What’s normal in bed?

Something that I’ve noticed with many, many people is a difficulty in accepting one’s sexual desires.  So often we can get hung up whether or not something is “normal,” or what so-and-so would think if they knew we like to do this-or-that.

Now, sometimes I still fall into this pattern of thinking.  “I shouldn’t want to do this.”  “Why does this feel good, it’s not normal?”  “What would my friends think of me if they knew I liked this?”  Things like that.

Really though, the thing is that it’s no one’s business what I do in the privacy of my home, except my partner’s.  And if my partner has a problem with it, then that’s something we need to discuss, and we do.  And, as adults, we work at compromises so that both of us can get the sexual fulfillment and satisfaction that we need, want and deserve.

It really makes me wonder what is normal, though.  The word normal means something that adheres to a standard.  So in regards to sexuality that means that what’s normal is what everyone else does, on a whole.  The kicker of the fact is that everyone is different, especially when it comes to sex.  I do not know 2 people who like exactly the same things.  There may be a couple similarities, like a friend of mine and I both enjoy having our cervixes bumped during intercourse, but I know others who do not and some who like it only in certain situations.

I know people who like to add some pain in their sex and others for whom even a little spanking is an immediate turn off.  So really, when these thoughts come up for me, “Gods why do I like anal play??  It’s so weird and abnormal!”  I just run some of these thoughts through my mind and it helps me get stable again and remember something that’s very important.

There’s really only one normal thing about sex: consensual pleasure.  Past that it’s just splitting hairs and leading to nothing more than heart ache…and a distinct lack of orgasms!

Photo By: crasch

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