of a blizzard sent people rushing to Wal-mart to stock up on bottled water, batteries, and canned goods. I was lucky enough to grab the last container of milk off the grocery store shelf – not because I was stockpiling, but because I happened to be out of milk. And there was a sale on bread, which explains the six loaves in my freezer. But that’s neither here nor there.

Really… why do people stockpile odd things in the event of a storm? And if we have a power outage, how do they plan to cook all that Campbell’s Chunky soup? I hope they remembered the propane for their camp stove. Wait, what?! Camp stove? You see my point.

Now, your resident blogger and erstwhile survivalist, Desiree Sweet, is here to share the things you REALLY need to stock up on. Because what fun is a snow day unless you can spend it tucked inside where it’s nice and warm?

Four Things Every Sexy Survivalist Needs

Condoms – You don’t want to trudge to the gas station in the middle of a blizzard because you’re down to your last condom, do you? We like this variety pack from Trojan, featuring three each of the Ultra Pleasure, Her Pleasure, and Pleasure Mesh varieties.

How many do you need? First, calculate approximately how many times you have sex each week. Remember, you need a new condom each time you have intercourse, and plan to use two to three times as many as usual during a snow storm or long weekend.

Condoms typically expire about 4 years from the date of production, so you can safely store a year’s supply as long as you remember to rotate your stock. When you buy a new box, place it toward the back of your supply. Older condoms should go in the front and be used first.

Lubricants – Different sex toys and condom materials require different lubricants. For instance, silicone toys should only be used with water-based lubricants. For bath fun, you’ll want a silicone lubricant, since water-based lubricants wash off too easily in the water and don’t provide enough staying power. Keep the following varieties of lube on hand for snowy day adventures:

-    Silicone lubricant – For use with most sex toys, except silicone varieties.
-    Water-based lubricant – For silicone toys
-    Massage oils – Not a lubricant but still important to have for full-body massages after your lover shovels the driveway
-    Warming lubricants – Perfect for those cold winter nights

According to the experts at Cosmopolitan magazine, most lubricants don’t have an expiration date, but it’s smart to use them within a year. I wouldn’t stockpile more than one or two bottles of each variety. Store your lubricants in a cool, dry place and give a quick sniff and look-over before you use them. If anything seems funky, toss it and reach for your back-up bottle.

Batteries – Fortunately, most vibrators are battery-powered, so you can enjoy your toys even in an electrical outage. But you don’t want to steal batteries from your flashlight (or vice versa) during the big storm. Make sure you have plenty of C and AA batteries available (the most common types for most vibes). Rechargable batteries, obviously, are the green solution, but make sure they’re fully charged before the storm hits.

Something to clean up – I love this “after sex towel” but if your power’s out, you won’t be doing laundry. Keep plenty of these in your linen closet, or simply have plenty of tissues on hand for clean up. Perhaps this is where all that bottled water comes in handy.

Rest easy, now that you’re all set for the next sex-filled snow day.

Image is of the F. Y. N. Adult Toybox XL Faux Leather Case courtesy of For Your Nymphomation.

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